Chapter 15
Moving Forward
*Derek*
I sit on the edge of what has become Arabella's bed. She looks at me, somewhat skeptically.
"Really?" She asks. "Just like that?"
"Just like that. I hate this riff that's formed between us. It's not worth it. I'll answer any question you have." I pat the space beside me, and she sits. She bites her lip nervously but there's a glint of excitement in her eyes. My heart sinks a little. She's so eager to get through my walls and learn about me when we've been together for five years. It hurts even more that I can't tell her the complete truth. But even though I have to tweak the truth a little, if it'll make her happy, it'll make me happy.
"I guess I'll start with the question that's been on my mind for years." My brow raises. "Who is Gavin to you, really? Why does he never come around if you two are so close? Why doesn't Christine know about him if you've been friends for so long? How..."
"Slow down." I say with a smile. "You have to give me a chance to answer."
"Sorry." She apologizes. "I'm just excited. Go ahead." Her gaze locks with mine as she waits eagerly for me to answer.
"Gavin's relationship with me is a little complicated." I answer honestly. "He falls under a few categories. Friend, father, protector, boss... He's a lot of things. In many ways he's saved my life. He found me one night after a pretty bad beating from Frank. I'd run away from home and he found me curled up on the side of the street bloodied and bruised. He brought me to his place and cleaned me up. I remember he kept asking me questions about what happened, but I refused to say anything. I used to have this idea where if I told anyone about what was happening at home, Frank would find out and kill me." Arabella suddenly takes my hand in hers and the contact sends a rush of heat through me. It's only been a week since I've touched her, but it feels like an eternity. "Anyway," I continue, getting myself together. "Gavin eventually figured it out. He didn't call the cops though. It was as if he knew my fear of Frank finding out. Instead he gave me a safe haven. I spent most of my time at his place. He fed me, clothed me, gave me a place to sleep even."
"He was more of a father to you than Frank was." Arabella says, more to herself than to me.
"He did what he could." I reply. "That's actually how I met Jace. He had a similar home situation. Gavin kind of took him in too, but Jace was older and could mostly handle himself. He didn't need Gavin as much as I did. But nevertheless, we were like brothers." A shudder runs up my spine at the thought of Jace and his betrayal.
"But why? Why would he take in two random kids? I mean sure you needed help, but doesn't that seem odd to you?"
Anyone who doesn't know the real Gavin would think him taking in two kids and raising them would be strange. But Gavin has always been a businessman. He figured out a way to increase his sales without increasing the risk of being caught. What cop would suspect kids selling drugs?
"Maybe it's weird, but everything turned out okay. I probably wouldn't even be here if it weren't for him."
"If he means that much to you, why have you never introduced him to Christine? Shouldn't she meet the man that raised you?"
"No." I reply immediately. "Christine believed I survived Frank on my own. She had no idea about Gavin and she didn't need to. Honestly after she ran Frank off, I still went to Gavin's to get away. Being around her wasn't much better. The less she knew about my safe haven, the better."
"Hm." Arabella says as if thinking to herself. She gives my hand a slight squeeze. "Will you invite him over some time? Not only do you rarely talk about him, but you never invite him over. Maybe we can go out for dinner or some drinks?"
I shake my head. "He's a busy guy. It would be nearly impossible to set something like that up." I lie smoothly.
"That seems unlikely. No one is that busy. I'd really like to get to know him. At least try to set something up."
"Sure, but I guarantee he'll say no." Gavin will never receive an invitation for anything. Not if I can help it. "What else do you want to know?"
"Can you explain the situation with Jackson a couple weeks ago? He makes it seem like the two of you are best friends and go way back. Back before we met anyway. The two of you don't really give off best friend vibes. Not to mention I'm just learning about him now."
