"My god...."
Her words echoed in the silence of the room. Chris had never witnessed anyone as strong willed and outspoken to speak with such a trembling voice.
"Your mind built you a world of its own", the awe in Dr. Hunter's voice was prevalent.
"I suppose it did", Chris admitted.
It had been almost an hour of explaining the myriad of hallucinations that Chris experienced. He felt like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders, yet he couldn't help but notice the sinking feeling in his chest. The medicine did a good job of healing his body, but his heart still remained broken.
Jonny...
It almost felt wrong thinking about Jonny anymore. He still wasn't sure if he was asleep or awake or somewhere in between. Thinking about the love of his life and the pain he felt really ate away at his heart.
Stupid thing... Stupid...
He put everything in jeopardy. Their friendship. The band's future. His children. His family. What would they think of him now? The man who had managed to make so many bad decisions one after another that he almost died leaving all his responsibilities behind.
Technically I actually did die for a few minutes...
It was a weird feeling. To be a man who had come back from the dead. It made him appreciate his life more. He vowed to seek therapy and stay off alcohol till he got back up on his feet. But he couldn't deny that the tour inside his own mind was hauntingly ethereal. It had been staring him in the face all along. He had far more issues than he thought he did and the last few years he had experienced a steady decline in his mental health. A lot of did tie back down to his feelings of inadequacy and unrequited love. Non-stop touring, practicing, songwriting, taking zero breaks made it far worse.
"It's amazing", the doctor's voice interrupted his thinking.
"What is?", Chris asked instinctively.
"I have no idea what's going on with you. You aren't an open book. Not anymore", she smiled, "You've somehow become more... interesting"
Chris didn't respond. He looked outside through the window.
"You are all kinds of messed up in there lad", Dr. Hunter gestured at her own head, "I've never been this fascinated before"
"Well can you make any sense of it? What am I supposed to do now?", Chris asked sincerely
Dr. Hunter sat back and took a long swig from a glass of water.
"To reiterate... You've died and come back, you've made very questionable decisions, your band's future is at stake and... you're here", she paused, "In the kids oncology ward, talking to a woman who had to kidnap you to save your life"
Chris shrugged. She put it far too bluntly than he expected her to.
"So now all you have left to do... is sing"
What
"Huh?", Chris asked surprised.
"That's what you do don't you, you sing... Do what you do best... Sing"
Chris huffed. Dr. Hunter never stopped speaking in riddles and sometimes it did more harm than good.
"What good is that supposed to do?", he asked with displeasure.
"Well, its your job isn't it?"
Chris nodded, "I don't see how that--"
"Well then do your job", the doctor spoke over him, "Do your job like you want to, Christopher. Anything else will work itself out"
"I... uh..."
"Your mind is deeply associated with music. That's why you woke up when I sang. I poked you with a needle and laid you down to a child sized bed and yet you didn't respond. But as soon as I hummed a tune, you moved. It's baffling how deeply music stimulates your mind.... Well the medicine had something to do with it too but you know what I mean"
Chris opened his mouth to say something but decided against it. Her argument seemed slightly more sane at the moment.
"Don't get me wrong, lad. Definitely seek therapy and get meds because your mind is all kinds of fucked up. But music is part of your healing process. You're lucky that its your job too. Although that could be a different kind of frustration"
"Aren't you supposed to help me with it? The therapy I mean...", Chris asked.
"Oh heavens no... I'm on sabbatical", Dr. Hunter laughed.
What...
"Looks like your IV is almost done", said the doctor while getting up from her chair.
She took the needle out of Chris' arm and put a bandaid on the open wound. Then she put her mask back on.
"I'm confused", Chris said, "Why did you come here if your sole purpose was to confuse things for me, even further?"
The doctor detected the tinge of hostility in Chris' voice and smiled at him.
"Okay I'll make it simple for you. Tell Jonathan you love him. Deal with the consequences"
Chris winced. Partly at the mention of Jonny's full name and partly at her directness.
"That's your advice?", Chris asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Yes. ", Dr. Hunter made her way towards the door, "If he says no, write a sad song... If he says yes, write a happy one"
Chris frowned at her.
