i'm standing on a ledge
above a fall i can't face
but you push me anyway
sweet surrender
~ atc
⋅⋆∘✯∘⋆⋅
Jeongguk's curiosity peaked when Taehyung pulled out markers, a notebook and a random takeout box. "What're you doing?"
"I also remember—" Taehyung patted the space next to him, signaling for the ravenette to sit. "— that you liked writing."
"Damn is this a date?" Jeongguk let slip.
"Pfft. You wish."
"But you have everything thought out."
"Yeah I know. It's kinda ridiculous." Taehyung grinned sheepishly, the tips of his bangs shifting and covering his eyes when he tilted his head. "But I do feel bad... for yesterday." He grimaced a little.
"It's not your fault." Jeongguk repeated quietly. "I guess you weren't expecting me to answer like that..."
"I really wasn't. But... I do want to make up for it."
Jeongguk swallowed, suddenly feeling vulnerable, and Taehyung noticed his sudden discomfort.
"We don't have to talk about it if you don't want to. Seriously." Taehyung told him, a tender edge to his voice.
"Right. Okay." Jeongguk bit his lip and scratched the back of his neck. "So..."
The brunette set the supplies between them and picked out a blue marker. "We're gonna write on these pieces of paper. And put it in this box."
"Very fancy box you got there."
"I know right. Straight out of the dining hall kitchen." Taehyung nodded exaggeratedly.
Jeongguk scanned the markers and picked out a red. "What are we writing?"
"Anything." Taehyung leaned back and stared into the distance, feeling his shoulders relax. "Whatever you're thinking of right now. And I won't look. We'll put in the box and I think it'll be fun to open it when camp's over. The counselors do this kind of stuff sometimes."
"I haven't written anything... in very a long time." Jeongguk murmured his confession, ripping off a page from the notebook. "I used to read a lot too."
"Why'd you stop?" Taehyung glanced at the boy next to him.
"Dunno" was his response.
Jeongguk felt strangely at ease, perched on top of the world, marker in hand and with the company of this handsome boy who just waltzed into his life. He ghosted the marker over the paper, unsure.
Writing used to be so easy.
Jeongguk would just put his thoughts onto paper. Back then it was simple because there was only one voice in his head. But ever since... incidents, his demons weren't taking turns. They were screaming all at once, lines and sentences blurred into a blob of unreadable ink.
Taehyung, on the other hand, was already discarding pieces of writing into the takeout box. Jeongguk caught his eye.
"You okay?" Taehyung asked, seeing that his paper was blank.
"Mhm." The ravenette ducked back down, giving it another moment of thought before the marker tip met the surface of the paper. He scribbled without looking back, sliding it into the box.
When he looked up again, Taehyung was staring at him. "What?"
"Ever heard of smiling?"
Jeongguk snickered, turning his gaze back towards his lap.
"No, I'm serious. You look annoyed all the time." The brunette leaned over to flick under the boy's chin, to which Jeongguk stiffened at the touch. "Smile."
"Give me a reason to." Jeongguk shrugged.
"You don't need a reason to." Taehyung responded, watching the boy intently. The ravenette forced a half-smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. "Oh c'mon, Bambi. Is it that hard for you?"
Jeongguk fell back to his somber expression. "A little." He answered honestly, "Also, don't call me Bambi."
"Why not?" A grin was plastered onto Taehyung's face. "I already have tons of nicknames in mind." Jeongguk opened his mouth to answer but the brunette was already going through his list. "Bambi, bun— ahem, mister sky person—"
Jeongguk groaned. "Please don't remind me of that. It was such an awkward thing to say."
"I got more coming." Taehyung pinched at his chin.
"No—"
"Ggukie."
"No."
"Gguk-ca-licious."
"Absolutely not—"
"Snowflake."
Taehyung let it slip past his lips. And it wasn't until Jeongguk pushed his arm away with a powerful move that he realized what he had said.
"What the fuck did you just—" Every trace of friendliness had left Jeongguk's face, eyes sharp as he eyeballed Taehyung with a look of abhorrence, complimenting the bitterness of his tone.
Confusion swarmed in Taehyung's chocolate irises. The ravenette was properly mad...
"I said no fucking nicknames." Jeongguk fumed, marker falling out of his hand when he gave Taehyung another shove, this time on the shoulder.
"Fuck, calm down!" Taehyung gasped when he was almost pushed off the edge, hands flying up to grab at the ravenette's wrists before he could further endanger his life.
"Let go." Jeongguk tried to break free, but Taehyung was too determined to keep him still.
"Okay I will, but—" Taehyung pulled up his legs so he could face the glaring ravenette. "What's wrong?"
The ravenette shook his head. "You said—" Jeongguk swallowed, hard, "You said we didn't have to talk about it." The back of his eyes burned, threatening tears, and Taehyung was shocked to see him on the verge of crying. The ravenette began to tremble, still pulling at Taehyung's clutches. "Please. Please please let me go."
The brunette released him and watched as Jeongguk's free hands instantly went to seize the pendant of the necklace that dangled against his chest. His eyelids fluttered shut, breathing labored as he tried to soothe the storm that arose in his chest.
It was like that little piece of shiny ocean blue was the embodiment of whatever was left of Jeongguk's sanity. It was like one touch healed him of all panic and fished him out of rough seas that filled his lungs with salt and denied him the right to breathe.
When Jeongguk opened his eyes again, his gaze lingered forward. "Please don't call me s-snowflake." He murmured, his words delicate like the fingers wrapped around the pendant.
"I'm sorry." Taehyung whispered, "I didn't know..." He trailed off.
I had a dream about you. He wanted to say. I had a dream about you and a woman. She called you snowflake.
"Just stop." Jeongguk lowered his face into his palms, hunched forward. He sounded... tired.
"I... I want to help you, Jeongguk." The brunette said hesitantly, "I can... I can get your mom and dad if it—"
"Can you please shut up!"
Quickly Taehyung sealed his lips, eyes wide with fright. Jeongguk wanted to leave, but he didn't trust himself enough to make it back down without the brunette guiding him. So he was stuck- stuck with a boy who somehow knew exactly how to drive him insane.
"There are things..." Jeongguk exhaled, "There are things you don't know about me. So please— watch what you say." He finally let go of the pendant.
Taehyung's eyes flitted between the boy's face and his necklace, seemingly pondering over something, then he went and moved the stack of supplies out of the way. Jeongguk let out a squeak of surprise when the brunette hooked an arm around his shoulder and held him close.
"I'm sorry." Taehyung said quietly, his breath fanning faintly against Jeongguk's ear, "I'm sorry I... triggered you." He frowned. "I know something's wrong. I feel it. And I'm sorry. I'm just worried about you."
Jeongguk felt his throat burn with emotion. When was the last time he had felt the warmth of someone else's body next to his? A lifetime ago. Before everything went to shit and all he had left was her pendant.
It was all he could hold on to.
__________
is it just me or do i use the word "eye" too much lmao
i've been really discouraged. cause my book "the moon is everywhere" got deleted by wattpad. but i'll try not giving up.
i hope you're safe and happy
- hay