A bullet fic about Janus' hair, because this is one of the important things in life obviously.
(Which, for the other five sides, it really is. Duh.)
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Pairing(s): Anaroceit (Roman | Creativity + Virgil | Anxiety + Janus | Deceit), Intrulogicaliceit(?) (Remus | Dark Creativity + Logan | Logic + Patton | Morality + Janus | Deceit), idk the proper ship names but tbh it's just focused on Janus + everyone
Content Warning(s): swearing, teasing, lemme know if there are any I should add bc I got nuthin' atm lol
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- SO
- under his hat, Janus actually has really, really fluffy hair
- it's nice and soft and puffy and glossy and it's honestly fricking beautiful because he takes so much pride in his appearance as a whole that he can't just not take care of his hair, even if he hates it
- which, he does, for that matter, hate his hair
- it's just...yeah, it looks nice, and it feels nice, but...it's so fluffy and cute, and Janus of all people is most certainly not supposed to be cute, so in that it is utterly detestible, Janus thinks
- hence why he is always wearing his bowler hat
- it's just seemingly nonsensical that deceit of all sides would have a mess of floof atop his head. it doesn't look very serious or scary or snake-y at all, it doesn't suit him whatsoever, and the decided lack of aesthetic of it all is horrid, if you ask Janus
- (not that anyone would ask Janus, because none of the other sides know about his hair, nor will they ever know about it if Janus gets his way with it)
- ((he doesn't. get his way with it, that is))
-
- our story begins with that first Sanders Sides Asides, in which Roman steals Janus' hat to use when they're "voting" on which movie to watch together
- contrary to popular belief, Janus does actually kinda-sorta want to join them all for movie night
- (Frozen isn't good, he totally hates it, he doesn't identify with Hans at all and he totally doesn't hate Disney for doing Hans a dirty with their last-minute decision to turn him into a bad guy)
- besides, even Remus is going to this movie night thing, for goshsake
- and even if the others still don't really like him, surely they can tolerate being in the same vicinity as Janus if he's quiet and shuts up and just watches the movie, right??
- (he doesn't even have to sit with them on the couch or hell, he doesn't even have to be in the living room at all. he can just stand in the kitchen or sit on the stairs and watch from there if that makes them all feel better)
-
- so Janus is preparing to get ready for the movie night
- he's wearing his darkest black capelet and his nicest silk yellow shirt and the slacks he knows make his butt look best, and he's even doing actual fancyish makeup too to top it all off. and if asked he'll say it's just because Thomas had been planning on going out for the night, hadn't he
- (it's not because he cares what the other sides think of him and how he looks. it's not because they're all stupidly attractive without even trying and because he'll never be able to measure up to all that because of his goddamned snake face. it's not because he wants to impress them. it's not)
- and at last, Janus is ready to ascend into the real world and descend down the stairs in swirls of darkness to rival even Virgil and dramatics to rival even Roman's
- and he goes to grab his beloved black bowler hat with the satin ribbon from its usual spot on a peg by his bedroom door and it's not there where is it where—
- Janus searches high and low and left and right and everywhere in his room he could think it would be and even some weird places, like the top of his wardrobe and in the toilet in his bathroom and under the trash can (not just in it, under) but he, he just can't find it anywhere, where could it possibly have gone??
