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(Jourdan is in the sidebar) (Mine by Beyonce was literally in my head the entire writing of this chapter, so I'll leave that song in the sidebar as well)
School is literally the next day, and I am still not prepared for it. This is my senior year of high school. I'm the alpha of the school now, after years of being at the bottom. I'm excited about the power shift, even though I technically held power last year too. But now, the power is literally all mine.
I'm also petrified because I have to start applying to colleges and possibly face rejections, and I clearly don't do well with rejection, romantic or academic. I went over my grades before the summer let us free from the hellhole we call our school, and my grades were pretty good.
I wasn't top-ten-of-my-class-smart, but I wasn't anywhere near being dead last either. I was average and, as far as I know, average grades can get me into college. Now I just need to join a club and ask for letters of recommendation, and I'm gold.
It's 2pm when I decide to get out of bed, realizing I won't be in bed this late for a long time once school starts back up, and get some food downstairs without even bothering to put my pants on. I'm wearing those giant boxers so it's not like anything is showing so it's like I'm wearing them with all the freedom included. I didn't realize there were people over, so when I came downstairs I just heard noise in the living room.
Bryce has the TV set to Sesame Street (I can't believe that show is still on), and behind him are Steph and Jourdan dead asleep on each other. I don't understand how this noise hasn't woken any of them up. I'd be murdering Bryce right now if that were me. I do them a courtesy and turn the TV down a nudge and go back to the kitchen.
Yes, Jourdan is still in the picture and is still, very actively, dating my sister. Yeah, I was pissed when he told me he was the one messing with Craig that ultimately got me my first broken heart, but I also know he wasn't the only one at fault, and that he was in the dark about Craig and I being a thing. I'm actually way less mad at Jourdan because he thought Craig was single, and now knowing how shady Craig can be, I believe him saying he didn't know.
I asked him a dozen and a half questions in an half an hour span. How he knew Craig, the extent of their relationship, all the hard-hitting bitter ex-boyfriend questions. He answered them pretty honestly, which I respect. He was the guy Craig liked before he moved away, but Jourdan was straight (at the time of course) so it never went anywhere.
When Craig came back, everything clicked into place. But then Craig started messing with other guys (shocker) and Jourdan didn't like that so he refused to formally date him, which is probably why he didn't tell him about me. If Craig did, he wouldn't have gotten his best of both worlds fantasy. We're both idiots, me more than him.
I forgave Jourdan very easily, but I made him tell my sister as my idiotic way of intimidation. I actually thought he wouldn't bother, but he did and I felt really bad. Steph (being my sibling) sided with me immediately and almost dumped him right there and then for what he did.
After explaining to her my lack of rage toward him, his ignorance caused by man-whore and how he's not as guilty as she made it seem. I'm never doing something like that again; that's just mean. He almost lost all the color in his face.
If they ever break up, it'll be because one of them screwed it up, not me and definitely not Craig. I actually like them together, as odd as that sounds. Her last boyfriend from like 6 months ago, who I'm never allowed to mention since dad would kill her, wasn't really the best guy she could have gotten involved with. I just hope for her sake Jourdan isn't a waste of space. I don't think he is, but that's what I thought about dimwit, too.
My mom cooked dinner last night for the first time in days, so I just heated that up in the microwave so save myself the work of actually having to cook for myself. It's some type of meatloaf, and I didn't hate it when I ate it last night so I can add it to my list of foods I'll eat even if they have less-than-appealing names.
When I pulled the plate out of the microwave, I debated whether to let my fingers burn while I bring it upstairs versus just eating alone at the table. I decided for the latter of the two, and just sat down and ate. Thank god I did, I was so hungry that I ate all the food in like ten minutes with almost no breaks in between.
Before I went back to the fridge to get some more, I heard a knock at the door. As grumpy as I was about it, I know if I had more my dad would be mad if there was nothing to eat when he got back from yelling at people in a court room.
When I open the door, I'm blinded by two different sets of brightness. The bright, yellow sun and shining blue eyes; the eyes I've been drawn to for a long time. I haven't physically seen him since last week, when I went to visit him at his house.
He quit work since he had similar side effects as Brad, with the random drowsiness and his stomach didn't want to cooperate on most days. It was like he had the flu instead of an STI. He told me yesterday the doctor checked him out and he's 100% clean as of now. Thank god, even with him being sick, I was tempted to kiss him.
"Hey." Is all I can get myself to say at the moment, because he's still looking at me intensely.
"Hey, can we talk for a second?" he asked. I nod.
