It was an impossibility not to watch the leaving elves with a sad countenance and teary eyes. Liruliniel stood at the gates of Erebor, alongside the dwarves, watching the army leave. A few horses which had survived the battle were given to them to use, some pulled wagons with whatever remained of the supplies that were bought. Whereas some who were still healing, had a simple ride and journey home without stressing and pulling wounds. Wherever and however possible, the treasure which Thorin gave was bundled up anyway it could be.
No longer with Arthion, Thranduil was seated upon a dapple grey horse, with a reasonably good nature from what Liruliniel had seen when saying a farewell to him. Making sure the horse was saddled and ready, their exchange was brief, short even as very little was said, but expressions and words unsaid actually did enough. It wasn't as if they hadn't already said their farewells, in fact, standing and watching the elven host march downwards into Dale, Liruliniel could very well remember their farewell with somewhat blushed cheeks.
It was always somewhat of a contradiction, that someone so strong and powerful could be the opposite, gentle, loving, any hard edges and unsympathetic looks were gone. Their last night together was spent lost in each other's arms, Liruliniel had been so carefully cradled against him as they made love. Seemingly wishing to tease her, to perhaps make her remember and recall this night as they parted ways, Thranduil's pace varied and at the slowest points, it had Liruliniel close to crying and stuttering out his name as she clung to him anyway she could.
"A month," Thranduil had said when they were both sated and laying surrounded by disarrayed bedding. Liruliniel was resting her head against his chest when he spoke, an arm around her back kept her in place while his other came to rest behind his head. It had been silent for a while, since ceasing any activities and enjoying the radiating peaceful feeling which travelled through them and the now silent air. Contentment had never truly felt so good before. It wasn't something he was typically thinking of, more something that had come to his mind quite suddenly. Anymore time had an unsettled feeling creeping into the otherwise peaceful silence, an unwanted feeling encroaching into his mind.
Liruliniel, bundled against him yet slightly swaddled in the throws on the bed peeked up at him. Pulling his eyes away from the ceiling, Thranduil looked back at her. Liruliniel smiled and nodded, "A month."
"You can permit me that?" There was a smirk evidently pulling at the corner of his lips as he asked this. Liruliniel rolled her eyes, her fingers which had been absentmindedly tracking over the pale skin above his ribs, suddenly moved away and playfully hit him on the shoulder. He didn't even try and stop her like he usually did, he was allowing her this one time. "I am sure you can get all you need, or wish to help with out of the way or near completion for another by then." He mused, turning on his side and watching as she slipped from him and nestled against the pillows of the bed.
Liruliniel gave a small fidget, looked at him as he propped himself up on an elbow and looked patiently back down at her. "I am not going to do a half job."
"Of course you're not." He stated simply, "But surely a month will be sufficient time here?"
"To get help, and to get Erebor out of my system, you mean?" She asked back, a wide smile appearing on her face as she quietly laughed about this. "You are going to miss me, as I am you. A month will be long enough, too long still I know despite it being barely anything. We have been apart for longer, and have come through relatively fine."
Thranduil tilted his head slightly at that, his fingers prodding gently at his temple as a troubled look flitted across his face. "Relatively fine is putting it mildly, I believe. But for the sake of agreeing, I shall just say yes." He had to admit, each time they parted and reunited, it was never easy. The first time was dramatic, slightly traumatic in a way, Liruliniel had been cut out of part of his life and was naturally unaware to him now having a son. Likewise, she was upset she had missed out on seeing him and Vanadessë wed. In fact, Thranduil was glad she wasn't there, because he believed it would've just been awkward. He had always known Liruliniel cared for him, she came off nonchalant and ignorant, but she was bad at it. The second time, he outed her in front of everyone for who she actually was. Thus incurring her wrath and anger over and at the moment in general. No, things were not relatively fine whenever they reunited, and he couldn't help but dread over what the problem or thing would be this time.