- and he's not like Remus or Roman he can't just Imagine one into Being like they can so he doesn't have anything else to cover his hair
- (he's not about to cry he's not)
- so when he hears the others thunder by his room and sink out to go watch movies with Thomas he thinks about sinking out with them, regardless of whether his hair is visible or not, but he shakes his head violently because he can't he just can't, the others still don't really like him and they'll just make fun of him and they won't take him seriously anymore and it's taken so much work fitting into this ominous villain persona just to get them to halfway listen to him already
- (and he isn't actually crying now he isn't)
-
- eventually he calms down enough to appear in the real world at the top of Thomas' stairs, deciding to call out to the others at a break between movies, just to ask if anyone's seen his hat without letting them really see him
- and what should he see when he peeps out
- but his hat
- and it's clutched in Roman's attractive grubby hands
- and he gets swept away in his anger at Roman for taking his precious hat without at least asking first, especially when he can literally just conjure his own fucking hat, dammit—so without thinking, Janus marches into the living room to take it back
- he loses steam halfway down the stairs and shit he's regretting his emotion-ridden decision but it's too late to go back now
- and even though Janus is pressing down on his hair and trying to hide it, it's miserably obvious that his hair is a soft floofy mess even as his demeanor and expression are neither soft nor floofy
- the others all stare and gape at his head, then they all exchange a Look with each other and he sees it and he knows what it must mean, he knows
- he rushes out some sort of scolding at Roman, he's not even sure what he said, really, just anything to distract them from his hair, only it doesn't work, they're still staring, why won't they stop staring
- he leaves the room as quickly as he can, leaving all dignity behind in his rush
- but he can't help but linger at the top of the stairs
-
- Janus listens in on the others with bated breath and a sinking feeling in his chest, worried that they're going to say something about his hair and yet he's too much of a masochist to try and ignore it and leave
- "oh. my gosh," Patton says in awe, and he must be so in awe at how stupid Janus looks with his hair, he must be wondering how it's even possible for someone to look so absurdly pathetic
- (spoiler alert: nopenopenope. Patton trying to figure out how he never realized just how attractive Janus is)
- "did you see his hair??" Roman says incredulously, and there's some unknown emotion tightly contained in his voice. he must be trying hard not to burst into that boisterous laughter of his. Janus privately doesn't think he looks all that bad, really, even with his scales and the halo of hair that surrounds him, but of course Roman of all people would find it especially silly and use it against him
- (actually, Roman's really just trying hard not to fangirl. that's pure gay panic he's trying to tamp down on babey)
- "that's what I've been trying to tell you dorks!" Remus says and god, that feels like a slap in the face to Janus. Remus ratted him out? just like that?? they'd been each other's only friend for years and then Remus goes and gets accepted-ish by the light sides and then that's it. just like that, huh.
- (fuck that betrayal stings like nothing he's felt before but he's not going to let on about that)
- Janus watches as the other sides clump together and begin discussing something even his most excellent snakey hearing can't pick up, but he's sure they're insulting him and making fun of his hair
- (spoiler alert: they're actually just making a game plan to figure out how they can all touch his floofy hair and using Thomas as a sounding board)
- and eventually he hears the other sides burst into laughter
- which Janus, listening in, hears
- and he's hurt because he always knew they wouldn't take him seriously how he is, things like that are the very reason he wore his hat in the first place, why did stupid fucking Roman have to take his hat and force him to reveal himself like this??
- Janus slinks off, shoving the hat back down on his head, hard
- and if he's kinda heartbroken over it all, no way in hell is he about to acknowledge it
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- the whole rest of it just follows all the other sides just absolutely becoming obsessed with Janus' hair and subsequently falling in love with him lmao
- after that one time Roman took Janus' hat, everyone just keeps trying to steal his hat the second he lays it down or takes it off for the night
- (Patton shoves an entire pack of gum in his mouth all at once, cheeks puffed up like a chipmunk's, and then as he passes Janus lying down and blep-ing in the afternoon sun he "accidentally" spits it all out on his hat just to get Janus to take it off to clean it.)
- ((he blinks once. once. once and Patton has torn it away out of his hands, reaching out a hand and mussing up Janus' already-messy hat hair, and then dancing just out of reach, promising to go clean it for him as an "apology"))
- so Janus starts wearing his hat more and more and more, regardless of the circumstances the others keep trying to catch him under
- ("gee, isn't it hot in the mindscape today!" Roman pants, shirtless and sweating his ass off, after having literally turned the heater up to eighty-four fucking degrees Farenheit, right as Janus watched him. "sure makes you wanna shed a few layers of clothing. hahaha. like...oh, I dunno, maybe that hat of yours...? and, ahm, maybe that lil cape and mmmaybeee your shirt too pretty pretty please?")
