Not again! I couldn't let this happen again. I tried to calm my breathing, but it didn't seem to help. I sank down to the floor and pulled my knees to my chest, hoping to block out the world around me. I could hear the objects in the storage room rattling and shaking on the shelves and I prayed that I could make it stop. I needed to calm down. If I calmed down, it would stop.
"Rose?"
My head snapped up from where it rested on my knees and the room stopped shaking. My eyes landed on Dimitri standing in the doorway, his expression a weird mixture between his guardian mask and confusion. But one thing is clear. He saw what was happening in this room. What I was doing.
He walked towards me and crouched down and placed his hands on my legs, rubbing them gently as he looked at me. I reached up and wiped the tears from my face with the sleeve of my shirt.
"What is going on? What's wrong?" he asked, but I shook my head. He sighed and moved his hands to my face, cupping my cheeks. "Clearly, something is going on. When I came in here, everything was shaking on the shelves."
I shook my head and pulled out of his grasp and slipped by him, making a beeline for the gym exit and the safety of my room. But I wasn't fast enough. Dimitri was hot on my heels and caught up to me, spinning me around and backing me towards the wall of the gym.
"Rose, just tell me what's wrong," Dimitri implored, his hands holding my shoulders to keep me from bolting. I looked up at him hesitantly and weighed the pros and cons of revealing the one secret I had kept from everyone: including Lissa.
I shook my head and tried to pull out of his reach, but he held me tighter and tried to meet my eyes. "You wouldn't understand," I whispered, forcing the fear to remain unnoticed. Dimitri sighed in frustration and pulled me closer to him and positioned me so that I was trapped between him and the wall.
"Roza, please."
I closed my eyes with a sigh and tilted my head against the concrete behind me. If there was ever a person I could trust this with, it should be him, right? I mean, he's Dimitri. "You have to promise that you won't freak out or think I'm nuts. Okay?" Dimitri moved his hand from my shoulders to cup my face, nodding his head while quietly giving me his promise.
I took a shaky breath and unbuckled the watch around his wrist, letting it drop between us. When he moved his hands to catch it, he faltered when he realized that his watch never hit the ground. I mentally pulled the watch closer to my face – his chest level – and held it there.
Dimitri stepped back slightly and gapped at me as he looked between me and the watch. He took another step back and I felt my resolve falter, causing my control to slip and the object to drop from between us. Dimitri's hands snapped out to catch it and he gripped it tightly. I had never been someone who would let small reactions bother me, but Dimitri's face made me want to crawl under a rock and hide there for the rest of my life. I muttered quietly under my breath and moved to flee but Dimitri moved fast and gripped my hand.
I didn't dare look at him and kept my gaze to the floor, kicking myself for thinking I could show anyone that. Dimitri gently tugged me back to him and held me against him, his hand going up to cup the back of my head.
"What was that?"
"Lissa wasn't the only reason we were running. People were starting to notice, and I tried so hard to hide it. I did everything I could to hide it, but I had to get a handle on it first and I couldn't do that here," I said against the cotton of his shirt, my voice muffled by it. I focused on the thumping under my cheek of Dimitri's steady heartbeat, using the sound and sensation to bring my own galloping heart down to a normal level.
Dimitri didn't say anything but simply twisted his hand into my curls and rested his cheek against my forehead, his other hand moving down to the small of my back. I smiled to myself gently as his fingers brushed against the sliver of skin exposed between my shirt and jeans. It made me think of what happened only a few hours ago.
I tilted my head up to look at him, our faces only inches apart. "Crazy enough for you yet?" I joked half-heartedly, giving him a meek smile. A smirk crossed his face as he stroked my cheek affectionately.
"Oh, Roza. If seeing ghosts didn't make me run, not much could. Anything else I should know about?"
I shrugged my shoulders and pulled away from him slightly. It had been weeks since I had willingly used my abilities, so it took me a moment to channel it. I watched Dimitri carefully as I pulled the large squat rack towards us, wincing at the loud scraping noise.
Dimitri had an awed look on his face, and it was something I enjoyed seeing. It made me feel like less of a freak. Dimitri scratched his face and walked towards the rack. "Is it only objects that you can move?" he asked as he ran his hand over the metal. I chuckled quietly to myself and gave a mental tug, making him stumble back towards me.
"I'm not used to moving people, but I have made a car move a few inches while the parking brake was on," I snickered at the expression on his face. He shook his head at me and came closer, but the sound of the gym door opening stopped us.
Alberta popped her head into the gym and gave both of us a flat smile. "I thought I would find the two of you here. We are heading out now," Alberta said before slipping back out of the gym as quickly as she came. I met Dimitri's gaze and like a gravitational pull, we met halfway and held each other tightly. I breathed in his scent deeply and tried to commit it to memory in case before tilting my head up and catching his lips in a kiss.
