(Quick note: i'm using voice text for this chapter so if I said something wrong or if I misspelled something or if I used the wrong punctuation or wrong wording it's the phones fault and the fact that I can barely hear myself talking LMAO😂)
Ahhhh hiiiiii
Lol idk
Soooooo
Just to start out, I am Knismolagnia (not my name,it's a fetish) and it's really hard to find someone else like that.
It's not my fault though,fetishes come naturally for some people😂
Anyway,you know how on TikTok you can message people?
Well I met this guy who said he was Knismolagnia too.
Before I started officially talking to him, I asked my mom how old he looked and she said he had to be 30.
I didn't want to (and I never want to) talk to a 30 year-old,so I blocked him for a few days.
After 4 days,Mom and I were chillin on the couch and I said,
"You know,I don't know if he looks 30."
Mom looked at me and said,
"Well,maybe you can give him another shot and ask him how old he is."
We started talking again about our fetish for a few weeks,then one day I felt like I should officially ask him how old he was.
But something was stopping me from asking him; I didn't want to come off as a creep.
A few weeks passed,and I wanted to know super badly. So I just went for it. I said,
"So how old are you?"
And instantly regretted asking and shut my phone off and closed my eyes.
Then within 5 seconds he messaged back.
He had said,
"15. Hbu?"
And I felt so relieved. I told him how old I was and he said,
"Oh. You seem older lol."
Then changed the subject completely.
I didn't like how he was constantly talking about the fetish and his cousins and mom all the time. I thought it was weird. I didn't like it at all. Every time he messaged be I got a bad feeling. But I just blamed it on my socially awkward insecurities 😂
Aaaaaaanyway,
We continued talking,and even role played twice.
Deep inside,I knew something was up. Because he barely knew anything about the modern Mortal Kombat games and only talked about one scene from Gravity Falls😂
Also whenever I wanted to talk about highschool,he would just change the subject right back to knismoligina (I suck at spelling)
I also found it odd that he would only go to sleep when I would. And I stay up really late.
like really late.
Like I go to bed at four in the morning and he would stay up until four in the morning talking to me and sometimes even later if I stayed up later.
So within 1 hour and 30 minutes ago, we were talking, and I noticed his profile picture changed. It looks very different and I didn't notice it for a very long time but when I did I tapped on it and looked at it and he had a beard this time.
And I know 15-year-old guys don't get beards at 15 so I knew something was obviously up then.
So I confronted him.
I said,
"Hey, is that you in that profile picture?"
And he said
"Yeah 😂"
Then I replied,
"I thought you said you were 15?"
And I waited A few minutes for a text back and I accidentally went to his profile again and noticed that I wasn't following him anymore.
(Like friending or buddies anymore)
Also there's a feature where you can see who's following you and I looked up to see if he was following me and he wasn't anymore and I knew right then and there he blocked me.
So I was talking to a child molester.
I told mom about it and asked her if he still looked 15 in his new pfp
And here's what she said:
I really was happy when I found out there is someone else like me out there
But I guess not everybody is a good person
So now I have even worser trust issues.
Like now I think I'm just writing this chapter to a bunch of perverts
I sound retarded now😂
But aye
You know why
Now I'm even more scared about my fetish
Now I think I'm perverted
And it's not my fault :(
Because like I said before, fetishes come naturally for some people
I've just lost a lot of people that I really liked and enjoyed talking to this year
Hell, I even convinced one of my older cousins that I was crazy
But I just blame that on his vulnerable and childish drunk ass
It's a shame
Because a few months ago I found out that none of my real life friends were actually true friends because I started thinking deep into something and then I was like 'if they were really my friends why were they ever there for me during hard ships?'
One of my girl buddies would just run off to other girls to hang out with
And even when I was obviously lonely she didn't give two shits
And my guy friend would also hang out with other people but when we were at school I was really his only friend to hang out with but when we would go to the place I go to after school he would runoff with these other people. Like if he was just using me for his own selfish reasons ,like he just wanted more attention from people
My other guy friend Was head over heels crushing on me but he drove me insane because I'm not into younger guys and it would also drive me insane because I don't wanna break his heart,I just want to stay friends
I almost made two other guy friends, but corona hit and I never got to talk to them a lot
He seems like my only options of friends are online friends or family
Because all the other little shits at my school wouldn't even give a damn if I was dead
Everybody thought I was gay, everybody thought I was ugly, everybody thought I was weird pervert kid, everybody thought I was a freak, and everybody hated me for no reason
It's been like this since first grade
I mean I don't mean to sound like a depressed little bitch,😂
(I'm not depressed)
But life just sucks sometimes and I know I have to deal with it
I just feel lonely more often.
Nowadays it's just me,and my cousin, and this online friend I have
And all my school friends expect me to check on them
Like how about you check on me for a change and stop being so selfish
I checked on you all the time and never have you once checked on me during quarantine
My girl buddy has a brother whose birthday is coming up Saturday and I don't even want to go to bc I don't wanna see her and I don't wanna be her friend anymore because she was selfish and she would only want to hang out with other people when I was lonely
Mom thought she was my true friend I thought she was my true friend. I really am only true friend is myself.
And I don't even like myself that much
I'm overweight and ugly
I have a hard time learning
But I blame that on the teachers. They would always stay on their computers and look at Facebook posts or Webkinz😂
I swear to God my 4th to 6th grade reading teacher was supposedly checking her grades and I looked over her computer and she was on freaking Webkinz
I can't make this up if I tried😂
Like bitch do your job
I'm over here working my ass off and you're slacking and playing some game For 90s' furries
But just to warn you guys that have Tictok
if you ever see a profile that looks like this:
Do not hesitate to block them.
Because the profile that It had before was much younger than this
And sadly I don't have a screenshot of that anymore, I don't know what happened to it
But for your own safety, don't talk to this guy.
Stay safe out there you guys.
I love you all,and I don't want y'all to get hurt by someone who you thought was someone else
And trust me,
Even if you're already friends with this guy, and you read this, I know how it feels to lose someone really close to you, I know it hurts to let people go, but if it's a bad guy on the other side of the screen lying to you, manipulating you, and telling you things that aren't true about him or her, then they're not a good person to be talking to.
So don't risk your life for those little thoughts that pop up in your head that keep you from blocking someone that's breaking your heart or lying to you or who you know isn't the person they seem
Go bless all of you and stay safe out there❤️