Adrienne
Dad died a few weeks later.
Car accident.
The sense of loss and pain was immense, along with the loneliness that seemed to stem from every direction. When the police had showed up to inform Robin, she had all but collapsed and broken down in the foyer. Elaina looked on in shock, hearing the commotion, as she popped out of her room, while Violet seemed confused.
I thought it was just a dream.
He couldn't be gone, could he?
Regret, confusion, and anger followed in the days. My heart bled so badly, my chest hurt.
I didn't even think I cried.
I couldn't remember, actually. I was in such a daze. Riley had come over to comfort me, telling Elaina to fuck off, when she tried to kick her out. Riley held me, wordlessly. She knew no words would penetrate through the fog of my mind, as a much sickening thought settled. Dad was gone. Robin would no longer feel the need to hold back.
It had been dark and raining heavily, the roads slippery. In an effort to stabilize the car under the wet conditions, dad had lost control of the car and it veered off the side of the road, before it fell down a hill. He was killed almost immediately.
Robin pretended to be the grieving widow. I say pretending because all of her grieving seemed more performative than anything else. She received condolences from everyone around her and somehow she was basking in the glory of it all. It was a good performance, if not for the abrupt change of demeanor afterwards, milking the attention for what it was worth. When my gaze landed on hers, catching her in an off-guarded moment, her gaze would grow cold, almost triumphant, and pleased.
She made me sick.
The administration at the school gave me family leave, but in the long run it was better I was at school, keeping busy. Like the last time mom got sick, I threw myself once more into my studies and basketball. I knew I garnered a few pitying glances, but I assure them I was fine, or as well as I could reasonably be under the circumstances.
It was obvious that they didn't believe my behavior to be in the slightest bit normal and tried to get me to go home and grieve. I told them I was fine and I grieved enough, but they remained unconvinced.
I also took every opportunity to avoid my stepmother. If I was at school, it was just more time away from the horrors she inflicted for disobeying her.
Zayne had comforted me by providing solid company, becoming in a way a silent strength. He even came to the funereal, standing like a solid fixture among the crowd. There were a few that recognized him because of course, he had grown into a household name in the town. While Zayne comforted me, Elaina used every opportunity to get close to him, throwing herself at him with every underhanded innuendo.
I was now truly alone in this world with no one to rely on and the stark, painful loneliness was never more amplified than when I slept at night, left to the mercy of my dark, relentless thoughts. It was the kind that sunk into the deepest depths of your soul, making it virtually impossible to extricate them from your very existence. Intellectually, I knew I had Riley and Zayne in my corner, but we were just teenagers. They weren't capable of protecting me from the true horrid of the world if they had shit of their own to deal with.
I had no means of financial income and I had no idea how I would survive my stepmother and her two daughters. With dad around, he acted, at the very least, like buffer, mitigating my stepmother's intentional cruelty. She couldn't do much when she knew it would upset Robert and create irreparable harm in their relationship, derailing whatever end goal she was trying to reach. Although, I was fairly certain, by now, she was only after his money.
They all put on a good show, but I could sense they were enjoying the attention from those around them more than anything else. I discovered that Robin had been in touch with more lawyers than I could count and I wasn't naïve enough to believe it didn't have anything to do with my father's will.
Riley continued to comfort me. Zayne had talked to Riley to ensure that she was beside me. I told Riley that she didn't have to, but she argued that Zayne would bury her six-feet deep if she didn't and that she wanted to. The kids at school had almost paused their bullying, as if to allow me to mourn for the loss of my father, before they decided to pick it up again. If anything, they were fawning over Elaina, as she acted like she was the victim in all of this.
Elaina had always tried to gain favor with dad, but her efforts fell flat and remained unsuccessful. It was like she couldn't shake my place in dad's heart, as much as she tried to replace me. Dad seemed to humor her, but just like I felt with Violet, he seemed to find her a little much for him. He treated them well, even encouraging me to be friends with her, but his efforts failed him, considering we were just polar opposites.
I decided it was best if I graduated from high school early and move onto college. Now that there really wasn't anything tying my stepmother to me anymore, I was eager to leave. Where I would go, I wasn't sure, but I knew I wanted to go college. I figured what difference did it make if I left to head off early?
