McKenna Prentiss | April 11, 2018 | London Night 1
"You excited?" Niall asks from the couch. He was sitting next to Kelsey who had an excited look on her face.
"Yeah, still a tad bit anxious, but excited nonetheless." I say, smiling at the happy couple that was once Harry and I, but we weren't really a couple, were we?
"You don't still get episodes, do you?" Kelsey asks, concern washing over her features now, but I shrug, not really knowing what to tell them.
"How bad is it?" She asks, and I sigh, not really wanting to tell her, but the concerned look she was giving me was making me break down the walls I had put up, it wouldn't hurt if I told Kelsey and Niall right?
"Really bad." I responded, which Kelsey widened her eyes at, and Niall look at me sympathetically, "I've fainted more times than I can count, there are days where I couldn't breathe, and I felt like the walls are closing in on me. When I saw what Harry had done, you know in Paris, I think it kind of got worse. I can't sleep cause I keep getting nightmares. I sound like I'm over-reacting, am I over-reacting?"
Kelsey and Niall both shook their heads at me, but I just feel as if I am over-reacting. He just kissed her, right? But it was Camille, Camille who was always rubbing it in my face that she had Harry.
"Are you sure you don't want to confront him, McKenna, maybe things will get easier." Niall suggests, but I shook my head, I was being stubborn about this, I know, but he made that mistake.
"Ready, McKenna?" Zoe asks as she enters the dressing room, and I nod, I straightened out my leather jacket, and I nod to Niall who follows me as we exit my dressing room.
"What song are you going to cover?" She asks, and I shook my head, I wanted to perform a song I wrote tonight and tomorrow night, knowing full well it's my last two shows.
"I'll be singing my own song tonight and tomorrow night, so just have them push out a piano once I finish the last song." I told Zoe who looked at me with apprehension in her eyes, but ultimately nodded.
"Good luck you two!" Kelsey cheers before placing a kiss on my cheek and pecking Niall's lips.
I had to take advantage of Niall being here somehow, so we both agreed that it would be amazing if we surprised the fans.
Harry was nowhere to be seen and it honestly hurt me even more because he promised he would be at the side of the stage, waiting for me, so much for promises. He's always waiting by the side of the stage, but I wonder where he is.
Niall notices my discomfort and he pulls me in for a hug, knowing full well I was about to get an anxiety attack 5 minutes before my set.
"Just breathe, McKenna." Niall whispered in my ear and I nodded.
The stage manager nodded his head at me, making me enter the stage, and I take a deep breath, trying to calm my nerves.
I approach my mic stand, and smile lightly at Dylan who gave me a supportive smile and two thumbs up.
"Good Evening London!" I greet, and the crowd cheers, "I have a very special guest for you tonight, I'm sure you all know him, he obviously needs no introduction, ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Niall Horan!"
As soon as the name left my mouth, the arena screamed louder, and from my point of view I could see girls with tears streaming down their face.
Niall and I sang Seeing Blind, obviously, and it was such a fun experience having Niall sing it with me instead of having his vocals play when I sang it before.
It was finally time for me to sing my new song, and I was terrified. I still kept checking the side stage in the hopes of seeing Harry, but he wasn't there. I sighed and sat down by the piano they had wheeled out, and I adjusted the mic, making sure it was all set before I started to speak.
"I'm not singing a cover tonight London, this song is a new one, and I hope you like it." I spoke into the mic, and supportive cheers and screams rang through the arena. I took a deep breath, closing my eyes before playing the keys of my new song.
This hurts like hell
But I keep telling myself
That it's gonna get better
But it's taking forever
I tried to go out
But every time I leave the house
Something reminds me,
Of what's now behind me
Everyday I let go, just a little bit more
In the end, will I be alright?
Well, it might take a hundred sleepless nights
To make the memories of us disappear
Cause right now I can't see nothing
Through these tears
Controlled my thoughts
Convincing myself it's your loss
I think I mean it
But I'm not sure I see it
Out of sight but you're not out of my mind
Did it take somebody else at night
To make me feel like we were never real
Cause right now I can't see nothing
Through these tears
I think that it's over
You never got closer
I cried all alone
that night
Driving home on an empty highway
I thought about us and I hit the brakes
What we had and who we were was so clear
But right now I can't see nothing through these tears.
I finished the song, and I hadn't realised that the whole time I was singing, tears were streaming down my face, and I had my eyes closed.
I turned my back to the fans, not really wanting them to see I was crying and wiped my tears before I faced them, gave a small smile and took my bow.
"Kenna that was- I, oh my God that was amazing!" Kelsey encouraged as I stepped off the stage, her arms instantly around my body as she held me close to her. I couldn't help the sob that escaped my lips though, that song just described what had happened between Harry and I, and I'm sure the fans picked up on it.
But my eyes soon meet Harry's green ones, and the confusion written all over his face.
"What was that all about?" He asks, and I resist the urge to roll my eyes, as if he didn't already know.
