CHAPTER 39: No More Lemon
I spent one hour, just driving. Marvin said it was alright to return back to the dorm, confirming with Lorraine that he could stay in her room, given their closeness over the past month had helped in ways I couldn't understand at the current moment. To know that Edmund had been a part of those threats, or well, his group had played their parts in it was hard to stomach, let alone accept. Every time I turned to him for comfort, I had let myself be reeled in, his past was...frightening.
The abuse, from the orphanage, the brotherhood institute and Oswald. All of it.
One week. One week of staying in my room, working through classes, lecture videos online. Purchasing groceries and having it delivered. Ignoring his phone calls, his messages, his constant knocking on our front door, sometimes even at one in the morning. I couldn't do it, I couldn't see to everything so soon, not when I was still going over Marvin's analysis and investigation on them all.
One week was enough.
I stare out into the water along the bridge, the pier was easily visible and with the heirloom in my pocket, I made a mere hunch of him coming, of Edmund. It had been two weeks of avoided encounters and the ignorances of phone calls and messages on my behalf, my fault on not wanting to listen to him or try to understand why he withheld so much information from me. My phone gave me notification of two individuals nearby, standing and watching me in silence. I watch the radar of one split off, and I notice Talon walking close to the pier, where he throws stones across the water, measuring their distances with his eyes.
"Your way of contacting me, hmm?" I hear the same husky voice behind me. My orchid stepping on the bridge with the water of the lake underneath, the dark blue, unmissable shallows below, algae visible and flowing with the current, I stare at it, rather than him.
"When did you find out about Erik's decision to first use the USB, but then agree to frame me with Iris' aid?" I ask him, still staring at the water with my red trench coat fluttering in its reflection and the wet wind, the freezing cold air and yet the water hadn't frozen over.
A masculine hand moves in my peripheral vision, not too long after, Edmund's cuffs come into view, Edmund leans on the rope railing of the bridge, he takes a deep breath, "I found out about the USB and the fact Erik staged the attack after I stupidly accused you of being the one who had done it. No one noticed, but I hadn't spoken to either of them, or even Lyndon when I found out he had a part in it too. I didn't tell you because they were all ashamed of it, Lemon. I have known and stuck by them my whole life, I didn't tell you to protect them, but I tried helping you, so I could protect you. Getting you to tell me all of what was happening was difficult, lemon. When you were....when you were kidnapped, they told me everything, I was so angry, and I still am at their choices that put you in so much danger, I only focused on finding you, lemon." He whispers the last part, turning towards me.
I pull out the heirloom, the casing of it from my pocket, "This continuously reminds me of the three times you lied to me about Oswald. First it was about him being your father on a farm in the outskirts of New York, about your uncle handing you the company. You lied about your mother owning the land the festival was on, then when I found out you were an orphan, you told me Oswald fostered you, that he was alive and wanted to meet me. How your family knew about me. Now, it's that he's dead and was an abusive bastard who had hurt you, and that he was your real biological father." I murmur, turning towards him with an expression of stone, stilled against the questionable weather.
I stare at him closely, his profile with his jaw clenched, he shakes his head, profusely. He was troubled with telling me what I already know, I step up towards him, curling my gloved hand around the sleeve of his long coat, already feeling the toned muscle underneath, "Edmund, I don't want to push you into telling me everything. I know you have had the hardest of a childhood, probably even harder teen years growing up. I won't look at you differently-" He turns to me abruptly, hands grabbing my upper arms, he stares down at me with sharp silver eyes.
"Can you really promise that? If I told you everything about myself, the most darkest moments of life, every bit of it and you wouldn't look at me differently. Whether it be pity, disgust, heartbreak-do you think I want to see you look at me that way? I've never once in my life felt like this, the way I feel with you, what I want with you, lemon. If you knew what I'd done, what I've had to do to get here, you wouldn't love me, you wouldn't even want to look at me and leaving me at your dorm showed me that telling you right now would be the worst decision, I watched you walk away from me and so many have walked out of my life, so many I didn't invite in. You are the only one I want to stay, but I know you won't if you saw the abuse, the scars, my world-it's darker than you could imagine, lemon and I want you far away from that part. I only want a happy start, a happy future with you. I don't want to reveal the rest." He murmurs, I close my eyes, dropping my head on his chest his hand entangles in my strands.
He embraces me with robust arms.
I squeeze my eyes shut when my shoulders begin shaking and he freezes above me, "Lemon?" He whispers, scared, shocked, maybe more.
I begin crying.
The bitter tears lodge stiffness in my temples, a clogging in my throat, numbness in my limbs, he pulls back, hands on my shoulders, my lips tremble, as he lowers his head, "Melanie..." I watch him struggle with his words, with his meaning.
