Chapter Thirty-six
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Wrapped in tissue, Luke took small bites from the pizza, preventing any grease dripping onto his bed or mixing with his hands. Luke didn't like grease. It made him feel sick and nauseous after he ate it. But he didn't tell Ashton that, instead he forgot about future consequences and focuses on the smitten smile lingering on the older boys face.
"You know," Ashton spoke up after he swallowed his pizza. "At restaurants, soup is usually a starter." Luke nodded and hummed in agreement. He understood the underlying message. But Luke didn't go to fancy restaurants where a three-course meal was a thing, and neither did he go to restaurants when he could eat from the safety of his home.
"So," Ashton continued. "Maybe you could look at it that way when you come to eat soup. Soup is okay, but there needs to be something more substantial."
"Like pizza," Luke laughed, covering his mouth as he spoke. The blonde hated conversing whilst eating. It was never allowed at the dinner table when he was younger and he thought it was difficult to task to master.
The older boy chuckled in return and took the last slice. "If you like! I don't think you'll find that combination in a restaurant any time soon!"
Luke smiled as he wiped his mouth and uncrossed his legs. He walked over to the window and opened it up. He was hot, and the room smelt of pizza - an overwhelmingly sickening smell. Luke knew if he didn't get rid of it, the lingering scent would only teach him for the remainder of the night.
But currently Luke was okay. He felt safe and content in his body. Whilst the pizza was Ashton's suggestion, he accepted the invitation and felt in control. Ashton had not told him what to eat and there was no indication of his desire to do so, his face was void of reaction.
He was aware that Ashton had eaten two more slices that himself, but Luke couldn't be sure if Ashton did so to spare Luke of the pain and suffering of eating another, or because he was hungry and he normally had one to himself.
Willingly nurturing his body, Luke felt a sense of pride and strength. He felt in control. And that he didn't have to try and hide his body because no one was going to comment on what he was eating. He was safe in his room with Ashton.
Turning slowly around with a sweet smile, Luke asked. "Stay with me tonight?"
Ashton nodded instantly. "I do need to write my essay though," he reminded the blonde.
Luke shrugged to indicate he didn't mind. "As long as you're here."
A sudden warmth surged through Ashton's body. He felt wanted. He felt needed. He played the feelings off with a joke. "Even if I didn't say yes you'd probably brocade the door so I could never escape."
Smirking Luke looked down at his feet at let out a slight laugh. "You wish!"
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The sporadic typing of the keyboard threw Luke off every word he read. He couldn't give any word substance. It reminded him that Ashton was here, but he was also over a metre away. Sat and Luke's desk while Luke laid on his bed with the book now resting on his chest.
Groaning Luke sat up and stared at his wardrobe. Despite the window being open he was still hot. Maybe it was because there was another body in the room radiating heat, a body a lot more radiant than his own. Or it could be because Luke felt full and it was a feeling foreign and discomforting to him.
The typing halted and Ashton spun round in the chair. "Are you okay?" he asked, it unusual for the smaller boy to make a sudden noise.
Making his way over to his wardrobe Luke shrugged. "Just hot!"
Ashton hummed in agreement, he agreed the climate of the room was uncomfortable, winter was vanishing and their thick jumpers were to be stored at the back of wardrobes again. But he also agreed that the blonde was hot.
Opening his wardrobe, the hinges creaking, Luke peered inside for a t-shirt. He was aware Ashton was watching, his eyes burning into his back. He knew Ashton was waiting, like a wolf to a rabbit. Ashton wanted to see his bare body, he wanted more intimacy and Luke wanted to gift it to him. But only his back.
Luke pulled off his jumper and chucked it on the floor, and picked up the t-shirt. He did this slowly, but not teasingly slow. Just given Ashton enough time to take a mental image of every mark and curve of his figure, usually hidden by a boxy jumper.