- ((which, Janus does end up removing his shirt, only because Roman promises him half the money he bet Virgil on Janus having a six pack—and who knows why Roman's talking to boyfriend about another man's abs but hey, Janus isn't one to judge—but the bowler hat stays firmly placed on top of his head))
- (((that day his wallet expands by twenty bucks, and his satisfaction expands immeasurably when he sees Virgil next and the anxious side's face immediately flushes dark red)))
- ((((yeah, that's what you missed out on when you left the dark sides, ya lil bitch. ha))))
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- the other sides' ploys to get his hat off of him and his hair in fluffing distance spiral more and more and more
- once he even catches Logan—yeah, that's right, stupid McSerious Mr. Logan N. Sanders (the N stands for Necktie)—trying to head a goddamn sting operation with his boyfriends, trying to take the hat from right off his head while Janus is reading in the mindscape's living room
- (there was a fishing pole, a grappling hook, a pair of Virgil's surprisingly emo underpants, and an exorbitant amount of Cheez-Its involved and Janus really, really regrets learning this information)
- ((he totally steals that pair of MCR boxers when the Logan, Patton, and Remus aren't looking though))
- .
- .
- .
- anyways
- ahem
- petty panty thievery aside, the other sides are all getting increasingly more desperate, and they're not even bothering to hide it at this point, even
- and Janus just doesn't get why they're trying so hard to embarrass him and insult him like this
- like, maybe it's because he totally schooled them after the whole wedding fiasco??
- because Thomas did accept him, and technically the others did too, no matter how grudgingly, but he supposes that Thomas accepting him could have forced everyone else's hands, so maybe this is their way of making fun of him even as they're not supposed to verbally insult him anymore??
- but regardless of why they're doing it, now Janus has to take to wearing his hat everywhere
- like, literally everywhere, or else it'll be stolen if he so much as blinks or takes his eyes and hands off it for even a second
- literally
- remus tries to sneak up on him in the shower and grab his hat off the counter only to find a drenched Janus, fully naked save for the bowler hat, glaring sourly at him from the shower as he attempts to stealthily creep into the bathroom
- he even has to wear the hat places like in bed, because otherwise the others Will take the opportunity to steal it
- once he wakes up to Patton staring at him, the moral side's eyes wide as he lays on the other side of his bed, one of his arms reaching out to Janus' head and fucking caressing his hair
- (and no, his stomach does Not do weird flips at that, it doesn't)
- ((will he ever actually start to believe these lies he's telling himself??))
-
- everyone keeps finding more and more and more ridiculous ways to get Janus to take off his hat and more and more ridiculous places to accidentally "misplace" it
- Janus still is convinced that they're pulling all of this shit just because they wanna laugh at his hair and insult him
- (but no! it is because they are all useless gays that rly rly rly like the floof of hairs on his head)
- at some point Patton or Roman or someone literally just. fucking freezes his hat in a block of ice in the freezer
- it is at this point that Janus decides he has had Enough
- and at this point he can't even lie to himself anymore and say that he isn't crying
- (and thank god he found his hat when going down to get a glass of water in the middle of the night, and not the following morning at breakfast, because then the others would see him so fragile like that and even if they've already seen his stupid fucking hair they certainly don't deserve to see him this vulnerable)
- but he carries the tub of ice with his precious hat in it back to his room, glass of water forgotten
- and he's silent but he's shaking and he's sobbing and he just. doesn't know what to do anymore in response to any of this
- because he's just so, so tired of the others teasing him like this and he doesn't know if it's normal or not because he has no prior experience with them
- —all Janus knows of the light sides is that back before the whole hat and hair thing started spiralling so far out of control, it was actually kind of nice to be around them sometimes
- like, not to be cliché or anything
- but passionately arguing over Disney with Roman and Virgil was really nice, reading and co-existing with Logan was an excellent wind-down from busy days, talking theatre and doing kinda-sorta-almost-horny-but-not-quite dirty dancing with Roman was fun, Patton was a surprisingly excellent co-conspirator for pranks, Remus and Logan were surprisingly excellent victims for said pranks, Virgil and he had finally made up and were maybe even flirting a little bit again, and things had just. they had been nice—
- so excepting the whole hat and hair thing, things had been oh so nice and friendly and maybe even flirty between him and the other sides
- only now it isn't now it's horrible and he just doesn't understand why they can't leave him alone already or at least stop beating around the bush and tell him why they won't just leave him alone—
- and god fucking dammit, it just hurts so fucking much because he likes them all so, so much that he can't even pretend not to anymore. he likes them all, and he wants them all to like him too, but with all the pestering they've been doing it just doesn't feel like they do
- and like, is this mean-spirited or not? he honestly can't tell, he can't read any of them at all on this, and it's so strange because usually he can
- and, and maybe, just maybe, it isn't, maybe they're just flirting or teasing or all in fun or whatever, but still it hurts
- then if it truly is mean-spirited, can't they just tell him and leave him to lick his wounds in private instead of popping up literally everywhere and scaring him half to death?
