"Hi" Daan said as I walked in the house. "It smells good in here" I noted. "I made some curry if you want" she told me as she put some in a bowl. "It's too tempting to say no" I replied as I dropped my bag on the floor. "The game is about to start" she informed me. "What game?" I asked as I followed her to the living room. "Barcelona versus Atlético" she answered. "Oh fun" I said as I sat down beside her.
"Do you know some of the players?" I asked her. I learned that Daan is a very social girl so she basically is friends with everyone that doesn't hate her. "Are you kidding? My best friend plays for Barcelona with all my other friends and well, my ex and I have some good friends at Atlético" she told me. If I had known the answer, I wouldn't have asked because here I was, examining every player in blue and red, wondering which one was in the same position as me. "I can almost hear you thinking" Daan said as she kept her eyes glued to the screen. "Do you now?" I chuckled. "What's bugging you?" She asked me. "Nothing" I lied. "You know better than to try to fool me" she shook her head. "Fine. I'm just trying to guess which one is your ex-girlfriend" I admitted. "You could've just asked. It's number 15" she told me. Just as she said that, the cameraman zoomed on the girl. I forgot how to breathe. She was absolutely gorgeous. "It just didn't work out. I don't do long distance relationships. We're good friends now and that's all we were ever meant to be. If you ever see her texting me to come over, it's not what you think" Daan warned me. "What is it then?" I asked with a way harsher tone than I wanted. "They've all been trying to convince me to go play in Spain with them for years now. I never wanted to" she explained as she put her arm around my shoulders. "Why didn't you?" I wondered out loud. "I don't know. It just wasn't the right time or the right move for me. And now, I've even got a reason to stay here" she replied as she finally took her eyes off the tv.
Things have been strange between us since the day my family showed up uninvited. We kind of outed our feelings, but nothing as changed. Well actually, I expressed my feelings. She didn't say much and she still hasn't said much about the reason she locked herself in her room that day. Knowing her, it's not simple at all, but it's better to let it go until she's ready to speak. Otherwise I would never get to know the answer.
Back to what I was saying, nothing has changed. It's a little more cozy between us, but everything is still the same: We wake up, eat breakfast, go to the club, practice, eat lunch, practice more before we come back, eat dinner, watch a little bit of television then go to bed. She cuddles me a little sometimes, but that's all. I think that's the most intimate thing we ever do. Nothing's changed and I'm afraid to ask for more, scared that it will all go away.
"I can still hear you thinking obnoxiously loud" Daan said. "Come on. Tell me what's wrong" she demanded as she closed the tv. I immediately felt the need to answer. We've been working hard on my old habits, but it's hard to throw 25 years old demeanors in weeks. It's in my nature to submit to Alphas and that's what was happening. "I'm sorry. I'd like you to tell me what's on your mind if that'd help you" she rephrased her previous sentence. "I'm just wondering why nothing's changed between us after that day" I finally told her. "Oh" she nodded slowly. That wasn't the reaction I expected.
"It's pretty simple actually" she replied after a good minute of complete radio silence. "I liked the way we were living before all of that and I think that's mainly why we ended feeling the way we do so I didn't want to change that" she said. "Also" she sighed. "I've been thinking about what your father said" she added. "What?" I blurted out. "Just hear my out, please. I know I'm not using you, but I still can't ignore the fact that it's maybe what's really happening. I have to watch the way that I talk to you so I don't trigger the whole hierarchy thing involuntarily. Whenever I say something as an order, you feel forced to do it. I don't want to use you. I want to make sure it wasn't your instinct speaking. I know I'm very charming, but I'm still unsure wether your feelings are coming from you or your eyes" she explained. I think she was expecting me to be angry, but I actually understood her reasoning. "Well I'm telling you it's totally coming from me, but I get it. At least now I know it's not all the same" I told her. "Obviously it isn't" she said as she pulled me closer.
We kept watching the game while cuddling. I almost fell asleep a couple of times, but it was hard considering Daan would jump everytime someone was close to scoring. I eventually gave up and paid attention to the game. The thing is, by halftime, I didn't even know what the score was. I spent the whole time looking at Daan. She was so concentrated that she didn't notice. I studied her from head to toes. I hadn't really realized how gorgeous she was in the beginning. I was way too intimidated to even look at her, but here I was now, laying in her arms, in our place watching our favorite sport.
