Poetry For The Broken

My anxiety 2

If you ask me why I feel nervous I wouldn't be able to answer you
When you asked  me why I squeeze the tissue in my hand instead of getting up to dispose it
How was I suppose to tell you I feel like everyone is watching every step I take and it makes me nervous even if it's not true but my mind tells me they are watching me
When you ask me why I shouted so loud during my presentation how could I tell you I didn't want anyone to say they didn't hear me so I wouldn't have to repeat myself and I didn't even notice how loud my voice was because I could hear them laughing even if it wasnt true
I was only trying to drown them out so I could only hear my own comforting voice
When my teacher asked why I never raise my hands to answer question when I am so gifted
How was I suppose to say even though I knew the answer I wasn't sure of myself because a voice in my head keeps telling me I am wrong even though I am right
When my mother asked me why didn't I finish my food how was I to tell her I feel fat even though I know I am not fat
When my sister asked me why I cry so much  do I tell her? everyday existing seems like a chore how do I break the news that I am not living sister I am just existing
My anxiety comes in waves and everyday it drowns me and I can not come up for air no matter how hard I swim
My anxiety is my friend, my enemy,my family and my heart