Jace was...in pain. A rather lot of it as a matter of fact, and there was not much that he could do about it either, which really did not help him in his endeavors at the current moment, which was him trying to focus enough to figure out what he was supposed to do, and trying to keep too much from leaking through the Ruin. Yet, he just...he could not focus on what he wanted to focus on, and he could not stop thinking about it. Given how angry his father had been, he would be lucky to manage to even be allowed out of the ropes that he was currently bound by, let alone be shown back to his cell/room that his father had taken to locking him in when he was not dealing with him in some way shape or form.
Jace...well he was not entirely sure how much more he wanted to deal with, though wanting had never really been a part of the matter at hand. Alec had been threatened, and not just Alec but Isabelle, Clary, and even...even...Jace shook his head, he could not really think about that at the moment, that was painful, far too painful for him to dwell on, and he did not really want to think about it in the first place. Not that he had much a choice in anything as of late. His father's recent disappointment, Jace could practically taste it, and while had knew that he had made the right decision, not killing the downworlder girl, he began to wonder whether or not he was going to be able to handle much more of his father's machinations.
He was currently bound to the ceiling, ropes painfully tight round his wrists, a fact which was doubtlessly going to cause him many problems later on. If what he was thinking his father wanted him for, that specific part was something that he was definitely not going to look forwards to, especially since, while many things had changed, and wounds around his wrists were only going to make things worse not better. His dearest father's ideal of 'old fashioned healing' definitely was one thing that had not changed, despite seeming like everything else had, quite the misfortune really. The whip marks which marred his back burned painfully, and he was shivering, soaked to the bone-almost literally. His father had definitely not been pleased, and Jace would be lucky if he was not suspended in the room all night for his transgressions against the other.
Jace did not know why he thought that it would not be so bad. he had only been living with his father for a few days, or at least that was what Valentine had said, and he already was questioning himself. Then again, perhaps Valentine was lying to him and it had been longer than a few days, a week at most is what his father had claimed, but then again not much of what his father said could be trusted. Jace wanted to scream, but he held his pain in, not wanting to give anyone the satisfaction. Inwardly, he debased himself, condemning himself for once more allowing this to happen to him.
He had thought himself above his father's manipulations. Above the endless wondering if he was good enough, if he was ever going to be good enough. Above wanting his father's approval, wishing for his father to cast one good look upon him. He thought he was STRONG enough to manage. One thing, however, was becoming ever increasingly apparent. He was most certainly not strong enough. Despite himself, knowing the horrors his father had done, would do if Jace gave him, every time his father left him, whether that be suspended as punishment, or locked in his room-isolated and alone and injured-he felt near tears. The words his father wielded practically a sword all on its own, a separate torment. Nearly a worse one as well, given how much that Jace, despite telling himself and remind himself that he should not, longed for his father's approval. Yet he did, and that was probably yet another weakness of his. No, it was not something he thought was another weakness of his, but one he knew was another weakness.
It was quite stupid, he knew. To want the approval of a man who would willingly aid and abet demons just to rule over the Shadow World, who experimented on people, toyed with them, and wanted more and more power. Knowing that he would never obtain such ideals that he held and that they were the ravings of a madman did little to help him feel better, and in fact it only made Jace feel stupid. Idiotic for even daring to entertain the thought of such a possibility that his father would ever be pleased with him. Shame curled around him and practically threatened to choke him from the intensity of how much he still wanted that approval and how much he desired to please Valentine despite everything. How dare he? Really...Why should he even care about these things? Why would he care? The truth was, that it was not really the question that was the problem. It was that he did care and he was worried, and he did desire for these things, for the approval of his father despite all that had been done so far. He should not care, his father had not been there in the aftermath and furthermore he had abandoned him, left him alone, faked his death and beyond that...He had done such cruel things, and he was threatening Alec.
That alone should stop any regrets that he may have towards himself for not abiding by his father, should stop any desire for approval right in its tracks. After all, the best way to torment and force the hand of a ShadowHunter was by threatening their parabatai, it was just...what sort of cruel demon would do such a thing? Well, Jace knew the answers to that now. His father was little more than a Demon playing at an angel in all but blood.
Just the thought that Alec could feel...even a tiny amount of what he was feeling was hurtful. The realization that Alec would know. His father was never quite the nicest person, but Alec had never had proof of his suspicions either, something which clearly was not...not the case anymore. Which was yet another thing that hurt him. He knew that Alec would feel betrayed that he had not said anything. Though, he did not doubt that the other had his own guesses about what his relationship with his father was like, but it had never been confirmed before. needless to say the constant pain that Jace was in, knowing that Alec could feel the same, it would demolish any question of such a thing.
