Local Man Dies In Car Collision. That was on the front of the newspaper that day. It was in a big, bold font accompanied by an image of two cars in an accident on a bridge. Such a brutal, grotesque image it was, but at the same time, necessary to convince the authorities that nobody could live through such a scarring tragedy.
It was over a week since said incident had transpired, and I was now sitting in a small cafe (known as The Great Pot, and often confused for being a marijuana shop), reading about the permanent absence of my old skin. At least I made it to the front page. Most people needed to be celebrities for that honor. Granted, it was through illegitimate means, but in this life I took every pleasure that I could get.
As I glanced over bits and pieces of the article, I was surrounded by the sound of conversation and the aroma of different coffees and pastries. It was nice to be back out in public. In order to completely throw the cops off the trail, my parents and I hid in our home for a while. The presence of new identities immediately after the death of old ones was too risky. That day was my first day of being able to go outside into the open world like usual.
I heard from my parents that staging my death was pretty difficult. As if enough money didn't go into creating a realistic car accident, they also went a step further and hired actors to serve as fake family members and host a funeral. A few complaints came about how expensive the cover-up was, but it served them right for being so sloppy in their crimes.
The felonious lovebirds decided to go with a murder-suicide narrative for their fake deaths, but unlike my story, it wasn't recognized as heavily by the media. They were always bathing in the shadows, so it was easy for them to fade away without suspicion. Needless to say, 'they' weren't at my fake funeral.
I, on the other hand, was silently acknowledged by many strangers in the city. I was a regular customer at this very establishment, for starters. There were countless other people who always saw me around, too. The small family who ran the local market, the librarian who always recommended me books, and the people who knew me through Cody, to name a few.
It made sense for there to be closure, even for those who didn't know me other than my face. Even if it seemed unnecessary or over-the-top, it was never a good idea to give others a chance to sniff around for the truth.
Holding the newspaper firmly in my hands, I merely chuckled. Observing my death from an outsider's view - it almost felt like I was important. Such importance, however, was irrelevant. As I looked up from the material in front of me and scanned the bustling crowd of individuals all eagerly retrieving their daily dose of caffeine, the realization that I was a nobody once again stuck to my brain.
That feeling circulated as I abandoned the table I was sitting at and stood in line at one of the counters. This was nothing short of one of those cliche scenarios where someone starts anew in a city where nobody knows their name, except I was 'starting anew' in a city that I could navigate with my eyes closed. Talk about a mindfuck.
The vibe that I got from such a thought was so strange. It was a sensation that wasn't foreign to me as I had experienced it so many times in my life, but I never got over it no matter how many times I tried. Perhaps it never seemed normal because the human brain wasn't conditioned to accept identity changes. Identity already was a pain to accept and figure out from a young age, so it made sense that it'd become more complicated upon undergoing inconsistencies.
"Are you going to order, or are you going to just stand there like a statue?" An impatient voice snapped me out of my web of contemplation. I had gotten so lost in thought that three people placed their orders and walked away without any internal acknowledgement from me.
Shaking my head for a moment to gather my senses, I glanced forward to see a woman with long, black hair and a shiny piercing on her lip. She held a permanent marker in her hand. I knew this barista. While her name wasn't registered in my memory, I would be able to spot her in a crowded subway. I had ordered from her countless times in my last identity.
"Ah, yes, sorry," I uttered while stepping up to the counter. "I'd like the usual please." I smiled at the barista. She blankly stared while waving the marker around. On second thought, my realization of being a nobody again wasn't completely stuck to my brain. The familiarity I received from the barista threw me off.
A nervous chuckle came out of me as I rubbed the back of my head. I was certain that my cheeks flushed as well. "Uh... what I meant to say was I'll have a caramel mocha latte, twelve ounces." It took me not only a ton of caffeine to wake me up, but also a ton of sugar. That was apparent given my screw-up.
"Name?" the barista asked. She reached over and grabbed the appropriately-sized cup.
"Derek," I replied. As the woman began to write down the name, I caught her midway from making a mistake as she began to spell it with two r's. "Uh, r-e-k, not r-r-i-c-k," I corrected. Leave it to my parents to give me a name with multiple spelling interpretations.