Dad had a college fund for me that I was hoping I could get access to and luckily with a few scholarships under my belt, perhaps, I could get by without having to take out any loans nor touch any of my college savings. I knew the reality of today's world. It was never a guarantee that one would get a job after college or beyond. I needed to save every penny, until I had a steady income. Needless to say, I was scared, despite the solid goal I had in place.
I wasn't going to be turning to Robin for help anytime soon, not that she'd be inclined to lend me any assistance there. She didn't seem to value a college education for my future as anything useful. Apart from the physical and verbal abuse she hurled my way, I didn't want her cutting off my options by controlling my financial means and future. She was already making headway into ensuring that she secured all of dad's assets. She didn't know of my plans to go to college and I was careful to ensure that she was kept in the dark. Dad vaguely knew, but he had been so absent in the crucial years that he figured I didn't know myself after mom's death or rather, was still trying to figure it out. As far as Robin was concerned, she believed I had no future where it counted.
I expressed my plans to my academic counselor and he agreed that it might be for the best after a lengthy discussion. I knew it was on the tip of his tongue to discourage me from pursuing this course of action, possibly missing out on all of the milestones that high school had to offer. I wanted to snort and ask derisively what high school was he going to that he thought it was worth sticking around for?
"With all due respect, Mr. Worchester, I've exhausted all of my academic options at this high school," I responded evenly, my patience growing thin. I projected an air of indifference, looking certain of my decision to move on. "If you're concerned about my college-preparedness, I'm attending a nearby college for math because this school doesn't have the advanced math courses I need. I really don't see why it's so great that I'd be willing to stick around for another two years."
"I'm not so concerned about your work ethic, Adrienne. I know that you're on top of your game there, but there's more to school than just academics," Mr. Worchester pointed out, as he observed me with his sharp gaze. He leaned back, turning slightly in his desk chair, as he rested his elbow on his desk, a pen in his hand. "You don't think you'll miss some of the other highlights, like homecoming, spirit week, spring break, or prom? What about your friends? Not to mention that high school gives you the opportunity to grow into your own person, before you're forced out into the real world. You won't get another chance to relive your high school years again."
Secretly, I wondered if he was missing his own high school experience and was simply projecting that onto me, because the kind of high school experience he seemed to believe exists for everybody somehow appeared rooted in his own experience. If that was the case, it wasn't appreciated, but I was willing to listen, before I went ahead and did what I wanted to anyway. It wasn't like he could force me to continue, if I completed the requirements.
"I think you already know that my trajectory through school has been unorthodox. If you're worried about my mental and emotional development, don't be. Developmentally, I'm fine, so sticking around to make up for the fact that I skipped a grade and am younger than most of my peers is pointless. In case, you haven't noticed, I'm not exactly the most popular person around."
I played the emotional card over my dad's death to persuade him, when really all I felt was numb and annoyed that I couldn't even decide for myself how to grieve and move on. To his credit, he didn't know about circumstances at home, but he wasn't blind to the fact that Elaina and her friends liked to bully me. He had to know that it was miserable here.
In the end, he agreed, realizing that I was adamant about my new course of action.
I told Riley of my plan and while she was devastated to learn that I wouldn't be graduating with her, she was supportive. I hadn't told Zayne, but knew I would have to tell him soon.
With everything that happened so far, we hadn't resolved the issue of our changing relationship. We hung out a couple of times and I even tutored him from time to time, but his focus was solidly on football. I knew why, too. It was the only way he would be able to afford college. He needed a scholarship just like I. He wouldn't be able to afford it otherwise.
I broke then news to him over lunch.
"You're leaving next year?" Zayne questioned, stunned. His gray eyes pierced my own gaze with that unnerving intensity, like he could see right through me, dissecting me. The cafeteria was abuzz with activity as kids sat with their own groups, cliqued off into their own. Zayne usually sat with his football friends, but occasionally would wander over to me to say hi or join me for lunch.
I nodded, hoping to look casual. If he only knew why I was so eager to leave. "Yeah. There's no point in me staying."
Zayne tilted his head, studying me. These days, Zayne had become even more dangerous. I couldn't really put my finger on it, but it looked like he was losing control of his careful exterior that he erected to the world. He had more demons than I could count, but part of me knew that somewhere Zayne was still the boy who needed a friend.
"So you'll graduate at the same time as me?"
I looked up, frowning at the question. "I guess so. I just need a clean break."
"Where are you going to go?" Zayne asked.
