~Elodie's POV~
Death is easy. Living is hard. Yet why had everything before this year felt easy. Had I been dead until I suddenly came alive? Why had they decided to kill me? Why had I decided I suddenly needed to be alive. Oh right, I wanted to pass a stupid course.
***New Years Day (1:00 AM)***
"I love- I love you mate, ya know. We shared a bottle of fire whiskey,*hiccup* we had this night, we both fancy the same lass, *hiccup* but we're fine! I love you mate," Cedric drunkenly said with his arm draped over Fred who was mimicking the came drunken affection.
"Here, here! *hiccup* Ya- you know you're like me brother mate. Only I got five already. *hiccup*" Fred said, his arm around Cedric's waist.
"There she is!" They said to me in unison as I turned to face them. Little did they realize I'd been not even two feet away speaking to Cedric's parents.
I knew they wouldn't remember in the morning. And the friendship would be short lived. I just wished they would be like this all the time. Selfish I know. But I wanted to have my cake and devour it too. I wanted both of them. What made it bad was that I wanted them both the same. The worst part was that I told Cedric I loved him, when in reality, I still wasn't sure I believed it.
Looking at Cedric, Fred and George on the stairs I thought about how easy it could be to have all three of them. How I wouldn't mind being shared by them, because I would never truly belong to them. They would all be mine.
"Alright, your parents are looking for the two of you," I told the twins. "And I'm sure you'd be more comfortable in bed," I said to Cedric.
"Looks like your night is going to be a bit better than ours mate," George leaned forward and said to Cedric.
*** 3:30 AM ***
"Cedric, Are you awake?" I whispered.
It was probably about 3 or 4 in the morning. Everyone had gone home. I was honest with Amos and Annie that we had been drinking. When I requested to stay in Cedrics room to make sure he wasn't too sick they had no hesitation, so long as we had separate covers, to which I did not protest. They trusted us.
I had brought up a pot of tea, some fizzy water and a few left over rolls of bread should Cedric wake up a bit peaky in the middle of the night.
"Mmm," he managed to coax out.
"I think when I get back, I need to talk to Minerva," I said. "I need to know the truth."
"Tomorrow darling," he said. He rolled over and slithered a hand under my covers to pull me closer to him.
He pulled his head into my chest and took a deep breath. He wanted to be held, to which I obliged. I played with his hair until I fell asleep, holding him there in my arms. This would be enough.
*** January 2nd~***
A handful of students had returned to the castle. Classes didn't begin for another three days. I sat on the ledge of the fireplace. Minerva was outside in the classroom. She still hadn't come in here. The room was dark. Only the dimming light from outside shone through the window. I summoned all the courage I could, I had been avoiding this. I heard the door unlock and push open. She walked in and took off her coat. She still hadn't noticed me sitting here yet.
"Oh, my dear! You'll stop an old woman's heart," She said once she noticed me. "What are you doing here, alone in the dark?" She asked and turned on a few of her candles.
"When were you going to tell me?" I whispered.
"Come again dear?" She said. She still stood by the door.
I took in a deep breath, and reminded myself I needed to know. "Sirius Black is my godfather. When were you going to tell me?" I said. She stood there, hand to her chest, eyes blank.
"Or the foggy visions I've been having? The empath feelings? The fact that I can't remember ANYTHING from when I was a child, or that I can easily do this," I said and turned the fireplace on with a roaring flame without moving, "When were you going to tell me?" I asked with tears building in my eyes.
She moved behind her desk and began rummaging through one of her drawers. But still she remained silent.
"It means something, doesn't it?" I said standing from the fireplace. Met by more silence. "Tell me!" I said and a rage erupted from the flames bursting fire from the fireplace and the candles around the room.
"There is a reason," She said calmly and took a seat on the recamier. As if she knew this is how I would react. "When you were 9 years old there was an incident. We were in Dumbledore's office, you had been sent home from primary school. You attended school in London, a muggle school," She began.