Walking out of the cafe a few minutes later with a drink in hand, I headed towards the outskirts of the city to where the local park was. It always made me sound like an old person, but there was nothing more relaxing than sitting on one of the wooden benches and watching the vibrant lives of various individuals transpire before my view. There was only one reason I could think of for such a behavior, and it had everything to do with the fact that my life felt like a prison.
As liberal as I was allowed to be with my daily adventures, there was always a leash for my parents to tug on whenever they needed me to walk back to them like an obedient dog. I came out of the womb with this leash on, and the day that it wasn't going to be on any longer was far out of reach as far as I was concerned.
Though, it brought up an interesting theory. My parents were involved in crime for years before I emerged into existence, making me question their real motives for having a child to begin with. Was I only to serve as their puppet?
That was how I felt growing up, anyways. I was the third-wheel who did the tasks that his parents didn't feel like dealing with, all while shedding my identity every year or so for a completely new one. Go fetch these drugs from our supplier, Nick. Don't forget to be our lookout on this assassination, Jeremy. We need you to make some sales at your new school, Tim. It was always the same thing, just with different names.
Unfortunately, there was no retreat either. Being born into a felonious family meant staying in a felonious family. My parents corrupted me too much to ever get out of the indentured servitude that was my life. In the same mud pile that my birth givers got their hands dirty, my hands got dirty as well. If I were to ever try and tear away at the collar on my neck and run away, my parents would know how to put me in jail. After all, a crook always knew how to screw over another crook.
That was why I never exposed my parents to anybody. I didn't have the knowledge, connections, or the experience behind my back to take them down without locking myself behind the same bars that I wanted to lock them in. My parents were - and I always hated to admit this - masters at their craft. Playing with them resulted in a game where they always won.
So, sitting on a park bench and looking out at the people who weren't run-ins with illegal activity became a pastime of mine. It was simply a renewing experience to fantasize what my life would be like if it wasn't dominated by the nefarious individuals who called themselves my parents.
I sighed as I took a drink from my coffee and observed the park's wonder unfold in front of me while sitting on the closest bench that I could find. The flavor from the sweet, warm concoction smoothly traveled down my throat and graced my taste buds with its delicious presence. My mouth suffered a bit of discomfort due to the temperature, but it was so worth it to immerse my tongue in the taste.
I found myself letting out a sigh of relief. It had been way too long without my favorite things, even if it was only for a little over a week. That gourmet coffee that my parents bought could go fuck itself for all I cared. Cheap coffee tasted much better in my opinion.
As I relaxed into a comfortable position against the wooden seat, my inner monologue started to brew inside the walls of my mind while observing those who had a better life than me. I wish to be like one of those fortunate souls. I started to think. I would do anything to be like that woman over there taking pictures of the falling leaves or that man playing with his dog... A sudden realization then struck me. Wait a minute. I know that man and dog.
Fixating my attention on the scene, I saw the familiar sight of a tall man playing fetch with a golden retriever. With handsome features such as wavy, chestnut hair and a lean frame, there was not a hint of doubt in my mind that I was looking at none other than Cody. If the former was true, then that dog had to have been Banjo.
Cody threw a stick off into the distance and watched as Banjo ran after it with excitement pumping throughout his body. The man himself looked content. At least, content as one could be after dealing with a tragic loss. I found it admirable that he was fully dressed in a coal grey t-shirt with sweatpants and out of the house. As opposed to him sitting at home with the lights off and donning clothes with stains from wearing them for a week straight, of course.
Above anything else, I was delighted to see that his life didn't cease to progress just because death intervened with his love. Then again, Cody would walk on glass before he would ever allow himself to be seen crying in front of others. It was possible that what I saw at that moment was a mask, and when he was in his apartment alone at night, all that emotion baggage that he suppressed came flowing out of him in a stream of tears big enough to put Niagra Falls to shame.
A pang of pain resided in my heart as I kept him in my sight with saddened eyes. I hadn't thought about anything other than him since my identity change. If not for worrying to my core about how he was coping with my 'death', I was busy devising all sorts of mental routes with concern to getting him back in my life.