She's pretty much the same height as me, just a little shorter. Her attitude compensates though. She can be very arrogant and cocky, but that's mostly on the field. As soon as she steps out of it, she becomes this clueless dork. However, not a lot of people get to see that side of her. She has her guards up all the time. She's like one of these stray dogs that don't trust humans because of everything they put them through. I always thought being an Alpha would make life so much easier, but hearing her stories, I'm not so sure anymore. It pains me whenever I see people being scared of her. If only they knew what they're missing out on. There are many sides of her I haven't got to see yet, but I've got all the time in the world to discover them.
I'm very grateful she's taking it slow and patient with me, with us. However, I hate it. It's so hard to just cuddle with someone that makes your whole body shiver with a single touch. She won't even kiss me. All I get are kisses on the cheek or on the forehead. I love them, but that's beside the point. I have no clue how long it will take for her to figure out the authenticity of my feelings, but I will definitely not wait that long.
"I think I'm going to get some sleep" I told her. "Do you want to go in bed?" She asked me. "I will, but you can stay here, the setup is way better" I replied as I got up. "I will come join you in a bit" she told me. "I bet you will" I whispered to myself as I took off her hoodie that I had on and let if fall onto the floor, purposefully leaving myself in only a bra. "That's unfair" I heard her say as the tv screen closed.
I would've never imagined myself do anything like that. I was always the shy kid that didn't dare speak up. I was never the one guys came to, which was fine because I always knew I wasn't straight, but still. I was never the one. If I'm being honest, I never wanted to be the one. I just wanted to be invisible and god, I was. Until now.
Sometimes I feel like I'm the only person on this planet just with the way she looks at me. It's crazy how she can make me feel so desired while still being respectful. You know this dream where you're the only one all naked. That's how I feel. The only exception is that I don't even feel the need to cover up. With her, I feel completely naked and vulnerable, but I don't need to hide myself. Everything is so raw and pure between us. There's no bullshit and no superficialities. It's just perfect. The thing is, it's seems too good to be true.
"You know that was pretty rude" Daan said as I was putting a shirt over my head. "I don't know what you mean" I replied with the most innocent voice. "Liar" she scoffed as she got in bed and opened the tv. "I beg your pardon?" I spun on my heels to face her. "I didn't say anything. It was just a cough" she lied with a guilty smile. "Come here now" she said as she opened her arms like a baby waiting to get picked up.
"I don't really feel like cuddling" I said as I got in bed and faced the other way. "Are you angry?" She asked me. "No" I murmured. "Are you feeling alright?" She asked again. "Yes" I said. "But you don't want to cuddle?" I knew she was frowning. "No, not tonight" I replied. "Oh" she huffed.
Then I didn't hear anything except the commentator narrating what was happening during the game. I sighed. I was acting like a child. She wants to wait, but she's doing it for good reasons. I can't be mad at her for that. I turned around and scouted closer to her. "Don't say it" I warned her as I layed my head on her shoulder. "I won't" she said with a victorious smile. I extended my arms and wrapped them around her. "Are you going to leave?" I asked her. "Answer honestly" I added. "When I came here, I was ready to leave at any moment. I've played in three different leagues and I want to experience more. I wanted to see if this was the place for me. At first, I wasn't quite sure , but this team, it's everything. I haven't been here that long, but I already feel I strong connection to it. I've always heard that this club was different. I never knew why, but I do now. It's a family. And I love it. I can already imagine me settling here and dropping down the anchor. Things could always change, but for now, I'm here to stay" she answered. Every single word she said just reinforced the feeling I had. She's what we were missing. What I was missing.
"You know what?" I whispered as I cuddled closer to her. "What?" She said as she brushed her fingers through my hair. "I think I might love you a little" I told her. Suddenly, her motions stopped. Fuck. "I have to go.. get something" she said as she got up quickly. "Daan wait" I told her but it was too late, she was already gone.
I just blew this whole thing up. I'm so stupid. I probably scared her and now there's no going back. I should've known better. She just told me she didn't want anything to happen any time soon and I decided to just drop this bomb on her. I ruined it. I ruined everything.
I picked up my phone and sent a text. I was already going insane thinking about what's going to happen. I couldn't bare the thought of going back to the life I had before Daan ever showed up. I layed in bed for a while just staring into the void.
Suddenly, the door opened. I jumped on my two feet and rushed out of the room. "It's us" I heard as I came face to face with them. "Oh" I weakly said as greeted Jordan and Caitlin. "How are you feeling?" Caitlin asked me. "Like absolute shit" I told them as I sat on the couch. "Sorry we didn't come earlier. We were lost in a mountain of boxes" Jordan explained. "Boxes?" I frowned. "Well yeah. We moved out" She told me. "Wait what?" I was so confused. "The club decided to relocate us together in another apartment which is so much better. It looks like yours. I bet it has something to do with a certain someone" They explained.