I look up at him, wiping my eyes, I hold the casing in my hand, I hold it out to him, "When you are ready to talk to me, to trust me with the truth, Edmund, I will wear this with high honour and respect, but until you let me in like I have done with you, then I cannot stand here and act like everything between us is alright, that we're in love when love doesn't just mean progression with a grand future together. Love doesn't just mean us, it means the whole package, the good and the bad. I don't care if you have demons, Edmund, we all do. I just want you to reveal to me that no matter your past, every detail of it, that I will still want your arms to be the ones holding me in the end, Edmund. I am in love with you, too. I need you to put your trust in me this time and I'm giving you time to do that, Edmund." I tell him, slowly handing over the necklace.
He doesn't take it.
He stares down at me, "No." Is all he says.
I close my eyes, "You have lied to me since day one-"
"I know, Melanie. If I could take it all back, I would. Fuck sake, I would. Watching you leave me over an argument was...I couldn't stand the sight of it, lemon. Keep the necklace, because I'm not leaving you and giving that back to me shows how much I've hurt you, just seeing you cry, lemon. I promise to do everything in my power to make it up to you, baby. I know what I've done and what I've said sounded deliberate when I lied, I have lied all my life, I wish I didn't with you. I have held so many secrets. I don't want to do that with you and I won't anymore. Lemon...the Fitzgerald Brotherhood is where I mainly grew up, it's where I met men and women very much like myself, but we were all different." He whispers.
I purse my lips, it was like pulling at teeth, he was being vague, whether he was just starting with the story, I move out of his arms and turn my back to him as I take a few steps back down the bridge. He follows.
"I didn't grow up like you did, with a family, a loving family. The orphanage I was practically born into, I never met either of my parents before I turned nine, that's when I ran from the orphanage and...found Oswald, who turned out to be much worse than I could ever imagine." He whispers.
I slowly turn to him, "Why did you lie to me about this?" I ask him, for probably the tenth time now.
He looks at me, a distant sound in his eyes, his fingers moved in concentric circles along his palm, a relaxing technique I recognised well, he just stares at me, "I didn't want you to know about those, I never did."
I purse my lips, "That's not an answer."
"I was abused, time and time over, lemon. I didn't want you to see that or even know about it the closer I got to you, I just wanted you to see who I am now and that nothing before mattered, I never want you to see that side of me because...I am afraid, I'll admit that. I'm scared shitless that I'd lose you if you saw how violent I could get, if you'd be scared that I'd get that way with you, when I know I never would, I never even could because of how far I'd go to protect you, lemon. How far I've fallen in love with you." He whispers the last part, giving me a narrow-eyed look but I knew it was one of soft texture, his look that was indecipherable, meant to show me how he does feel about me, I guess.
I fold my arms, "You lied to my face, regarding Oswald, regarding the brotherhood. What did they make you do at that institute?" I ask him, knowing the answer, but waiting to see what he would answer with.
He clenches his jaw, "Why do you want to know?"
"Because it's a part of your life-" He cuts me off, harshly.
"-that's in the past. The kind of past that I don't want to fucking remember, Melanie. I hated that part of myself, I've never wanted to look back, not once. I know that you believe seeing my past will get to know me better, but I despise that part of me. You really think I want to show the woman I'm in love with regarding the part of me I hate the most, the weak one who's only ever been beaten close to death on multiple occasions and has only ever once felt happiness and that's when I'm with you." He points at me, emphasising his words.
I pinch the bridge of my eyebrow, "The night you made me a candlelit dinner, I lied about where I was. Jamison didn't give me any reports to edit, nor was I at that precinct for as long as I implied. The abandoned asylum, I went there and gathered more files of what I could on the case, it's why I was late. I've cleared my lie, I didn't involve you because yes, these cases were handed to me through Erik, whom I couldn't find until I brought Marvin in and you got sloppy when hiding your information. You didn't even try to work with my brother, you covered up countlessly with Iris and Erik, even when I accused her and was right, the bitch fought back and you covered up for her before giving me this bloody necklace, as a tracker. I'm a hypocrite since I hijacked your phone, which was a good idea considering you were a part of the crap I went through here. I worked alone to protect you, I hid from you to ensure your safety and your friends' safety was intact, you lied to me to protect them, not me and I don't think you even realise that, Edmund, I really don't." I tell him, speaking the truth and nothing but.
He closes his eyes, "I did not intentionally or deliberately try to put you in the line of fire, lemon. Talon was suppose to protect you in that library, he ran before we heard Claude Borne had punched through the ladder you were on. Forthright's must have been close by, Iris never contacted him or anything when Talon got back to us on the beach and we came straight to you." He says to me.
I give him a pissed off look, "I reached out to you, scared Forthright was going to do something and this entire fucking time, you knew it was Borne who did that to me and you said nothing?" I spit his way. He stands there stoically, pursed lips, watching me, taking the grunt of my anger. This was fair.
What wasn't fair was him just standing there. Saying something as if it would make me angrier.
"You were protecting Talon, Edmund. There's your bloody answer. You even made your friends lie during the time they exposed the fact your ID number was used, which was stupid considering Talon should have his own, but I'm going to take a wild guess and assume he forgot his card number but just used his." I wonder, gesturing with my hands.