"I don't know what your talking about." I simply answer, pushing past him and making my way to my dressing room.
"McKenna would you just answer the question." Harry's tone was frustrated and all I wanted to do was go up to him and slap him across the face, but I didn't want to do that, I respect myself enough to cause a scene.
"Good luck tonight!" I dodged his question, and I quickly made my way to my dressing room with Kelsey and Niall in tow.
"We'll be waiting for you in the car, Kenna!" Kelsey places a kiss on my cheek as her and Niall walk towards the exit of the arena whilst I quickly changed into something more comfortable.
As soon as I was finally in the comfort of some sweats and a tank, I made my way out of my dressing room, but was stopped by Preston, Harry's security guard.
"Can't let you leave Ms. McKenna." He says in his gruff voice, and my brows furrow.
"Has something happened?" I asked, keeping my panic at bay, surely there would be chaos if something happened, right? And why wouldn't my security be the one to prevent me from leaving?
"Mr. Styles has asked me to prevent you from leaving the premises, he said to keep you in your dressing room until after the show." Could he get anymore frustrating?
"So I'm supposed to be held captive now? By my own free will?" I asked, and Preston merely shrugged. I groaned in response, he's got to be fucking kidding me.
Why couldn't he have just talked to me in my hotel room? Or at least text me?
It's because he knew you would ignore him, right.
I decided that maybe enough is enough and that I should probably confront him tonight, but what good will that do? I was supposed to do that tomorrow. For fuck's sake!
Deep breaths McKenna, deep breaths. I was not about to go into a panic attack, not about this.
I decide to just go on my phone and text Kelsey and Niall to head on to the hotel.
Kelsey:
Are you sure?
What happened?
Me:
I'll be fine, H wants to talk apparently
Niall:
I could stay behind, in case you need me there?
Me:
I'm a big girl Ni, I can do this. I'll meet you at the hotel.
I didn't really wait that long for Harry, because as soon as I heard the familiar ending of Kiwi, there was a knock on my door a few minutes later.
"You decent?" Harry jokes as he pops his head into my dressing room. I was sitting by the couch and I merely just stared at him, not entirely sure what to do, feel or say.
"What's going on McKenna?" He asks, arms crossed as he leans on the vanity table across from the couch, and I shrug, he forced me to wait for him, he should start talking.
"I should ask you the same question, Harry." I answer, crossing my arms and arching my brow at him. He looked at me with a confused look on his face, and I wanted to laugh at how typical it was.
"I'm not following." He shakes his head at me, and I roll my eyes. Is he being serious right now?
"Is there something you want to tell me, Harry?" I asked, and his brows furrow.
"I'm not sure what you're asking of me." It's either he's a really good actor or he seriously doesn't know what's going on.
"How was Paris? I remember telling you how excited I was to go sight-seeing, but you told me you had other plans. Tell me, did your plans involve a certain blonde, green eyed model?" And as soon as the words had left my mouth, the color from Harry's face had drained, and his mouth parted in shock.
"Cat got your tongue?" I don't know where I got the sudden rush of confidence in confronting Harry, this wasn't like me at all, but I like it. I stood from the couch, walking close to him but still managing to keep a safe distance.
"I-, I-uh, how did you know about that?" He was stumbling on his words, and he didn't even bother to deny it, so my eyes didn't deceive me.
"So it really did happen?" I asked, the tears that I have fought strongly to not stream down my face were already falling and I couldn't do anything to stop it.
"McKenna, Angel." He said, walking closer to me, but I stepped back, putting my hand up.
"You don't get to call me that anymore." I spoke through gritted teeth, and for the first time tonight, I managed to look him in the eye. I could tell he was sorry, but was that enough?
"Why?" I asked, my voice coming out softer than usual.
"Why what?" He asked, and I wanted to slap him, right then and there, but I held back, I'm not a violent person.
"Why did you do what you did?" I asked, but as he was about to answer me, I cut him off, "Why did you hide it from me for weeks?"
It took so much strength not to breakdown in front of him, all I wanted to do was collapse on my knees and sob until this whole thing blew over, but I knew that once I did that, he would just work his charm on me then we would be okay.
"I-I didn't know." He answered, and I snapped my head to meet his gaze, fury coursing through me, but I won't be hysteric, no. I'll be as calm as I can be then I can be a mess when I'm in the comfort of my own hotel room.
"You didn't know?" I asked softly, scoffing as he nodded. "You didn't know that you were full-on making out and I was two doors down? Or you didn't know that I was looking for you, and I went to go find you only to see you and Camille with your lips locked? Would I have witnessed live porn if I had come in a few seconds later? Seems to me like you both didn't want to stop, you didn't even hear me come in."
I was rambling, but I had managed to stop myself. Harry was looking at me apologetically, but I dared to look at his eyes again, and I hadn't noticed how close he got to me.