Liruliniel quietly laughed over what he said, she knew what he was thinking, or there about. But she wasn't going to comment, she just smoothed her hands over the warm fur of the throw and looked around the now darkened room. At some point some of the candles had burned out, the fire had died down and the moonlight which was seeping through the windows had now gone and hidden behind clouds. Raising her eyes, she looked suddenly back to him, Thranduil just looked at her curiously seems her sudden change in disposition. She seemed to have bouts of thoughtfulness, well more so now than she did before. It was something he was used to, but he didn't really get used to how quickly her character could shift.
Propping herself onto her elbows, she looked at him excitedly. "If timed right, I should miss the first heavy snowfalls of the season." Though she loved all seasons, travelling through the winter snowstorms was not fun. Though the woodland would be mainly free of spiders, and other foul things, it still didn't mean it would be an easy trip. Liruliniel rubbed her chin in thought suddenly, seeing the curious look which flitted onto her face, Thranduil knew there was a high chance he may not quite appreciate what she was about to come out with. "I heard some talk of a seasonal holiday. Bilbo too has heard of it, and says it is celebrated back in his homeland." Blinking and sliding her eyes up to his, Liruliniel smiled and laughed quietly. "Something about present giving, or something."
Thranduil raised an eyebrow and took her into his arms again. "Mortals have odd traditions." He felt Liruliniel nod against him before giving one last fidget before curling around him and holding onto him tightly as he tucked the throw more around her, and found himself drifting off to sleep too.
Thinking of that, Liruliniel couldn't help but smile. Sure, it sounded a little odd, but it sounded fun to do. She had half a mind to do it, surely there was something she could trade to bring back with her for him? Tucking a stray piece of hair behind her ear, Liruliniel's eyes stared onwards. The forms of the elven army were growing ever more distant, none of the elves looked back, even Thranduil didn't as their pace was steady, and continuous. And here Liruliniel was, feeling a stab in her chest as she realised that actually, this was the second time she had been the one to stand and watch him leave.
This must've been what he felt, those few times when she had walked away from him. It was different, or it was easy to tell herself that, but the facts still remained that a piece of what was a whole, was split and going, gone even. He was going home, so Liruliniel took solace in knowing Thranduil was returning to somewhere safe, he was no doubt going to be inundated with meetings, catching up on what he had missed out on, and what needed to be done. There was always something to do within the kingdom. She felt bad for him, sitting practically all day in meetings or scheduling one to happen did not sound appealing, or fun. Not that she disliked council meetings, more...actions spoke louder than words. It was easy to sit and say something, but it was so much better to take action and do it.
"Well," Liruliniel stood slightly to attention and looked downwards. Thorin had stayed with her, watching the elves retreat back home. Everyone else who was present, had all but dispersed. He could see she was deep in thought about something, every so often her eyes would flicker, dim or grow distant. Thorin didn't want to disturb her, but seeing as how she looked around quizzically, he thought it was safe to talk without disrupting her.
"Well?" She prompted with a smile, Thorin had started speaking, yet not finished. She couldn't help but laugh, perhaps he was at a loss, for once. Yet she nodded backwards, turning on her heels she entered the Mountain with Thorin beside her. The new gates, large wooden structures which were truly immense, had been put in place. The dwarves really were very fast at working, but to be fair, there was enough of them now here to aid and construct everything, Liruliniel couldn't help but think that maybe she wouldn't even be here a month.
Thorin sighed and rolled a hand in the air, "I didn't know what else to say. I didn't wish to ask if you were free for a walk, but you answer you wished to be alone; or even if you are to go back and find Bodur to work, only to get hunted out by him, or another."
Liruliniel simply smiled at his honesty, even if he did sound a little awkward. Placing a hand on his shoulder had Thorin pausing in a step, he looked at her with a slightly awkward expression. "I would like a walk. There are parts of your home, I haven't been reacquainted with yet."
That is how she spent her first day after the elves had departed the lands of Erebor and Dale. Thorin seemed quite pleased really, Liruliniel believed that much like Thranduil, he too had been thrusted into the joys of palace, and kingly duties. Not fun. The thing is, whereas Thranduil had been bought up with this task looming ever since he was a child, Thorin had a fair few years were none of that was needed, nothing happened because of it. He was in exile. What use was knowing court affairs and how to do business within such a thing, when on the run, and in exile in a foreign land? Liruliniel was sure that many years the thought of being back here had escaped him, had maybe even been given up on in some part.