Never had anyone been so blunt with him. Not even his own mom. Oddly enough, her free-spoken attitude made him respect the doctor just a tiny bit more. Deep inside he knew she was right. Holding feelings in isn't the best of approaches to unrequited love. His tryst with painkillers and hallucinations proved just that. But he didn't wanna open a can of worms that he had no way of controlling. Especially after Jonny's rage that night. He ran a finger over the bruise on his cheek again. It was a dry scar now but still, it burned.
"..... complete lock-down. All personnel are requested to wait for further instructions"
The crackling voice of a hospital announcement emanated from the comms. Both the doctor and Chris looked at the speaker high up in the corner.
"Patient ID - 1237 please report to your nearest help-desk..."
"Well that's sorta my cue to skedaddle", Dr. Hunter replied, hastily fixing her mask and overall appearance.
"You're leaving now?", Chris asked absentmindedly.
"Yes. I've got to disappear before my lovely sister finds me and arrests me for being better than her.", the doctor responded in her usual carefree manner.
"... hospital is in complete lock-down. Patient ID - 1237 is reported to be missing."
The announcement looped on and on.
"So you're just gonna leave me here?"
"Well I've fixed you... I've got nothing else to do..."
"And I suppose you expect me to not talk about you when your sister finds me here?"
Dr. Hunter looked up at Chris. He couldn't see her face but he was sure she was hiding a cheeky grin behind the mask.
"Yeah. No one except my sister is gonna believe you anyways", she replied, "Put this on"
She threw a hospital gown at Chris. Chris picked it up and looked at the doctor who was now getting ready to leave
"What am I supposed to do now? Just lie here??", he asked.
Dr. Hunter paused in her tracks and glanced at Chris
"Well there's a music room at the end of this hallway", she said, "Maybe you can give the people there a very merry performance"
A music room in the hospital??
"And after that's over, please just for the sake of us all, confess your feelings", she continued, "Goodbye Christopher. I really hope you never see me again"
And with that she swiftly closed the door behind her leaving Chris all alone in the room. He still couldn't wrap his mind around this encounter. So many things seemed off. A doctor risking her own job to save him just because she found him interesting? His mysterious illness and recovery. He still wasn't completely sure that this was the real world and not some other godforsaken drug induced hallucination
He zoned out for moment before noticing that the announcement had stopped.
Slowly he sat up in the bed. It was far too small to fit a six foot man in it. His body ached. But it was much better than what he felt before. He felt mildly concerned that a 19 hour coma and a near death experience helped him feel better. At least he could move. He put his feet on the ground. It didn't hurt like it did before. Yet he was still pretty weak.
"Oh almost forgot"
The voice shocked Chris. He looked up and saw Dr. Hunter again peeking through the door. Before he could react she threw something at him. A tube of yellow ointment landed in his lap.
"Put this on your scars so that the kids don't get too scared"
And just like that she left as swiftly as she came. Chris had a feeling that this was the last time he was gonna see her. He put the tube inside his trouser pockets and stood up. It took him a moment but he managed to hold himself upright and balance.
Music room...
He put the dressing gown on, like he'd put on a shirt and tied it in the front. Then he decided to go outside. He peeked in the hallway. It was empty. Far too deserted than what he expected. After a long scan of his surrounding he finally stepped in the hallway. The first thing he noticed was a big clock on a wall. It showed the time 3:30. One look outside the window confirmed that it was daytime. He guessed that the date would be 30th December.
I should be contacting security... But... Music room...
He didn't think too hard and walked towards the end. The hallway was pretty gray. It was decorated very well, there were hand drawn pictures plastered all over the walls but it still seemed impersonal. It lacked a touch of love. But the room at the end of the hallway seemed different. One look through the frosted glass door revealed that the walls were a shade of vibrant blue. He didn't pay much attention to his surroundings and walked straight towards the door. He was so transfixed by the spirited vibe surrounding that room that he didn't notice the two elderly women staring at him.
"Hey, young man... you seen a nurse around here?", a raspy voice shook him back to reality.
He looked around to find the source of the voice to see two women, one with a headband, who seemed to have spoken.