"I want to go to college, but I'm not sure where I should go. I didn't look that closely yet." It was still too early for me, but with the sudden change of plans, I needed to get my shit together. "I was kind of thinking University of Michigan," I answered. "They have one of the best biochemistry programs. Then maybe graduate school."
Riley stopped by, as Zayne glanced between the two of us. Riley was planning on going to college too, but it wouldn't be for another two years. We were, after all, sophomores.
"So I've decided," Riley announced looking determined. "I'm going to graduate with you."
Zayne looked at her and snorted. "No you're not."
Riley shot him a glare, her green gaze pinning him in place. "No one asked you."
Zayne shrugged. "Do I look like I give a shit?"
"If Adrienne can finesse high school, then so can I," Riley said determined.
"That's because Adrienne's a fucking genius," Zayne said, as he took a bite out of his apple. "You're just...average."
"Thanks asshole," Riley answered, shooting him a glare.
"You're not average," I dismissed Zayne and focused on Riley. "You're one of the most resilient people I know and you're crazy smart." I shot Zayne a look. "If Riley is average, then that would make you less than average." I knew Zayne's grades weren't as good as Riley's nor I's.
"Thanks," Riley beamed. She glared at Zayne. "I'm glad someone thinks so."
Zayne shrugged. "My grades are good enough to have me on the football team, that's enough."
"Enough to get you nowhere, academically," Riley pointed out. "What happens when you don't have football to rely on?" Riley turned to me once more. "Listen, since we're all leaving early, I think we should make most of our time here."
"What do you mean?" I asked her.
"Andrew McGregor invited us to his birthday party," Riley said eagerly, eyes alight with excitement. "We should go!"
"Sure."
"No."
Both Zayne and I spoke at the same time. Riley and I whipped our head towards him at his sudden response. Zayne's expression turned dark, as if he didn't like the idea of me going to a party. He was like a breathing, walking dark entity, his displeasure emanating from him.
"Why not?" I questioned him. Mr. Worchester's words filtered into my head. What did it hurt to have me go? It wasn't like I'd get the chance ever again once I went off to college. I had been so busy with school and keeping up appearances at home, while avoiding Elaina's wrath that I hadn't really taken the time to enjoy my high school experience.
Thanks to Robin and Elaina, I wasn't even permitted to go to homecoming. Zayne hadn't even wanted to go because he had nothing to wear and thought it was lame, but I wanted to with Riley. I had made some excuse to Riley about being grounded, by which she had responded with, "Again?"
It didn't take long for Riley to catch on that I wasn't really "grounded".
"Because it's not a place for girls like you," Zayne said arrogantly.
"What the hell does that mean?" I asked pissed, narrowing my gaze back at him.
Riley edged back, looking a little nervous, the bite to my tone going unmissed, as Zayne's eyes caught onto my irritation. Just like everyone else, people were intimidated by Zayne and his anger. While there was nothing to be really afraid of, I thought, it wasn't the same for the other kids.
Zayne's eyes glinted with hard steel, as he faced off with me. I was done being told what to do and if I wanted to let loose and have a little fun, I was going to.
Maybe even have sex.
"You don't do parties," Zayne said. "You definitely don't do parties like Andrew. It's not your average run-of-the-mill-"
"-Oh you mean, where underage teenagers engage in questionable activities that might lead to possible, permanent consequences later in life, like have sex, drink beer, and maybe even do drugs?" I asked him, my brows raised unimpressed by his point. "Yeah, I bet his parties are so wildly different than your average ones."
Riley shook me, her body vibrating with excitement and a familiar eagerness. Her green eyes lit up with excitement as the widened with a thought. "Oh! Maybe you can finally meet a cute guy and do the nasty-"
"You're definitely not going," Zayne decreed, like a fucking king, his mood blackening.
"What I choose to do with my own body is my own business, thanks," I tossed out.
"Not if I have anything to say about it," Zayne muttered.
"Zayne," I said with as much patience as I was able to muster, but his gaze remained hard. While I was tempted to tell him off, reminding him that I was free to do what I want without his say, I didn't think a feminist lecture on the topic was the right way to go about establishing boundaries here. "You don't get to tell me what to do or who I see."
Riley snorted. "He might as well. He's told off every guy in the school to stay away from you and anyone thinking of trying anything is asking for it. They're all scared of him."