All in all, she did sympathise and she didn't blame him one bit if he wished to have an escape from such a thing. Likewise she didn't even mind being the excuse. Many of the great halls within the kingdom had been cleared, tidied, aired and furnished the best they could be. The many staircases still led to places in which Liruliniel was clueless over. The garden area had simply gone wild, she shook her head at this with a sigh. Of course, Smaug would not have ventured through the halls and corridors to get to the simple, yet beautiful area at the back of the kingdom. But it had gone wild. Plants were overgrown, threes had simply taken over, and weeds and thistles could be seen sprouting up here and there.
"I think I have found where I will be working." She joked to Thorin, it wasn't that she was turning her back on the forges, just nature seemed to need help here, and who was she to ignore it? She couldn't help but laugh a little, though she had said she could not hear the call of the trees back home whispering her name, here she was aiding trees regardless.
"I think it may take more than the time you have, to fix this up." Thorin said with a puzzled look, they stood at the doorway arch to the garden area. It was built in such a way that natural sunlight came flooding in from above, due to part of the cavernous ceiling being chipped away for it to do so. A small stream of clear water seemed to flow through this part of the Mountain too, providing fresh water for the plant life. It was just a natural little slice of woodland.
Liruliniel shrugged, "If that is so, then so be it." She didn't mind hard work, nor did she mind working long hours. Wasn't like she hadn't already done as such in the forges, was it? Creating hinges for the great doors that made up the gate, wasn't easy either. But she had succeeded and now the doors were in place. She wasn't too sure how useful she'd be with actual building work. Some of the bricks they were using did look mighty heavy.
The two moved away from the wild garden and simply walked about. They conversed now and then, but often slipped into silence, comfortable and amicable silence; which only got disrupted by the bustling dwarves around them. A few faces they knew were passed by, Dís seemed to have it in mind to go to Dale for some reason or another, both declined accompanying her however. She shrugged, "Suit yourself." She had commented while wrapping a cloak around her shoulders and pottering off casually. It was a mystery really as to why she was going there, maybe just to have a look around? It wasn't like the trade was back to normal yet. Knowing Dís she'd wind up either helping somewhere, or getting something somehow.
An all too familiar face was that of Tauriel's. The auburn haired elf noticed Liruliniel and Thorin as they meandered around, she hadn't exactly been present when the elves came to go. Kíli had tried to persuade her, clear the air and say farewell, but she had stayed within their room. Kíli at the moment was elsewhere with his brother, and that left Tauriel to just walk about, thinking and minding her own business. Thorin looked between the pair, sensing a conversation he may not be all too welcomed in, he inclined his head to both and left. Though Liruliniel pretty much knew full well, that she would end up seeing him later. No doubt when dinner was happily being served.
Tauriel looked a little awkward at first, avoiding looking at Liruliniel and inspecting the brickwork corridor around them. Liruliniel crossed her arms, looking at her friend knowingly all she had to do was wait. She didn't have to wait for long, Tauriel sighed and looked troubled as she cast her eyes at Liruliniel. "I did not say farewell."
"No, I had noticed." Liruliniel gestured a hand and started walking, standing in a corridor was not the place to have a conversation, not really. Especially seems the conversation was clearly going to revolve around troubled thoughts and feelings. "In all honesty, I would've probably stayed away too."
"Really?"
"No. Sorry, I was trying to cheer you up. Listen, whatever heated words you both shared, it is all in the past. It is nothing to dwell over, look around us, all is fine. Everyone has adapted, everyone is happy. I never pried, I don't want to know what you said for you to avoid contact at all costs. As for the banishment thing...our King has a way of throwing things out such as that, because he does not know how else to cope with the fact he feels hurt and betrayed." Liruliniel said while they made their slow way forwards. The sun shone through the windows again, work was still happening within Erebor and Dale. Even now figures came and went, some aiding in both places of construction. Tauriel frowned her way, Liruliniel looked confused before smiling. "Even the strongest of us, have weaknesses. Sometimes the strongest, are the most fragile. Ever thought of that? He is how he is, to cope with the world around him. You went off on your own, but Legolas went too; you may think what you think, but he has watched on proudly as the pair of you grew into a pair of fine elves. In some way, I mean I could be wrong, but you are quite possibly the daughter he never had." She laughed, it would explain a lot for his reaction, hurt father and all. Tauriel frowned more at that and didn't look bought. "I know for certain, that if I turned up with you in tow, he wouldn't have you escorted out."