"I love you."
Dimitri rested his head against mine before pecking my lips again. "I love you too, Roza."
_____________________________________
I gave Dimitri a subtle nod as he went with the first wave into the caves, feeling my heart falter for a moment as he disappeared into the darkness. It felt like hours as we waited for the call for our wave to go in. I took a deep breath and ventured in, listening quietly and waiting for my stomach to roll again.
Eventually, we made it far enough in that we regrouped with the others and I caught Dimitri's eyes instantly, breathing a sigh of relief to see that he was unharmed aside from a blossoming bruise on his cheekbone. I quickly made my way over to him, giving him a tight smile but I could see the relief in his eyes as well.
"You're ok?" Dimitri whispered quickly, his eyes darting all over me to check for injury. I smiled when his hand brushed against mine, a small glimpse at what he wanted to do right now. I lifted my fingers to let them glide against his quickly before we both turned back into what my mom and Alberta were saying.
I could feel the hair on my neck stand up just moments before my stomach rolled and I called out to Mom, alerting her of our unwanted advancers. While at this moment we were all Guardians, a part of me was touched and angered when Dimitri placed himself between me and the Strigoi, but I also knew that he only did it because he loved me.
I came face to face with my first Strigoi quickly and squared up to him. Previously a Moroi, he towered over me but he wasn't as tall as Dimitri. I ducked under his arm and laid a kick to his knee but he spun around quickly and backhanded me. My feet came off the ground as I sailed backwards into someone behind me, knocking them down as well. The wind was knocked out of me as I hit the body cushioning my blow and I gasped for air greedily.
I rolled off the person and scrambled to my feet, clutching my stake in my hand as the Strigoi advanced me again. I dodged his fists and found an opening quickly, sinking my stake between the ribs. I pulled back instantly and collided with Mom who grabbed onto me and started pulling me towards the exit of the cave.
"There's too many of them! Get out!" Mom yelled as she yanked on my arm again while pushing one of the teachers ahead of her. I followed on her heels as we all moved out and I tried to push down the fear from hearing the Strigoi following us. I risked taking a glance behind me only to meet fierce brown eyes that were trained on me. While he may not have said anything, his eyes said enough.
Don't stop. Keep running.
I turned back and pushed harder, forcing my legs to pump harder and to carry me further. I sighed in relief when I crossed out of the cave into the setting sun only to feel dread course through my veins when I turned around to meet Dimitri.
"Dimitri!" I screamed, but it was too late. The blonde Strigoi that baited me at the battle was too close to him. I felt arms wrap around me as I stepped forward, the arms pulling me tightly against a chest and tugging me back. I screamed and thrashed against the iron grip around me, calling out Dimitri's name as the Strigoi sank his fangs into the side of his neck. And just like that, something inside me snapped.
"No!"
The iron grip around me was thrown back at the same time that the Strigoi was jolted away from Dimitri, skidding across the cave floor away from him. The moment I was free, I was charging back into the caves and dropped to my knees beside him.
"Comrade? Can you hear me?" I pleaded as I gripped his shoulders, shaking him to snap him out of the euphoric daze he was in from the bite. His eyes fluttered open and looked at me, but they weren't focused.
"Roza?" he mumbled, his hands ghosting over my arms as he tried to pull himself into a sitting position. I could hear my Mom and a few others running down the tunnel towards us, and I was sidetracked long enough by Dimitri to not see the Strigoi behind me and his hands wrap around my throat.
_____________________________________
Opening my eyes was the wrong thing to do. When I opened them, the fluorescent lights beamed down at me and I flinched back into the pillow. A small whimper escaped my lips at the sharp pain coursing through my head. That small, minuscule noise alerted the person sitting across the room and they moved towards me quickly. I felt someone lean over me and I cracked my eyes open to find my man above me, relief clear on his face.
Dimitri gave me a gentle smile and stroked my cheek softly, the backs of his fingers brushing against my skin. "Hi, Roza," he said quietly as he sat down on the edge of the bed. I turned my head into his touch, giving him a sigh as I held eye contact with him.
"Hey, Comrade."
Dimitri smiled again and slipped his hand into mine. "Roza, you've got to stop scaring me like that," he chastised with a hint of humour. I huffed, knowing that if I rolled my eyes it would send another blast of pain through my brain.
"Why does my head hurt so much?" I croaked, wincing at the roughness of my throat. He ran the back of his hand over my cheek with a sigh.
"Guardian Alto was right behind the Strigoi when it attacked you. Alto staked it and when it let go, you fell sideways and hit your head on a rock. The doctor says you're going to have a concussion."
