I'm exhausted as we leave the hall, but I keep my head up and my shoulders thrown back. I am determined not to let anyone know how tired I am.
It is only when I am back in the Royal rooms that I allow myself to slouch a little, sagging against the doorframe to the inner chamber.
"You were very formidable tonight, my queen," Cardan says, crossing the floor to me.
"After that speech you made, it didn't take much." Despite my fatigue, I am hyper aware of his presence, of the heat of his skin and the way his slow, conspiratorial smile makes my stomach twist with stupid longing.
"It cannot be anything other than the truth," he says. " Or it never would have left my tongue."
I find my gaze drawn to his soft lips, the black of his eyes and the cliffs of his cheekbones. Warmth floods through me as I think of all the other things his tongue could do.
"You didn't come to bed last night, " I whisper.
It occurs to me abruptly that while I was unconscious, he would have spent his nights elsewhere. Perhaps not alone. It has been a long time since I was last at Court. I have no idea who is in his favor.
But if there is someone else, his thoughts appear far from her. "I'm here now," he says, as though he thinks it's possible he misunderstands me.
He takes a slow step toward me, hesitantly, as if he fears moving too quickly will make me walk out the door.
It's okay to want something that's going to hurt, I remind myself. I move toward him, so we are close enough to touch.
He takes my hand in his, finger lacing together, and bends toward me. My breath hitches and I know there is plenty of time to pull away from him, but I don't. I want him to kiss me. My weariness evaporates as his lips press against mine. Soft and supple. Warm and inviting. My stomach twists more and more as he kisses me over and over, one kiss sliding into the next. His lips trail off the corner of my mouth, across my jaw and down my neck. My head starts to spin. Damn him.
"You looked like a knight in a story tonight," he says softly against my neck. "Possibly a filthy story."
I kick him in the leg, and he pulls my mouth to his and kisses me again harder.
We stagger against the wall and I pull his body to mine. His tongue flicks my lip, demanding entry, I shiver and yield.
My fingers glide up under his shirt, tracing up his spine to the wings of his shoulder blades.
His tail lashes back and forth, the furred end stroking over the back of my calf.
He shudders and presses more tightly against me, deepening our kiss. His fingers push back my hair, damp with sweat. My body is tense with desire. My breathing is hard and I feel his mouth is on my neck again, his tongue on my skin. I can't think about anything but him and his hands and his mouth, how though his warm and strong body is pressed against me, he is not close enough. His hands move to my hips, lifting me.
I want him to touch me. I feel overheated and out of control.
That thought cuts through everything and I freeze.
He feels the change and releases me immediately, letting me down and then stepping back as though scalded. "We need not-" he b begins, but that's even worse. I don't want him to guess how vulnerable I feel.
"No, just give me a second," I say, then bite my lip. His eyes are very dark, pupils dilated. His lips are parted and his breathing is coming out ragged and slow, as if he too is trying to gather himself. He's so beautiful, so perfectly, horribly, inhumanly, beautiful that I can barely breathe. "I'll be right back."
I flee to the wardrobe. I can still feel the drum of my thundering pulse all through my body.
When I was a kid, sex was a mystery. Some bizarre thing people did to make babies when they got married. Once, a friend and I placed dolls in a hat and shook the hat around to indicate they were doing it.
That changed in Faerie, of course. The folk come naked to revels, ,ay couple for entertainment, especially as evening wear on. But though I understand what sex is now and how it's accomplished , I didn't anticipate how much it would feel like loosing myself. When Cardan's hands are on me, I am betrayed into pleasure. And he can tell. He's practiced in the arts of love. He can draw whatever response from me. I hate that, and yet I want it, all at once.
But maybe I don't have to be the only one to feel things.
I strip off my dress, kick off my shoes. I even take down my hair, letting it fall over my shoulders. In the mirror, I catch sight of my curves- the muscles of my arms, honed by swordplay; the heaviness of my breasts; and the swell of my hips. My mortality cannot hide.
With a one last trembling breath, I return to the bedroom naked.
Cardan is standing by the bed. When he turns, he looks so astonished that I almost laugh. I have seldom seen him unsure of himself, even when drunk, even when wounded; it is rare to see him overset. A wild heat leaps into his eyes, an expression not unlike fear. I feel a rush of power, heady as wine.
"Come here," he says, voice rough and low, his gaze burning me everywhere it settles. I do, crossing the floor obediently.