They all led to the same route: Cody would have to confess his feelings for me, not the other way around. Asking him out after the supposed death of his boyfriend would make him fleet away in fear of another commitment, I was sure of it. It was instead my mission to discreetly get him to fall in love with me which would certainly prove to be challenging, but not unattainable.
As much as I wanted to sink into his arms and drown in his hugs and kisses that would much surpass the warmth of my coffee, I had to bar myself from my desires. Cody was the one in pain, and therefore it would be his call as to when and where our love would start, provided that I could win him over again. With that in mind...
Now would be a good time to talk to him, right? I questioned myself whilst drinking some more of my beverage, which had only cooled down slightly. It wouldn't be too extraordinary to start a chat with him, especially in a giant city like this one. We practically lived in a social incubator. Introverts saw this place in their nightmares.
Despite that, hesitation halted my train of thought in its tracks. It seemed reckless to try and get back into his life so quickly even if him being in love with me again was the end goal. Every delicate thing in the world had a slow birth. Love, though a certainly strong and potent feeling, was very delicate in nature. I didn't want to risk fucking it up in its premature stages.
Battling the hesitation, I tried to think rationally. Unless I wanted to burn through my days stalking Cody, I had to rely on chance occurrences if I wanted to talk to him. Hundreds of thousands of people traversed across the streets daily, making a second random encounter with Cody relatively rare. Striking while the iron was hot appeared to be the better solution. After all, if I wanted him to be back in my life, I needed to start somewhere.
Rising up from the bench, I steadily walked over to Cody. Banjo had returned with the stick in his mouth, proceeding to drop it at his owner's feet. "Having fun there?" I approached them. A smile was spread across my lips as not to appear threatening, especially since I stood a few feet back.
Cody looked at me originally, but proceeded to look behind for a moment to make sure that it was really him that I was engaging with. "My dog's having fun," he answered. "I personally would've still been fine with binge-watching Netflix from the comfort of my couch." Bending down, he picked up the stick, but kept it at his side instead of throwing it again.
Shortening the distance between us even further with an even stride, I continued to speak. "Yeah, that's the price you pay with owning an animal." I chuckled a bit to ease the tone of my words. "My name is Derek, by the way. I just moved here a couple of weeks ago, so I guess you can call me a newbie when it comes to the city." I then extended my hand outwards.
I caught a fair glimpse of him before he responded, catching all of his details that weren't well defined from far away. His eyes were the color of chocolate with lips the color of a soft peach; such tasty features indeed. He had a clean-shaven face with smooth skin liberated of any acne and blemishes. Like I said, he was the incarnation of perfection.
"Yeah, I could gather your name from your cup," he replied, grabbing my hand and shaking it. "Name's Cody. Co, if you're too lazy to pronounce the second syllable." His hand proceeded to motion towards the dog who sat patiently and put on a more prideful voice. "This little guy here is Banjo. Got him from a rescue place when he was just a pup. We've been best buds ever since."
"How adorable," I commented. Bending at the knees, I reached out my hand to him. "Hey there, Banjo. Nice to meet you." An even bigger smile became painted on my face. This was opposite to the reaction that I had last time. I cared very little about dogs in actuality, and Riley gave no qualms about expressing such feelings. In order for Derek to be organic and original, however, there needed to be a few alterations to my personality. I could sacrifice my apathy for dogs.
Banjo sniffed my hand a couple of times and proceeded to lick it. He then allowed me to caress the top of his head and ears, a tail wag resulting from my behavior.
"Hey, he seems to like you," Cody pointed out, though he seemed mildly perplexed. "He normally doesn't warm up to strangers this early. Maybe you just give off a friendly vibe."
My family's invention was flawed in that aspect. It was good at changing a person's looks, but it couldn't change a person's body chemistry. I was certain that Banjo recognized my scent from when I was Riley, even if I looked nothing like the man that he once knew.
I stood back up. "Is that an indicator that I'm trustworthy enough for a conversation?" My eyes glistened hopefully. If I played my cards right, Cody and I could become friends easily.
