twenty five- wonderland
song for this chapter: “ready to run” by One Direction
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Zayn was shaking, the anticipation of seeing Iris threatening to send him into a full blown panic attack. He had imagined this moment since the day that he got back home, but now that he was in the car and driving toward her, he couldn’t help but think of all the things that could go wrong.
“I can’t do this Liam.” Zayn whispered as he began to hyperventilate.
Liam kept his eyes on the road. “It’s just nerves, take deep breaths, I’m here.”
The mixture of Liam’s soothing voice with his advice meant that he could calm himself down, though the nerves and anticipation of the meeting was still making his heart race. He did not know how Iris would react, or whether she would be angry at him for leaving her.
He might kiss her accidentally for being far too in love with her for his own good, and then she would probably never talk to him again because there was no way in this world that Iris loved him.
But that didn’t matter, Zayn needed to go see her, and he looked at every exit on the freeway, trying to remember which one it was that he had turned down. He smiled a little at his anger and hurt, and how careless he had been. It had been nice to be so free, and he wished he could have that sense of freedom again.
“You better now?” Liam said sympathetically, snapping him out of his daydreaming.
Zayn managed a weak smile. “Yeah, I think I’m ok.”
Liam laughed. “Boy, you really are in love with her, aren’t you?”
“Yep.” Zayn sighed, making Liam laugh even more.
“Have you figured out what you’re going to say to her?” He glanced at Zayn, his eyes sparkling with excitement and looking more alive than he had in a while. Zayn realised that what truly made Liam happy was seeing those he loved happy, which was so selfless and caring that he hated what the world was doing to him.
“I just kinda want to hug her and tell her that I love her, you know?” Zayn mumbled, blushing slightly. “But knowing me I’ll probably just gape at her until she says something.”
“She’ll definitely be swept off her feet with all that gaping you’ll be doing.” Liam joked, making Zayn’s smile widen.
“You’re so funny, Liam.” Zayn replied, rolling his eyes.
“Well duh, I already know that.” Liam said, pretending to flick his non-existent hair over his shoulder.
Zayn snickered. “You’re such an idiot.”
“You’re the bigger idiot.”
“You’re the biggest idiot.”
“Super idiot.”
“Godly idiot.”
Liam cheered triumphantly. “Yes, I’m a godly idiot! I win!”
Zayn snorted. “You idiot, if you’re a godly idiot then you’re the biggest idiot that could ever- Liam, take this turn, here, here!”
Liam put his indicator on and took the exit, much more safely than Zayn had done. Zayn felt a chill at seeing the familiar hills, but the nervousness started to be replaced with excitement at being free again, even if it was only for today. He smiled at Liam, who was looking around in awe whenever he could.
This is where we’re meant to be, Zayn thought, seeing how at ease Liam was. He turned the radio off and listened to the sounds of the forest that was beginning to envelop them, eyes wide open. He had nearly forgotten how beautiful everything looked, and he figured that he probably had never been so happy in his life.
“It’s so beautiful out here.” Liam breathed. “It’s so calm and wonderful...”
Zayn grinned. “I know, I really know.”
He thought that he saw the broken down car that he saw the first time, but before he could get a good look at it, they were already a hundred metres away and then he couldn’t see it anymore. He bit his lip, wondering whether that car was Iris’ father’s car.
The next goal for Zayn would be to get to Liam Larson, to at least talk to him, let him know that Iris was fine. Zayn imagined taking him out of the care home and taking him to Iris, how happy Iris would be to see her father.
Zayn’s chest grew warm as he realised that he’d be able to tell her that he was alive and well, and that he had seen him. He could imagine how happy she would be, and that made him smile.
“You know how much further?” Liam asked, and Zayn looked up ahead, thinking that he recognised the trees.
“Maybe slow down a bit, I’m sure it’s around here somewhere.” Zayn said, looking to his left, and knowing that Iris was close, his heart started to palpitate a little faster.
Heart in throat, he saw the road, the road to Iris. “There, turn there.”
Liam took in a deep breath, and slowly turned down the road. He was careful this time, seeing how horrible the road was. Zayn held his breath, gripping onto the side of the car, seeing the hill rising up before him, leading him to Iris.
“Hey look, it’s my stupid ass car.” Zayn said, pointing out the window, laughing. “Bloody piece of junk.”
Liam slowed the car to a stop. “Damn, it really looks dead.”
Zayn peered at it more closely, noting the rust starting to form. “Maybe it’ll stay there for the rest of time, how wicked would that be?”
Liam laughed. “What a random thought.”
Zayn shrugged and smiled at him. “I’m in a weird mood, I suppose.”
Liam shook his head and gestured to the hill in front of them. “Want to keep going?”
He nodded in response, feeling calm. Liam carefully drove up the hill in silence, and they finally reached the top, and Zayn could see the gap in the trees, leading to the love of his life, the girl that was carrying his heart.
Liam put the car in park and turned the engine off. “You go first, I’ll come in after a bit.” Liam said, with a soft smile, clapping him on the shoulder. “Good luck, man, go get her.”
Zayn leant over and hugged him as best as he could in the tight space of the car. “Thanks.” He whispered.
Zayn got out of the car, taking a deep breath to steady himself. He stared down the path that led to Iris’ house, and hoped with his heart that she was fine, that she wasn’t hurt or even worse-
Panic rose in him and before he knew it he was rushing through the trees, tripping in his haste. The trees thinned and he could see the house, looking exactly the same as it had when Zayn had first arrived.
