LISA
We brought Liam home at Jennie's. Well, she still doesn't want us be be back together. Ugh. I really don't understand why. I have been proving to her that I am changing and I really won't do that mistake again. But I understand. Jennie is scared. Who wouldn't be if you got cheated on?
I never failed to make her feel that I love her. I even tell her not only every after we make love, but at random time just like the usual. But she never told me yet that she still loves me. I am actually not sure if Jennie still loves me. I want to be sure of that but I am so scared to ask her.
My usual routine since we had Liam is I go to work in the morning, brought clothes with me so I can change before heading straight to her house to see and be with my son. I go home late, sleep and repeat. Then on weekends, I make sure that I spend time with them. I don't join missions anymore but I make sure that I get to monitor every move my men make.
So, what they say is true. Once you have a child, it changes you. It makes me work hard more and I always look forward to take care of him. I make sure he's healthy and I kept investing on properties and businesses for his future.
But his mother, my wife..she's really unpredictable after giving birth. Like her mood worsen than she was pregnant. She's too strict on me but sometimes she would just ignore me. She doesn't even want me to see her breasts when she breastfeed our son, but she's really nagging me everytime she wants to have sex. What's up with you, Jennie?
I waited. I waited for three months after the pregnancy so I can ask her already if what's the real deal between us.
So here I am, went straight to her house after my work so I can talk to her. I actually asked her on a date but she said she made Liam's nanny take a day off today until tomorrow because she has to be present at home on Monday since Jennie is already getting back to work next week.
Okay. I was the one who made some adjustments again even I am so tired from work, I drove an hour just to get here.
I arrived around 7pm and I am so hungry. I thought she made dinner for us but she didn't. She said she didn't cook since she's not hungry and wants to sleep already.
Seriously? I should have ordered her favorite food outside and brought here so she won't resist to eat.
She told me not to stay long so they can rest already.
I laid beside her when I brought Liam to sleep. I hugged her but she removed my arm from her waist.
"Jen? What's wrong?" I asked while she's staring at the ceiling.
"Nothing." She said in a reluctant voice.
"You know you can tell me anything." I said but she did not respond.
I took a deep breath before I asked her.
"What are we? I mean, I have been proving to you that I have changed, that you're the one i only love and I'm never going to cheat on you again. What else do i have to prove, Jen?" I told her while looking at her.
"Lisa...I am scared. I am scared of you. I am afraid you might do it again. Look, every time we're outside, I couldn't deny that a lot of girls are almost dying to get you away from me. What if....what if one day, one of them is going to be the reason again?" She said and wiped her tears.
"I understand." I lifted my body and sat.
"Jen, let's get back together. Please. I love you. I love you so much. I want us to be complete as a family, in our home. I know this is going to be a long process, but I will show you everyday that I am never gonna cheat on you again. Jennie, god knows I'm dying inside, regretting single fucking day. I will not stop making you feel that I love you. Just give me another chance please? Trust me."
I said while a tear falls from my eye.
She stood up and opened the windows and took some air.
"That's the point Lisa. I have been trying to trust you. To bring back what I had or how much trust I had for you, but this fear is too strong. It overpowers me." She said while crying.
I stood up and walked to her and hugged her from behind.
"Baby, i won't force you to trust me again, just be with me again. Please? Just be with me and I will work things out for you to trust me. Jennie, i can't live without you. You're my wife and we're supposed to be together until we breathe the last air. Give me a chance please?" I begged. I kneeled. I kept crying. I want her back!
"Lisa, get up." She said while wiling her tears. I got up and hugged her again. Tight.
"I started to go---go out with Chanyeol last month." She whispered. And I trembled in an instant.
My heart is like being smashed. My bones were like crushed in tiny bits. My flesh crumpled with my emotions.
I removed my arms from her waist and stepped back.
I looked down and just ket my tears fall.
"I----thought..you--you don't like him." I asked.
"He's a great guy. I--i am so comfortable when I am with him. He makes me smile and he's fun to be with." She said.
I nodded.
"So, I guess. This is it. I got the answer already. I---i am leaving." I said in a dead voice and went out of the room. She followed me.
"Please don't do something wrong, Lisa." She said while sobbing.
"Now that I have a son, I wont. Don't worry. Don't follow me" I told her in my serious manner.
Before I got in my car, I said another line.
"And please stop asking me to fuck you from now on. Because you only give me false hopes whenever I make love with you. I know I cheated, Jennie. But I also get hurt." I said with the last tear in my eye as I entered my car.
I don't know where to go. I just kept driving. And driving. Until I didn't notice I am already in Hongdae.
I entered this bar with people my age. Thank god.
I settled myself on the bar and ordered a bottle of beer and a shot of flaming sambuka.