But instead of going inside, I decide to take him to the backyard to sit outside since I'm missing the sunlight. Brad and Jayna kept me up all night at her house as our last late night hang out of the summer, and when I got home at like 3am I immediately crashed onto my bed. Next thing I know, it's 2pm, I'm hungry and I needed to pee desperately. It's a really nice day, so I have a feeling it might rain within the next few days.
We sit on the steps near my shady patio. Even in the shade, his eyes are just as shiny as ever. He also looks pretty good right now, wearing the most revealing set of clothes I've seen him wear so far (aside from when I'm pulling them off and see his underwear), rocking a tiny tank top (a good tiny) and some jean shorts. He looks nervous all of a sudden, and it's a little off putting for a moment.
"So, you know how I feel about you." I nod. "And I think I'm starting to feel like I'm learning how you feel about me. So now, the reason I came over, we should figure out what comes next."
"What comes next? What do you mean?"
"I mean do we continue as we are, or do we step it up a notch and commit to one another in a relationship. Or we cut all ties before we start the new school year." He's fidgeting his fingers, like everything is up to me. I mean, the way he's making it sound, it kinda is.
I don't think I like him just physically, like I was scared I was. When we talk, it feels good. When we hang out and don't do anything sexual and just eat or walk around it feels calm and effortless. Not like Craig-effortless, but a different kind. One that I don't know is better or worse, but it's definitely not the same. But I like it.
And I know he likes me still, even after all the screwing up I did and, admittedly, I still like him, even after he slept with my best friend and almost gave me an STI. Man, do I know how to pick 'em. But at least now I know it's not just sexually. We might have a shot; all I have to do is say yes. But..
"Um.. I mean, I know how you feel about me, and I do like you, like more than physically. It's been a dream since forever to actually date you and call you mine, but you're not out."
He looks at me strangely. "What does that have to do-" I raise my hand to explain.
"I want a real boyfriend. I don't want to date you and not have people know you belong to me. I don't want girls to hit on you because they don't know you're taken. I don't want to hide you from my family. I don't wanna be hidden from your family either.
"I know your parents are confusing so I'd never make you out yourself right now to them, but I want people to know we're an item. Especially after the Craig business, I need to be sure you won't cheat on me, because lets be real, I couldn't cheat on you. I just need security, is what I'm trying to say." I take a deep breath, feeling like I just talked a mile a minute.
He looks at me intently, like I'm a meteor or something extra-terrestrial. I don't know what he's thinking, but his eyes don't show confusion or anger.
"So, what you're saying is if I was out to everyone, you would definitely date me?" When he asks me the question back, I feel like he's giving me a chance to take back my fear, but I can't do it. The answer is yes, I do.
I'm not gonna date someone and not know what's going on. Craig was out, but he was shady. I had no idea he was living a double life with another guy. At least if I know he's out and promises to commit, I know I have nothing to worry about. Plus, let's not forget the continuous hooking up with my best friend behind my back (last time I'll mention it, I promise). Him coming out doesn't garauntee commitment, but it would make me less on edge.
"Basically." I say, and I look down, knowing I yet again blew a shot with a good guy. I swear, I'll try to become asexual at this point to avoid dating altogether. But I mean, it's not a small request, it's a pretty big one. If he did come out, his parents will definitely know; this town is not light on rumors. When I came out, the whole town knew in like a weeks' time.
He nods, and pats my knees and gets up to leave. Before he goes, he gives me a small and slow kiss on the mouth that leaves me speechless for a second. I think it was a goodbye kiss, so I savor the feeling of his lips for the last time.
**********************************
My alarm is loud and booming, and I groan instantaneously. It's the first day of senior year, yay! Not. I put my alarm on the other side of the room so I know to get up, and I have to force myself to go the bathroom to shower before I fall back asleep. Before I do, I check my phone and Jayna say's her and the crew are gonna meet at my house since my dad offered to drive us all to school. I don't even bother replying since there's no way around it. Since Jourdan has a car of his own, he's taking Steph from now on (thank god).
I try to take the quickest shower I can, but even that took fifteen minutes. I spent five minutes running hot water on me to get myself to wake up. When I got back to my room, I just saw a plain white shirt on my bed. I hadn't decided on what to wear, but I guess it would have to do. I slipped it on without hesitation and looked for some jeans to wear.
Since it's warm I should have found shorts, but as the first day back to school, I need to at least make an attempt to look attractive. I mean, there isn't anyone to attract since all the other gay guys are nonexistent (or still in the closet until college) and or not my type. But I should at least look good for me, and I know the crew will look nice today.