"How? How do you know that?" Tauriel had taken on board everything she had said quietly. Yet, she still found herself unsure. She did miss home, but that was only because here was new and unknown. Kíli was aiding as best he could, making her feel welcomed, loved. Even Dís had stopped trying to be the overprotective mother.
Liruliniel smiled her way, "My friend, if he tried having you escorted in my presence, he would have to suffer a barrage of commentary from me."
"At the price of hurting your feelings too...I wouldn't ask or want that." Tauriel said honestly, she knew how much hurt could come from the simplest of arguments between them, she had seen it.
"You're not banished." Liruliniel said finally, with finality that she wasn't even going to entertain the thought any longer than needed. "Words thrown out in the heat of the moment may have some truth, but most often than not, they're just thrown out to hurt."
"I called him a coward for trying to retreat."
Liruliniel stopped walking, wide eyed and staring onwards, Tauriel faltered beside her and looked awkward. It seemed like now Liruliniel fully understood just what the problems were, or rather why Tauriel avoided Thranduil and he in turn had not spoken about the elf to Liruliniel in turn. "I must say, that is more than hurtful."
"I didn't mean it. It was just trying to get him to stop!" Tauriel exclaimed and sat heavily down on a stone bench that was nearby. There were many dotted about the Mountain, and Liruliniel sat beside her slowly. She watched as Tauriel buried her face in her hands before sitting up straight and looking narrow eyed up at the ceiling, Liruliniel could see she was pained by this.
"I think you may have missed your chance to apologise."
"That isn't helping. I thought you were meant to be helping me?" Tauriel shot a glare in Liruliniel's direction.
Smiling and placing a hand on her shoulder, Liruliniel sighed softly. "I am an ear to listen. I give advice if I think I need to, and just state the obviousness when the moment calls for it. You called our King a coward, when he is far from it, I understand why, I do not agree, and he probably registers why you threw such heated words out too. You're both too stubborn to admit that you were both in the wrong. You shouldn't have said that, and he shouldn't have been trying to leave the battle. You said what you did to get him to stop, to get him to aid because you wished to help too, and he just wished to protect what was left of our army. We lost a great number the last time we fought against the dark army, Tauriel. Retreating wasn't cowardice. It was to protect, preserve and live."
Tauriel was silent for a long time, simply thinking and dwelling over everything that they had exchanged. Liruliniel leaned back against the wall, her hands in her lap as she looked up at the tapestry in front of them. Durin the Deathless stood looking quite mighty in his armour, triumphant looking even yet scarily stern faced and serious. Liruliniel had to admit that was one dwarf she would probably be worried and fearful of ever meeting, if of course she was around when he was.
Noticing movement, Liruliniel looked and watched as Tauriel turned and looked at her. "If I write a letter, will you take it with you?"
Liruliniel's expression softened, "You are staying?" She pushed away from the wall, she placed a hand over one of Tauriel's and smiled. "But yes, yes I will." How could she deny such a task? The pair needed to clear the air and be on speaking terms again, or else this awkwardness would forever drag on. And Liruliniel couldn't be bothered to be surrounded by that heavy tension.
Tauriel looked about, looking happier, lighter now they had changed the topic but having addressed the root. "I am, I think."
"Think?" Liruliniel narrowed her eyes playfully. "I do not think Kíli will let you go without a fight," she laughed gently and nudged her shoulder against Tauriel's. Tauriel looked a little awkward, but this time through embarrassment. Liruliniel laughed and clapped her hands and stood, "Do not look so embarrassed! Love is not something to be ashamed about." She leaned against her knees and tilted her head, looking at her friends with a wide smile. "Do not dwell on negative thoughts, Tauriel. If the world cannot accept you, if others have comments, it gives you more reason to stand your ground and defy them. Do not be ashamed, Tauriel. You treasure what you two have." She stood upright and sighed, placing her hands on her hips she looked each which way and hummed. She knew full well that some, both dwarves and elves, whispered commentary behind her friend's back. It wasn't fair without knowing facts and them.