He pinches the bridge of his nose, "I am on the student's advisor's committee, students cannot enter the library after ten unless they're on the committee, which is why he used my identification number to get in and that's why I don't understand how you got in when you're a freshman here." WHAT?-he could have said that more delicately.
I furrow my eyebrows, that would have meant that someone let me in. Someone who had control over the damn network channels and denial access systems to let my card number in after ten in the evening. Another bloody pathway in my web of investigations.
I needed to look into who was a part of the school's board.
He closes his eyes for a second, "Lemon, I know this is messed up, I know that. I've lied to you about so much, a lot of it is in regards to my past, but everything that you went through here, I protected my friends, even after their mistakes. I would have done so much different and take it all back, I can't do that, the only thing I want to do now is move forward with you. I know this is going to take a long time getting past, getting through, but I am so very willing. I've never wanted something to work as much as this, as much as I want everything to work with you, so please-" He's cut off by the ringtone of his phone, I look down at his pocket, holding the urge to scoff as he stares at the screen, as if all his blood pressure had dropped.
I took one glance and knew exactly who it was.
Creed's Residence...
Meaning it was Sampson.
He holds the phone tightly, his movements were jolted and tensed as he answers the call, "Who is this?" He says, slowly. Something was said in the other line, I stare into Edmund's silver eyes that flicker when he hears the masculine voice on the other end.
It was five minutes of silence when I look down at the necklace boxed safely in it's velvet containment, I knew he would have to go back to New York, I didn't know, nor could I guess what would happen if he did, but I knew nothing humorous could come from it.
I step towards him, while he's still on the phone and I shove the box into his chest, not caring if it dropped as I rip myself away from his lunging arm, "Look, could you just give me one second," He said to what I believed was Sampson, before yelling, "-MELANIE!" He yells for my name, but I was already across the bridge and up the pathway as he curses behind me.
"Sampson, just give me one fucking second. MELANIE! JUST WAIT!" He calls out for me again, I stop in my position on the pathway, seeing him jog in front of me.
"Sampson, I swear, I'll call you back, this is important." He says on the line, before hanging up, staring down at me, he steps forward, the muscles in my shoulders tighten, strengthen as he kneels down on the soon-to-be-wet ground before me, wrapping one arm around my thighs, he squeezes my other hands as he presses his forehead on my abdomen. I close my eyes.
"Stop walking away from me, lemon." He whispers down below.
I purse my lips, "Bloody get up, Edmund."
"Will you stop walking away from me?" He asks, muffled in my red trench coat.
"You have lied countless times..." I mutter, removing my hand from his, he sighs in defeat, wrapping both arms around the back of my thighs and stands, his long coat moving up across the gravel as he stands with me in his arms, which slid up around my waist now as he engulfed me in his chest. He felt cold, which wasn't unusual for him, he was never one temperature, in bed-he was all heat and nothing else, right now, I could feel the coldness of his hands though each clothing of fabric I wore.
"I want to make up for every lie with nothing but the truth." He whispers into my neck. His phone vibrates once again.
I dropped my hands around his broadened shoulders, slowly placing my head on his shoulder, he tightens his arms around me, "It's going to take a lot longer than just a couple minutes, let alone a couple days, but I don't want to be with someone who won't go a day without revealing he's lied about yet another thing to me." I whisper, moving my head, my lips close to his ear.
"Lemon." His whisper was intangible, so hard to understand, so wistful in his small moment.
I pull back only a little, looking into those silver orb eyes, I cup his cheek, "We just need time, Edmund." I whisper, he lowers his forehead to mine, not long after, do his lips flutter along mine, my feet touch the ground but I still left up on my tip toes and pucker my lips against his. One last kiss, I selfishly needed it, cupping both his cheeks, I kiss him in the softest way possible, a slow, tentative movement as I tilt my head to the right, only a little and deepen what I could of our kiss, wishing I could hold on to him, but I knew I couldn't.
I try to slowly pull back, but one of his hands holds the back of my hair, tilting my head up higher, he licks my bottom lip, a slow process, one I wasn't even sure I liked but the movement elicited a strange tinge in my chest. He lets go of my head when I didn't return his passion in that moment, he pulls back with his eyes squeezed shut, licking his lips in a slow motioning way. He lowers his arms from me, eyes still closed, I take the opportunity to step back and move around him.
I made it five metres before I hear, "Lemon." He says my name once, my heart aches with what I'm about to do as I slowly turn his way, and I say the words that confirm my meaning.
I swallow, staring into his darkened silver eyes that hold such pain, such anguish in so little of our time since I got back, he stares at me not knowing what I could do or say next, he looked so convinced that we were going to be alright, at the rate he was going. We weren't, not for some time, "It's just Melanie now, Edmund."
And like that, I broke Edmund Creed...and I awoke a monster.