- but whatever the reason behind it all, the subterfuge and the glances when they think he's not looking and the weird emotion on their faces when they watch him hiss and try to grab his hat back and all the mixed signals he's getting now are too too much and—
- —and Janus, he knows how to be quiet. he knows how to tell a lie. if they want to hate him and pretend to get along around Thomas it's fine, it's nothing he hasn't dealt with before
- (it'll hurt like a bitch but he'll be fine)
- ((he's lying to himself again he won't be fine))
- but he's just getting so much attention, and so much of it is on his hair, one of the things he hates the most about himself, and he's
- he's just so tired
-
- and so Janus, with a heavy heart, starts straightening his hair every morning without fail
- he lets his hair go all greasy and unwashed and unkempt and it hurts him to stop taking care of himself like that, but maybe, just maybe, if he does they'll all lose interest in his hair and finally just stop
- only the others are actually? really devastated?? and genuinely concerned???
- and so all the other sides corner him and ask him why
- in self-defense (but also out of hurt) he somewhat nastily comments something along the lines of "what, so you can't make fun of it anymore, huh?"
- and the others are hurt and there's a bit of shouting and anger until someone comes out and admits that like,,, "no dude you're literally the hottest/cutest of all of us and uhhh we all love you and kinda wanna date you lol"
- and then Janus is like
- uhm.
- what.
-
- everyone is reeling from the reveal, and oh so confused, so at Logan's insistence they all take a big step back to calm down from the confrontation that just happened
- Patton offers to go make some hot cocoa and warm up some brownies for everyone to help them all de-stress a little bit, and Logan bustles off after his boyf to help him
- Virgil insists that Janus take a bath to get all clean, and he actually offers to help Janus bathe
- (god, that's such a flashback to when they were younger, when things were easier)
- ((Janus bites back a strangled, choked-up laugh as he remembers him, Virgil, and Remus all squished in a tub together as children, only back then it was the two of them trying to make Remus wash his hair, not vice versa))
- and this time Virgil asks before touching him, offering to wash Janus' hair for him to help get the week-and-a-half's worth of grime out of it, and Janus is tired and the water is warm and Virgil is safe(?) so he says yes and
- and oh
- Virgil's hands scratch up against his scalp, soft and feather-light, and it actually feels really, really...good
- there in that tub, Janus slowly starts to relax for the first time in what feels like months
- then, when he's done washing Janus' hair, Virgil leaves to let Janus have some time to relax and soak in private
- Janus sits there in the tub, head tipped back against the cool porcelain, relishing in the warm water surrounding him
- he still doesn't really know why the other sides have been doing what they've been doing
- but all the same, he's not quite so anxious about what they've been doing anymore
- surely if Virgil of all people has been so soft
- surely things can't be so bad as he had himself convinced
- (maybe things can be okay after all?)
-
- when Janus finally gets out of the bath, Roman and Remus are standing wordlessly outside the bathroom, holding out a ridiculously fuzzy pair of yellow-and-black pajamas with cartoon snakes for him
- and there, on top of the pajamas, his hat
- no, no, wait a minute
- that isn't his hat, it's a...a new one
- ...for him?