"I thought I was homeschooled?" I interjected
"That was after, Please." She said and raised a hand, asking me to let her continue. "They said that a little boy had been teasing you, about not having parents and you pushed him across the schoolyard, and began choking him, but you never actually laid a hand on him. When we were in Dumbledore's office something similar happened," she said.
"What?" I asked, holding my breath, staring into the fire.
"He and I, we were on the landing while you were downstairs. We heard a glass bowl shatter, and when we looked over to you, you began crying. And then it was as if the room was going to split in half. Everything started flying around the room, and then you collapsed. When we got to you, your eyes were white. As white as if you were blind. Just as quickly as we saw them, they had shifted back." She looked at me with sadness as she recalled the memory. But I couldn't believe what she was saying.
"I don't remember any of this," I said and turned away from the fire, moving to lean on her desk the way she hated.
"When you didn't wake up, Albus called a healer, a friend of his he trusted. He told us that the incidents would only progress. They would become worse and more frequent. The only way to prevent it was to make you forget," she said.
"Make me forget? Forget what!?" I asked her.
"Everything," She said in a whisper.
I felt like I couldn't see anymore. The tears building in my eyes asking for an escape but I would give them the allowance. "What- what does that even mean?" I asked and slid down to sit on the floor, and hug my knees to my chest.
"There's a reason you can't remember your young life dear. He told us that your magic comes from a dark place," she said.
"I thought everyone can produce dark magic, it- it's a choice," I said, trying to comprehend.
"Yes, anyone may produce it, but your magic, in its entirety, is dark magic. The night your parents were killed, when your mother stopped you-know-who, part of the spell deflected, and his magic went into you," She said
"What does that mean?" I asked. My words felt strained, like if talking was becoming harder.
"His magic became yours. You contain the magic of two wizards. That's why it's always been easy to you," she said softly, as if she was ashamed.
"Easy? What part of my life has been easy Minerva!?" I said, gesturing to the room.
She stood from where she was sitting and began moving closer to me. "The only way to help you, was to make you forget, and to put a binder on your magic. To control it, we had to limit it," she said and crouched down to place a hand on my face. "Everything that I chose to do was only to keep you safe longer my dear," she said.
I pulled my face away from her touch and stood from where I was sitting. "Safe from what?"
"Yourself. And those who may think you've stolen something from you-know-who. You HAD to forget what's happened because knowing the truth puts you in danger. You knew everything my dear, things no one should know. You said, you could see people. People that weren't there," she said.
I crossed the room to be away from her. "So you made me forget them? That's why I can't remember my parents? How was that better for me?" I said. I couldn't control it anymore, the tears were flowing freely down my face.
"Because if it consumed you, if you gave into it, there would be no controlling it. It would define you. We had to take it from you, to give you a choice," she explained and I felt rage.
"No, you took EVERYTHING from me, and that was NOT my choice!" I said and felt the room shake as the fire exploded again. I felt the anger, it was building in my chest but seeing the fire brought me back. "What's happening to me?" I asked through sobs.
"When I gave you the time turner, I didn't realize you had chosen to take Divination. When you began Professor Trelawney's treatments, it began lifting the binder we put on your magic," She explained. "I wanted it to be your choice, that meant keeping you in the dark until you were older."
"Then put it back, I- I don't want this, put the binder back on," I pleaded with her.
"I can't, no one can," She said. I looked at her face for the first time and I saw her face was stained with tears as well. Her eyes filled with sorrow. "The only way to control it is just that, you need to learn to control it, you can't allow yourself to shift. When you do that you tap into the dark magic, and if you do that too often..."
"It'll take over," I said, finishing her thought.
"Yes. Oh, my dear I am so sorry," She said and began walking toward me but I put a hand up telling her to stay back.
"And my godfather what does he have to do with any of this?" I asked.
"We believe that he knows, and wants to kill you and Harry as a way to appease you-know-who. Or even as a way to give him power again," she said. She ignored my raised hand and moved across the room to take me into her arms. "Listen to me," she said and placed a hand on either side of my face. "I love you, okay. You have been only a blessing in my life and everything I have done, Everything, has been by your parents wishes to keep you safe," she said.
"But I can't remember them, Minerva please," I pleaded with her. My words are breathy. My face was soaking wet. "Please I need to know," I said.