"Depends," he responded, sticking his hands into his pockets. "You willing to pay the treat toll to bribe Banjo into letting you borrow his owner?"
Knowing that Cody was generally sarcastic, it was hard to tell if he was being serious or joking. Nevertheless, I snickered, assuming it was just a simple jest. "I'm kinda short right now, but put it on my tab and I'll pay in full next time."
He shrugged. "Fair enough." It was after that was said that he walked towards one of the benches, prompting me to follow him. We sat down together and Banjo laid down in front of us. A soft wind blew, causing the atmosphere to soften with its presence of falling leaves and moving blades of grass.
There were a few moments of silence. Cody and I stared out into the world in front of us. I didn't mind the peace and tranquility myself, but I could tell it was starting to get a little awkward for him as he asked a question. "So, Bluemane, the big city, huh? What made you want to come here of all places?"
With the cup in-between my legs, I tapped on it a few times as I tried to think of an answer. Whereas I rehearsed a few sayings to fit this new identity, there were a few questions that I didn't have an answer to. This was one of those questions.
"You know how sometimes a city can just pull someone towards them, and said person doesn't know why?" I turned to Cody. "That's how I felt with this place. I grew up in a small, rural town, so I guess the appeal of a big city felt like the change I needed in my life." Derek: a boy who decided to run away from the outskirts to pursue big dreams in the city of Bluemane. That seemed like a fitting narrative for me; one that I could keep consistent, at least.
"Good lord, you picked the worst city to do so," he commented. It was then his turn to face me. "You saw our tax rate before coming here, right? The day I lose my job is the day I'll be forced to move out of my apartment." I couldn't relate to those struggles. The price of a new car to my family was like the price of a chocolate bar to the average citizen, but far be it from me to flaunt that around a humble man like Cody.
"Well, you know, there's always the downsides to living in certain areas," was my response. "But there's gotta be some benefits to living here, right?" I then fixated my view on a boy and a girl who were running around playing tag. For the sake of theatrics, I forced myself to put on an expression that radiated awe. "There's some magic here. I can feel it."
"I... think you might have gotten a surprise in your coffee," Cody concluded.
"I'm serious!" I turned to him. "The population is damn near a million. If there wasn't some kind of invigorating lifestyle to be found here, why would so many people roam these streets?" My inner thoughts couldn't match that sort of positivity, on the contrary. I felt a pessimistic sense of living here, just like he did.
"I think people are just afraid to leave." Cody leaned back on the bench and slumped an arm behind it, facing the overcast in the sky looming above our heads. "They constantly say they're gonna leave this place. But then when it comes down to it, they only know life in this city. That's when they decide to take a couple years to think about the decision." He took a moment of silence and sighed. "But, that's when they get a job and have kids... days turn to weeks and months turn to years... you know?"
"Yeah..." I concurred. The conversation fell silent shortly afterwards as contemplation began to swirl around me. While the adventurous persona that I had assigned for Derek would continue to push for a magic presence in the city, I felt myself agreeing with Cody.
My eyes darted over to a mother and father having lunch on a cloth spread over the grass. Was this a couple that was once young and ambitious? Had they thought about leaving the city at one point to migrate elsewhere, only to be trapped by the invisible bars beyond the tall buildings and skyscrapers?
I brought the focus on myself while downing some of my coffee. I too had thought about leaving the city a few times, but alas, my leash could only extend so far. Even if I managed to up and leave one night and head to a city where my parents would never find me, they would enlist the help of the police force to find me. Their payment? A whole stack of evidence of some bad decisions I was forced into making.
Whether or not there was a magic that drew people to this city, I had no clue. All I knew was that there was a glue that kept people like me here.
Snapping out of my wandering thoughts, I turned back to Cody. He continued to sit there in silence. It was rather typical of him, but it was unhealthy behavior for our 'first' greeting. I couldn't let the conversation die so early. We wouldn't be able to connect again if that was the case.
Come on. Ask him something that will get him to reveal his sexual orientation. I instructed myself. That will help to move things along. Once we both know we're gay, it'll be easier from here. Acting upon such little preparation, though, I uttered the stupidest question possible. "Well, you look pretty built. You must sleep with a lot of girls, huh?"