"I'm sorry, I haven't", Chris replied, scratching his head.
"Well then find me a nurse...", she squinted at Chris with her already beady eyes.
Chris felt slightly intimidated. The woman had the authority of a thousand bosses in her voice. She opened her mouth to say something else when the other woman stopped her.
"Oh gosh darn Elizabeth, the young man's a patient like ourselves." she leaned in closer to whisper, "And judging by the looks he looks like he might be from the psych ward"
Chris squinted, "I heard that. And no I'm not from the psych ward"
Hearing him, the woman with the headband started laughing loud while the other woman looked down, embarrassed.
"I'm sorry young man, I'm not as sharp as I used to be before. The looks of the hospital gown really gave the impression you might be a little... shaky up there", she smiled, "Forgive the old gal will ya?"
Chris decided against arguing with two elderly women in the oncology ward and politely smiled back. They weren't completely wrong. He was one hallucination away from moving into the psych ward.
"Then what's a handsome young man like you doing here in a reverse hospital gown?", the woman with the headband asked.
"Oh I'm just...Looking for the music room I guess"
The woman's eyes lit up.
"You're here for the kids?", she asked.
Kids?
"Well then go right ahead to that room you'd been staring at earlier. That's the one", she spoke without waiting for an answer, "And send a nurse my way, will you?"
"I, uh... okay", Chris nodded and walked towards that strangely vibrant room.
The two women cackled in the background but Chris didn't pay much heed to them. He had been strangely transfixed by the room and had to inspect it. He walked towards the glass door and tried to look inside but couldn't. The glass was far too frosty.
Without wasting more time, he pushed the door open and walked in.
"Hello?", he whispered
There was no one in the room. But Dr. Hunter was right, this was a music room in every shape and form. There were a few guitars scattered about, a cello lay tucked away in a corner and a violin hang on the wall. But what grabbed Chris' attention the most was the grand piano in the middle on the room.
He walked towards it and ran a hand along the fallboard. It reminded him of the grand piano in The Bakery
By the looks of it, it had been played recently. The top board was propped open and a sheet music book lay closed against the music rack. Presumably from a recent performance. Without thinking too hard, he sat down at the piano bench and lifted up the fallboard.
Music...
He put his fingers on the keys in a simple C position, like a person learning piano for the first time would. He didn't want to rush himself. So he played a C major chord. It sounded light and airy; vividly in contrast to his state of mind. He paused for a while and continued hitting notes till he formed a melody. It sounded sad and painful.
Music...
He kept playing till the melody morphed into Gnossienne 1 by Erik Satie. He wasn't particularly fond of Satie's compositions, or classical music in general but this piece was fitting to say the least. He learnt it back when he was a preteen, and since then he'd play it whenever he felt sad. Chris played it slowly savouring each note, one after the another till the last. When it ended, he let go of all his thoughts for a moment and let his mind go blank.
It felt good.
After such a long time, it felt good. So good in fact that he didn't realise that he had closed his eyes. Or the fact that someone had been sneakily watching him play all this time.
"Too much sustain", a tiny voice spoke up from behind, startling Chris.
He turned around to see a boy no more than 6 years old in the stance of an old school piano teacher.
"What?", Chris asked, confused.
"You used too much sustain", the boy replied, "That's not how its supposed to be played"
Chris stared at the boy, dumbfounded.
"This is how I play it. How do you know what's right and wrong?", he questioned the boy.
The boy grinned wide and said, "My piano teacher taught me, silly"
Chris squinted and looked around. There didn't seem to be any other people around.
"Where are your parents?", he asked.
"At home. They will come visit me later"
"Okay. But isn't there any adults around to... you know... look after you?"
The boy squinted at Chris and huffed angrily
"I can look after myself just fine", he said, "Where are your parents?"
Chris smiled at the little boy's rage. It seemed so unusual to see so much anger in one tiny being.
"At home as well."
Before the boy could respond a few other children and one nurse walked in. The children seemed fine with a strange man sitting at the piano but the nurse was a different story.
"Excuse me sir you can't play the....", the nurse began but stopped in her tracks, "You're Chris Martin?"
