"Some of us think holding on makes us strong; but sometimes it is letting go."
~Hermann Hesse
"Reid!"
"Spencer... Spencer, listen to my voice."
"Come on, squeeze my hand Reid."
Spencer heard so many voices yelling at him in the distance that he couldn't keep them all straight. Emily's voice came first as soon as the silhouettes of agents pulled the unsub away in handcuffs. After that, Spencer couldn't keep his eyes open. He felt Emily tentatively touch his shoulder around his wounds. There were other shouts in the background as the rest of the team was freed from being held captive, but one voice that rang out in Spencer's ears was Evie screaming his name. He heard Rossi trying to shout over her voice, probably to calm her down. God, he hoped she would calm down. He'd never forgive himself for dying on her like this.
"Reid, come on my man." Derek's voice joined in. He felt the presence of Emily on his left side and Morgan on his right. There were other people around him, but Spencer didn't bother to guess who they were. He wanted to just let himself go right there, but he needed to at least say one last thing.
"Morgan..." he whispered, opening his eyes just a bit enough to see Morgan's dark eyes looking down at him.
"Yeah, I'm here Reid. Hang on, the medics are on their way."
"I-" he tried to talk, not even knowing what he was going to say at first. Spence squeezed his eyes shut and took a deep breath before trying again. "Promise me... pr-"
"Yeah, anything Reid. You can tell me later, you need to save your strength." Morgan said in a deep smooth voice. Spencer shook his head. Didn't he understand there most likely wouldn't be a later?
"Promise me you'll take care of her." he said, completely out of breath. Spencer saw Emily look up at Morgan's face with horrified eyes. Morgan glanced at her before looking down at Spencer with concerned eyes.
"I don't need to, Reid. You're gonna do that." Morgan said, but Reid ignored him.
"Tell... tell her I love her. And JJ... tell her I love her and tell Henry I love him and all of the team and I love both of you too..." Spencer rambled mindlessly.
"Reid... Reid, stop. You're going to be fine." Morgan said. It was too late though. Spencer had said what he needed to and now nothing was left to do but let the darkness consume him, so that's exactly what he did. Emily was screaming his name, but he couldn't bring himself to focus on her voice. He thought of Evie and the smell of her hair, the taste of her lips, the feel of her skin. It filled him with warmth and peace as he let himself drift just as he heard someone yell out;
"The medics have arrived!"
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Evie's knees gave out while standing in the hallway of the room with the cells. Rossi caught her, wrapping an arm around her back and holding her upright. The FBI had just arrived during Spence's sixth session with the unsub, but they may have been to late. They wouldn't let her through, why wouldn't they let her through?
"Hey, calm down, kid." Rossi said calmly in her ear. Evie let tears fall down her face as medics swarmed in behind her, rushing through the crowd of agents to get to Spencer who was lying motionless on the concrete floor. She could just barely make out his torn jeans from where she stood but that was all. She didn't even know if he was still breathing.
"Oh my god, oh my god, is he dead? He- he can't be dead, he can't be dead, he can't be-"
"Evie, it'll be alright. Come on," Rossi said, taking her arm and leading her down the other end of the hallway.
"No! I have to see him! Why won't you let me see him?" she shrieked, trying to break free of his grasp. She slipped her arm out of Rossi's grip for a moment, pushing through two agents and going for the room where they crowded around Spencer, but an arm shot out and caught her in the abdomen, stopping her in her tracks.
"Lawrence, you need to let the medics do their job." Hotch said as he restrained her. Morgan pushed the crowd and showed up to put a strong and heavy hand on Evelyn's shoulder.
"Come on, sweetheart." he said. She didn't want to listen though. Her baby was in there all broken on the inside of that room, possibly dying and she wasn't there beside him. She nearly was tempted to try to shove Hotch and Morgan aside to get there, but she knew she wouldn't be able to even if she treid. Evie just struggled against Hotch's strong arm and Derek's strong hand on her shoulder.
"Please, please, I have to see him..." she kept repeating over and over again, half sobbing and half breathing in fast bursts of air. Voices tried to talk sense into her but she blocked all of them out and only focused on the pounding sound of her heart. At one point she could hear a deep voice from inside the room yelling,
"He's coating!" which made her fight even harder. She eventually felt Morgan's strong arms wrap around her waist and lift her into their air against his chest so she couldn't touch the foor. She tried to push him away, her hands on his shoulder when she could reach it, her legs kicking out, but he was much too strong for her. He held her tightly and carried her out into a new hallways she's never seen before, but she didn't pay much attention.
"Morgan, let me go!" she shrieked, kicking and fighting the entire walk to the giant front brass doors. Morgan ignored her screaming and protests and continued to forcefully move her outside. The cold air hit her skin as they pushed through the doors. It was somewhat of a method of shocking her out of her freak out session. Instead, she let her body go limp as she was consumed with sobs. Once at the closest FBI SUV, Morgan set her down and wrapped his muscle built arms around her torso, pulling a crying Evie into his firm chest. Evelyn let herself fall against him and just cry as he held her and rubbed her back soothingly. Out of the corner of her eye she could see the rest of the team gather around them, watching the doors for something.