Instant regret flooded my insides, and I struggled not to show it on my face. Yes, make a comment about his fit body. That will really want to make him get closer to you. Fuck me.
Cody could not have possibly shot me a weirder glance in response. "A mildly inappropriate question to be asking a stranger, don't you think?" I could only hope that one day my parents would get their hands on a time machine so I would be able to fix such an embarrassing moment.
I sheepishly chuckled. I needed to rebound from this and fast. "Uh, I'm sorry if I-"
"If you must know, girls aren't exactly my thing," he put it bluntly.
"Oh, well, that's cool! What a coincidence, cause I'm dude-exclusive too." Really, Derek? Dude-exclusive? He's going to think you're a loser. I smiled through the awkwardness, desperately hoping to recover from that flaw.
"Are you now?" he commented, raising a brow. "I'm obliged to tell you to head over to Pal-liance. They're a good resource center for queer individuals. Hygienic products, support resources, educational workshops... stuff like that."
I nodded. "Yeah, you took me there a few times." My body froze up after spewing that. Shit. What was with me and my constant errors? The deeper I got into this conversation, the more slip-ups that occurred.
"I took you?" Cody pointed to himself, scrunching up his face in confusion. Great. How was I going to get myself out of this one?
"Oh, no, I meant Yu as in my friend 'Yu'," I answered. "Yu Zhang. She took me to one of the locations back in my hometown." Internally, I let out a sigh of relief. Now I just had to hope that Cody would never cross paths with the real Yu Zhang: the assassin who worked under my parents.
"Uh... huh," Cody muttered. "Might want to clarify that next time."
"Heh, right," I replied. "Well, you've mentioned Pal-liance. What other cool places are there?"
"That's... all there is, man. Unless you want to explore the mass amounts of shops, there's not too much to like about this place," were the words Cody let out in an edgy tone. He would make a horrible tour guide. Even I could make this place seem interesting if I tried hard enough.
"Well, since you're so dead-set on this place being a shitstorm, why not show me the bad places around here, then?" I proposed with a hand gestured towards him. I always knew to set up a future meeting with someone that I wanted to get close to.
He lifted his shoulders in a shrug. "Sure, why not? Can't promise you anything as of today, but we can exchange numbers and we'll hang out sometime." It was after those words were spoken that I saw Cody reach into his pocket and pull out his phone. "Got a cell number or is that something you're unfamiliar with, farm boy?" A smirk came about him.
"Ouch, I should've seen that one coming," I commented. Although, it was nice to see him making jokes. It showed to me that he wasn't completely dismissing the idea of becoming closer to me. He handed me the phone and I proceeded to enter my number, thus handing it back to him once I finished. "How do I know you'll text me?"
Cody took a moment to type a quick message and send it to me, resulting in my phone sounding off a quick buzz. "I just did, didn't I?" I pulled my phone out of my pocket to see his message. All it was was just 'hey' accompanied by a waving emoji.
"I'm holding you to hanging out with me." I directly looked at him.
"Yeah, yeah." He nodded, meeting my gaze. He then stood up which prompted Banjo to do the same. With a final glance towards me, the following words were spoken: "I'll talk to you later. For now, I must go. My couch and TV remote await."
"Nice meeting you." I waved as I watched him start to walk away from me. When he was out of earshot, I let out a long sigh of relief and hung my head. That was a lot harder than I had previously expected. I went into this conversation with way too much confidence, and I should have deemed myself lucky for not turning him off right from the get go.
After getting my bearings, I lifted my head back up and looked to the side. Longingly, I stared at the duo as the view of them became less clear as the distance grew further. It was so awkward having to play the role of a stranger in Cody's presence, but it was worth it to see that face I adored so dearly.
If anything else was to go wrong in my life, I knew one thing for certain: my parents could strip me of everything that defined me as a person, but they would never remove me from the man that I loved. Cody was just as important to me as I was to him. He was fate; the glue that kept me holding on to everything. I was going to get him back in my life, even if I had to resort to dire measures.