I took a slow breath and swallowed roughly, my hand fluttering up to my neck and I brushed my fingers over the tender skin. "Is it bad?" I asked quietly, and the pained look on his face answered the question. I looked over and reached for the pitcher of water next to the bed, but Dimitri beat me to it, pouring some into a paper cup and bringing it to my lips.
I sipped carefully and groaned at the relief it brought to my throat. I gave Dimitri a thankful look as he pulled the cup away from me, but he had a serious look now. "We have a problem."
"What is it?"
"People are questioning what happened at the caves."
I rolled my eyes and immediately regretted it, but gave him a glance. "We can just say that it was fear? I don't know, you're my mentor to everyone else," I said, but the look in his eyes said that it wasn't what he was talking about, and it made fear settle in my stomach like a boulder.
"You don't mean about me going back for you, do you?"
"No. I mean about how you knocked Alto and your mom back ten feet, along with the Strigoi."
I raked my hands through my hair as my heart rate skyrocketed, sending the monitor into a fit. Dimitri's hands were on me quickly, pulling mine away from my hair that I was trying to yank out by the roots. He moved from the chair beside me to the edge of the bed and pulled me into a hug, his large arms engulfing me as he shushed me.
"Roza, take a deep breath. We will figure out a way to explain it off," he whispered but I could barely hear him. My blood was pounding in my ears. I could feel other sets of hands on me as they laid me back down and I didn't realize I was gasping for air until someone placed a paper bag in front of my mouth, trying to get me to focus filling and sucking the air out of the bag. My breathing slowly returned to normal and I discovered that it was Alberta who was holding the bag, her eyes staring into mine as she nodded her head.
"You're ok, Rose. Take a slow breath."
I listened and breathed slowly, my eyes drifting to Dimitri who moved to stand against the wall, his eyes filled with concern.
"There you go. Alright, Belikov? Can you please step out? I have some things I need to ask Rose about," Alberta said when I set the bag down on the bed. My eyes widened and caught Dimitri's again. If she was about to ask the questions I thought she was, I didn't want to be alone. Dimitri gave me a reassuring look that Alberta caught, and she sat down in the chair that Dimitri vacated.
I looked from Alberta to Dimitri and then back to Alberta, trying to figure out what to say. Dimitri seemed to understand my dilemma and came to sit at the end of my bed, his hand coming to rest on my clothed feet.
"Rose?"
I looked back to Alberta and let out a heavy sigh before slumping even further into the bed. "I don't even know where to start."
"We can start with me asking a question. I take it that you aren't leaving, Belikov?" Alberta stated as she crossed her arms over her chest. Dimitri shook his head and squeezed my ankle in an encouraging gesture. I nodded to Alberta and she stood to close the door and returned to the chair.
"What exactly happened that you could have pushed Alto away from you as far as you did?"
I squirmed uncomfortably in my spot, biting down as I processed my thoughts. I caught Dimitri's eye and could see that he wanted to help, but even he didn't know enough about the situation to divert the attention.
"You wouldn't believe me if I told you," I said softly, looking down at the blanket. I heard Alberta sigh and shift in her seat.
"Try me."
I closed my eyes and contemplated just how bad this could be. But then again, I was worried that Dimitri would react badly.
"How do I know that you won't tell anyone?" I asked in a small voice, one that I didn't even recognize as my own. Alberta looked at me with a stone mask as her eyes flicked from me to Dimitri.
"You just have to trust me. I'm asking you as someone who cares, do not make me ask as the Head Guardian of the academy."
I flinched at the bluntness of her voice and bit down on my lip again. Alberta noticed the motion and her expression softened slightly. Leaning forward and resting her arms on her legs, she sighed again and gave me a levelled look. "Please, Rose? I just want to know what happened."
"It might be easier if I show you instead," I said. Alberta gave me an encouraging look and waited for me to show her. I looked around the room for something that was small enough that I wouldn't feel drained after moving it. Coming up empty, I looked to Dimitri with a small smile and he quickly unfastened his watch, handing it to me.
Alberta looked mildly confused as I weighed the watch in my hand before lifting it with my mind, letting it hover a few inches over my palm before exhaustion took over and it dropped back into my hand. Dimitri quickly took the watch out of my hand and handed me a cup of water that I drank greedily.
"What did you just do?" Alberta whispered, her face showing her shock. I chuckled half-heartedly as I made myself comfortable in bed.
"What did it look like, Alberta?" I retorted tiredly. Alberta shook her head a few times before looking at Dimitri.
"Did you know about this?"
"I only found out this afternoon."
Alberta hummed to herself and opened her mouth to ask something else, but I think she realized the toll that put on my already exhausted body.
"I have more questions, but I will let you get some sleep. I will come back in the morning."