I might be inexperienced in love, but I know a lot about provocation. I stop before him, locking eyes with him and sink to my knees before him. "Is this how you imagined I'd be like, back in your rooms at Hollow Hall, when you thought of me and hated it? Is this how you pictured my eventual surrender?"
He looks absolutely mortified, but there's no distinguishing the flush in his cheeks, the shine of his eyes. " Yes," he says, sounding like the word was dragged out of him, his voice rough with desire.
"Then what did I do?" I ask, my voice low.
I reach out and press my hand against his thigh.
His gaze shimmers with a sharp spike of heat. There's a weariness in his face, and I realize he believes I might be asking him all this because I'm because I'm angry. But he keeps speaking anyway. "I imagined you telling me to do with you whatever I liked."
"Really?" I ask, and the surprised laugh in my voice makes him meet my gaze.
"Along with some begging on your part . A little light groveling." He gives me an embarrassed smile. "My fantasies were rife with overween ambition."
I sit back on my knees, feeling the cold stone. I reach up my hands like a supplicant. I make sure to speak each word slowly with deliberation. "You may do with me whatever you like." I turn my gaze back up to him and whisper with need and desire burning in my eyes. "Please, oh please. All I want is you"
He sucks in a breath and gets down so we're both on the floor and he's on his hands and knees. He presses his mouth to the pulse point of my wrist, racing in time with my heart. "Mock me all you like. Whatever I imagined then, now it is I who would beg and grovel for a kind word from your lips." his eyes are black with desire. "By you I am forever undone."
My lips part, eye widening, breath becoming more shallow. It seems impossible that he's saying those words and that they're true. But when he leans down to kiss each of my finger tips, I'm frozen. He looks up at me as he reaches my missing fingertip and kisses it with careful consideration.
I swallow trying to steady my breath and not show how much his touch affects me. "I'm not mocking you." My voice is barely a shaky whisper but his eyes show a spark of surprise.
"We have lived in our armour for so long, you and I. And now I am not sure if either of us knows how to remove it." His fingers are tracing the lines of my palms, memorizing them. Then he meets my eyes and there is a sudden seriousness that steals all the air from my aching chest. "I want to trace every inch of your skin. I want to taste all of you. I want to worship your body, Jude Duarte."
I can't breathe.
"What do you want?" he says and he sits back releasing my hands.
I can't think. "I- I told you what I wanted. For you to do with me whatever-."
"No," he interrupts. " What you want."
I study the planes of his chest, the voluptuous black curls, the furred length of his tail. He is too beautiful. Everything about him is a reminder of my mortality. How I will always be less.
But right now, he is not looking at me as I'm simply a human girl to toy with. He is looking at me like I am everything. He wants me. This glorious boy wants me and oh, how I want him too.
"I want," I say softly, still unsure. "I want you to touch me everywhere."
He waits for me to continue.
"I want you to kiss me until I am sick of it." I smile wryly, remembering his words so long ago. "I want you to let me touch you. I want you to hold me hard and make me feel everything. I want you to show me all the ways you touched other girls and the ways you have never touched anyone."
With every word form my lips, his breath speeds, his cheeks flush, his eyes roam over my breasts and my lips.
"I want you to show me what I've been missing all this time in the human world. Touch me, Cardan"
Those words break him free and he reaches for me as I reach for him. I don't know who kissed who first but our lips are crushed together. Hot and pure need. His arms wrap around me, my fingers weaving through his luscious dark curls, our tongues caressing each other. My hands find their way to his doublet, fumbling with the buttons. I push it off his shoulders and feel all the muscles of his shoulder and the chest, like a marble statue of a greek god. If only mortals knew how breathtakingly beautiful the Folk were.
His mouth finds my neck once more, his tongue massaging circles just below my ear. I whimper and try to focus on pulling his shirt off but my thoughts are lost to pure sensation. Cardan pulls his shirt over his head then reaches down, wrapping his arm under my knees and around my waist, picking me up so quickly.
"Oh!" I let out, wrapping arms around his neck.
He smiles down at me, "come, my Queen."
He lays me down on the bed and his dark eyes follow my body as I slide further back on the cushions. His hands reach down to undo his pants and I'm drinking the sight of him. He makes quick work, slides them off and he stands before me bare in every way possible. My mouth goes dry.
