“God! You are such a loser!” Abigail giggled as she tucked her legs under her. She was in pajama shorts and an oversized t-shirt and she was currently on the couch with a giant bowl of popcorn in her lap.
“I'm not a loser!” Michael whined without removing his eyes from the screen. After a long week of begging; he finally got Abigail to invite him over and he had to do a little extra begging to get her to watch Forrest Gump with him.
“This movie sucks some serious ass Michael. I mean, what the hell am I even looking at?” She asked stuffing some popcorn in her mouth.
“Excuse me? Forrest Gump is a classic!”
“Really? What would your fans think when they know the self proclaimed badass of the bad loves the movie Forrest Gump? I mean; this wrecks your whole punk rock thing.” She said handing him the bowl. He laughed and reached into the popcorn bowl. He took out popped a few in his mouth. When he was done he sprinkled his hand over the bowl.
“Gross!” Abigail whined scowling at putting the bowl on the coffee table.
“It makes them want me more. The fact that I have a sensitive side that will make them love me even more.” He smirked as he leaned over to the coffee table to get some more popcorn. They watched the rest of the movie in silence and when it’s done Michael turned and smiled at Abigail.
“Tell me you loved that!” He demanded and she scowled and raised an eyebrow at him.
“Didn’t you read my letters? I hate those kinds of stuff.”
“Speaking of letters...” Michael said reaching into his back pocket to pull out a folded envelope. “I have this and I want you to read it to me.”
Abigail’s eyes widened and she groaned. She really thought they were over this letter thing. The last thing she wanted to do was rake up any more old feelings. “Mic-”
“Please? This is the third one. I won’t even open the other one. I knew we talked about it and everything but I just need to know what it says. This is the last one I'm gonna read because I don’t think I can handle finding out anymore secrets.” Michael explained giving her a small smile and holding the letter out to her.
Abigail collected the letter and sighed. She said a silent prayer as she hoped it wasn’t the letter she thought it was; the one letter that she really hoped he won’t read, not ever. She had to find a way to get it back but she knew that was just wishful thinking. She tore the envelope and pulled the letter out. Se unfolded the paper and sighed in relief when she saw it wasn’t the letter she was worried about. “Dear Michael, it’s bee-”
“Wait; come closer.” Michael said tugging on her hand. He pulled her closer and fit her between his legs. He wrapped both his arms around her waist and placed his chin on the top of her head. “Good, now you can continue.” He whispered giving her a little squeeze.
She cleared her throat and looked at the paper. “Dear Michael, it’s been a few months but there’s still a part of me that secretly hopes you’re alive. There is a part of me... actually; all of me need you to be alive. I don’t want to believe that you let it get to you. You had me Michael; I mean; wasn’t I enough to make you want to stick around? You told me I was. Why would you say that if it wasn’t true? I really, really hope you just got bored of me and decided not to write again because as much as that would hurt, I’d rather you not be dead. It’s been hard for me too you know. I actually wrote you a letter once but I was too scared to send it. And now that you’re not replying, I think all those feelings are beginning to come back and I don’t think I want to fight it off anymore. I don’t want to silence the voices in my head because for the first time; I believe everything they’re saying to me. I literally have nothing to live for anymore. Everything is falling apart and all I can do is stand and watch the pieces fall through my fingers like grains of sand. I'm graduating school soon so if you do decide to write let me know soon so I can give you my address. It’s a shot in the dark but it’s worth it. I don’t even think writing a long letter makes sense anymore because I know you’re not going to write back. I regret not telling you exactly what you mean to me. I tried in that one letter but it wasn’t enough. That letter didn’t even begin to explain exactly what you mean to me. We saved each other Michael. That’s a deeper kind of relationship and now I'm trying to hold on to memories to keep me sane. I keep reading and rereading your letters but old words are not healing my fresh wounds. I need something else and nothing I'm trying is working because it isn’t coming from you. I'm going to sound like a selfish bitch but you were really stupid for pulling a stunt like that. I mean; I kept myself alive for you. The least you could’ve done was stay alive for me. I don’t think I can keep my head above the water anymore and I don’t think I even want to try. The shitty thing is that I still love you. Love, Abby.”
She heard Michael sigh when she finished reading but he made no move to release her. “Michael?” She asked softly because she wanted to know what he was thinking; the fact that she couldn’t see his face was not making the silence in the room any easier.
“I'm okay.” She heard him whisper and it sounded like he was crying. He was still hugging her tightly and as much as she loved the feeling; she wanted to see his face because the last thing she wanted to do was hurt his feelings again.
“You don’t sound okay. Look, Mikey I'm rea- ” She felt him shake his head and she heard him sniff again.
“No, I'm okay. I promise.” He said again. His voice sounded strained and she knew he was either crying or trying not to.
“Are you crying?”
“No.”
“Then let me go.”
