CHAPTER FORTY
begin again
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DECEMBER 2018
Natalie was finally out of the hell hole that was supposed to help her. She spent two and a half weeks in a mental facility until the doctors cleared her safe to return to her normal life and school under certain circumstances.
It just so happened that at the same time, Justin was getting help in rehab for his substance abuse issues. They hadn't spoken since he took her to the hospital the night of her attempt. She hadn't spoken to anyone outside of her family and quite frankly she was terrified too.
Natalie was invited to Justin's welcome back party that Jess was throwing him but she knew that the only way she could stay alive was to stay away from the things that hurt her. And the people.
Natalie had hit rock bottom so one would imagine the only place you could go from here is up. It was Christmas time and it was the second holiday that year that Nora and Natalie would spend by themselves.
Nora knew what she had to do - she couldn't go back and save Bryce but she could save Natalie. Keep her one child alive and well.
Justin and Natalie were both on their way to getting better and once they got better, that's when they could finally open up to love each other again.
It was quite the story to write about in a college essay and she had been writing a lot of those. She had applied to UCLA, USD, Stanford as well as out of states like UOF, UNC, NYU, all with recommendations from Lainie Jensen for studying law.
Natalie knew that she had tried to end things but her fate wasn't like Hannah's and she could turn it around from here end she knew she could.
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What Natalie didn't know is that while she was recovering from her attempt, Justin and Jessica had gotten surprisingly close for the month she was gone. So much so that she imagined when he returned from rehab that her and Justin would be together.
"Hey Jess." Justin smiled as he hugged her. "Thanks for doing all this." He said as he looked around to all the decorations
They chatted for a little bit as Lainie and Clay watched the interaction from across the room. "Do you know if Natalie's coming? I mentioned it at our college meeting yesterday but she never got back to me." Lainie explained.
"Yeah, I don't know. I think she just needs her time." Clay shrugged, nobody outside of the friend group knew that Natalie was on offs with most of her friends because of Bryce's death because if they did know, they would start assuming things.
She didn't know about Tyler getting caught with guns, she didn't know about Zach going off the rails after Natalie told him never to speak to her again, she didn't know about Clay going to therapy because she was alone and she was out of the group.
"Hey. Where's Clay?" Justin asked Jessica as everybody was outside.
"I asked for a few minutes by ourselves." Jessica shrugged. "Wondering if I could possibly do this." She said as she leaned in for a kiss but he backed away respectfully.
"I can't, I'm sorry." Justin shook his head. "I had a lot of time to think and you're great, Jess but I, I just have to be with Natalie."
"Wait." Jessica says. "I'm so stupid, I completely got the wrong impression of this. I mean, I should've known it would've always been Natalie."
"No, no, it's not you. I'm so so sorry." Justin took a deep breath, he really didn't mean to lead her on or hurt her. And maybe she knew she hadn't been fully over him. "This isn't about you."
"No, it's about Natalie. Because it always is. Since sophomore year." Jessica tries to hide her tears.
"I'm so sorry." Justin shook his head.
"Okay." Jessica nodded. "Merry Christmas." She backs away.
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Justin picks up the gift he had set out for Natalie from weeks before as his way to just talk to her. He asked for permission from the Jensen's before driving back over to the Chantam house.
Her mother had gone to a private yoga lesson, leaving Natalie to be the only one at the house as the Achola's had moved out after her grandfather's passing. She heard a knock on the door and walked over.
"Justin." Natalie whispered as she saw him, she was embarrassed to be glad that he was there. She was sitting in her pajamas on Christmas Eve and being alone was probably not a good thing for her psyche. "Sorry I missed your party." she leaned against the door frame.
"No, no worries. I wanted to bring you this and I hoped we could talk for a little bit." Justin offered and Natalie took a deep breath before nodding. They walked over to the porch swing, both of them just glad to be with each other again.
"You didn't have to get me anything." Natalie shook her head as he gave her the box.
"Well I got your anniversary gift on Thanksgiving and I never got the chance to give you yours so I thought now would be a good time." Justin said as she nodded, feeling oddly guilty at the same time.