I froze. Time froze. I pierced my glare towards Zayne, as my vexation and frustration soared. Was that why no guy had ever asked me out? Not even to prom? "What the fuck, Zayne? Is that true?"
I was hurt more than anything and like with pain, somehow it manifested into transcending anger. Why would Zayne do this? It wasn't like he was all that bothered by girls throwing themselves at him and then some. Hell, even the football moms that came to the games were thirsty for his dick. It seemed almost hypocritical of him to have done what he had, as if it was his right to interfere in my life like that.
Zayne remained quiet, his jaw clenching. He only ever did that when he was upset, or he didn't like the outcome he foresaw in any confrontation. Right now, he was upset, but about what? That I was going to the party or that I found out about what he did?
"Thanks Riley," Zayne shot back, his attention flickering to her momentarily.
Riley crossed her arms, narrowing her green eyes. "I don't owe any loyalties to you."
He rolled his eyes. "Clearly," he drawled. "So you have no problems if I tell Damian?'
Damian? What-
Riley narrowed her eyes, as a coldness came over her. "You're a fucking prick."
"Answer the question, Zayne," I demanded, my tone harsh. I waited for an answer, but as he remained quiet, I knew it was true. Shaking my head, I shot him a disgusted look. "Fuck you, Zayne," I answered, as I stood up and left.
I was too angry with the whole situation to even go back. I decided instead, to wander out towards the football field. Maybe being in open air would help cool off my temper. There was a gym class that was happening, but none of the coaches seemed to bat an eye at my passing, as I made my way over to the bleachers.
We were in the thick of the fall weather, as a chill passed through. I was wearing one of my oversized maroon, thick Champion hoodies and a pair of my favorite, ripped denim flare jeans, which accentuated the long length of my legs. I had gotten in the habit of wearing hoodies, which did an amazing job at effectively hiding any obvious signs of bruising. No one questioned it either, with the fall weather coming in.
Unlike Elaina, I still had clothes from last year that were in pretty decent shape. For those that needed a little TLC, I got creative and repurposed them, making them look brand new and a little more up-to-date. Thanks to a whole slew of YouTube videos and the thrifting community, I was able to refashion and repurpose much of the older clothing into something usable.
Before Robin and her kids, I had already done much of my own shopping for clothes, while dad was busy working and taking care of mom. I was not a stranger to cooking, cleaning, and fending for myself alone, especially when it meant dad could focus on mom's wellbeing without having to worry. Breakfast? Done. I could make it myself. Packing lunches? Easy, so long as dad got the ingredients I wrote down for him when he went grocery shopping or dropped me off so I could get what we needed. Laundry? I learned quickly from watching mom and dad do them. Cleaning the kitchen? I could do that too. Vacuuming the living room? Hiring someone to take care of the yard? Getting the mail? Ensuring the bills were separated out so that dad could pay quickly? Done, done, done and done.
With little guidance, my sense of fashion hadn't been tailored towards the girly more so than sporty. Riley helped tremendously and thank god, for social media, which allowed me to develop some idea of how I wanted to dress myself.
Robin had made it clear that her attention was all on Elaina and Violet. Despite their monthly wardrobe expense, I had a strong suspicion that even if I approached Robin with the need for a new pair of sneakers, she'd simply rebuff me or tell me I hadn't "earned" it.
Forget about dad.
Dad had once noticed the ratty disrepair of one of my jeans and frowned. He had given me some money to go shopping for some clothes, hopefully with Robin. Robin hadn't wanted to and it showed. She had made other plans with her friends that weekend and dropping that to take her stepdaughter shopping would definitely ruin her plans. Dad had frowned at that, seemingly disappointed. She had made plenty of time to go with Elaina, practically every month, so why not me?
It didn't matter, I quickly interjected and told dad that it was okay and I could go myself or with Riley as I always had, hoping to lessen the tension. Elaina and Violet sneered at the mention of Riley. Neither of the two girls liked her and Riley felt the same. Dad nodded and handed me money. That night, Robin had demanded it back, arguing that I was too "immature" to handle it.
Luckily, she didn't know how much dad had given me. I only gave her half and she went off, content that she had taken away my finances. Instead, she had used the money and spent it on Elaina. To convince dad that I had bought new clothes, I took my old jeans and refurbished it, so it looked less ratty and more intentionally designed that way.