I was startled when a lady sat two chairs away from me, slamming her phone on the counter. At first, I was not looking at her, but then I looked and jesus. It's Irene Bae, Atty. Bae, Jennie's close friend.
"Irene?" I called her.
"Lisa! You're here. Who's with you? Is Jennie here too? The last time i went to her house to visit Liam was the week after she gave birth. I already miss your son." She asked while moving and sat beside me.
"Oh, no. I--i am just alone. Where's Seul?" I smiled and asked.
"Ugh. That's why I'm here." She drank half of her beer and looks like something bad happened.
Then she started to cry.
"I am sorry to talk about this becaus you---you know... Ok. Here. I caught her cheating. I caught them fucking inside our apartment. It was too painful. I didn't expect it." She is sobbing already and I rubbed her back. I just let her speak. It hurts me a bit because I also remembered the time I cheated on my wife.
"I am sorry to hear that. Did you two talk already?" I asked.
"Not yet. I made her move out from our apartment the next day. I can't see her you know. We've been together for like 13 years already. She has not even asked me for marriage yet. Maybe I'm boring and I don't sexually satisfy her anymore. God why does it have to be this painful?" I said and I move closer to her. She leaned her head to my shoulder. I could feel how hurt she is right now.
"You know. I can't say anything bad about Seul because, I was a cheater too. Right? I cheated on Jennie because...i don't know why. I love her. She's the only woman i have ever love. She gives me her body everytime I ask and even if I don't. She makes me happy. She gives me the sexual desire anyone could ever ask for, but still, i cheated. Just like Jennie, there's nothing wrong with you. Don't ever think of that. It's our choice to fuck up. And I swear, Irene, I really regret cheating on Jennie. If----if I could only ---" i couldn't continue anymore. I remebered again what she said earlier.
"I know. She's also telling me whenever we talk about what happened that it keeps haunting her. She's really scared until now, Lis. I hope you understand. You know. Since we're in high school, we've been friends already. I know her a lot. When she's in love, she's really so much in love. And we only witnessed that in college when we get to meet each other and she always talked about her crush thing towards you and until you two started dating. You know what I mean, you're the only person she has ever loved. You'd been her dream woman to marry." Irene said and it crushed my heart.
"But she---she is already dat---dating some else." I said and looked down.
Irene's eyes and mouth widened and she can't believe.
"No way!" She said.
"Yes way!" I said and drank another bottle of beer .
"Let's get outta here. Did you bring your car?" I said.
"Okay. No, I just took a cab. Seulgi took our car when she moved out. Ugh." She said.
I guided her to get down from her chair, paid our drinks and we went outside.
I drove and bought some beers on a convenience store along the way. We settled in an empty road, parked my car, opened the compartment and we sat there, watched the surroundings and talked.
"Did she---did she already approached you about the divorce?" I asked her. For sure Jennie's only going to hire the most prominent lawyer in South Korea who happens to be her close friend.
Irene looked at me and held my hand.
"Hmmmm. Ye-yes. Last month. It's actually ready. I am the one who is delaying the release and not sending it to you. I just told Jennie that we have to wait for some details first. But the truth is, I don't want, i mean, I am still hoping for you two to get back together." She said and here I am again, drowning, choking. It's so hard to breath.
I drank more beers, shook my head while looking down and wiping my tears.
"Irene, I don't know how to win her back anymore. Irene, we still fuck. She's even the one initiating most of the time. I don't understand. God. I am so in love with Jennie. You know that." I told her and she is also wiping her tears.
"I know. Lisa, if ever the divorce will be granted, I want you to know, nothing is going to be left for you. And you still have to support your son. You must have a fallback now. You will be removed from your position as the General. Your joint accounts, your personal savings, your businesses and properties will be in Jennie's side. But she told me, if possible, she won't get what you have, but it's in the law, Lisa. We can't break that. I will recommend a lawyer for you so you can also fight for the custody of your son. I mean, you'll have fair time with him as he grows up." Irene explained and I was just emptied. I feel like my whole being was washed away by my tears out of my body.
"I don't fucking care about my properties and position. All I care about is Jennie and of course, Liam." I said.
Irene took a deep breath and we decided to go home since it's already 12am and we drank a lot already.
I brought her home safely. Then I drove myself carelessly. I don't care anymore. I think i am ready to be gone anytime soon.
Here I am again, alone in my house.
Staring blankly on the ceiling. Can't actually think of anything.
All i could hear is the clock ticking
and all I could feel is my heart crushing.
-------------------
I hope I won't see
"Update pls author"
"Update soon"
Comments.
Because you just don't know guys how you pressure us.
I appreciate your comments. I really do and I hope you keep in touch.
But when you demand for updates, it's really mind fucking sometimes.
Because.....
writing a story is not easy.
You are actually shifting our concept to another direction and it's going to be hard for us to tell the original storyline anymore.