She looked at me for a long moment. "Okay," she said and dropped her hands. She went to her desk and lifted the vile she had removed from her drawer. "This," she said and stretched her hand out for me to take it. "When you're ready, before you go to bed, drink it," she said and I took it from her hand. "You should know, in doing so, you remove what is left of the binder. I'm sorry my dear, but if you choose this, it's the only way"
I didn't say anything, I just burst through the door and started running.
"Elodie!" She called behind me but I was too far for her to see me.
The halls were still empty, so no one got in my way. I didn't know where I was going, I just kept running. Once I was in the courtyard I thought about going to the Hufflepuff common room, but Cedric wouldn't be back until tomorrow. I made my way back to the Gryffindor common room, I expected it would be empty enough, not many people had returned yet.
My breath was heaving. Either from the running or the thought that there was a chance of completion. I'd never felt like a whole person. Only book clippings of the person I thought I was expected to be. Never understanding love or the individuality of what it meant to be a complete person. I'd never realized fully given thought that what was missing from me could give me what I wanted.
"Password?" The painting asked.
"Fortuna Major," I said and entered through the door.
I saw two heads of red hair sitting on the couch snickering back and forth. I should have walked up to my room. I wanted to be alone. But I also didn't want to be by myself. I wiped a sleeve across my face in case and made my way over.
"Hey beautiful," they said in unison as I walked up to them.
"Hello," I said as I took a seat in the middle of them.
"What's going on dearie?" Fred asked.
"Have you been crying?" George asked.
"I don't want to talk about it, not yet," I said and leaned back deeper into the couch.
They resumed their conversation which went right over my head. I had a blistering headache, the kind you only get when you've been crying. I rested my head on George's shoulder and felt my breath become shallow again. Every time I exhaled I felt all the air leave my body. I couldn't stop thinking about everything Minerva told me. I couldn't stop thinking about whether it was worth risking my sanity just to have my memories back. Before I knew it the tears were running freely again.
"Hey, it's okay, it's okay," George cooed softly realizing what was happening and wrapped an arm over my shoulder pulling me closer to him.
"Whatever it is, it's going to be okay," Fred said. He moved to his knees so he was kneeling in front of me and was moving a few strands of hair out of my face.
I nodded and closed my eyes to evict the tears that remained. I wasn't sure if I really believed it would be okay. No matter what decision I made there would be a bad outcome. I just had to decide which was the lesser of two evils.
"Get some sleep, we can talk about it in the morning," George said.
I felt George's hand rubbing soothing circles on my back and it was coaxing me to sleep. It was making the headache go away.
"I don't want to be alone tonight," I whispered.
"Okay," Fred said.
We walked up to the boys dorm. They were the only two fifth years back so far. Their room was clean for a change. The three of us nuzzled on George's bed. They let me lay between them as they provided support and let me allow an occasional silent tear escape.
~Fred's POV~
"What time is it?" Elodie asked.
She was laying on her stomach, resting her head on George's chest, face turned to me. I was holding her hand with one and the other was behind her ear. Brushing the same strand of hair over and over again.
"It's about 9 o'clock love," I said.
Oh, how I wished she was resting her head on my chest. But if that was the case she would be looking at George right now. As pained as her face was it was still my favorite view.
"Sleep," George said to her even though he was looking at me. "We'll still be here when you wake."
"Why?" She whispered.
Neither of us knew why she was acting like this. It kind of felt like she was talking just to talk. To avoid sleep. To avoid her problems.
"Because we love you," I said, and I looked at George. "We both do." I knew he did. Maybe not in the same way as me, but he did.
"But why?" She said breathlessly.
"Just," George said before I could think of anything.
"What does it feel like?" She asked.
I looked at her and saw she had shut her eyes so tight it was as if she was preparing for someone to flash an extremely bright light. I looked at George and he was as taken back by this as I was. I'd never thought about this before. At least not to the point where I could vocalize it. But then I remembered the collection. I brought her hand to my lips and placed gentle kisses on each of her fingers.