“I don’t want to. I'm not gonna let you go Abigail. Ever.” She felt him drop his head and he kissed her back. “I'm sorry.” He mumbled into her t-shirt and her heart rate sped up when she felt his body slowly begin to shake
“Michael...” She whispered but he wasn’t listening anymore. He squeezed her waist tighter and continued to sob into her back. He was still trying to pull her as close to him as she could get and she was sure her stomach would be bruised when he finally decided to let her go. It was as if he was trying to hold her as close to him as he could and no matter how hard he squeezed; it wasn’t close enough. She didn’t tell him he was hurting her though; she knew he needed to get everything out. With every second that passed she felt the back of her shirt get wetter and wetter and she knew Michael was finally letting go of everything that he had kept bottled up inside for so many years.
“I'm so sorry.” He said again as he tried to choke back a sob. It was no use though because he was already crying; not pathetically wailing but he was crying. His voice sounded so small and her heart broke because Michael wasn’t supposed to be like this. Michael was supposed to be strong. “I'm so, so, sorry.” He kept saying over and over. It was as if he couldn’t say it enough and she felt like he was apologizing for every day he made her think that he was dead. “I'm so fucking sorry Abigail.” He sighed as she felt him take a deep breath. He bent his bead and kissed her back again and Abigail hoped he won’t start crying again.
“It’s okay Michael. I swear; it’s okay.” He sighed deeply and put his head on her shoulder. She got goosebumps when his breath hit the side of her neck.
“It’s not okay. I was a complete assnipple.” Abigail started laughing and she tried to wiggle out of Michael’s grip but he tightened his arms around her.
“Assnipple? Where the hell did that come from?” She asked and he chuckled softly.
“You were the one who said I had a beautiful mind Evans. That, right there, was my beautiful mind.” He said pulling her closer even though there was literally no space between them.
“You’re hurting me.” She finally admitted and he loosened his grip on her. She turned around to face him and he forced a smile.
“Better?” He asked reaching over to get some more popcorn. He held out his hand and offered some to Abigail. “I thin- What are you doing!?” His eyes widened as Abigail raised her hands and slipped the t-shirt over her head.
“What? Calm your tits Michael; I have on something underneath.” Abigail said hitting him with the t-shirt and making him laugh.
“I really am sorry Evans. The last thing I wanted to do was make you feel like that.” Michael said softly as he took her hand and started to play with her fingers. He seemed to really be obsessed with her hands and he always played with them when they were together.
“It’s really okay. Stop apologizing; you’re here now.”
“I can't believe I cried.” He said chuckling softly as he wiped under his nose.
“You cried like a little bitch.”
“Shut up.”
“I'm serious. If you didn’t cry into my top I probably would’ve heard you wailing.”
“Shut up before I kiss you.” Michael warned as he closed the distance between him and Abigail on the couch.
“Aww, doesn’t punk rock Michael Clifford want people to know he still cries?” Abigail said as she tried to ignore how close to Michael had gotten. He was looking down at her lips and he was seriously considering leaning in and kissing them; just to see what it would feel like. Before he knew what he was doing; he was inching his face closer to her’s and what surprised him was that she was allowing him to. Just when his lips were about to touch her’s the door burst open and they jumped apart from each other.
“Abby, you’re here.” Amy said as she closed the door. “Oh, hi Michael.” She smiled giving him a small wave.
“Hi person I don’t know.” Michael grinned waving back at Amy.
“That’s Amy; my roommate.” Abigail said getting off the couch to follow Amy into the kitchen. Michael got up and went after her.
“The same one that thinks we’re together?” Michael asked as he helped himself to a banana.
“Yup. That very same one.” Abigail said scowling at him. She shook her head and turned to Amy. “So, you saw your friend?” Abby asked hopping on the counter and picking up an orange. She tossed it up and caught it a few times before placing it back down.
“Nope. I told you; I’m done with him. I was very serious.”
“But-”
“No! I don’t want to fall for anyone else. I just broke up with George. Besides, I hate this guy; I mean he annoys the shit out of me.”
“That sounds toxic.” Michael said reaching for another banana.
“Don’t eat my bananas!” Amy said glaring at him. Michael’s cheeks got red and he slowly placed the banana down. Amy was obviously joking but Michael didn’t know that and the look on his face was just priceless.
“You know she was joking right?” Abigail said hopping off the counter and walking to the door. It was a silent gesture to tell Michael he needed to go because she and Amy had things to discuss.
Michael followed her to the door. “So, I’ll call you?” He asked as he shrugged into his jacket. Abigail nodded and he leaned in to kiss her forehead. He let his lips linger for a moment before pulling away. “I really am sorry.” He whispered again and he really was. The last thing he wanted to do was make her feel like she didn’t matter to him. She was everything to him.
“Michael. God, stop. It’s okay. Now go; I have gossip to catch up on.” She said laughing as she pushed Michael out the door.
“I love you, Evans!” Michael yelled as she shut door.
***
Is it safe to just say I update this everyday?
Cause I think I do.