The days were full of busy tasks, seeing and spending time with friends and nonstop moving about, yet the night time was full of solitude and loneliness. Liruliniel enjoyed the days, she didn't enjoy the nights. The room in which she had shared with Thranduil, seemed all too big now. It seemed like there was too much space, the fire warmed the room up nicely but Liruliniel spent most time watching the flames. Sometimes she sat in a nearby chair, wrapped up in a blanket and fell asleep like that. The days were very fun, the evenings were very lonely.
The only way in which she combated against this, was to work well into the night. It was perhaps not the healthiest thing to do, but it beat being alone, left thinking over whatever came to mind. It did not surprise herself too much that her still healing body did not agree with what she was doing. She all but keeled over one day, having worked later and pulling herself into bed very late or early in the morning, she couldn't remember. But she had been feeling not herself, quite withdrawn and unwell. Dís had ordered her to rest a day, seeing the dwarf woman babying her was amusing. Yet there was something very motherly about Dís that Liruliniel couldn't ignore her.
It was her own fault, what else was she expecting? Though her injuries had healed, the mental toll and her muscles still remained hurt and harmed in some way. She was pushing herself to exhaustion, just for something to distract her from the fact that she did feel terribly alone without Thranduil present. Meal times were fine enough, being surrounded by so many faces, but afterwards? No. Everyone went on their own ways and Liruliniel would return to this large, empty room and sigh heavily.
"You look like death." Dís had commented one day, Liruliniel was strolling about, albeit slowly, and the dwarf-Princess had spotted her friend. She had been concerned, and worried that Liruliniel was pushing to help for matters that weren't just because she was their friend.
"Honestly, that is not reassuring. I feel fine, honestly."
"Yes, and I am a troll. Lark, you look unwell. Have you even slept?" Dís narrowed her eyes sceptically, Liruliniel rolled her eyes and nodded, yet again slowly. Movement seemed to make her want to fall and Dís placed a hand to her back, she could see she wasn't steady. It was something which troubled Dís. She was well aware that the menfolk around were a bit oblivious, as often the ways to the troubles women went through, but even if it was anything attached to that, a few days would knock her off kilter and then she'd be back to normal. Liruliniel had been almost laid up for a week. That was a week gone from the month she was meant to stay. "You're going back to bed."
Liruliniel tried to argue, yet Dís wasn't having any of it. That's how Liruliniel found herself pouting a little, propped up in bed and with Dís fussing before sitting on the edge facing her. Leaning her head back against the pillow, she inhaled slowly. Truthfully, she did feel better not moving and being comfortable in bed. She could almost hear the lecture Thranduil would give, knowing she had done this to herself. She was even berating herself, she was a fool.
"Lark?" Dís's tone had an edge to it which had Liruliniel looking at her worriedly. Dís smiled softly, she reached over and held onto one of her hands, she tilted her head and uncovered her a little, her hand was clammy feeling. "I'm going to ask you something, and I am sorry for the sensitivity of it. But we are both old enough, and women, so there is no shame in it."
"Right?" Liruliniel ventured to say, shifting a little against the pillows and regretting moving. The room spun a little and she felt ready to either faint, or have to rush to be away from Dís as she vomited.
Dís seemed to notice and reached to grasp the glass of water from the bedside table. Liruliniel sipped it hesitantly, her eyes never leaving her friend and likewise. Dís's expression was a little hard, but her eyes were full of concern. "Have you had your monthly bleed?" That had Liruliniel choking, Dís leaned forwards and rubbed her back carefully. "Just, I was much the same with my boys." She explained softly, watching as Liruliniel's glare lessened, she seemed to understand where Dís was coming from.
"No." Was all Liruliniel said while leaning back against the pillows, sipping the water every few seconds. It helped cool her down, she even pressed the glass to her forehead, eyes shut and a pained expression on her face. "How did this happen?" She lamented almost, her voice wavering as she seemed to despair.