Even though, they were careful not to name her, just the thought of her made me want to drown in a puddle of tears. "Oh no, don't cry" Caitlin came sit right next to me. "Actually, we should cry" she said as she opened the tv. They've been here a couple times already so they're very comfortable with everything. She went on Netflix and put on the Notebook. "You suck" I sniffled. "Just let it out of your system, you'll be grateful later" she ignored my comment.
We watched the entire movie and finished the whole ice cream pint and the tissue box. "Did that help?" Jordan asked as her teary eyes stared into mine. "It did" I admitted. But then, we heard a loud sound coming from the door. Like someone had just run into it. "Fucking hell" I heard a strong dutch accent but it wasn't the one I was already so used to. "Open the door, damn it" it was now a British accent. "Leah?" Jordan asked as she got up to open the door. "Jordan?" Leah seemed equally as surprised to see her when the door slammed open.
"No one told us there was a little party here" Jill joked as she stepped in. "What are you doing here?" Daniëlle asked Jordan as her eyes kept going from me to her. "What's happening?" Daan repeated as she grabbed the collar of her shirt threateningly. "Hands off" Leah intervened as she pushed a seemingly very drunk dutchie. "Sorry, Romeo" Daan chuckled with her hands up in the air in surrender.
"Anyone minds telling me what the hell is happening. Why are you all here?" I asked the trio. "I was wondering the same thing" Caitlin mumbled. "We were at our place just chilling when this little one showed up with an empty bottle of Jack in her hand. She started ranting about things but we didn't understand a word she said so we just thought we'd bring her back to her place" Jill explained. "Thank you for that" I sighed. "I think I'll be able to handle her. Thank you all for your help" I told my teammates. "Are you sure you'll be able to keep her in check alone? She can be quite something when she's drunk" Jill warned me. "I'll manage" I assured her. 'Well then, good luck. If there's anything just ring us" Leah told me. "Do you two need a ride?" She asked the girls while only looking at Jordan. "Yes please" the latter replied. "Good night" I told the group as the left me alone with Daan.
"Where the hell were you?" I asked her. "I don't owe you any explanation" she answered as she disappeared in her room. "I think I deserve better than that!" I said as I chased after her. "You deserve whatever I say you do and right now you don't deserve anything!" Daan raised her voice at me.
We've been working so hard on keeping our primal instincts in check, but I guess the alcohol erased all of that. I instantly stepped back and scowled. "Shit! I'm sorry" Daan quickly said as the realization of what she said hit her. She tried to come closer to me, but the trauma she woke up in me didn't allow her to do so. "I'm so sorry" she repeated. I wanted to tell her it was fine, but deep down it wasn't.
"Please" she murmured as she took one step closer. "Forgive me" she said as she got down on her knees with her head down. I couldn't move anymore. Never in my life I've seen an alpha bow down before anymore, let alone an omega. "Get back up" I told her. Slowly, she got on her feet. "You're forgiven" I huffed. "I have some things to say to you" she said. "I don't know if I can bare any of that right now" I admitted. "Turn around" she softly said. I did.
Soon after, I felt her getting closer to me. I realized she had her whole back pressed against me. "When you told me you loved me, it scared me. What Magdalena told me and what your dad told me came back to haunt me. I did exactly what they said I would do. I got so scared. I'm not someone anyone ever relied on. I don't think I'm worthy of your love. I'm dangerous, Beth. You might not see it, but I've caused more harm than you could ever imagine and I can't bring you down with me. I wouldn't be able to breathe if anything were to happen to you or the girls because of me. And I guarantee you it will happen. I wanted to run and I did. I want to protect you at all cost, but how am I supposed to do that if I'm the threat" she told me and our respiration synced. "You're not a threat to anyone" I told her. "Yes I am. Just like you, I can't always control my behavior. It's in my nature to be explosive. I don't want any of you to be around when the detonation occurs. I'm not worthy of your love" she said. "You don't have to be. I'm not worth anything. That's what society forced me to believe since I can remember, but then you show up and give me everything I've ever asked for. I'm not worthy. You're not either. So why don't we try to earn it, together?" I told her.
She stayed silent. Instead of using words, she slowly reached for my hand before intertwining our fingers. "That sounds good" she murmured in my ear as she led me to the bed. "You know what?" She whispered as she closed the light. "What?" I replied.
"I think I might love you a lot"