She opened the box to see a ring. "Oh god, Justin." Natalie let out a chuckle.
"No, no, I'm not proposing or anything. I mean, not like I wouldn't but." Justin looks over at her. "I know you need your time so this is just a promise that I will always wait for you because you're the love of my life and I can't imagine myself with anyone else."
"Okay, Mr. Cheesy Foley." Natalie giggled, music to his ears after a month of not hearing her voice. "But I can't ask you to wait for me."
"I got nothing but time, Natalie Walker. And you're my dream and I love you." Justin said causing Natalie's head to fall onto his shoulder. "But enough about me. How are you?"
"I'm fine. I don't wanna talk about that though if you're wondering." She says, mentioning the attempt. "But I am fine. I applied to colleges with Lainie's help and I'm tutoring to get a few extra credits in before the end of the year. Once we get past Christmas and the New Year, I'll be set." They stared up at the stars. "Bryce always loved Christmas."
"He would go all out." Justin shook his head with a chuckle.
"It was the one day of year where he would be selfless. He always convinced my parents to give me one extra gift over him under the tree." Natalie took a deep breath. "It's gonna be hard."
"We can always grab coffee or something." Justin suggested.
"Isn't it your first Christmas with the Jensen's?" Natalie smiled and he shrugged. "I'll always see you at school when we go back which I'm not looking forward to for the sake of everything else."
-
It was two weeks later and they were back to school. Most people knew about her problems and so yet again she would be the center of attention without seeking to be. She wore light grey yoga pants with a white long sleeved tee and air forces on. Her hair was up in a half up half down ponytail as she stared at the school from her jeep.
She got out, taking a deep breath as she met Justin and Clay at the entrance. "Nat." Clay gave a slight smile as she hugged him. Ani and Jessica approached as Natalie held her head down - she gave Ani a slight hug as they had grown a mutual respect after Ani found her with Clay and Justin.
But Jessica and Natalie barely even looked at each other, just stood on opposite sides as they entered the school. They all looked around to see a line forming to get bags checked and checked in a metal detector. Natalie head the line, putting her bag down as she walked through the metal detector.
They all watched Jessica as she argued with the guard to have a female officer. She respected the cause but she didn't respect Jessica so she stepped away while she still could. "I'll see you later." She rose her eyebrows toward Justin.
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There was a college fair that day during lunch and Natalie recognized a familiar face, two familiar faces actually. She said her hellos to Estela De La Cruz who she was basically raised around, they were in the same boat of being the rapist sister and Natalie was more than willing to be a helpful hand.
But the second one took her by surprise. She walked quickly over to Winston, noticing Ani's eyes on her. "What are you doing here?" Natalie asks him we they walked next to each other around the fair, trying not to raise suspicion.
"I go here now, Little Walker. It's nice to see you too." Winston smiled as Ani approached. "Hey Ani."
"Winston, I didn't know you'd be here." She shrugged as she joined the circle.
"Why did you transfer here?" Natalie asks as they sat down at a table.
"That kid Bryan ratted all of us out for hacking the system for SAT scores and got expelled and I guess I wanted to see what the hype about Liberty was." Winston shrugged. "I think it's growing on me. I could even make a future for myself here." Winston said as he stood up.
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"Natalie won't tell. Alex won't tell. No one else here even knows who Winston is." Ani shook her head as her and Clay discussed the events that had happened earlier.
"I love Natalie but are we sure she won't talk to Winston? We saw this shit almost kill her." Clay whispered.
"She wouldn't." Ani said confidently.
"To save Justin?" Clay asked and Ani rolls her eyes.
"Yes for Justin. And for you. And for Tyler. And even Jessica because she's a good friend. I promise you nothing is going to come out of this." Ani said to Clay.
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Natalie watched all the football players come in with Monty's jerseys on. She looked over at Tyler with sympathetic eyes. She felt chills up and down as she walked over to them bugging Estela about wearing the jersey. "She said no, she doesn't have to wear it."