I nodded carefully and rolled onto my side while tucking the blanket around me. Alberta placed her hand on the side of my head before leaving, giving me a tight smile before heading out. I felt Dimitri get up and press his lips to the side of my head gently and I rolled a bit to look at him.
"Do you have somewhere you need to be?" I asked through a yawn and he shook his head, tucking a wayward curl behind my ear. "Can you hold me for a bit? Just until I fall back asleep?"
Dimitri didn't respond verbally but got up on the bed behind me and wrapped his arm around my waist, gently pulling me back to him and he rested his face in the crook of my neck. I hummed softly when he pressed his lips to my skin with a sigh, running his nose against the column of my neck before pressing another kiss behind my ear.
"I'm glad you're ok. I was really worried," he said softly as I ran my fingers over the arm holding me securely against him. I wiggled closer to him and turned my head enough to look at him. Dimitri lifted his head enough to catch my lips in a tender peck.
"I'm fine, Comrade. I always am."
_____________________________________
"I want to try something today," Dimitri said as we walked out to the field at the back of the academy. I pulled my bag higher onto my shoulder with a sigh. Three days after being discharged from the medical wing, Dimitri decided to continue our training. Now, Lissa and Eddie thought that with what happened I shouldn't have to do private training anymore, but I personally lived for the moments that were alone with Dimitri. They were still sparse.
"What's that?" I asked when we came to a stop in the clearing. I dropped my bag next to Dimitri's and waited for him to finish pulling whatever it was from his duffle. He pulled out his stake and tossed it a few feet from us. I frowned at him and went to go grab it, but he placed his hand on my stomach and stopped me.
"I want you to grab it while we spar."
"Okay?" I said with a confused laugh. He smirked and moved his hand from my stomach to my side, squeezing it before taking his hand away.
"I want you to do it with your mind. Could you imagine how useful it could be if you were to lose your stake mid-fight? To be able to pull it to you while engaging with an opponent. It can give you the upper hand," Dimitri explained as he moved away from our bags and got into position to spar. I looked from the stake to Dimitri with uncertainty but moved and got into position.
To say the practice was a success was comical. I managed to get the stake to roll a few inches, but that was all before Dimitri could pin me. I groaned in frustration the fifth time Dimitri pinned me, letting my hands fall to lay beside my head.
"Don't beat yourself up, Roza. You are doing great," Dimitri said as he moved to place his hands beside mine as he leaned over me, giving me a smile despite the sweat and exertion clear on his face. I huffed up at him with a scowl.
"I don't feel like I'm doing great. You've handed me my ass for the last hour while I only managed to make the damn thing roll!"
Dimitri sighed and pulled me up to my feet, cupping my cheek. "It's just like every other muscle. You have to practice and stretch the muscle. You will get the hang of it, Roza."
I sighed and leaned into his touch, silently basking in the roughness against my skin. I held his gaze as I placed my hand over his, prolonging the touch. The moment was far too short for my liking, and Dimitri pulled away only to let his fingers brush over my lips before it fell to his side.
Dimitri picked up my bag and his and tilted his head to the side, gesturing that it was time for us to leave. I groaned both in soreness and reluctance but followed anyway. We took the long way back to my door, basking in the final rays of sunlight before Dimitri spoke.
"How did this come about? Your powers, I mean," he asked. I chewed my lip and sighed deeply. He seemed to think that meant I didn't want to talk about it, but I simply didn't know where to start.
"I think it started the night of the accident. I never had the ability to move things before, but a few days later, I got upset before going to the funeral and I... honestly, it was like a bomb went off. Kirova let it slide due to "emotional distress" because of the accident but I think that was when it came to the surface. My room was trashed. Like objects broken, clothing all over the place, my bed was moved back by like five feet. I haven't had a moment like that again until..."
"Until?"
"Until I watched that Strigoi grab onto you. When I knocked Stan and my mom back. I think when I experience an immense amount of emotion it becomes harder to control," I said as I brushed my hair away from my face. Dimitri seemed to ponder this for a few minutes as we walked, but I noticed that he seemed to be walking closer to me than he normally would. Maybe he felt the need to comfort me subconsciously and it made him move closer, or maybe he was letting his guard down a little given that no one else was up at this time.
We reached the Novice dorms all too soon and I reluctantly took my bag back from him. He looked around quickly before pressing his lips to my cheek. I smiled and stepped towards him, wrapping my arms around his waist and resting my head on his chest. He was hesitant for a moment before wrapping his arms around me and gave me a light squeeze.
"I'll see you in a few hours, Roza. I love you," he whispered in my ear. I sighed and pulled away, giving him a small smile.
"I love you, too."
This kind of came to me a few weeks ago and I've been toying with the idea since. Like it? Hate it? Let know.