Before in the mossy room behind the throne room, I did not get the opportunity to take in all the glory of his naked body. But now, I allow myself the weakness of getting lost in the hills and valleys of his muscles and the smooth pale skin that flows over them like cream. My lips part, eyes going wide as I follow the length of him proudly at attention for me. My shallow breaths the only sound, betraying my desire.
"You want me to touch you." Cardan's voice is low and husky, his own chest rising and falling.
Though it was not a question, I nod.
He takes a step closer and rises up onto the bed, making his way to me like a predator stalking prey. I lean back against the pillows suddenly terrified my inexperience will show more vulnerability. He stops hovering above me and lifts his hand to trail his fingers down my abdomen and up again leaving a path of fire.
"Like this?" He asks but I cannot answer.
He continues to travel up and around my breasts circling them, and they swell aching for more. His touch is maddening. I look up at him, silent plea in my eyes. He smiles and cups my breast, his thumb brushing across the center. My back arches instinctively. I need more of his touch. His thumb now circling my hardening nipples and the sensation drives straight between my thighs. A soft whimper escapes my lips.
"How about like this?" His eyes lock with mine as he lowers himself and his lips hover over my hard nipple. His breath runs across my skin raising the pores, wanting to drink him in. his mouth engulfs my breast and I gasp. His tongue flicks slowly against the center making my whole body alive with heat. He sucks it deeper into his mouth and I arch again pushing it further.
His other hand cups my other breast mimicking the motion of his tongue. My hands dive into his thick curls. All too quickly he releases my breast from his glorious mouth and I gasp in frustration. I glance down to see it glisten with the slick of his kisses.
"I told you I wanted to taste every inch of you, Jude." He makes his way down the length of my belly flicking his tongue against my sensitive skin, pooling it with a fury of heat that needs to be released. "I want to feast on you."
He flicks his tongue against my navel. His hand grip the back of my knees and before I know it he spreads them in one sharp pull and makes me yelp. I'm bare before him and the cool air brushes my throbbing ache waiting for his warmth.
"You look divine, my Queen." His gaze raked over me, caressing every inch of me. His hand slowly skims it's way further up my thigh. My breath was coming in deep soft gasps, I could feel the heat between, building with anticipation. "What was it you wanted again?"
Damn him and that knowing smile. He was playing with me. He knew what his touch was doing to me. The spot between my legs was aching for him to touch me.
"Touch me." I say, my voice betraying the yearning desire deep within me.
"As you wish."
Before I prepare myself his fingers slip into me, his parting the folds of me finding the bead that was pulsing with pure hot pleasure. My hands grip the silk sheets, grasping for some semblance of control and finding none. My eyes shut on their own accord and I'm blinded by the explosion of feeling building with each circle of his fingers. He slips his finger into me and I gasp. My breath is coming in fast pants now and I clamp my lips shut to stop the sounds fighting to escape.
"Don't hold back from me." Cardan is suddenly above me, mouth seizing my own and he captures my moans, his fingers plunging into me faster and faster.
My hips lift needing more, more of him. My hands crush his body into me, our tongues tasting each other in hot sweet kisses.
All too quickly he removes his hand, earning a groan from me. He pulls back slightly, eyes locked with mine. He doesn't answer the question in my eyes. Instead he lifts his fingertips, glistening with my wetness, to his mouth and sucks on his first taste of me.
My eyes widen and I and I can only hold my breath as he lowers himself until his mouth hovers over my mound. His breath tickles me, teasing at his next act.
"Keep your eyes open. I want you to watch me while I feast on you." He doesn't proceed.
I nodded with a quick dip of my chin unable to speak.
"Good." He smiles wickedly.
I can't prepare myself so I only watch him.
His tongue dips and licks me and I am on fire. He groans deep in his throat and I feel the vibrations against me. My hips thrash against him and he reaches up to pin me to the bed.
His tongue makes long sweeps strokes, doing just what he said, devouring me. His lip close on my bead of nerves and he sucks just like he did with my nipples.
I cry out and my legs lift and drape over his shoulders. The pressure is building with each stroke and I try to keep my eyes open and watch him. His tongue plunges into me and his hand reaches between my legs to replace where his mouth had been and flicks.
"Carda-" I can't hold it in. I explode and release a scream. He chuckles and moans as more of me spills onto his eager tongue. I'm shaking and the pressure is building again, I'm going to fall off the edge of the world.
