“Don’t worry, Mer, relax.”
I turned my head and stared at the chuckling, blond Australian, next to me. Did he seriously just say what I think he just did? Oh wow, he just took my definition of incredulous to a whole new level; I don’t even think I understand the word now.
A little too exaggerated, but I’m serious. He shouldn’t tell me that a time like that. It’s crazy. “Cody, this is a serious matter… You know that, right? And I’m like, the cause of that.”
“Babe,” he reached out and rested his hand on my arm reassuringly, shooting me a smooth smile right after. I kept staring at him with the deep frown on my face. “Turn that frown upside down, and hakuna matata. I can protect myself! Now I just gotta think of a way for you to be safe.”
I groaned and slapped his arm, feeling genuinely defeated. “Can you please stop worrying about me, and start worrying about yourself? I can handle this on my own! You’re so stubborn!”
“Oh,” he pulled his hand away and held out his index finger at me with an amused expression, “says the girl who wouldn’t stop telling me to be safe when I’m a guy?” The next thing I heard was his musical laughter and my hair being ruffled. “Oh, you’re too cute.”
I scrunched my nose up and shook my head furiously, trying to flatten my hair. Not to mention how hot my cheeks grew at his words. Well, that’s…random. But in a while I won’t be cute anymore… And my hair… They would be gone. Smiling, I rolled my eyes and let out a huge breath, letting him know I’d really given up.
“Okay, good,” he winked, making me burst out laughing. “Anyway, Merinda, I have something serious to tell you. Or, ask you, anyway.”
I cocked my head to the side, still staring at him. Yeah, I guess it’s pretty obvious since he used my full name. And his look was radiating off anxiety, making me feel even more curious than I already am. So I opened my mouth and asked him back. “So what is it? Don’t just stare at me like that.”
He let out a chuckle that warmed my insides, leaving an aftereffect though; tingles.
“Okay, well…you know, I’m going back on tour soon,” is my vision getting blurry? Why is it getting blurry? Is it raining in the house? What’s going on? “And I wa―aw, no, don’t cry, Mer.” A small grin appeared on his face as he raised his hand and wiped something off my cheek, gently.
I blinked at him. I’m not crying! “I’m not crying, Cody.”
Probably assuming something, he rolled his eyes before laughing, “Okay, if you say so, Merinda.”
“Go on speaking,” I hurried him, because I wanted to know more about it. I’ve seen this day coming. Oh, I really did. But I didn’t expect it to be so soon because I was too busy trying to run away from reality. “And I’m still not crying, just so you know.”
He dropped his hand and nodded, seeming like he was playing along, making me raise my eyebrows. However, I didn’t protest again, this time. Darting his eyes right into mine he drew in a deep breath, that somehow made me want to laugh for some unknown reason.
I held it back in completely fine, though.
“I’m going back on tour, and… Merinda, do you―do you wanna come with me?” He nibbled on his lower lip as he kept his intent gaze on me, never once leaving, making me feel self-counscious-slash-slightly nervous.
I accidentally got lost in those shades of grey in his eyes so I had to pull myself out of that trance.
Shaking my head slightly, I cleared my throat in an awkward manner before tearing my gaze away from his very own. What am I to say? I can’t just say no, even if it’s like a dream come true to travel the world with my idol… My idol Cody Simpson is sitting right here, and we’re best friends, and―that’s just surreal, you know?
This all seem like a dream.
A dream come true.
Before my death.
I couldn’t say yes because… I could bet on my favorite shoes that I wouldn’t last until the very last destination. It’s the truth. And it hurts and saddens me to know that about myself.
“Cody, you know I would love to, right?” I flashed him a slightly forced, though genuine smile, trying not to look into his eyes for too long in case he manages to read my eyes like an open book because he was capable of doing that.
Besides, I was trying to lighten up the mood.
Shooting me a toothy grin, he nodded. That smile. The smile that you don’t get to see like everyday. The smile that would only make a special appearance when he’s genuinely happy or found something amusing.