"For me...It feels like when I see you in the morning, no matter how many detentions I get, at least I was able to see you that day. So it couldn't be that terrible," I said and saw her open her eyes to look at the side of the room.
"It feels like until you enter the room, there was no light in it before. Just sitting in a dark room until you walk in," George says. I look over and see him dragging his fingers up and down her spine. I'd never heard him say anything like that before.
"What's going on love?" I ask her as I watch my brother's movement like a hawk.
She took the hand I was holding away and pushed herself up on the bed to sit on her knees so she was facing the both of us.
"All I do is hurt you, why would you give me the privilege?" She asked and looked at both of us confused.
Our expressions must have matched because neither of us knew what was going on in that brain of hers. God, I never thought I'd wish for Cedric to be here, but maybe he was better at understanding what she was saying then we were.
"Because loving you," George began.
"Is privileged enough," I said.
She placed a hand on the side of my face, and mimicked the movement to George as well. I moved so my head was resting on George's shoulder to close the gap so her reach wouldn't be so far, this only helped her next movement.
She leaned in and placed a kiss on George's lips, lingering too long to be considered a friendly kiss. No, friends don't kiss like that. My heart began to sink, but then she pulled away from him and did the same with me.
I knew she was in pain, but I felt an explosion of my senses. Goosebumps erupted across my entire body and I never wanted it to end. I licked her bottom lip but instead of allowing me an entrance she pulled away and returned to George.
I wanted more, I needed more from her. I placed a hand on her lower back and moved my head so I could kiss her neck while her focus was on George. This wasn't anything George and I hadn't done before, but I never thought I'd have to share Elodie like this. I didn't mind when it was Angelina or Katie, they were just fall back girls to spend time with. Elodie was more. I didn't like it, but I also didn't dislike it completely. If this was how she'd want it, she could have it. She could ask me for anything and I'd give it to her. Hell if she wanted me to share her with golden boy Diggory she could. I'd hate every minute of it, but I'd be willing.
She pulled away from George and refocused her attention to me. I saw George move to her neck the same as I had, and this time she allowed me entrance into her mouth. God, she tasted amazing. Like mint and vanilla. I wanted to have this, have her for the rest of my life. We played with each other's tongues back and forth, and as much as I wanted more it felt like she wanted it too.
She moved her hand to no longer rest on my face, but to give a little tug to my hair. Pulling me closer. I felt George's finger touch mine and our thought was the same. To begin sliding her shirt up.
There was a desperation in her kiss. And then I felt it. I opened my eyes and saw the tears pouring from her eyes. The tears that had been dripping onto my face, but I had chosen to ignore.
"Hey," I said and pulled away from her.
George stopped and saw her too. Instantly regretting where this had been going. I felt it too.
"Talk to us, what's happening," I asked.
A painful sob escaped from inside of her. "She took them from me," She said.
I looked at George and we were both lost again.
"What was that dearie?" He asked.
She didn't say anything. She just fell in between us again and began letting out silent whimpers. We both turned so she could lay on her back and we'd each be hugging a side of her. Until she finally fell asleep.
~Elodie's POV~
My eyes shot open. I felt the headache again. It felt like my eyes were only closed for about 10 minutes. I sat up and saw that I was still nuzzled in between both Fred and George fast asleep. I didn't know what had gotten into me. I can't say I'd never thought about it before but I never thought I'd actually do it. Especially since things with Cedric had finally been where I'd wanted them to be.
I looked at the muggle clock on the side of Fred's bed. It was only 11 o'clock. I ran my hand through my hair moving it out of my face. I knew what I needed to do. I reached into my pocket and pulled out the vile Minerva had given me.
"I need to know," I whispered and drank it like it was a shot of fire whiskey, and I was an alcoholic.
I laid back to the positions I was previously in and looked at the twins. The boys. My boys. They deserved to love someone better than me. But if they had shown me anything in my moment of seeking desperate understanding it was that they would be willing to do anything for me. I hope that also meant letting go of the person they thought I was.
"I'm sorry," I said to them and then closed my eyes again. "I'm sorry," I said and then drifted until everything was black.