I continued to walk forward, as my mind eased up, resurfacing from the memory. Why the fuck did Zayne think it was okay to warn off every guy in school? Did he ever once consider maybe to ask what it was that I wanted? Was that why I was even more of a social pariah than before?
A few minutes later, I spotted two, large freshman guys lingering by the bleachers, where I had taken to sit, as I messed around on my phone to pass the time. A few looks darted my way, but I couldn't find myself the energy to care. I was too upset over Zayne's actions to care about the attention.
I looked back at the two freshman, as they continued to linger, before it struck me that it was rather odd for them to be lingering about. I frowned, wondering what they were doing here. They were talking and shooting surreptitious glances my way, as if checking to see if I was here. They were acting weird, to say the least, and I didn't know why two freshman football players were lingering nearby.
Until suspicion hit me.
I stood up and made my way towards them. Suddenly, they grew alert, as they waited at the bottom. The two attempted to turn and leave, but I stopped them. "Not so fast. Where do you two think you're going?"
The two boys turned. They both were taller than me, of course. I was pretty sure they were starting members on the JV team. I couldn't recall their names, but I knew that they looked up to Zayne in an almost god-like fashion. What were the chances that they were missing out on lunch to be here? I pinned my blue-gray gaze on both of them, waiting for an explanation.
"Oh, hey, Adrienne," one of them sheepishly said, shuffling, as if he just noticed me.
"Cut the crap," I added, before they decided to make up some weird story.
One of them shuffled his messy dirty-blonde hair away from his face, looking nervous. I waited impatiently for them to speak. "Well?" I prompted.
The other guy nudged his friend, giving him a look. "Mike, Zayne told us-"
"-Zayne told you what exactly?" I leveled at them, as I crossed my arms. Both of them looked at me, uncertain. "You two better speak up, or help me god, I'll tell Zayne that I have two random strangers following me."
"Okay, look," Mike said, as he held out his hands, looking a little helpless. "Zayne told us to follow you out here. We didn't want to and trust us, it wasn't our idea. We normally don't do creepy shit like this, but he threatened us."
What the fuck?
"What?! Why?" I asked him.
"I don't know! You think we ask Zayne why?" he asked, as if it was the most ridiculous thing in the world to call Zayne out. He gave a sort of half-laugh at the thought, "Man, he'd have us bent in half a second if we questioned why."
"No he won't," I dismissed.
"You two are friends and you're a girl. Trust us, he doesn't treat the rest of us like he does with you," Mike answered.
"We just do what he tells us to do," the second one spoke.
"Right," I paused. "What did he tell you to do, exactly?"
"He told us to keep an eye on you," Mike mentioned. He paused before he continued. "He wasn't sure where you were going and we had to text him an update if anything changed."
"Okay, but he's not your owner. Why'd you listen to him, if you're of aware how creepy this all is?" I asked.
The two stared at me dumbfounded, as if considering it. I shook my head.
"If we didn't do it, he threatened to ensure that we didn't make it on the Varsity football team. He said that we'd be on bench our entire career and frankly, we're more afraid of Zayne than we are of you," Mike admitted.
"Wow, dude. Grow a pair will you?" his friend chimed in.
"At least he'll escape Zayne's anger, unlike you," I announced. At least he had the gall to look a little bit afraid at the subtle threat. Changing the subject quickly, I spoke again, wondering how far they were willing to go. "What would've happened if I ended up in the girl's bathroom? Would you have followed me then?"
"No," the second one spoke.
"We would've just waited outside," Mike supplied. "If," he quickly amended. "-he made us. We wouldn't voluntarily do it-"
Okay, so they were afraid of Zayne, I got that, but it baffled me that he had threatened two innocent boys to come after me.
Was Zayne worried about me?
As the week rolled by, I was caught off guard by the notice from Elaina that I was required for the will reading. Dad's personal lawyer and good friend had dropped by this weekend and we were all required to be present in his office.
As I arrived, I spotted Robin sitting primly in one of the black leather armchairs situated in front of dad's old desk. She was dressed in a black Valentino number, her blonde hair straight, with not a strand out of place. Her makeup was done flawlessly.
Elaina and Violet were here as well, as Elaina took a seat in one of the other black, armchairs, while Violet was forced to accommodate another one that was less comfortable. There was no chair for me here and so I chose to stand by one of the bookcases.
