CHAPTER SIX- Deals with Demons, I Guess
"Uh-- I'm--you're--demon" I fumbled through every non-word in the English language, "Er-- You have a gun." I pressed myself further into the couch. I felt the cushions press into the gaping holes in my back, which had basically healed, but remained as giant holes.
The demon's eyebrow lifted, "...Yeah?" He flipped something on the side, making an ominous clicking noise.
I closed my eyes, willing the dark metal contraption to be cleared from existence, "I'm guessing it's loaded with... uh... the ouchie stuff. Or is it loaded with the... killy-killy stuff?"
The demon sounded confused when he spoke, "Oxians, of course." When I didn't reply, he sighed. "Killy-killy."
I sucked in a breath, "Ah, okay. Cool, cool." It was most certainly not cool. Not cool at all. I opened my eyes to get another read of his expression. He was regarding me with both bewilderment and curiosity.
"You have to be the oddest demon-hunter I've come across." The demon laughed, "Poor little thing, are you new to the job?"
I stared down the barrel of the gun, "Uh-- I'm not here to hunt you. I'm sorta kinda living here."
"Bullshit." The demon snarled, "The only roommate I have would never be nice enough to let a random guy from off the street live here. Unless he went bi on me and it's a weird sex thing." He shrugged. Then he ran his eyes up and down my body, "And that soul's too pure for any weird sex things."
"I-I think it was a sex thing with someone else... that sorta made him let me stay." I admitted.
The demon didn't look the slightest bit convinced, "Uh...huh. Yeah, okay." His sarcasm was impeccable as he proceeded, "And you're also not here to assassinate me?"
"That's correct." I nodded, "I'm not even an angel. I'm fallen."
A laugh escaped from the demon's lips, "Must we circle back to how pure your soul is? No way." he used the gun towave over my pristine, white soul, "you're practically blinding me t-b-h."
"Well, it's true." I frowned, following the gun with my eyes. "Hey, you don't like God. I don't like God. We both seem to know Grant. Uh-- we're both into sinning. I-I think we could really get along if you don't shoot me." I gave him a small smile, trying to erase my nerves, "Plus-- if I were lying right now-- wouldn't my soul be getting darker?"
"It is." He pointed out.
I frowned and looked down, finding it swirling with more darkness than before. "Oh." I thought over my words, "Wait! That's because I said I don't like God!" As if agreeing with me, my soul smudged with a bit more grey. After it seemed to stabilize on it's color, I proceeded with, "I'm here to kill you." And watched as it grew even more dark.
He looked at me for a long moment. "Okay, Pinocchio." The demon rolled his eyes, "I get the gist. Though, that doesn't explain why you are here."
"Because Grant is letting me stay here. I'm newly fallen and don't have anywhere else to go. Um-- my name is also not Pinocchio. It's Ishmael." We both peered at my soul, watching as it remained static.
"So..." the demon paused, collecting his thoughts, "Let me get this straight. You're a newly fallen angel, living with a random human you met. You just happened to run into me on accident. You have no intention to kill me?"
"Correct." I nodded, glad that he was beginning to believe me.
The demon still seemed to be thinking, "And you want... to sin?"
I found myself nodding with enthusiasm, "Grant's made me realize that sinning does nothing truly harmful. If anything, it's more harmful to avoid sinning." I explained, thinking over my lessons with him, "Except for murder and whatnot, that's bad."
The demon clicked his tongue and ran his sharp eyes over me again, "Leave it to Grant to turn an angel over to his lazy habits," his head tilted slightly, "If you are sooo into corruption-- as you say-- why is your soul still so pure?"
"I usually accidentally counteract it." I admitted, starting to feel a bit more comfortable. I frowned at the weapon he still had trained on me, "Could you please... uh... lower the gun? Just, you know, I think it's been up there for a while and your arm must be tired. It also makes me a little nervous, soo. Yeah."
The demon glowered, "Ew, don't ask so nicely like that. Tell me."
I was put off by his response, "Uh..." I stared at his expectant expression and back to the pistol, "Please lower the gun?"
"Say 'please' one more time and I will shoot you." The demon grunted.
My lips curled in, "Lower the gun?"
"Confident, angel!" The demon was starting to look annoyed, "Make me put the gun down."
I tried to make my face match his toughness, "Put the gun down."
He didn't look totally convinced, but he finally let his arm drop. He messed with the gun a bit more before sliding it back in his shoe.
"Thanks," I breathed in relief.
The demon glowered at me immediately, "Fuck you. Rule one: Stop with the niceness, it's making your soul whiter by the millisecond."
"Oh, sorry." I muttered, shrinking myself into the couch.
"Rule Two," he narrowed his eyes, "Stop with the apologies. Bad bitches never apologize."
I frowned, "Uh-- what's going on right now? Are you just... giving me advice?"
"You're hopeless, angel. I'm going to help you learn how to sin properly. When I'm done with you, you'll be the winner of sinners-- the baddest of the radest."
My eyes lit up, "Oh my! Thank you!" I frowned, realizing I didn't know his name, "What do you want me to call you?"
"I'm Xavion, most of my friends call me Xav." A daring smirk spread over his face, "But, my special mentee can call me Daddy."