Of course she'd want to know more about Jackson. The man is a mystery to both her and me. However, I don't want to play his game of pretending to be friends. It seems like something he can use as his advantage. This is one thing I want to lie about the least. But thanks to Jackson's lie about how we met, I'm forced to keep it going. "He's a mutual friend, but we're not close. I honestly can't stand the guy, but he can't take a hint. To this day the guy has constantly been a pain in my side. I figure if I can ignore his existence, he'll go away. That's why I've never brought him up. In fact, the day he showed up here he invited himself."
"Oh." She replies. "So you've known him for a while. So Jace knew him too?"
"Yup." I nod, trying to sell the small lie as best I can.
"Hm. I bet that whole situation was rough on him too."
"Yeah. Just don't mention it around him. The two were really close so he might have a breakdown or something." The hole I'm digging for this lie is growing bigger and bigger. I'm afraid if I dig any further, I won't be able to keep the story straight.
"Sure." She nods. "Sorry I didn't kick him out sooner. If I'd known the two of you..."
"It's fine." I reassure her. She smiles as she rests her chin on my shoulder. "Anything else you're curious about?"
She doesn't answer right away. Instead she sits up straight and looks at me for a moment. She bites her lip nervously before looking away towards the floor.
"There are two more things." She finally says. "However, I'm not sure how you'd feel about answering them."
"I told you I'd answer any question." Her hesitation to ask the question starts to make me nervous. What could be so bad she's concerned about asking me?
"Well..." She pauses. "One question has to do with your dad and the second..." She pauses again and the suspense nearly kills me. "is about Thomas Harding." She finally finishes.
"What about them?" I ask, trying my best to not automatically shut down from the subject.
"I've always been curious about your past. I know your life with Frank was...excruciating. But, if you're willing, no pressure, would you talk to me about it?"
"Why?" I reply somewhat sharply. Arabella frowns a little. "I'm sorry. I just don't like talking about Frank. Why do you want to know about that stuff? It'll just upset you anyway."
"I just want to know more about you. All of you. The past included, no matter how dark it is. Besides, it's not good to keep those traumas bottled up inside. You've never gone to therapy or anything similar to get all that weight off your shoulders."
"I'm not one of your patients, Ari." The slight anxiety I'm starting to feel from talking about Frank is fueling my frustration. However, that doesn't help me get it under control.
"I understand that." She replies calmly. "I'm sorry I brought it up. Just forget it." She gives me a small reassuring smile, but I can tell I've hurt her feelings. I take a deep to help calm myself.
"It's hard to talk about." I explain. "Every story I tell you, I have to relive. Some aren't as bad, like the one I told you at the campsite, but there are others... others that I've buried so deep I'd like them to stay that way. Maybe someday I'll be strong enough to face them again, but I'm not there yet."
"Okay." She replies with a small smile.
"So, what about Thomas Harding?" I move on to her next question, despite wanting to avoid it.
"Oh, um, it's nothing." She shakes her head lightly and gives a dismissive wave of her hand.
"You're curious about something, so just ask."
"Um, okay." She hesitates. "I just wanted to know what happened that night. Why did you do it?"
My breath catches. We've been together all this time and for some reason I never imagined her asking me this. Perhaps I was naïve to think she'd sweep it under the rug.
"Suddenly can't stand the idea of being with a murderer?" I ask, half-jokingly as I try to ease the rising tension.
"Of course not!" She answers almost frantically. "It's just something that's always been in the back of my mind. I figured why not ask now since you're being so open. You were so young when.... I just want to understand why..."
"Why I would murder someone?" I say the words she was struggling to. "It's complicated. There was a lot going on in my life back then. I'm sorry to disappoint you, but I won't go into detail. Just know when you live a life like mine, sometimes you have to do what you need to in order to survive." She looks somewhat disappointed by my reply, but nods in understanding anyway. "Is that it for the questions?"
"Actually, there's just one more."
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I decided to upload half of this chapter since the wait has been so long. It took me a while to get this much completed because I was constantly writing and rewriting just this section. Because this was such an important chapter, I wanted to get it right. Though I don't think it's perfect, I think it's ok enough to be uploaded. Tell me your thoughts on this part, I'm really curious.
**Also, stay safe out there guys <3**