And there she was.
Sitting on the porch.
Looking right at him.
Zayn stood there, breathing hard, unable to move. He stared at her, wondering if this was some figment of his imagination. But oh what a beautiful figment of his imagination she was, looking so beautiful and like the sun’s rays had been captured in some strands of her hair.
Iris.
After what seemed like a lifetime, though in reality it could’ve only been around five seconds, Zayn took a step forward, stepping out of the shade and into the light. His heart was beating erratically in his chest, and he swallowed, trying to get rid of the lump in his throat.
He sucked in a breath as she stood up, hair loose, but he saw how tired she looked, and his heart ached. Why did she look so tired? Zayn never remembered her looking so exhausted, even when she was crippled by period pain.
Iris walked slowly towards him, green eyes wide and a hesitant look in her eyes. Zayn remained still, though it took all of his effort not to run to her and hold her in his arms.
She doesn’t think I’m real. Zayn realised sadly, noting how nervous she looked, how slowly she was advancing. He bit his lip in order to keep himself steady, wishing that she would get to him and see that he was there and this was real.
Iris stood only a few metres away, and Zayn could see her lips trembling, as if she were about to cry. His own eyes started to fill with tears, and he slowly took a step forward, never taking his eyes off of her green ones.
Zayn attempted a smile, his tears blurring his vision slightly, but he could see that Iris was crying too. She closed the gap between them, so that they were almost touching, staring at him in wonder like he was an ethereal being.
A pair of birds flew past overhead, singing loudly as they did so, making Iris look up for a moment and Zayn’s heart explode at just how much he had missed her. She turned back to face him, and, with great hesitation, placed her hand on his chest. Zayn shivered, his smile widening.
Iris let out a shuddering breath and closed her eyes, though tears still flowed down her cheeks. “Zayn.” She breathed, eliciting an almost electric reaction in Zayn’s body.
Zayn gently pulled her into a hug, pressing his lips against her hair. “I’m here.”
After a moment, Iris took a small step back, wiping the tears from her eyes. Zayn wished he could continue to hold her, but he could see how much shock she was in. “I thought that I had gone crazy and you were just some beautiful dream.” Iris whispered.
Zayn ran a hand through his hair, feeling the guilt starting to build. But before he could even begin to explain himself, he realised that Iris was smiling. “What are you smiling at?” He said, frowning.
Iris shook her head, her eyes still sparkling with tears. “I’m not sure, seeing you run your hand through your hair like that reminds me of when you here with me last.”
“I missed you. A lot.” Zayn said. “I wanted to come back and let you know that I hadn’t forgotten about you, or that I stopped caring.”
Iris turned away from him, hugging herself. “I did too.” She sighed. “I thought that if I thought that you didn’t care, or if I convinced myself that you weren’t coming back, then things would be easier, that I’d be able to move on and forget all about you.”
Zayn bit his lip. “And did you?”
Iris turned back to him, before looking away, as if it physically hurt her to look at him. “How could I? You were my only friend... One of the only people that I cared about in my whole life, and I thought about every moment, every conversation-”
She fell silent abruptly, and then took in a deep breath, turning around again. “I didn’t know how to deal with the pain, no one had taught me how, because there was no one to teach me.” Iris then smiled slightly, probably smiling at how stunned Zayn looked.
“And then you showed up at my door, so different to all the people that I had read of in books, and you showed me how to be human again, how to live and be happy, but also how to feel pain and to get rid of this crippling numbness that I had for so long.”
Zayn felt dumbfounded. “I didn’t even realise...” He said, and Iris’ smile widened at his words.
“You can be rather oblivious sometimes, Zayn.” Iris said, laughing a little, making his knees go weak. She smiled softly at him. “How oblivious, how incognisant you must be to think that you could come into my room and kiss me without me knowing.”
Zayn’s jaw fell open, and he struggled to find words. Now would be your time to tell her that you love her, his brain advised, but his brain wasn’t helping his mouth to work either.
“I don’t know very much about love, Zayn.” Iris whispered, moving a little towards him. “And I don’t know what will become of us, or whether we are truly meant to be, but I love you, I love you with all that I can give, all that I have.”
Tears started falling down Zayn’s cheeks, his lips turning up into a brilliant smile. “You love me?”
Iris stepped forward and took his hands, beaming like a child. “I love you.”
Zayn laughed breathlessly, sniffling a little due to his tears, intertwining their fingers. “You don’t know how scared I was that you didn’t love me back.” Zayn mumbled. “I didn’t want to frighten away one of the best things that has ever happened to me.”
“I was scared,” Iris admitted. “But I worked out that you were also the best thing that has happened to me, so I wasn’t scared anymore.”
Zayn looked at her, feeling something shift inside of him, like something was settling into place. He had found a new home in his heart, a home with Iris.
Iris laid her head against his chest, ear just above his wildly beating heart. Zayn held her close, murmuring I love you’s into her hair, knowing that his heart would only ever beat for her.
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this must be the quickest update in forever omg haha
my baby turned 22, can't even believe it :')))
ALSO IMPORTANTLY: if anyone here has read the prologue/descriptions of either "stay" or "words", both my works, leave a message on my message board telling me which one you want to be the next main focus after ITH has finished (which won't be for a while but I like to plan ahead haha)
thank you my loves xxx and also the song for this chapter is da bomb.com ;)
Sara xx