"Self-discovery often happens when we move out of our comfort zone and change the norm."
-Fola O'Martins
I wore an oversized sweat shirt and a pair of black leggings so I could get ready to go for my check up.
My grandmother was going to take me there, Langa called me this morning and said we'll meet there.
My grandmother arrived at 14:00. She must have left school before their dismissal time. I arrived downstairs and grabbed a fruit from the fridge and bottled water.
"Siphokazi you need to eat something, you can't keep on eating fruits and drinking bottled water" Melinda said as she closed her laptop.
"I'm fine Mel. I'm good"
"I'm worried about you. When you come back after your appointment all of us will go and grab something to eat, okay?" I smiled at the mention of food and rushed to her so I can give her a hug. She kissed my forehead and I went to my grandmother.
"Sipho waGogo. Go start the car" she said giving me the keys. I went outside and started the car. I ended up staying inside the car and yesterday's events started replaying in my mind.
I could imagine Langa holding Siyanda's tiny waste in the car, kissing her like there's no tomorrow. He never kissed me like that. He always kissed me softly, as if he didn't want to break me, as if I was fragile, but he was hungry for Siyanda.
I closed my eyes to try and remove the picture from my mind but it was just stuck there. I even tried imagining life with my baby but images of Siyanda and Langa came rushing back.
I felt the door besides me open and I opened my eyes.
"What's wrong? Did you fall asleep?" My grandmother asked as she passed me her handbag so I could carry it from the passenger seat.
"No. I was just thinking"
"Don't overthink. You'll stress yourself and that's-"
"Not good for the baby" I said cutting her off and finishing the sentence. I keep on hearing these words over and over. Every damn day of my life. It's not even about my mental health, everything is about this baby.
"Are you okay?" I started running circles on my temple and I nodded my head.
She started the car and I directed her to my gynecologist in Umhlanga. We parked the car and went inside the buildings. I confirmed my appointment at the front desk and was told to get in.
"I'll wait for my baby daddy, he'll be here now" I said as I went back to sit down. My grandmother picked up a magazine that was on the table and started reading.
"First impressions last you know" my grandmother said before she went back to her magazine. This was going to be her first time meeting Langa. When he fetched me for my appointments he never came inside the house.
"This is the first time he's doing this" I said after 40 minutes. The woman at the reception kept on sending me impatient smiles and I ended up giving up. He'll come when we're inside maybe.
My Grandmother went inside with me and sat on the chair besides me.
"So, this is It?" She asked before the doctor came in.
"Yes." I said as I tapped the table in front of me out of worry. Where the hell was Langa?
"Who's paying for all of this?"
"Langa's father" I replied back. She nodded her head and looked around the beige coloured room which was filled with baby pictures and scans. The doctor walked in a few seconds after our short conversation.
"Ada. How are you sweetheart?" She asked. I stood up to give her a hug.
"I'm great. Not that bad"
"Is this your sister?" She asked my grandmother jokingly.
"Aibo. This is my grandchild"
"You two look alike. Plus, you don't look a day over 30" she said.
My Grandmother blushed at the compliment and we watched as my doctor took her place behind the desk.
"Where's Langa? He's always here. I'm suprised he missed an appointment actually" she asked as she took out a notepad and another brochure.
"Oh. He's late" I said sending her a forced smile.
"Shame. He'll be here I'm sure. Shall we start without him?" She asked. I nodded my head and she took out some test results.
"Great. The last time we met was at the hospital and it wasn't on good terms. Your blood pressure was low which is one of the reasons why you fainted"
"Yes. I've been eating quite a lot of foods which have been proven to raise your blood pressure level like caffeine and stuff" I said.
"See that's the first mistake you guys make, this is my job. I'm qualified to do this. Don't believe everything you see on the internet"
"Okay. I'll do that"
"Low blood pressure does not really affect your baby. The problem is high blood pressure."
I released a breath of relief.
"Don't get too excited. Your blood pressure levels are very irregular. One day it's sky high and the next it's ground level low. You need to regulate your blood pressure levels. Now this small booklet that I'm about to give you here has all the information you need"
"Thanks a lot" I said taking the booklet and scanning through the pages.
"There's also this shake that I've been drinking, for pregnant woman. Is that good for me?"
"I can't really answer that question for you. Bring it for your next appointment and I'll tell you if it's okay. I doubt it would affect you though. I'll just write you a quick prescription so you can go take your supplements"she said pulling out a page from her small notepad and scribbling something down.
"Say 'Hi' to Langa for me. He should come next time" She said standing up. We left the doctors and went to fetch my pills at the pharmacy. After the appointment we went straight to a restaurant called 5 Stars by the beach where Mel said we would all meet.
We found them sitting around the table with their drink already ordered.
"Hey sweetie. We already ordered. We couldn't wait" she said calling the waiter to our table.
"It's okay. We took quite some time"
"Wheres Langa? I thought he would be joining us" my father said
"Oh, he's caught up in something" I said clearing my throat. My Grandmother nudged me and I nudged her back.
"That's too bad." Mel said.
We all ordered pizzas and I had vanilla ice cream and chocolate sauce for dessert. Melinda paid for dinner and I ended up going back home with Zweli and Melinda. My grandmother was going to drive straight to Ndwedwe after this because she had to mark some test papers.
My mood went back to being low and I plugged in my earphones. Melinda went back to talking to Zweli. When we got home I was the last one to exit the car.
I saw Langa sitting on the porch. I was about to go right pass him but he stood up and held my hand.
"I'm sorry Ada. I was very busy today" he said.
"So busy that you missed you own child's appointment? I'm starting to think you don't even love us. You could have just told me to abort this child" I said placing my hand over my belly.
"What the fuck Ada. I miss one appointment and this is what I get. Just one"
Oh he thinks this is only about that appointment. He knows what he did. He broke my heart. Why would he do this? How could he do this to me?
"I just came to tell you that I applied at the University of Pretoria"
That's when I felt my heart crack.
"I might move next year to Pretoria. Thats what I wanted to tell you."
"Get out"I said pushing him
"What the hell Ada. You're supposed to be happy for me" I pushed him off the porch but he didn't move. I ended up using as much force as possible then only did he move.
"I hate you." I said
Just then, my phone buzzed and a notification came through. It was a message from Siyanda.
Siyanda : I'm heading back to Pretoria in 2 days. How about a sleepover at your house tomorrow???
I stared at the message then I stared at Langa who was looking at me with a very confused expression. It was all starting to add up. Now he wants to move and go to another province for her.
"Ada what's wrong?"
"LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE" I said leaning in to push him with all my power, but he moved to the side. In the process I was the one who fell down. I cried loudly and looked down then I saw blood coming out.
***
Ayeye. So I've created a posting schedule.
I'll post every Mondays and Fridays. Don't be a silent reader. ❤