I head downstairs to grab some food and everyone is down there in formation to go rock the day. As usual, they all look flawless. Caroline is wearing shorts and a weird shirt but it works for her. Brad is wearing a nice polo and some jeans and Jayna, the stunner she is, straightened her hair for the occasion and opted for all black. I was surprised to see Dennis in the kitchen but, if they're going to date, we're going to have to make him a regular in our crew, unless we deem him to not be worth Jayna's affection. It's weird how they've been dating for almost two months and I know nothing about the guy except he's bisexual and good at oral sex.
When I make my way toward the fridge for some juice, I hear Brad behind me say "Who's yours?"
"Whaaa?" is all I say as I'm pulling out some orange juice.
"Your shirt you idiot. It says 'he's mine' with an arrow in black ink, you idiot." Caroline jumps in.
I turn my shirt around to see what they're talking about, and it does say that. Before I can comment on it, I hear a car honk (most likely Jourdan) and Steph runs down the stairs toward the door. Before she goes she looks at me and say "Nice shirt, Mike, where'd you get it?" and then she winked and ran out the door. I literally have no words.
I decide against changing since we really need to go and I like the handwriting on the back, but on the way to school I do wonder why she gave me this shirt (because I know for a fact she did). My dad is in a pretty good mood on the drive over, probably because all his kids are finally leaving the house for more than 4 hours a day. With the addition of Dennis, the ride was cramped in the back, but they just had to deal with it.
By the time we get to school we have just ten minutes to find our new lockers and claim this school as our bitch for the year. Before I even make it up the stairs, I see Paul coming towards me in a similar white shirt that looks so good on him. I walk over to him and, before I can even get a hello out, he crashes his lips on mine so hard I almost lost my balance.
I lose track of what was going on and focused on his mouth on mine, but then yesterday came crashing back, and where we were was crashing back, and I immediately jumped and looked at him in horror.
"What the hell are you doing?! We're in public and everyone is looking!" I frantically spoke. Literally everyone in our radius stopped and looked at us. Some people had their phones out snapping the moment, and then there were people like Alice (who looks great by the way) and Jayna, whose mouths were gaping open and fangirling at the sight of what just happened.
"I know." Was all he said, with a smile so bright it made my heart jump for a second. Why would he do that? We're in public, he's not out and he agreed not to...
Wait.
Wait.
WAIT.
Running my thoughts to yesterday, he never actually agreed that we shouldn't be together, rather he just left and made it seem like that was the case. At the sudden realization of what is going on, I know I'm looking at him like he's crazy, but I don't care. He just outed himself in front of the entire outside public area of the school for me. I'd be crazy not to look at him like that.
"Will you be my boyfriend?" is all he says next, and I nod my head like an idiot.
"Thank god, it would have been embarrassing and awkward explaining this shirt." Before I ask what he's talking about he turns around and I literally gasp.
It has the same handwriting as the shirt I have on, but instead of it saying 'he's mine' like it says on mine, it says 'I'm his', and in smaller print it says 'Property of Michael Reynolds'. I'm such a sap; I'm acting like I just got asked to prom. But I can't help it, this was such a brave thing for him to do, and I can't thank him enough for what he's doing for us.
Oh my god, I just said us. He's my boyfriend. Paul fucking Whelmings is my boyfriend. Holy fucking shit. Okay. Okay. Breathe.
"How the hell did you get Steph to plant the shirt in my room?" I ask, as he grabs my hand and drags me inside the school.
I see Caroline and Brad look at me in shock and they grin like idiots on the side of the hall. I see Raine at the end of the hall, beautiful as always, give a weird nod of approval. I see a lot of stares coming our way, and I can't for the life of me decipher if they're good or bad just yet. But I don't care. I really don't care.
"I came to your sister the day before yesterday with the shirt, just in case you said yes to me. You didn't say yes, but you didn't say no, either. So I told her to plant it, and I knew you wouldn't question it (he's sadly correct) so I knew I'd make it work." He gave me that lightning bolt smile again.
I smile back at him, and before I can reply in approval, I hear the warning bell go off. I freak out since I haven't even gotten to my locker yet, so I tell him I have to go, but not before I give him a kiss on the lips, which definitely got some people turning their heads our way if they didn't witness what happened outside.
When I pull away, I whisper a thank you into his ear, and give him a smaller kiss on the cheek. I'm gonna have fun getting used to touching him in public.
When we pull away and walk in opposite directions, I finally feel like things are going to go the way they're supposed to be. Best introduction to senior year, ever.
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