"Because you're going to be like me father-figure?" I guessed, a grin pressed into my cheeks, "I'd be happy to call you that, Daddy. I'm Ishmael." I introduced myself, holding out my hand.
Daddy grabbed my hand and shook it firmly, looking too amused for a man that just signed up to mentor someone, "It's a deal."
"I guess it is." I agreed. I frowned as I felt a weird zap in my hand. I yanked it back and yelped in pain. I glanced at my hand and saw a complex, satanic symbol. It looked branded in, yet it glowed a dull red. "What's this?" I asked Daddy, turning my burning hand for him to see.
He looked at my hand and shrugged, "Meh, nothing to worry about." He waved it off, "Happens all the time. Humans call it the..." he paused and seemed to think of a response, "Uhh... the bippler-boppler effect. It's when, well, the sun hits your hand perfectly and you get to see cool shapes."
"Oh!" I laughed, feeling a lot less nervous, "I thought I accidentally just sold you my soul!" I breathed out a sigh of relief.
Daddy laughed along with me, "Wow! That'd be crazy!" He snorted, pulling out a paper. "Hey, Ishmael is a pretty cool name. Would you mind spelling it for me in cursive? Specifically right..." he scanned the paper and turned it towards me, pointing to line with an x at the start, "...there?"
"No problem!" I grinned and then frowned, "Wait-- I don't have a pen."
Daddy frowned, "Oh shit! Me neither, huh." He looked awkwardly at the paper and then at me.
"I can spell it out loud?" I suggested.
Daddy shook his head, "No, that won't work. That might trigger a deal between us, and you probably don't want that."
"Oh, no." I shook my head, "We should definitely avoid a deal."
"I was thinking the same thing." Daddy nodded. Then, his eyes lit up with the promise of a great idea, "Hey, I have this needle! You can use your blood to sign it!"
"Oh, duh!" I laughed. He pulled a needle out of his pocket. I pricked my finger, wincing a bit at the pain. He held out the paper and I carefully signed it with my bleeding finger. The whiteness of my blood was only slightly different than the paper's shade, but at least it was legible. Once I was done writing it for him, I smiled and leaned back.
The paper suddenly caught on fire, making me jerk back in surprise. Daddy gave me a curious expression, "Quick question, how's the optical illusion on your hand?"
I shrugged and turned my hand over, finding that the symbol was now a dull gold. It settled in my palm suspiciously. I felt a sigh escape my lips, "I just made a deal with you, didn't I?"
"Very easily, yes." Daddy nodded, "You are astonishingly dumb."
I glared down at my palm, "Shit. Please tell me what I just made a deal to, Daddy."
Daddy smirked, "I seriously wouldn't worry about it, angel. But, if you must know, I have dedicated myself to help you reach your goal of becoming one of the greatest sinners in the world."
I scowled at him, "That's not one of my goals! I just wanted to chill and not worry about accidental, minor sins."
He shrugged, "Too late, you should have read the contract."
"Alright, Daddy. What do you get in return?"
Daddy laughed, "I get a hot twink calling me Daddy and doing everything I say." He shrugged, "It's a win-win for me."
"What's a 'hot twink'?" I asked, frowning up at him.
Before Daddy could come up with a response, the door flew open. We both turned our attention to it as a familiar figure entered through the door.
Grant sighed, "Who left the door unlocked?" He groaned, turning to us. His eyebrows pressed in as he noticed us standing close with one another. He frowned, "Uh... you guys okay?"
"Perfect!" Daddy grinned, "Ishmael and I were just getting acquainted." As if to prove the statement, he clapped me on the back
"Ow, shit!" I yelped as his hand contacted the holes in my back.
Grant gasped, "Xav, careful on his back!" He walked in and closed the door behind me, glancing down at Daddy's bags.
Daddy was looking down at me, "What's up with your back?"
"God's wrath." I responded, rubbing out the pain with one of my hands, "It's usually good if you don't slap it."
Grant nervously laughed, "Oh, God's wrath! Silly Ishmael with his silly jokes!" He shook his head, "Yeah, he hurt his back in a skiing accident."
"What's skiing?" I asked, genuinely curious.
Grant looked ready to ram his head into the stove. Daddy burst out laughing, "Grant, where the fuck did you happen to find an angel?"
Grant's face contorted, "Angel? Did he tell you that? He's a bit demented." Grant tried to play it off, "Really bad skiing accident."
"Uh-huh." Daddy nodded sarcastically. "Still doesn't explain where ya found him."
"To Hell with where you found me!" I scoffed, jerking my head at Daddy, "Where did you find Daddy?"
"I'm sorry..." Grant held his hands out, as if putting physical distance between himself and the word, "Who?"
"Your roommate. Daddy." I waved my hands at Daddy, who looked like he was just trying to hold in laughter.
Grant looked completely confused, as if he was ready to clock out of this entire conversation. He took a deep breath, "Xav. Why is he calling you that?"
"I told him to." Daddy laughed, "And he just does. I never realized how fun angels could be."
Grant sputtered, "You're just accepting that there's an angel in your house?"
"Well-- you've been living with a demon!" I reminded him, "I think that's more weird than living with an angel."
"I've been doing what?!" Grant squealed.