Another cold and gloomy October day and yet again I wasn't fortunate enough to not wake up this morning. I know that's bad but it's just to the point where I want it to happen naturally. I won't do anything. I'll just wait till I die on my own time.
I slowly lugged myself into an old podded coat that I got from a donation church last year. It doesn't keep me warm nor does it block the wind any. It's so worn it can't do so. I have to walk from work to home which is worse because both locations are a bit further from each other than I'd like. I can't pay bus or taxi fares because I'm too afraid to spend all my money left on one ride. It's pretty much 5 thousand won each ride for the bus but that would cost 10 thousand won to get from home to work. And well I'm not spending 20 thousand won for the next two days when I could just walk. Waste of money.
My phone buzzed once in the middle of the cold air. My pockets didn't feel warm but I stuck my hands in them anyway as I watched the crosswalk light finally tell me and 2 other people that we could cross the street. I hated this feeling, getting stared at. Especially while walking. I couldn't help that I didn't have a car or that I couldn't pay the bus fee. I'm living paycheck to paycheck and even then I might have to get a second job soon. My phone buzzed again so I wrapped my hand around it in my jacket pocket. When I officially took my phone out I was at the stop across the other side of the street. My hands felt like they were going to fall off and they hurt so bad that if I tapped my phone screen I feel like my skin would peel off and stick to the screen leaving only my fingers to bleed. But it didn't, I opened up my phone to a text message from my coworker and best friend Kim Sunwoo. He's sweet overall, his anger problems I promise.
"Wake up call!"
He texted me this twice...and I just smiled. I press the call icon and wait for him to answer the phone.
"You're a bit late this morning."
I had chuckled as soon as he answered the phone. I just continued walking as I waited for his excuse.
"Shit! Yeah I know I forgot to text you earlier."
He said with a sheepish tone.
"It's ok, my alarm woke me up this morning along with Binx. So there was no need for a Sunwoo alarm today."
I lied. I stayed up all night thinking about that lie I told the boy earlier that day. I stayed up all night with a sleeping cat by my side all night. I didn't feel tired or sick though, my body is pretty used to this because I put it through it a lot more than I should.
"Ok hurry and head here we have to clean a bunch before we open."
"Ok."
I ignored everything. I was almost there and if anything I'm terrified of Sunwoo seeing how haggard I am. He gets angry with me and I don't like seeing him angry. I feel bad.
I walk into the McDonalds and then feel something big and warm getting thrown over me putting my body in a temperature shock. I take a few deep breaths as I slowly get my body out of shock and it gets used to everything on my body. I look around then Sunwoo jumps in front of me making me scream and almost fall to the floor.
"Sorry didn't mean to scare you Kev."
Sunwoo said rubbing my shoulders and pulling the warm thing off my shoulders. Turns out it was his jacket. With a soft smile, he looked at the bags under my eyes and just ignored them. I was relieved by that, but I know that he wanted to yell at me on the inside. He always does. Of course, I could always try harder at sleeping, but I don't think that would help my situation.
"Kev, c'mon we gotta turn stuff on too."
Sunwoo says with a fake bright smile leading me into the kitchen. I slip my jacket off and then go to the back setting my jacket in the locker then head back to the front.
It's only me and Sunwoo right now, but we have 2 more coworkers coming. All 4 of us are close friends. They are patient and sweet with me because they know that since I came from Vancouver my Korean is rusty. Really rusty. I try my best and that's all that matters. No, it's not...my best isn't good enough.
"Morning Kev! Sunwoo!"
Our other friend Choi Chanhee said walking in the front doors with Ji Changmin dazedly following behind. Changmin and Chanhee aren't morning people either, but Chanhee tries to act enthusiastic about it while Changmin on the other hand doesn't want to put the energy in to take the time to smile unless it's helplessly fake so he can greet customers. I understood both of them though.
"Morning Chanhee hyung."
Sunwoo said softly and he just headed to the back with Changmin still being sleepy as he followed.
I'm the oldest among us by 2 months between me and Chanhee and since I didn't really like being called hyung by someone the same age or so close in age like that I just told him to call me casually. Changmin and Sunwoo do the same, but I still don't care. I hate formalities sometimes so I got used to dropping them with friends.
"It's cold out did you have a nice drive?"
I asked the two as they came back to the front causing them to nod.
"Chanhee almost made us late again!"
Changmin yells in annoyance.
"Shut up you bratty dolphin!"
Chanhee demands causing me and Sunwoo to laugh a bit.
Chanhee and Changmin live together. In a 2 bedroom apartment, a little bit further from my house to here. They pay rent, food, and other bills together, and it was all because Changmin needed somewhere to stay and Chanhee needed a roommate. I love their story of friendship it's just sometimes I get tired of them just like every other human does with all kinds of people, places, things, animals. A regular human trait that I feel guilty of having.
"Anyway, we should go to the mall sometime soon."
Sunwoo said and a wave of emotions hit me.
"I-I can't, you guys know-"
"We all need new clothes, lets go anyway."
Changmin shrugged and shock engulfed me like a wave over-sand.
"N-No I can't"
I tried to think of an excuse more than just ' I can't ' to get out of the mall idea.
I hated going to the mall. I know I looked poor, but going to the wall in what little I have made me look like the dirt under their shoes. I would get weird stares and even fingers of phones pointed my way. It makes me more insecure than I already am.
"I get you, but you're going to buy new clothes this week."
Chanhee said throwing his arms over my shoulder worrying me.
"But I don't have good clothes to go in and I don't even have enough money to buy a single shop at a mall."
I felt bad for saying such things towards them, but I really couldn't help it this time. I need to continue to watch my money and not pull down my self-esteem...especially for a place, I don't belong.
"Don't worry just come to our houses Saturday then we can all head out when we pick up Sunwoo."
Changmin said and everyone agrees.
"Yeah just stay with us Friday."
"But...my cat."
I said sadly. He's the only thing I have left.
"Bring him, he's just as welcome."
Chanhee said and brightened up with a bit of happiness.
"Really?!"
"Of course!"
All four of us jump around like hyper toddlers.
They are amazing.