"Ah, Adrienne!" Donovan exclaimed, his gaze taking me in. I remembered seeing him around the house. He was one of dad's closest friends, but I hadn't seen him in years. "My, you've grown!"
Robin turned, looking interested. "You know my stepdaughter?"
Donovan nodded. "I met Adrienne when she was just five." Shifting his gaze to me. "You've grown up so much! My condolences for your loss."
"Thanks Mr. Carmichael," I answered.
"Please Donovan," Donovan addressed. "Now that I think we're all here, I think we can get started."
Donovan worked at dad's law firm. He was the first black man to be rise to a partner at the firm. News of his astounding success made headlines and he was considered one of the wealthiest and most sought-after lawyers around. He worked on a number of commissions and defended high-profile clients and even against high-profile corporations.
I was somewhat surprised to learn that Donovan was in charge of the will-reading. Nevertheless, as he began, I waited to hear the inevitable. Dad probably left all of his assets to Robin.
As Donovan drowned on, Robin was beginning to look impatient. Although, she was supposed to present a grieving widow, she looked anything but. It angered me that she could be so blatant in her interest in dad's money. There was no way she had been interested in dad.
"In the event of his passing, his assets will be divided amongst his wife, three daughters in the following manner," Donovan continued. "I leave my house to my wife, Robin, and to Violet, Elaina, and Adrienne, each one hundred thousand dollars of which they will have access to once they turn twenty. The remainder of my assets will go to charity-"
Robin gripped her hands tightly. Her expression morphing into an ugly one as panic overrode her system. "Wait, that can't be right."
Elaina looked distressed, as she looked between Donovan and Robin. "Mom, are we going to be poor?"
Violet seemed alert. "What about my car!"
"Hush now," Robin said, as she turned to Donovan. Her gaze penetrating his, the panic in her face nearly overriding her earlier composure. "I think there has to be some mistake-"
Donovan, looked sternly towards Robin, "-I didn't finish. Maybe, you should let me finish before you make your objections known?"
Robin sat back, like a scolded child, as Donovan continued to read. "The remainder of my assets will go to charity unless the following conditions are fulfilled. My daughter, Adrienne, be taken care of until the age of twenty in every manner, whereby, after such time, Robin will inherit fifty percent of my assets while Adrienne will receive the other fifty percent."
Silence blanketed the room, as Donovan finished. I wanted to laugh. Dad had successfully screwed Robin out. I knew Robin was only intent on financially supporting me as early as she could get rid of me, but dad's will had stipulated that I be well taken care of, or else she'd receive nothing. While Elaina, Violet and I had some inheritance, Robin had nothing but the house, which would do her no good if she didn't have any finances to keep it maintained.
"This has to be some kind of mistake," Robin answered. "How am I supposed to keep a roof over our heads if I don't have access to the money needed to upkeep it?"
"There's no mistake," Donovan said. "This is pretty airtight. Robert was very particular about how he wanted his assets divided."
"I can't believe this!" Elaina cried. "Why does Adrienne get more than I do? Robert wouldn't do that! Why would he make mom take care of Adrienne just to get the rest of it!"
They all exploded into a heap of questions and anger. While dad had done his best to take care of me, what he didn't realize was that I wasn't intent on sticking around any longer than I had to. I was thankful that there was no stipulation that required I live with Robin, allowing me freedom to leave. It was only that she had to ensure that I was financially taken care of until I could have access to my funds at twenty.
I slipped out of the room, as I exhaled the breath I hadn't realized I was holding. While I had to hold out a bit longer, I comforted myself knowing that I would soon be leaving them. The abuse would stop, hopefully, but I was going to have to bide my time. The punishments had grown less and less the more I obeyed and the more I kept out of Robin's way. Unfortunately, they still occurred and I wanted nothing more than to burn the house down and with her in it. I equated Robin to a parasite, slowly infecting dad and I's lives. She had taken everything good and wholesome and infected it.
The sense of despair assailed me, as I trudged to my room. I had work I needed to do and I wasn't going to get it done with Violet and Elaina bitching to their mom and Robin getting angrier by the second towards Donovan. What was done was done and I wanted the whole sordid ordeal over with.
However, something in me broke.
That night I got punished and with every punishing whip that lacerated the skin of my back, I vowed I would never be put into this situation again.