"McKenna, I'm really sorry." He apologizes, and I hadn't noticed how close he got to me. He wasn't standing a few feet away anymore, it was only a few meters, if not centimeters away, and his scent was enough to make my brain go into overdrive. I shut my eyes, trying to calm myself down, but I soon felt the warm breath of Harry near my lips, they were inching closer, and before I could even open my eyes, he presses his lips onto mine.
It was in that moment that I completely forgot about everything that happened in the past month, my mind was a mess, and it only seemed to be circulating on one guy, Harry. However, the sensible person in me flipped the switch, and my eyes snapped open, pushing Harry away from me.
"What the fuck is wrong with you!" The promise of not being hysteric was thrown out of the window the second Harry's lips were on mine. "Did you think that your kiss can make what you did better? It just reminded me that not long ago you were kissing Camille!"
"Kenna, I don't know what you want me to do." He answers, and I scoffed at him, is he being for real right now?
"Own up to what you did! And you should've told me! I don't care what your reasons are for kissing her, I think you made it perfectly clear that we aren't in a relationship! But I trusted you enough to take this slow, I didn't realize that things might be going too slow for you-"
"No, they're not! Angel, we're perfect." He cut me off, taking my hands in his, but I pulled away, the hurt was coming back in waves, and all I wanted was to drown in a pool of self-pity.
"Stop, Harry. Please, just stop." I said through my tears, "I'm leaving tomorrow, after the show."
"Okay, when will you be back? We still have a few more shows coming-" I cut him off, I know he doesn't deserve an explanation for what I'm doing, but I'm a good person.
"No. I'm cutting it short. I already told Jeff, who apparently knew by the way. Were you planning on telling everyone except me?" He was about to answer my question, but I didn't want to even know, "No, don't answer that. I guess it was good while it lasted H. I'm sorry I couldn't be enough for you."
And with that, I looked at Harry one last time, before leaving the dressing room.
April 12, 2018 | London Night 2
"Before I set foot on stage, I would just like to thank everybody who believed in me, and to the crew who managed to make me sound good every night! I also would like to thank my band, Dylan, Alice and Jace, you three have been incredible, and I can't wait to tour with you guys again soon! To my best friends, Kelsey, and Niall, I appreciate you both for flying out to me when times got tough, and for sticking by my side. Lastly, to Zoe, Zo, this has been one heck of a ride, and I can't thank you enough for always, always checking up on me, and putting my mental health first. Now, let's blow this popsicle stand!" I yell as we all huddle together in a group hug. I was sandwiched next to Dylan and Niall who both had proud smiles on their faces.
Everyone managed to wish me the best of luck before my in-ears were put in by Zoe. "Blow their socks off, Rockstar."
I smile, knowing full well that everybody supported my decision in taking the rest of the tour off, well, everybody but one. I haven't seen Harry since I left the arena last night, and I guess it was good riddance? Well, I'd hate to admit that it honestly did break my heart that he wasn't here, but I didn't want Kelsey and Niall to see that.
As soon as I arrived at the hotel last night, Kelsey and Niall both noticed my tear-stained eyes, both immediately consoling me with some wine, ice cream, and American Horror Story, name a more iconic trio, I'll wait.
I didn't think arriving at this arena would be more difficult today, however with Zoe, Kelsey and Niall by my side, I thought to myself that I'll be fine.
"Good Evening London!" I scream into the mic as I set foot on my usual spot. The crowd was louder, and it made me happy. God was I going to miss this view.
I managed to make it through majority of my songs, but as it finally came down to the cover, I knew people would be hysteric. I could already read the headlines from here, 'Harry Styles' girlfriend McKenna Prentiss covers his ex-girlfriends song at HIS concert?' Well, they wouldn't know I was his ex-girlfriend too.
"Alright, London. To bid my adieu, as this is my last show with Harry, I would like to do a cover of one of my favorite songs. I would just like to thank Harry, for giving me this wonderful opportunity. Everybody! This is Clean."
The drought was the very worst
When the flowers that we'd grown together died of thirst
It was months, and months of back and forth
You're still all over me like a wine-stained dress
I can't wear anymore
Hung my head, as I lost the war,
and the sky turned black like a perfect storm
Rain came pouring down when I was drowning
That's when I could finally breathe
And by morning, gone was any trace of you,
I think I am finally clean
There was nothing left to do
When the butterflies turned to dust,
they covered my whole room
So I punched a hole in the roof
Let the flood carry away all my pictures of you
The water filled my lungs,
I screamed so loud but no one heard a thing
Ten months sober, I must admit
Just because you're clean don't mean
you don't miss it
Ten months older I won't give in
Now that I'm clean I'm never gonna risk it
The drought was the very worst
When the flowers that we'd grown together died of thirst
Think I'm finally clean
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did that hurt u as much as it hurt me? lmao
i hope ur enjoying the story so far!! i can't wait for the next few chapters :>
all my love,
savannah x