"Of course she does. It's her brother." Diego snapped at her causing an eye roll. "And some of us are upset that he's gone."
"Yeah, I'm sure she's upset. I know it first hand." Natalie explained. "But you don't get to tell her how she feels. She knows that he's a rapist and a murderer and I think you guys were demanding justice for Bryce just a short month ago. I mean, this is the justice you want? Embarrassing yourselves in front of the school? In front of scouts?" She asked, pointing to the tables. "I just think you should back for, seriously."
"Or what?" Diego threatened. He wanted to get her blood boiling but it wasn't working. She was gonna stand up for what was right and she was gonna do it without anger. But Clay had a different idea.
"Fucking take those jerseys off. You're honoring a fucking rapist!" Clay yelled after listening to the conversation.
"Fuck you, Jensen. He took the fall for you, man." Diego said, causing both Natalie and Clay to get upset. "No way he killed Bryce. I thought at least you would've known that." Diego snickered at Natalie.
"That's bullshit." Natalie crossed her arms crossed, still lying through her teeth to protect Clay.
"Oh really, so why'd you try to kill yourself then?" The football player right next to him asked. After Hannah and Alex and Natalie, Clay was tired of this school pushing people over the edge and after what they said to Natalie, he was done. He threw a straight punch, causing a fight to breakout between him and the football players.
"Clay, Clay, stop!" Natalie yelled as she used her strength with the sheriff to get Diego off of Clay.
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"The SO's heard what they said to Natalie so I'm not getting a detention." Clay shook his head.
"But you did something crazy. They're just trying to get under your skin." Ani took a deep breath.
"You say that cause you've never lost somebody like that. Natalie could've been gone in seconds a month ago. And frankly, I'm not 100% sure we aren't the cause of it." Clay exclaimed. Nobody realized how it effected Clay, they were best friends and he almost lost her the same way he lost Hannah. So yeah, he was a little extra protective.
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"You okay?" Natalie asks, putting her phone away in her pocket as Clay exited the office.
"I'm good. Don't worry about me." Clay shook his head, hanging it low so she didn't see how bad it was.
"I never thought I would thank Clay Jensen for defending my honor." She said, pushing his head up so she could look at the scratches.
"Are you okay?" Clay asks her, taking her off guard.
"I'm fine. I promise." Natalie took a deep breath. "I'm sorry that I did that to you and Justin and Ani. But I'm fine now. You don't have to worry about me."
"I'll always worry about you. You're like the sister I never had or wanted for that matter." Clay chuckled.
"You say the sweetest things to me, Jensen." Natalie giggled. "Let me drive you home."
-
"You expect us to believe you got that in gym class?" Lainie asks Clay the next morning, examining his face.
"I have very bad hand eye coordination. We know this." Clay shrugged.
Lainie looks over at Justin. "And were you there for this sports related injury?"
Justin looked down at his food as he sighed. "He got in a fight."
Clay looked up at him. "Dude!" He yelled.
"Who did you get into a fight with?" Matt exclaims as Lainie tried to contain her shocked expressions.
"A few guys on the football team were giving Natalie a hard time. It was nothing." Clay rolled his eyes at Justin for snitching.
"Really? Nothing? Since when do you start the fight?" Justin exclaimed.
"Seriously? I defended the girl you're in love with and you're not gonna take my side?" Clay responded.
"Natalie doesn't need protecting. This isn't even about her." Justin shook his head.
"This is bullshit." Clay rolled his eyes as he stood up, storming away from the breakfast table.
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A/N: Season 4 is starting! This is probably the section where when'll learn about who Natalie actually is and like her deep deep character and probably the most character development she'll have. My per chapter question is everybody is much different from Season 1 to Season 4, WHAT DO YOU THINK IS NATALIE'S BIGGEST DIFFERENCE SINCE SEASON 1? I feel like she really became her own person and is a lot less afraid. I'm so appreciative for almost 30k views, that's insane. Please don't forget to vote, comment your thoughts and leave feedback if y'all enjoyed this chapter!!
word count - 2544