Turning to see what they were all watching, Evie saw men dressed in white pulling out a stretcher with Spencer lying lifelessly on top. One medic held an oxygen mask to his mouth and another was pressing a cloth to a large spot of blood on Spence's chest. His eyes were closed, not even fluttering a bit. They wheeled him past where the team stood and carried him into the ambulance.
"Is he going to be okay?" Evie whispered into Morgan's chest. He let her go just for Garcia to throw her arms around Evie so both of them could hold eachother and cry.
"Yes, yes of course he will." Garcia said, but it sounded like she was trying to assure herself just as much as Evie. She nodded even though no one knew if it was going to be true. She felt Rossi's hand on her shoulder and JJ squeeze her hand. It gave her strength having both her and Spencer's friends there, but nothing could hide the fact that he wasn't okay.
"Excuse me..." a medic said, running over to them from the ambulance. Everyone whipped around, expecting news about Spencer.
"Agent Reid..."
"Doctor Reid." Everyone corrected at the same time. The medic looked at them strangly, but nodded.
"Right, sorry. Dr. Reid should be alright if we can get him into surgery in time. We'll be taking him to St. Daniels down the street if you'd all like to follow us there. We should have everyone checked out just in case as we arrive." The medic concluded. Evie felt a little of the overbearing weight lift off her chest, but only a little.
"Thank you very much." Hotch said, still assuming the position of leader of the team. The rest of the team nodded and then looked between each other. "Morgan, Rossi, and Lawrence in one car and the rest of you with me." Hotch ordered. They weren't technically in the field or even at work right now, but Evie somehow like the way Hotch kept things like they were at work. It gave her something to keep her mind straight as she got into the back seat with Morgan and Rossi so an agent could drive them over to the hospital.
"I'm... sorry that I was... um..." Evie tried to apologize for nearly kicking Morgan a bunch of times a moment ago, but Derek just shook his head.
"Don't you dare Evie." he said, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. She shook with effort not to cry anymore. Morgan helped, but she wished it was Spencer's arm. She'd give anything to be in his arms at that moment. The only thing she could do now though was pray for his safety and be there by his side as soon as she could.
Once at the hospital, the team was left waiting in the waiting room. It was almost seven pm at this point, and Spencer was rushed into surgery as soon as they arrived. Emily had insisted she waited with them for when Reid got out. The silence of the room was biting and felt heavy on everyone's chests. Occasionally you could hear a sniffle out of JJ, Evie, or Garcia, but other than that the first five minutes were completely soundless.
"Do... Do you know what Spence told me last Christmas when I asked what he wanted?" JJ softly spoke up, breaking the silence. The team turned to her. No one said anything so she smiled sadly, tears in her red tinted eyes. "A family." she whispered, her voice cracking as she looked down at the ground. The air was mixed with emotions after that, both happy and sad. Evie smiled despite herself at how adorable that story was. She just wished she could make it happen someday.
"Have you guys ever heard his Clint Eastwood alter ego?" Garcia spoke up, tears still on her face. Behind her tears there was a reminiscing smile however. Morgan chuckled and shook his head.
"He'll surprise you." he said, making everyone smile.
"Has he ever told you about how he hit a home run in our game against the secret service?" Hotch asked, causing everyone to turn to Evie. She wiped the tears from her eyes and shook her head as Morgan launched into a long story about Spencer's past with sports and how nervous he was during an FBI baseball game that he ended up hitting the winning homerun for. Evie found herself actually laughing even though tears never left her eyes. She was so grateful for all the stories they told about Spence. She gave her fair share of stories as well that surprised the team. From surprising her with dinners on rooftops to all the things he tells her daily, the team had no idea he had the ability to be that romantic.
"So um... it's almost been an hour." Emily said after everyone settled down from laughing about Morgan's elevator story about him and Reid getting cuaght in an old one during a case. Everyone quited down after that, smiles faded from their faces.
"If he wasn't okay, they'd have told us by now." Rossi assured everyone. JJ moaned and dropped her face into her hands.
"I can't get the sound of him screaming out of my head." she mumbled. Evie felt her chest tightened. She knew exactly what she meant.
"Agents?" a voice came from behind them near the swinging set of doors. The team turned to see a man dressed in blue scrubs approach them with a clip board. He looked under the first sheet of paper and read a couple of things before looking up at the anxiously awaiting team. Evie's heart pounded in her ears. The news he was about to give could change her life forever. She just hoped it was in the good way.
"Yes?" Garcia finally asked, urging the doctor on.
"Dr. Reid should be alright..."
