LISA
I just came from doing nothing but just listening to my records while having coffee inside the music room.
A lot of memories are flashing back.
The moment I first saw Jennie at the vinyl record store, when she slapped me in the club, when we had our first date, first time I got to hold her hand, our first hug, first kiss, when I proposed to her and when we got married. Of course, that night after our wedding, under the meteor shower.
I couldn't believe i worked so hard to win her heart but I just cheated on her. I cheated on the woman who values me and loves me with all her heart. The woman who respects me. The woman who brushes my stress of from work every time i go home to her and she wrap me in her arms.
The woman who I asked to be my wife is not here with me anymore listening to our records.
I went to my room and my phone has been beeping.
I am bombarded by messages and it's from
from Jennie.
Shit. There must be an emergency. I read them one by one and I can't believe my eyes.
Jennie: Lisa.
Jennie: Lisa, reply!
Jennie: Lisa, where are you?
Jennie: Lisa, text me back!
Jennie: Lisa, are you cheating again? We're not yet legally separated.
Jennie: Lisa, reply.
Jennie: Lisa, you won't be able to see your son if you're not going to send me a message.
Jennie: Lisa! Come over here. Now! Because i am fucking horny and it's still your responsibility to give me my needs especially now that I'm pregnant.
Wait. What?
Jennie: Lisaaaaaaaaaaaa!
Jennie: Oh, i forgot. I forgot you don't want my pussy anymore.
Jesus Jennie!
I can't believe what i have just read.
I immediately dialed her number but she's not picking up. Maybe she's asleep since it's already 9pm.
I just sent her a message right after I changed my clothes.
Me: I'm coming.
Before I start my car, she replied.
Jennie: I want ice cream.
I chuckled.
Jennie: Anything for you, Jennie.
I drove to the nearest grocery along the way and bought eight tubs of ice cream of any flavors.
When I arrived, she is already outside the door waiting for me.
"What took you so long?" She asked angrily.
"I'm sorry. I had to get you these." I said and raised the grocery bag full of ice cream.
Her eyes shined like a kid and took the bag from me without saying a word.
I didn't know pregnant women could have all the moods.
We ate dinner first.
"I missed your cooking. How I wish I could still get to eat your food everyday." I told her while closing my eyes and savoring the food.
I licked and bit my lip to get all the flavors and the next thing i saw is her licking the ice cream from the spoon while looking at me sexily.
Is this real?
I looked at the other direction.
"You better find a wife who is really a good cook once we get divorced." She said while getting my empty plate from the table and she brought it to the sink and washed it.
"No. I don't want to marry someone anymore. I'm afraid i might make mistakes again. You know." I said while looking down.
She got inside her room and I followed.
"How about girlfriend? Do you already have?" She asked while she's taking off her clothes and changing into my loose shirt. I didn't know she brought some of my shirts that she usually wears at home. Back to her question, i just chuckled.
"None. I think, love is not just for me." I said while looking down.
"Open your heart, Lis." She said while she's opening her laptop and checked some emails.
"I----i am still...still in love with you." I said panting.
She turned her back and looked at me.
Then she looked at her laptop again.
"Someone is asking me out on a date. I said it's weird he'll date me while having this bump with a baby inside from my ex. Then he said it's fine." She said while typing.
My heart is crushing.
"So---so you still accepted his invitation?" I asked as if I am not hurting.
"Yeah. But maybe I'll just get to know him and you know, after we get divorced, I'll give him a chance. He's my prom date back in high school." She said.
I was silent. Drowning.
"I---i think i have to go. Th--thank you for " my tears fell. "for the dinner."
I stood up and opened the door.
She followed.
"Where are you going?" She asked.
"Home." I stopped and said.
"Don't forget to lock the door since Dad is not coming home tonight." I added and walked towards my car.
She still followed me.
"Lis, can't i be happy?" She asked before I opened my car door.
"Of course you can. I--i really want you to be happy. If you want, you can file for divorce first thing in the morning, Jen. I'll wait for it and sign immediately. I am sorry I really have to go." I said without emotions but my tears are falling.
I drove as fast as I can. I don't care about the road anymore. Once i arrived home, I took everything within my reach and smashed on the floor. Vases, plates, even my galss-made awards, the television, everything within my reach. I punched the wall, punched every thing the blocks my way. Until my fist felt numb, bloody, purple.
I went to my bedroom.
Sat on the floor while leaning on the edge of the bed. Crying. Sobbing. Screaming.
I want to hurt myself.
I cheated on my wife.
I let my two men be killed on our mission.
I am useless at work.
I hurt Jennie.
She can never be mine again.
I can never be the General everyone was counting on just like before.
I stood up.
I walked towards the drawer while i can hear myself whispering all my sins.
How worthless I am. How big of a sinner I am.
I pulled the handle.
There....a shining golden caliber pistol, a gift from a wealthy family in China when I brought their kidnapped 18yo daughter home safely from
a mission.
I am empty. Broken. Again, a sinner.
I don't even know where I came from. I don't even know who my real parents are.
I will no longer be happy.
My purpose here on earth is blurry.
My vision is becoming dark.
I am about to pick this gold up
when suddenly
someone slapped my hand. Her touch.
"Lisa." Her voice.
I suddenly exhaled deeply.
I looked at her and my tears fall on my emotionless face.
My butt fell on the floor ang my back at the side of the bed.
She sat beside me.
We remained quiet.
Until I have spoken a word.
"I love you. I love you so much and I don't want to hurt you anymore. And I am really sorry for breaking us apart. Don't think about my career. Don't think about me. Think of yourself.
Be happy.
I am now letting you go, Jennie."
I said and she leaned her head on my shoulder.
Crying.