My mum used her realtor's key code to open the door to the waterfront condo.
"Take your time to look around and get the measurements you need," she said. "I've got to meet a client I'm showing a home to in an hour. Just be sure to lock the door when you leave because technically you're not supposed to be here alone even if your contract has been accepted."
"Got it," I said. "I'm gonna take a bunch of pics. That's okay since the place is empty, right?"
"It's fine. I'll see you tomorrow for Sunday dinner, right?"
"I wouldn't miss dad's barbecue brisket for the world."
She left and I looked around at my future home. Then I pulled out my phone and made a call.
"Hello?" Ceci answered.
"Hey, what are you doing right now?"
"Hm, well I was sleeping, but now that I'm up, a coffee is the first thing on my agenda."
"Fuck. I woke you?" I asked.
"It's fine. I had the dream last night and then I couldn't get back to sleep for hours. That's why I slept so late."
"You had it again? Why didn't you call me! You know I would have been there in ten minutes."
Ceci had been experiencing a recurring dream since we lost the baby. In it she was pregnant again, often further along than she'd been. She told me it was so vivid that she'd touch her stomach and feel little kicks. She could hear the whooshing sound of its heart in the background along with a faint lullaby as she sat in a beautifully decorated nursery. It was all very pleasant and as long as it continued, she loved it. The horrible part, which in some ways made it a nightmare, came when she'd wake up and realize it wasn't real.
"There's no reason for both of us to lose sleep," she said.
"You're more important than sleep. Promise me you'll call me next time."
"Okay...okay. I promise. Now why did you call?"
"I'm going to text you an address. I want you to come to it after you've had your coffee. I'll also text the code to get access to the parking garage and into the building."
"This is very mysterious. How about I grab us both coffees on my way there?" she suggested.
"Even better."
Forty-five minutes later, there was a soft knock at the door. I opened it and smiled at Ceci who was holding a travel carrier with four coffees.
"I got us each two because I knew I needed a second and I figured you might, too."
"You've always been the smartest person I know," I said as I took them from her and led her to the kitchen where I set them down on the island.
"So why are we in a gigantic penthouse condo?" she asked as she took one of the coffees with cream and sugar.
"Because I'm buying it and I want an architect's input on some things."
"But why? I know we'd discussed you getting a bigger place, but...you know...that's no longer necessary."
The sadness in her eyes as she skirted around saying why I didn't need the extra room anymore broke my heart.
"It's time. I love my old place but I decided I want a change."
She looked around. "This place is massive. I design houses that could fit in this kitchen. Are you sure it's not a bit much?"
"You don't like it?" I asked.
"I haven't really seen it. Can you give me a tour?"
We started on the main floor which had a huge living area, a dining room, the kitchen, a laundry room, and what was essentially a second master suite. I took her out on both terraces which each offered a fantastic view. I'd still get to see the CN Tower, which was a bonus.
Then we went up the curved staircase to a large open area described as a library in the listing. There was an office, a bedroom with an en suite, and then the palatial master bedroom which had both a sauna and a steam room.
When we were done, we sat on the stairs and sipped our coffee.
"Tell me your vision for the place," Ceci said.
"I want to use the upstairs office as my studio and put a grand piano in that open area at the top of the stairs. Maybe I can find a creative way to display all my guitars in that space, too. On the main floor, the second master would be a guest suite."
"I like those ideas," she said before pausing for a moment. "It's kind of crazy that this place would have been perfect for us if we were going to live together for awhile like we'd talked about. The second master has two rooms, so one could have been a nursery."
"I thought of that, but I wasn't going to bring it up."
"It's okay. It hurts to imagine us here with our baby, but it would hurt no matter what."
"Be brutally honest. What do you think?" I asked. "I can back out of the contract, though I'd lose my deposit."
"It's going to cost a fortune to heat and cool, so you'll need to be prepared for that. I'm guessing it's over four thousand square feet, and I don't know what you need all that space for, but if it's what you want, that's what matters."
"Take the size out of it. Do you think it's aesthetically pleasing? Is it architecturally well designed?"
"It's gorgeous. I see quite a few similarities to your current place, which tells me that there's a specific style you're drawn to. You like open spaces and light, which are elements I'm fond of as an architect."