"Should?" Evie asked, her voice raising two octaves. The doctor ignored her and continued.
"We have him sedated right now. The surgery was successful, but he was obviously left with some pretty severe damage. He has multiple second and third degree burns on his back, a broken rib, a fractured wrist, severe bruises, and some deep cuts that'll leave faint scars after the long healing process." he finished after listing a million of wounds Spencer has acquired. Evie let out a long breath of relief and buried her head in her hands. She felt Emily rub her back from the chair besides her.
"Can we see him?" Em asked, speaking for them all. Evie looked up to see the doctor nod. Evie quickly stood up, immediatly making her way for the double doors leading to an all white hallway lined with rooms. The team walked quickly to catch up with her, the doctor as well to show them to the right room.
"He's in room 304. The doctor said, pointing to the room coming up on their left. Evie turned into it, her eyes instantly falling on the thin mass sleeping on the hospital bed on the other side of the room. Spencer looked so fragile lying there in that moment. They clothed him in a hospital gown, and one of his wrists was wrapped in a tight bandage, most likely his fractured one. His left eye had light bruising underneath. There was bandage tape over his right eyebrow where Evie remembered a cut had been earlier. She would've thought he was dead if it wasn't for the slightest rise and fall of the blankets across his chest.
Evie moved to his side slowly, taking in more and more of his broken body. His hair was ruffled and partially splayed over his pillow. She wanted to just break down and cry right there, but she held it together and pulled up a chair next to his bed, not even noticing how the team stood in the doorway, giving her space.
"Hi Spence..." she whispered even though she knew that he couldn't hear her. She looked at his slightly parted lips, tracing the curve of them with her eyes. She watched as his eyes just barely moved under his eyelids, making her smile just a bit. Evie hesitantly reached forward and stroked his hair away from his face that she just realized was getting pretty long lately. She did this for a while, just savoring in being able to be there with Spencer who was thankfully alive.
"You guys can come in." she softly said, turning to look at the team who was intently watching her from the threshold. Rossi was the first to smile and enter, going to stand by Evie. He looked at Reid as the others came to stand by them as well. Garcia was the first to lean down and kiss him on the forehead. JJ rubbed his shoulder gently and Morgan chuckled at him while watching his best friend with affection. No one could argue that the relief in that room at that moment was greater then most had ever experienced.
"Um... The doctor has requested we don't have this many people in here right now." A nurse in pink scrubs said, looking in the room from the hallway. Hotch nodded and turned to the team.
"I think we could all use a nice dinner out. What do you guys think?" he asked.
"I second that." Morgan sighed, stretching his arms back tiredly. The team erupted into murmurs of agreement until Dave put a hand on Evie's shoulder.
"You coming?" he asked. Evie looked at Spencer and then back up at Rossi.
"I think I'll stay here. Thank you though." she said. Rossi nodded and everyone began to file out of the room with one last goodbye to both Spencer and Evie. Morgan was the last one to leave, and before he did, he turned.
"We'll bring you back something." he said. Evie thanked Derek and then he turned to follow the team down the hallway. As much as Evie loved their company, she did want alone time with Spencer. It didn't matter if he was in a deep sleep or awake, she'd take that over being dead. Evs looked over Spence's face, taking in all of his features. The bruises and cuts made her cringe, but under all of that it was still her Spence.
"You know you had me scared, baby." she whispered to him, scooting her chair closer to his bed to take his hand in hers. She ran her thumb along the top, leaning down to kiss his knuckles. His skin was still soft as it always was. "I miss you. I- I can't wait until you wake up so I can see you. I promise I'll be right here when you wake. Just... Just please hold on Spencer. I'm right here. I'm counting on you to come back. I... I need you, Spence. Please don't leave me. I want to wake up every morning in your arms, spend every day with the sound of your voice and fall asleep in your arms all over again. I want to walk down the aisle to have you waiting at the end and I even want to get in stupid arguments over paint colors or towel brands only to kiss and make up a moment later. I want to... to take care of your every time your sick and vise versa, and listen to your excessive facts every time you ramble, and to hold your hand while holding our first child and being able to call you the father of my children... because our children will probably be pretty damn cute." Evie rambled on, crying at this point. She sniffled and wiped away her tears.
"Just please be okay." she whispered, feeling the building up sensation in her throat. She really needed to cry but she knew if Spencer were awake right now, he wouldn't want her to. She took a deep breath instead and wrapped her arms around his own and situated herself on the chair so that she could lie her head on the pillow next to Spencer's. She kissed his cheek, feeling the warmth of his skin. She could just pretend he was sleeping; he looked just like it when she would watch him sleep. His mouth was slightly parted, his breath heavy, his head lolled back. But he wasn't just sleeping. She couldn't fool herself.
"I love you." she whispered into his skin before she let her head relax next to his and finally let her tension go. She began talking in a low tone about all the things they'd do when he got better, hoping that they could do them soon.