- Janus looks up at Roman, who nods, his expression surprisingly shy, then he looks over at Remus, who grins almost nervously at him, looking at him weirdly delicately
- the bowler hat is clean and shiny and velvety and black, with a satin yellow ribbon at the brim just like his old one, only this new one has small polka-dots that, upon further inspection, are actually really, really tiny versions of all the sides' different insignias—so that a little piece of them all can be with him, Roman explains, even when Janus doesn't feel comfortable actually being in their presence
- (he's not really sure how he doesn't break down at that, but Janus manages to hold out until after he's swathed in fuzzy warmth and after he goes downstairs to talk things over with the others)
-
- the six of them make themselves sit down in the living room and talk it all out over hot cocoa and warm mushy brownies
- Janus opens up about how he hates his hair, how he wears his hat to hide how fluffy and soft it is, how he thought that they would never listen to him or take what he says seriously because of it, how scared he was that they were doing it because they hated him, how overwhelmed he was over them showing up everywhere and invading his space and taking his hat and playing with his hair without at least asking first
- and the others explain that they were just trying to have fun and flirt with them. that first time they saw Janus' hair he hadn't even technically been accepted by them yet, but nevertheless, even back then they only wanted to comment on how soft it looked. on their side, it had been a bet—to see who could get Janus' hat off again next, to see who could touch Janus' hair first and figure out what it felt like—but then it had morphed into gay panic and them all falling for Janus, hard
- Roman, Virgil, Patton, Logan, and Remus all apologize big-time to Janus
- they assure him that they hadn't meant anything bad over it, and that they really did love him and want to all be involved with him, and that they would never actively try to maliciously insult or tease him like that, and that they didn't realize that he wasn't just flirting back when he protested the whole hat thing
- (which, Janus realizes that he kind of had been back in the beginning, just a little bit, before the teasing went way too far)
- but just because the others hadn't deliberately meant anything mean doesn't mean that it didn't hurt him, nevertheless
- so the five of them acknowledge and apologize for not realizing Janus' discomfort and for not ensuring that the environment was one in which he felt safe in admitting his discomfort to them
- and Janus admits that, now he knows for sure that it isn't anything bad, he really doesn't mind them touching his hair or any other part of him, really, but they really need to ask first, because things that feel nice some times don't feel so nice other times
- so they all have a nice long talk about boundaries and about how consent extends way past just bedroom activities
- and what kind of hurt/comfort fic would this be if Janus isn't passed around everyone's laps while everyone softly peppers kisses all over him and reassures him that they love him and they love his hair and they love his scales and they love his everything? so naturally that happens, and it's all very very mushy and sweet and cavity-inducing
- and everyone assures Janus that he and his hair are fully worthy of love and that they're happy to love both even as he can't bring himself to love himself just yet—if he'll have them all, that is
- and Roman + Virgil ask Janus to date them, and Logan + Remus + Patton ask him to date them too because yay gays and yay polyamory
- and maybe Janus is crying a bit after the others admit that they actually really like how he looks, snake face, fluffy hair, and all, maybe he's crying as he says that yes, he really does like them all and want to be with them
- but he's not about to admit it, of course
- besides, he's got his head turned to kiss Roman, soft and chaste and long and sweet, and Patton's in his lap with hands under his shirt, gently rubbing just above his hipbones, and Virgil's pressed against his side, holding his hand and squeezing carefully, and Remus is on the floor, curled around his calves and playing with the fuzz of his pajama pants, and Logan massages at the base of his neck even as his brand new hat sits perched atop his head
- so Janus most certainly has an excuse for not admitting anything (or saying anything else, really) for a long, long while
*
I don't usually write bullet fics, but this idea just would. not. leave. me. alone. And I was too lazy to actually write it out into an entire prose fic, so voila! Bullet fic. Maybe someday I'll revisit it and turn it into a full fic, maybe not. Either way, hopefully you enjoyed this, even though it is a li'l different!
Question of the Day: Do you have a favorite Sanders Sides ship? If so, what is it? Why?
Answer of the Day: Gods I just love all the ships in this fandom so much that I don't have an OTP or a whatever. :p I love basically any ship involving Janus (altho Anxceit is kinda meh), and I suppose my "big three" would be Roceit, Intruality, and Analogical. And don't get me started on the polyam ships...I'll be here literally all night listing all the ones I love. xD