"Well, you see it happens when-"
"I know the mechanics, Dís. It was rhetorical." Liruliniel shot her friend a look, lowering the glass and drinking slowly from it, Dís pouted and crossed her arms, yet said nothing else. Looking up at the ceiling, Liruliniel licked her bottom lip in thought. "Truly?" Liruliniel asked, Dís raised an eyebrow and tilted her head in thought before nodding slowly. Liruliniel let out a whine and hung her head, she regretted that and leaned back against the headboard.
"Is it not a good thing?"
"Dís, I am an elf-Princess possibly pregnant with a child that has not been conceived inside wedlock. It isn't a good thing. I am unsure what your kin's principles are on this, but elves...it isn't too favourable, regardless of who, it doesn't matter."
Dís could see the panic rising in Liruliniel, likewise she could see the tears starting to appear in her eyes. She scooted forwards and wrapped her up in her arms, Liruliniel buried her face against her neck while Dís reassuringly rubbed up and down her back. "But it is a child that has come from love. From what I have gathered and learned about you, it is that you don't really care much about rules and regulations."
Liruliniel laughed a little at that. "I do though. I just...it comes off as I don't." She leaned away, brushing the back of her hand against her eyes, somehow the water hadn't spilt while Dís embraced her. Liruliniel looked down at herself, resigned and with a small frown she placed a hand to her stomach. "It would explain some troubling moments."
"Such as?" Dís asked curiously, Liruliniel looked at her and Dís rolled her eyes. "Lark, I am perhaps the only woman here that you could speak so freely with. Face it, your Tauriel hasn't born any children. And don't even try broaching this topic with the likes of my brother, sons, or anyone else! Can you imagine how awkward that would be?" Dís actually shuddered at that and Liruliniel laughed. She knew she was joking, Dís knew Liruliniel had more sense than to do that.
"Food. I was at dinner the other day and the smell of something sweet just had my stomach turning. I had to leave, I think your brother asked if I was fine, I lied about something and came back a few moments after getting air. I ate and picked, then left."
"It was flowers for me. Don't ask why, couldn't stand the smell of them, any of them actually." Dís scrunched her nose up, clearly just remembering the whole experience caused her to become discomforted.
"It passes though, right?"
Dís laughed, not in a joking way but in a truly understanding, good natured way. She held Liruliniel's hand and patted it, "Yes. Yes it will pass."
Liruliniel let out a relieved noise, sitting in quiet thought for a moment she looked at Dís. "Thank you."
"Think nothing of it, what are friends for? As I said, I think I am about the only one of your close friends which understands right now."
"So...rest?"
Dís smiled knowingly, "Yes. No more working in the forges, and no more pushing yourself to help elsewhere. You need to take it easy, especially so early. With all luck, everything shall be fine."
Liruliniel looked around the room thoughtfully again, "I think I may need to cut my stay here short."
"Well, I did wonder." Dís rolled her eyes, she wasn't silly.
Liruliniel nodded slowly, "It is an invisible pull, which now is pulling ever more. There is this indescribable need to be home, to be with Thranduil, and to be safe. I know I am safe here, but...I can't describe it." She shook her head slowly, hesitantly even but was relieved she didn't feel like she was about to collapse.
Dís smiled, "I know what you mean though. Been there, done that."
Liruliniel smiled, "Yes, I suppose you have."
"There is no question you could bring up, that I probably won't have the answer to."
Liruliniel beamed, "Dís, Princess of Erebor and fountain of knowledge!"
"Too right! Don't make it sound like such a mockery," Dís seemed to puff up a bit there, bristled even as she tried to make herself look more impressive as she sat on the edge of the bed. Only for the pair to end up laughing and shaking their heads gently.
"I need to tell your brother." Liruliniel said softly after they calmed down. Dís nodded, she understood that, and really she supposed it was best coming from her, why she had to suddenly leave earlier than planned.
"When shall you go?"
"Whenever I feel like I am not about to collapse under my own weight. I do hope what you said it is right, I don't think I can put up with this for much longer, Dís." Liruliniel admitted, Dís merely laughed and didn't have the heart to say that this really was just the beginning.