Chris smiled, "Yeah. I am"
The nurse looked at him wide eyed and responded, "You're a patient here?"
"Well I am kind of dressed for the part don't you think?", Chris gestured at his half open hospital gown
"You wore it backwards, silly", the young boy spoke up and laughed.
"Hey it looks all right", Chris pretended to take offense
The young boy laughed and ran off to play with the other kids.
"I'm sorry he's just a child. He didn't mean to say that.", the nurse apologised, "But what are you doing here, in the oncology ward?"
"Someone mentioned to me that there was a music room here. I couldn't believe it and had to seek it out for myself. And what do you know, this hospital does in fact have a music room...", Chris smiled at the nurse.
"What are the kids doing here?", he asked.
"Oh... I don't mean to make you sad but most of these kids have been here for half their lives.", the nurse sighed, "Cancer you know... We bring them here sometimes to sing along and have fun. They really need it you know..."
All of them have cancer?
The nurse's explanation made him feel heart-broken. He took one look at the children again. Some of them were fiddling with the guitars. A few were stealing secretive glances at Chris. It made him even sadder. Lovely little children like them had spent nearly their entire life going from hospital to hospital and so many of them wouldn't even live to see their teenage years. He stared right ahead for sometime, forlorn.
"Damn I didn't mean to bring you down, sir", the nurse broke the silence
"Oh no it's all right.", Chris replied after being snapped back to reality, "And please don't call me sir, it makes me sound like I'm one of the Queen's guards",
The nurse smiled.
The door creaked open and a few more nurses walked in. All of them had the exact same reaction to Chris as the first one did. But the first nurse quickly huddled them up in a distant corner and began explaining something, most probably the circumstances of Chris' presence. He waved in their general direction once. One of the nurses waved back.
"So uh.. my lovely ladies, can I stay here for a while and play?", Chris spoke loudly.
One of the nurses broke into laughter.
"Of course...", she replied, "You're welcome to stay here as long as you want Mr. Martin"
Chris smiled and turned towards the piano. He was about to play something when one of the children approached him. This little girl seemed to be even younger than the boy he met earlier.
"Can you play us a song mister Chris?", she asked in a sing song voice.
She was followed by a bunch of other expectant children. Their happiness really melted Chris' heart. The little girl reminded him of his own daughter when she was younger.
"Anything for you, madam", Chris smiled back at her, "What do you want me to sing?"
The children giggled.
"He called her madam", a tiny whisper was heard at the back
"Can you play Swanee River for us?", the little girl asked.
Chris did a double take at the girl's choice of music. He'd expect Swanee River to be a song suggestion from pre teens but never from a child less than 5.
"Only if you all promise to sing along with me", he replied
He was met with smiles and giggles.
"Here we goooo..."
He did a glissando to impress the children.
"This what you do before you start a song", Chris smiled at the crowd.
The children giggled even more. He hit the first few notes on the piano while humming the tune. The children formed a circle around him and laughed among themselves. The nurses stood in the distance beaming at the scene.
"Come on", he cheered alongside the children
" ♫ Way down upon the Swanee River ♫", he began
The children laughed and screamed in joy.
" ♫ Far, Far Away ♫", they sang together
" ♫ That's where my heart is yearning over ♫",
" ♫ Far, Far Away ♫"
Chris felt his performer self take over as the song went on and on. In the midst of his performance he didn't notice the commotion down the hallway or the sounds of the footsteps walking toward the door. He was so engrossed in giving these children a wonderful time that he didn't notice the door creak open and a tall, disheveled green eyed man dressed in pajamas, walk in.
Soon the song ended and the room broke out in a cheer
"Ooh. Ooh. Chris. Chris. Sing a Coldplay song", another little girl, no older than ten, jumped.
"Really?", Chris asked, " Coldplay?"
The children nodded their heads in approval
"Okay then, what should I sing?", he asked the crowd
The children started discussing among themselves. The nurses smiled on seeing the kids so happy. None of them noticed the man standing behind them
The man approached the crowd, stood midway and then walked towards a wine bottle kept at a table. He didn't think of the consequences and poured himself a glass. The nurses didn't notice him downing the entire thing as they were far too absorbed in the aftermath of the performance. Not that this man minded it one bit. He was rather cheery and picked up a guitar lying in the back of the room.