Ashton felt his heart beating in his head, his breath growing quicker. He knew that Luke could have gone into the bathroom. But Luke was teasing him and Ashton loved it. He didn't think it was an action Luke was capable of. An action his innocent mind could perceive. But it reminded Ashton that he didn't know what went on in Luke's mind and maybe Luke wasn't so innocent as he thought.
His eyes trailed down the smooth back, starting with the neck to his hips where his jogging bottoms sat loosely. He imagined his finger trailing down, feeling the soft skin under his rough fingertip, memorising each bump and mark of imperfection unique to the blonde.
He followed the bumps of his spine that mirrored the faint outline of his ribs. They were clear but not strikingly clear. Seeing Luke's body for that quick moment reminded Ashton that Luke was alive. He was a living being with a body that he hadn't quite destroyed, the skin that did cover his body a safety blanket to keep him alive.
After that moment the intimacy was over. It was short but sweet. Luke pulled on his t-shirt and smoothed it down, letting his hand run over his torso to feel the small bump the pizza had caused.
For that moment Luke didn't mind, but he wanted to tell Ashton. "I'm full."
Ashton nodded, not quite certain what the blonde was suggesting. But Ashton craved Luke's body next to his own and gently patted his lap. Luke carefully straddled the older boy and laid his head on his chest. Ashton tugged at the hem of Luke's T-shirt, his finger brushing his skin and Luke nodded. Ashton slipped his hands underneath and held the boy strongly.
"You have a nice body," Ashton remarked. "You have a nice curve to it, You'd probably meet modelling requirements."
"Luke blushed but shook his head. I wouldn't like to be a model. It would make me even worse!"
His hands then roamed to the front of the blonde's body, gently tracing the slight arm of the blonde's stomach. Luke let him. Ashton smiles at himself as he recalled the blonde body for the beginning of both terms, fuller and healthier
He reminded Luke. "Did you like your body when you first started uni?"
Luke shrugged. "I was aware of it, I wanted to lose some weight I guess - but it was wasn't a burden like it is now."
"Sometimes when you eat more you have a clearer perspective. Like you know you are eating x amount of food and although you haven't got the perceived ideal body, at least you feel nourished
He smiled contently at Ashton. "I suppose so he agreed. I do feel a bit better now like mind isn't as foggy. I'll get there eventually. I'll find the balance between liking my body and eating enough. It's all in the head."
Ashton ran his finger down Luke's cheek, feeling the thin later of soft flesh. "You are really pretty you know? There's something so pure and gentle about you that I don't think anyone can resist."
Luke blushes once again and look down. "You sound creepy! You're making me sound like a child!"
Ashton shook his head and chuckled. "Just be careful who you let into your life. People are going to want to hurt and use you.
"Do you?" Luke asked, his heart racing.
Ashton shook his head. "I've never done anything but protect you, Luke. If I have ever hurt you it was an accident and I always apologise."
Luke nodded understandingly and thanked the older boy.
"I will always try and protect you Luke if you let me. You're not quite like the others of our gender. You don't have that desire for domination, you're gentle and kind - which should be universal to everyone, not just females. It's such a beautiful and charming attribute to have. But you can't hurt someone or to be in control and I'm worried that one bit of toxic masculinity in your life and you're going to get hurt and fall back down again."
Luke looked up at Ashton confused. He didn't understand why Ashton was suddenly so worried.
"I want you to learn from everything you've been through. I want you to learn about the importance of fighting for yourself. Because you're were not strong enough to fight off these intrusive thoughts and you won't be able to fight off a toxic relationship. If I can teach you that now, then maybe I can save you when I no longer know you."
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I feel like for a little while I sort of lost the direction I wanted to go with this story. With all the chaos that went on I didn't quite focus on the societical issues and intertextuality I really wanted to write about to enhance the themes of this story. So hopefully I haven't butchered it enough to not be able to continue that.
And hopefully with the next update I should have wifi!
Please comment what you think.
Thank you so much for reading. You all are amazing!