His tongue swirls against me, faster, tasting all of me. My body is trembling with the rising fire in me. It needs release. He feels it in me, with a final dive of his masterful tongue and flick of his thumb, I climax and shatter.
Cardan rises up and lays beside me, a smug smile spreads across his glistening lips and says, "I told you I'd hear you scream one day."
A chuckle bubbles from deep within me and I smile at him. His darker eyes piercing me ,heating my center once more and then I'm on top of him swinging my legs arcoss his to straddle him. I seize his gorgeous swollen lips deep and slowly, tasting myself.
I feel his tail wrap around my calf, the wisps of its furred tips tickles my skin.
I pull back, making my way down his neck nipping and licking him. His hand slides down my back and grabs my waist. I feel him hard against me but I want to make my way with him first.
I drag my tongue across his magnificent chest and his breath slows. Cardan reaches to brush my hair to one side.
I smile up at him. "Now I get to taste you." I close my mouth over him, unsure if I was doing it right. I suck lightly, he tenses and releases a low hiss.
My tongue swirls around his shaft, his soft skin warm and pulsing. I move my lips against him driving him deeper into my mouth.
"Jude." His voice comes out low and guttural. "I won't be able to take much more if you continue like that."
"Hmm.." I moan against him and continue to swirl my tongue around the length of him.
My hand reaches up and wraps around the base of him to mimic the motion of my mouth.
Cardan grips my hair but doesn't push me. In fact he's staying as still as he can.
"Shit."
I smile internally, glad that he was not the only one of us able to get a reaction like this.
I start to pick up speed, my hand and mouth working as one on him. He moans and the sound travels straight to the apex of my thighs.
I can feel his body quivering beneath me and I relish in the control I have over his body. I look up and lock eyes with him, sucking and driving him deeper into my mouth.
"Ju-"
I don't stop, feeling him fill my mouth.
Before I can stop him Cardan pulls me off of him and pushes me down on the bed. His mouth closes on mine. Unable to wait anymore heat rises in me again and I feel the wetness between my legs in preparation for him. I reach between us and grab him, guiding him to my entrance.
He kisses me gently before sinking into me, filling me completely. I moan and move against him. He thrusts deep into me again and again. I wrap my legs around him pulling him closer against me, feeling his hard body against me.
Our moans tangle together in their own beautiful song. Cardan looked into my eyes, the dark depths of them, calling for me to give myself to him. I reveled in it all, each thrust of our hips and gasp in our breathes, the building pleasure wanting to consume us both.
My walls closing around him and embracing his whole length. His groans against my lips, I open up wanting to swallow the sound.
My legs were tight and I could feel the rising fire once again looking for escape.
Cardan reaches down and hooks and arm under my knee then bracing his hand against the bed opening me up further to him. I cry out at the new depth of his strokes, my nails dig into his skin.
Suddenly he rolls onto his back, lifting me above him. Surprised I reach down to once again guide him into me and let him fill me to the base of his shaft. His hands guide my lips up before bringing me back down on him. I mimic the motion creating my own rhythm, gasping with each stroke as he fills me.
I rock forward on instinct and feel him hit a spot deep within. I tense and do it once more and again. Cardan groans and whatever restraint he had was gone. He was lost in me and I and him. Closer and closer drive each other to the edge. His hands grip my hips tighter and move me faster. I feel his eyes watching me become undone above him, and that alone pushing me over.
I moan again, "Oh, Cardan."
"You are magnificent," he says, his voice filled with so much reverence.
My hands cup my breast massaging my nipples, exactly how he did, pushing me closer to that sweet release.
My thoughts of anything besides the feeling of him in me and his gaze on me are gone. I wanted to become undone by him. I wanted to bare everything I was to this man, to my husband, my king.
My legs are shaking and I know I can't hold on much longer. I begin to pick up speed, thrusting him in and out of me faster and faster, and I climax with his name on my lips. He calls out my name, emptying himself into me.
I collapse against his chest and surrender to the waves of bliss engulfing me. Cardan wraps his arm around me and we stay like this until our breath slows and our minds return to our bodies.
He kisses me, sweet and raw.
"I missed you," I whisper against his skin and feel dizzy with the intimacy of this admission, feeling more naked than when he could see every inch of me. "In the mortal world, when I thought you were my enemy, I still missed you."
"My sweet nemesis, how glad I am that you returned."