The smile that I actually really love. “So I’m taking it as a yes?”
I paused, giving myself the courage to break it slowly to him. “No,” I let out a breath, lowering my head. I didn’t dare to look at him anymore.
He must be feeling really extremely rejected right now―how pathetic. I should be the one getting rejected because I don’t mean anything at all. I’m a slowly dying person. He shouldn’t be the who’s rejected.
“I don’t get why not?”
“Cody, things are complicated.”
“Then uncomplicate them!”
“It’s worse than just the word itself, Cody,” I looked up at him, trying to ignore the hurt that was eating me alive. The pain was emotionally torturing. Literally. He looked right down at me, and at that exact moment, hurt flashed across his eyes, making me feel guilty as well. “I would do it if I cou―”
“What’s stopping you?” Cody asked, keeping his gaze steady on me.
“Merinda, we’ve spent quite a while together now. I remember you telling me you’d tell me something when the time is right, and I don’t really care if the time is right or not. If that’s the problem that’s stopping you, I just want you to know that I’ll be here with you, facing it with you and I don’t want you overcoming it alone.”
I stared at him, trying to absorb everything. His eyes were silently pleading me to tell him , but could I? This was too much; too huge―he might not be able to accept the fact.
I really don’t want him grieving over my death when I’m really gone.
“Can I tell you after a couple of days? I want you to get yourself both mentally and physically prepared for what is to go your way.”
I let out a soft sigh, trying to think of the correct words to say. Did I say it correctly without spilling anything? That’s what I’m dwelling over, every time I’m with Cody.
I have to be careful with what I say and what I do because I would unintentionally let my actions and words slip my secret out.
“Do you promise to? Like for real, you promise?” He softly stated, reaching for my hands with his, cupping mine in his gently. I nodded and lowered my head, leaving my gaze on our hands. I’m afraid of this.
Growing close with someone I love.
Because in the end I’m gonna wind up hurting them. I can’t stand that, I really can’t. It’s the last thing I ever want.
Wrapping my arms around his neck, I pulled him into a hug. “There’s no more running away,” I whispered to myself, holding him.
And I was being extra honest. What if… What if I really told him the truth and he wouldn’t want to be my friend anymore?
Might as well grab this chance and hold him close for once.
Tightening his arms around my waist, he rested his head lightly against my own; it was silent for a while… And I’d decided to zone out…
Until he spoke up, catching my attention. “Are you feeling all right, Mer?”
“Cody, let me tell you a story,” my fingers made their way up to Cody’s hair, tangling themselves there without my permission.
But Cody didn’t protest anyway, so I lingered there for a while before gently running them down, trying to smoothen them. I pulled away and leaned against the backrest of the sofa.
“Once upon a time, there’s a girl and a boy. The both of them met under the cutest circumstances, and it didn’t take long before the both of them became best friends. They introduced each other to their own friends and even had a day to hangout with one another and one day―”
“You have a call from Scooter! You have a call from Scooter! You have a ca―”
“I’m so sorry, hold on for a minute,” Cody groaned attractively, making me stare. I smiled at him and nodded, understanding completely. So is this fate or anything it is called? Is there a reason behind why I couldn’t manage to finish this story? Was something trying to tell me not to tell yet?
What though?
“Yeah, I’ll be right there,” Cody said, “bye, Scooter.”
“Let me guess, you have to go.” I let out a loud laugh and stood up as he did, before earning back an apologetic look. He looked so cute! Gah, I just wanted to―nothing, nevermind.
“I’m so sorry,” he repeated, making me shake my head.
“It’s fine!” I grinned, “I’ll tell you another day, I promise. Besides, there is absolutely nothing wrong so do not dwell on it, you hear?"
"This is why I love you so much." Letting out a loud, loud laugh, he pulled me into a warm, tight hug, making me fall harder for him and―all I can think about was…
Well, how amazing it would feel if I could just die in his arms.