"The huge windows are what made me fall in love with it," I told her.
"Come downstairs with me," she said as she got up.
I followed her into the kitchen.
"I'd make some changes to this island. I like the L shape, but having the sink at the bend is a design flaw. It's too far from the dishwasher. I'd move the sink to the side and extend the countertop so that you can sit at it. You love having your morning coffee at your island now, and you'd miss having that option. I'd also paint the island cabinetry black. It would look better with the other off-white cabinets than this faux cherry."
"I agree completely. The changes are doable?"
She nodded. "It could be done in less than a week."
"So does it have the Cecilia Burroughs seal of approval?" I asked.
"Yes, but that shouldn't matter since I'm not living here."
"You're welcome to the guest suite. We could be roomies!"
We'd been doing really well at being friends again, but as soon as I said that, I knew I might have gone too far.
"Ha! I think that would be disastrous. I might come over and use your sauna every once in awhile, though."
We spent the next hour taking measurements for the furniture I'd need to purchase to supplement what I already had. Before she left, I thanked her for her help and gave her a long hug.
That evening, I had plans with another friend. My current tour was the first one Brian wasn't involved with, so we hadn't seen each other as much as we used to. He'd gone back to school and was committed to getting his degree in marketing management. I guess he figured he couldn't spend the rest of his life in my entourage, though I'd made it clear there was always a paid position for him if he ever wanted back in.
After grabbing two beers from the fridge, I joined Brian on my terrace. It had been a blazingly hot summer day, but now that the sun had set, it was comfortable enough to sit outdoors.
"I know the place you found is bigger, but man, I cannot believe you're giving up this view," he said as he looked out at beautiful Toronto. Tonight the CN Tower was bright red.
"I'll still have a view, and it's pretty fucking spectacular. There are two terraces and one looks over the water and from the other you see the skyline. It's even closer to the tower."
"I can't wait to see it. When are you closing on it?"
"July 26th. I should be settled in, and most of the new furniture should be delivered by early August, so I'm going to have a combination housewarming and birthday party," I told him.
"Sweet. Will Ceci be there?" he asked hopefully.
"I assume so. I mentioned it to her today when I showed her the new condo."
Brian got quiet for a second and then started peeling the label on his beer bottle, which he tended to do when something was on his mind.
"I've been meaning to ask you," he started. "Is there something going on with you two? I know she's like family, but you canceled five concerts when she got in the accident. She wasn't even hurt that badly. Now you're taking her to see your new home when it wasn't that long ago that you two were barely on speaking terms. And by the way, you never fully explained why you'd had a falling out."
I'd prepared myself for questions about Ceci, because I knew that it looked strange to anyone who didn't know about the baby.
"The accident made me realize how much she means to me. It was a sort of wake-up call, you know? Ceci was my best friend when we were little and like you said, she's family to me. When my mum called to tell me she'd been in a car crash, I had to go to her. As for our problems...we had a fight over something I did and it fucked up our friendship for a long time."
None of what I said was a complete lie, but I was leaving out a lot of critical information.
"I called her a couple weeks after the accident. Did she tell you that? I asked if she needed anything, and she said she was doing okay and thanked me for the offer. While I had her on the phone, I finally got up the nerve to ask her on a date. She went silent for a minute, and I thought the call dropped. Then she said the weirdest thing."
"What did she say?" I asked as I tried to hide how anxious this conversation made me.
"She said 'I'm broken right now and you can't fix me, so that's not a good idea.' What does that even mean? I don't think she meant physically, either. There was so much sadness in her voice."
The word "fix" hit me hard. One of Ceci's favorite songs was "Fix You" by Coldplay.
"I don't know what she meant, but we've all got demons. Maybe you called at a time when she was battling some," I replied, hoping my answer would satisfy him and that he'd drop the subject.
"You're right. I was thinking that it's a positive thing that she didn't reject me outright. There could be hope for us yet. If we get married, you could be both the best man for me and the man of honor for her. How hilarious would that be?"
Hilarious wasn't there word that came to mind, but I let out a loud laugh so that he thought I agreed with him.