Jace could feel himself loosing consciousness, ever so slowly. Still he fought to stay awake. He did not really know why. He just got the feeling that it was an unwise choice, then again...most of his choices had been ripped from him the moment that he had stepped on this ship. Even now, in this simple thing, he could feel his body betraying him. For some reason, he was still having trouble sleeping and yet sleeping so often. Not that he slept much before, but his father had taken to waking him in varying cruel ways, and he hated it. Hated the vulnerability forced upon him. Yet what choice did he have but to merely endure it?
When Jace woke the next moment, not realizing that he had even slipped into rest, he was still hanging, his wrists aching from the weight that had been played on them. He tilted his head up to the ceiling staring at where the ropes connected to the partition above him. He wondered how long he had been asleep, but it was useless to contemplate such things, as he had no way to truly know. He could not trust anyone to be honest with him here after all.
He sighed, pulled himself together little by little, knowing that he would have to do something. Experimentally, he tugged lightly at the ropes binding his wrists, wincing as he did so, eyes glazing over, vision fading in and out as he did so, around the room. His eyes gazed upon his father...
...and the man he had in his arms, wrestled, tied, and held at knife point. His breath caught instantly and he could see that his Father realized that he had gotten to him finally. There was that ever familiar gleam in his eyes, where Valentine knows that he has won, and is just taking on formalities. Jace's own eyes widened, panic flaring through him instantly, wrenching at his bonds, trying to free himself. It took but one light increase of pressure and a tsk of his father and Jace froze, body trembling.
"Now, I would not do that, Jonathon" His father said, voice painfully sweet, almost like liquid honey. He could not take the time to appreciate it, though, worry still flying through him. Jace glared at his father, body stiff from fear and anger at the situation he was now forced into. He had hoped that Alec would not try and follow him, or find him. That he would remain safe within the Institute, but of course he would not. Jace really should not have thought that he would. "We wouldn't want to hurt this precious little ShadowHunter now would we?" Valentine questioned, his voice still deceptively light.
Jace's eyes tracked the blade, which his father teasingly traced down Alec's neck. "Why..."
"I would chose your next words very carefully, Son." Valentine said, staring at Jace, face impassive. Jace swallowed. He could feel the panic continuing to grow. It was clouding his vision. He felt...dizzy. Unable to breathe, as though someone were physically choking him, cutting him from his air. He could not get his breaths in, could not force air down his lungs, panic constricting him. "Nothing to say? Interesting. You certainly had no problem earlier." He tried to speak, tried to say anything. Would do anything, just to get the silver away from Alec, but for some reason his words were not forming. They could not be forced out of his mind. He could only panic, unable to breathe. His father scoffed. "Perhaps a bit of incentive?" He asked, raising an eyebrow, eyes dark with excitement.
Sick, he is definitely a sick bastard. Jace thought to himself, his eyes carefully tracking as it happened, anger and fury flooding through his body, his eyes glinting with pure gold.
Jace would not be able to give an exact account of what happened next, and the last thing he could clearly recall would be his father's eyes glinting in victory, and a smirk curling on his lips, but it took less then a moment, a flash of his father pressing the knife just barely deep enough to draw a drop of blood, which ran down Alec's neck, and Jace was there, ripping his Soul-bound brother from his father's hands.
And in the next they were staring at a field. Grass swaying in the breeze. Alec stared at him, but Jace could see nothing. His vision faded in, and then out, everything was blurry, and he could not see. He could not hear, or breathe.
He could not see, hear, he could not breathe, but he could feel. It took a while, he did not know how long but it felt like an eternity, but slowly, he felt tentative hands on his body, flinching....was instinctive. He could not stop it, but when he gazed into warm brown eyes instead of the cold black of his father's his breathing began to slow. Distantly, and then more close, he began to hear the soothing voice of his parabatai. He began to see more then just his brother's eyes, but the rest of him as well, and slowly the world, which had descended and fled him, began to come back into focus.
He launched himself into his Parabatai, who held him carefully, continuing to mutter words softly, and Jace recognized it as the Oath. He could not help the wet laugh that left him, which swiftly turned into gasps as he could not seem to contain the emotions welling in through him.
"Alec," He breathed the name out, a mere whisper, which traveled, but held the weight of the world. That one word, that one person. Jace did not know, could not comprehend himself without Alec. The world spun to circle around him, and Jace gratefully inhaled the scent of his parabatai, clutched the back of his jacket, as the tears began to fall he hid his face into the neck of him, assuring himself of his living breath. He was alive...
He was alive...
And for the longest time, that was all Jace could focus on, and not the remnants of a battle before hand, and the stares of four curious eyes staring at them.