"Learn to knock, Jim."
"I washed your dick when you were a baby, so shut up."
Jim looks pissed. Jim is pissed. I know him well enough to sense an impending outburst. I should've locked the fucking door, but I was freaking out over my convo with Kitten. Now, I have just one more crappy event to add to this shitty day.
"As you can see, I'm not alone," I say to my brother, hoping he will get the hint.
Jim sighs and looks at Kitten. "Can you give us an hour, Beautiful? Brian will call you when we are done."
"Sure." Leah rises to her feet, and I can see the eagerness to escape my room etched into her expression.
"I'll call you, baby, okay?" I say to Leah when she's about to exit the bedroom.
Kitten does nothing but nod. As soon as she's gone, I scowl at Jim.
"Do you realize how fucking embarrassing that was, Jim? You could have at least knocked."
"The door was open, Brian. And now I wish it hadn't been."
Jim sits next to me on the bed and stares at his knees. Then, he looks at me. "How could you, huh? How fucking could you?"
"I don't know. I was drunk and I wasn't thinking."
"Where?"
"Mac's."
"At Mac's? You almost did it in his house, knowing about the hell he went through with his mother's addictions, didn't you? Fuck, I thought you were smarter than this."
"Me too, Jim. So, now what? I cannot change the past."
The pain on Jim's face is impossible to conceal. He learned about my fuckups in the worst of ways, and I can only imagine what he thinks about me.
"First Kennedy, then you. And neither of you, neither of you stupid, irresponsible fuckers thought about asking for help. I could be sitting alone on this bed right now, and my little brother could have been six feet under. Do you think I would be able to forgive myself, Brian?"
"It had nothing to do with you."
"Bullshit!" Jim snaps. "You're my family. You're my blood. Family and friends always come first, no matter what. You were in a fucking dark place, I get it. We all feel that way sometimes. But if you feel that way, you call me, and you say, 'Jim, I cannot cope. I need help.' And I would have helped you."
"It wasn't easy to admit that shit to you. You always seem to have your crap together."
Jim bites his lip. "No. I don't have it together. And I feel even worse when I learn that I nearly lost you, and what saved you was a fucking miracle named Mackenzie when I should have been the one to take you to the doctor and make them treat you before you contemplated ending your fucking life."
"I'm sorry. I didn't want you to learn about it this way."
"It's done," Jim says. "How are you feeling now?"
"Good."
"More bullshit? I thought we reached an agreement."
"I have insomnia sometimes, and troubles breathing when I get anxious, but Kitten makes it better."
"The beautiful girl you were with?"
"Not beautiful for you, got it?"
Jim chuckles. "Jealous little fucker in love for the first time."
I roll my eyes. "We are dating, and it's fun. Nobody said anything about love."
Sighing, Jim fixes his eyes on my face. "Promise me something."
"What?"
"If you feel that way again, promise me you'll ask me for help instead of being a selfish idiot. Promise me you'll say, 'Jim, I need help.' Day or night, whenever you need it."
I nod. "Promise."
Jim pulls me toward him and hugs me tightly. "Thank you. I love you. You know that, right? No matter how badly you fuck up, it won't change."
"I know. I love you too. Enough of the lovey-dovey shit. It makes me feel weird."
Jim chuckles. "You love it."
"Coming from Kitten, yeah. You're not her. And by the way, what are you doing here? Pops didn't know you were coming."
"I brought you the tickets for my arena concert. It's in April, but I had time for once and decided to give them to all of you in person."
"Can Leah come with me?"
Jim nods. "Of course. Now, let's go to the kitchen. I told Dad I was making dinner."
"Since when can you cook?"
"I'm taking cooking classes with a chef I know. I got fed up with eating out."
I follow my brother downstairs and watch him unload the contents of two grocery bags he must have brought.
Jim starts to chop some vegetables, and I help him. I don't miss the way he glances at me now and then. What he learned was hard to process, and I know Jim well enough to be sure he's gonna think about everything I told him and worry the way he always does.
***
Kitten enters the kitchen when we are setting the table. Mom and Dad arrive a moment later. Mom hugs Jim and kisses his cheek, and Pops does the same.
I take Leah's hand in mine discreetly and caress the back of it with my thumb. She's quieter than usual, and I wonder if what I told her would change the way she sees me.
"Wine, Beautiful?" Jim asks once we're all seated at the table, ready to indulge in the pasta my brother made.
Kitten looks at me as if she wants to know if accepting is a good idea.
"Yeah," she says. Jim winks at her, pouring red wine in Kitten's glass, and I give the fucker the look that says he'd better stop charming the panties off my girl.
If someone does that, that dude is me.
When all of us have our glasses, Jim gives Mom the tickets to his concert.
"I hope all of you can be there," he says.
Mom lets out a little squeal. "Are you kidding me? All of us will be there. It's your first event of this magnitude."
Jim nods. "Yeah. Starting the day after tomorrow, I'm gonna be busy rehearsing. That's why I wanted to invite you in person today, especially the beautiful girl who puts up with the little fucker here."
Kitten giggles. "Thank you."
"You're welcome, Beautiful," says my brother. Jim's trademark smile is on the fucker's face as he looks at Kitten. Then, Jim winks at me, and I roll my eyes, shoving a forkful of pasta in my mouth.
The food is tasty, and the atmosphere is light. I'm relieved to see Jim more relaxed, joking with my parents and calling Kitten Beautiful just to piss me off.
We stay chatting until late. When the clock strikes ten, I take Kitten's hand in mine.
"Good night, everyone," I say, and lead the way to my room with Kitten trailing behind me.
"I can't stay, Brian," she whispers as I close the door.
"What? Why?"
Kitten blushes. "We aren't alone. Your parents and your brother are here."
"They don't have anything against you spending the night here. I need you with me tonight. Please? I promise I will behave and keep the boy to myself."
Leah smiles and rises onto her tiptoes to kiss me. I hug her to me, and the sense of calm fills my insides.
"Hoodie or my T-shirt?"
Kitten grins. "T-shirt. Wait till I brush my teeth."
I give Leah my clothes and get in bed. She lies by my side as soon as she's back.
"Was your brother mad?" Kitten whispers.
"Yeah. I would be, too. I get him. Jim and I are very close, Kitten. My secrets hurt him."
Leah puts her palm on my face and caresses my cheek. "I'm glad you told me the truth. I know it wasn't easy."
"I'm glad you know everything, too. I hope you don't see me in a different way now that you know about the stupid shit I did."
"I don't."
Kitten is the one to kiss me this time. She licks my lips and presses her mouth to mine, while she slides one of her hands under the tee I'm wearing.
We kiss for what seems like an hour, and although both of us want more, we don't take it any further.
The footsteps in the hallway remind me that we're not alone. Mom also decided to spend the night here, and I know Jim isn't sleeping yet.
Kitten yawns. I kiss her forehead, wrapping my arms around her.
"Good night, baby," I say.
Leah kisses my lips once more. "Good night, Brian."
***
When I open my eyes, it's already morning. Frowning, I scan the room for Kitten.
She isn't there. I see my shirt she slept in, folded neatly. Her clothes are gone, and the window is open slightly. It means she decided to play Cinderella with me again.
Sighing, I get up and get dressed to see Jim.
"Yo, Brian!"
I stop dead in my tracks and then rush to the window.
Kitten is sitting on the windowsill in her bedroom, clutching a mug in her hands, dressed for school.
"Hey, Kitten," I say.
Leah smiles at me. "You know what?"
My grin mirrors hers. "What?"
"Nothing between us is average."