"How about 'The Scientist'?", he yelled, one hand holding a piece of cloth and another holding the wine bottle.
Chris froze.
No... No... This can't be him...
The sound of the all too familiar voice shook him back to his own reality of pain and misery.
This isn't real...
The crowd turned around swiftly. The surprise on their faces soon changed into unfiltered joy when they realised that the man in front of them was no other than Jonny Buckland, the lead guitarist of Coldplay. The little girl, who was presumably a Coldplay fan, screamed on top of her lungs.
"JONNY!!"
Chris turned around slowly and cautiously so as to not disturb the air around him and looked at the commotion.
It was him. It was the Jonny Buckland. He was dressed in his pajamas and a beanie and had a guitar around his neck. Chris wasn't sure whether he was a figment of his imagination again and looked around for cues to separate dreams from reality
Without thinking too hard, Chris looked down at the boy who schooled him in piano and asked him in a whisper, "Do you see the man with the guitar?"
"Of course", the boy screamed, " Why won't I?"
Chris stood up on hearing the reply and carefully inspected every bit of Jonny. His hospital gown came slightly undone as he did so.
"Jon...", he mumbled, his voice trembling "You're here"
He could see the nurses in the back looking slightly shocked but none of them ventured too far. The children were safe and that was all that mattered to them.
"I am", Jonny replied, smiling cheekily, "Chris"
Chris huffed. He could feel his heart pounding inside his chest. If it went any faster it would surely jump right out of his chest. He didn't understand what was going on. Why would Jonny be in America? It made no sense. The last time this happened, he nearly killed himself. His thoughts raced back and forth inside his mind till he was rudely interrupted by a piece of cloth hitting his face.
"Wear that. There are some decent ladies out here", Jonny drank from the bottle in his hand.
Chris glanced down to look at the piece of cloth. It was his shirt. He separated himself from the crowd of children and put it on. He could hear Jonny strumming random notes on the guitar.
"So we playing 'The Scientist' or not?", the guitarist asked, giddily.
Chris maintained hi composure for the sake of the children around him and looked back at the green eyed man.
"Jon, I...", Chris began, "Oh no..."
He noticed Jonny leaning to the left. Soon his legs started shaking and his balance faltered. He leaned onto the table for support and looked like he was about to fall. Luckily Chris acted fast and was able to hold the glass bottle in one hand and Jonny's head in the other. He set the bottle down and looked at Jonny, horrified as to why he lost his balance like that. The nurses came to his rescue. One of them called a code and another one took Jonny's pulse.
"It's too low...", she declared.
"Get the children away", another nurse said and guided the kids outside the room.
The guitarist was mumbling something, but Chris was too frightened to figure out what it was. In shock he tightened his grasp around Jonny. His mind stopped; his body went into full autopilot. There was only one objective in front of him.
To save Jonny
"Jon. Oh God Jon...", Chris screamed at Jonny, teary eyed
"Pshaw... I am okay... Let me stand up", he slurred and tried to sit up.
"No you--", the nurse interjected but it was too late.
The green eyed man had already sat up and as expected, lost his balance again. But Chris readily saved his head from hitting the ground. He fell back on the floor again this time with Chris holding him tighter. He unfastened the guitar strap and removed it off Jonny. In response Jonny, chuckled to himself and rolled over.
"Fuck. I am so drunk. Haha!", he muttered and instantly lost consciousness.
"Oh my God...", Chris gasped.
"Lay him down on the floor", the nurse ordered, exasperated, "And move. Doctors are on their way"
He did as told and moved to the back, all the time staring at the pale, almost lifeless body of the love of his life. He prayed to God that this was just another hallucination and not reality. Because he couldn't stand to think the opposite. Jonny didn't deserve it. If there was anyone who was meant be in his place it was Chris himself. He stood motionless as he watched a gurney being brought over and Jonny being moved into it. The nurses pushed the gurney outside the glass door. Chris tried to follow but was held back.
Please God, let this all be fake
Let this all be fake