Artemis didn't know who Renegade- Richard, Dick, whatever, she'd taken to mentally calling him asshole at some point so maybe his nickname being Dick was a happy little accident regardless of how reminiscent it was. Nevertheless she didn't know who he really was, under the swagger and put-on assassin deadly calm and nonchalance. Perhaps he truly was just as sarcastic as he seemed under the hood, but she thought there was probably something hiding beneath.
So, she had, of course, reached out. A little.
Technically, she had put this effort into researching before she knew Renegade was on their side. Heck, before she'd fake died. Once Kaldur came to the meeting and said he was around she'd started doing some digging in hopes of getting something of use.
It did, however, drive her a little insane to come up with a whopping total of nothing.
It would be so easy if she could just ask her sister. They weren't on the best terms but she was quite sure she'd be able to persuade her. Without that easy contact and no okay from Kaldur to talk to her as Tigress, she was stuck with the barebones.
However, Dick- no, she didn't like it, she couldn't think of him as Dick it wasn't right. Richard? No. no, she'd just keep with Asshole. Ass? Butthead. No that was too childish.
She hadn't settled on the best nickname by the time she'd walked into the officer's mess, so she decided to settle on Richard and call it a day.
She pretended she hadn't known Richard would be in the mess. In actuality she'd checked the watch schedules and such to see when he'd likely be off duty. If he was such an insomniac he wouldn't immediately go to bed, and after some careful consideration she wagered he'd be in the mess. It was her lucky day, because he was sitting in the back corner of the room.
She was still technically on the clock, in a sense, so she was in full gear. This was like taking your half-hour break when on shift work. She got herself a cup of coffee and strode to the corner.
Richard had taken off the uniform and was now nursing a glass of something Artemis did the courtesy of not looking closely at. He was wearing a jacket and jeans, but Artemis figured he was still carrying weapons and some tech.
"evening," Richard greeted as Artemis slid into a chair across from him, "to what do I owe the pleasure?"
Artemis shrugged and made a show of confidently leaning back in her chair, taking a sip of the coffee and letting it rest on the table, her fingers still loosely around the handle.
She picked a way to play it and stuck with it before she could back out.
"you seem cosy with Kaldur'Ahm."
Richard raised an eyebrow, took a sip of his drink, leaned forward on his elbows, and said, "okay."
"you don't deny it?"
"I'm trying to figure out why you're bringing it up first." He was frowning.
"I'm curious," she said, "I know him well."
"I'm sure," Richard said with a certain smile that told Artemis he knew something she didn't.
"so," she crossed her legs, "what's the story?"
Really she just wanted a better understanding of what type of person he was. This was a sure way of catching him off guard.
"The story is what you're suggesting is extremely unprofessional," he finally said, leaning back and taking a sip of his drink.
"have you talked to half the people around here?" she asked deadpan, "it's not that bad."
Richard made that raised-eyebrow head-nod I'm-considering-your-point face then shrugged, "true."
"Look," she said, "I'm not going to judge, but I will say this," she was looking at her mug, completely calm, "if you hurt him I will tear you to pieces, toss you in the Lazarus pits and then do it again."
Richard nodded, "yes I would figure as much. But you don't need to worry"
"because you're such a gentleman?" she asked deadpan.
"no, because I'm not going to pursue anything with him," Richard said, "there's an invasion going on, the Light's trying to take over and my brother is making me buy him a PS4, I have other things to focus on."
Artemis nodded, sipped her coffee.
"are you off the clock?" Richard asked.
"in another hour."
Richard finished his drink, "wanna spar?"
"I still have some work to do," she said in a half-hearted tone that suggested she didn't care.
"no one will pull you up, they're too scared," he smiled, standing, "I'm gonna do some training, you're welcome to join."
Artemis considered it, actively making a show of it. she hadn't finished her coffee yet...
Although, she was only drinking it with the intention of interrogating Richard. So she tipped out the left overs and followed him to the training room.
There was a small amount of people milling about, sparring working out, etcetera. She paid little attention to them and instead just followed Richard to the empty section of sparring mats.
"hand to hand?" Artemis asked.
Richard surveyed a katana on a rack, he slid it from the sheath, balanced it in his hand and made a few twirls with it in the air.
"nah, let's actually make it interesting."
Dick did not like the reach. At all.
He was keenly reminded of that when Kaldur was brought to the Reach's ship to give them their captives. Artemis was overseeing that, Dick was staying by Kaldur's side seeing as he was supposed to be his bodyguard.
"And this is our head scientist," the ambassador introduced.
Kaldur bowed his head in greeting and the scientist copied the gesture.
"I would like to offer you a tour of our labs," she said, voice smooth, "so you may see what we have been able to accomplish with the many subjects you have supplied us."
"Of course," Kaldur said.
"will your servant be joining us?" the scientist said, looking at Dick with slightly knitted brows.
"he is my body guard, where I go he goes," Kaldur explained.
"ah," she nodded, "much like our warrior in position. However you are quite slim, are you a meta-human?"
Dick grit his teeth and forced his voice to not become defensive, "no, but I am well trained."
"I see," she said, "well, follow me."
Dick really wished they hadn't had to take the offer out of courtesy. He did not appreciate looking at all the civilian teenagers that were stuck in the Reach's tubes. It reminded him far too much of the court's iced coffins.
He wasn't paying much attention to the scientist's explanations. The way she talked about their investigations into the meta-gene made it obvious that they intended to weaponize it, but he wasn't interested in interrogating her.
"you seek to weaponize it," Kaldur said.
Evidently Kaldur had every intention of interrogating.
"you never mentioned he was clever," the scientist said to the ambassador. Dick was beginning to hate the fact they didn't have names.
"does the gene present itself the same in Reach as it does humans?" Dick asked, drawing the attention of the other three. He was standing by their worktable, watching the coffins at the side of the room.
"pardon?" the ambassador asked.
"well," Dick said, "not only are we extremely different species, we also have different bases of life. Humans evolved from apes, we're sapiens. The reach seem more related to insectoid biology, or arthropods. Would a gene presenting in humans work similairly in Reach or would the biological difference hinder your ability to weaponize it amongst your own troops?"
The scientists blinked, "we have... thought of that," she said, hesitantly.
The ambassador turned on her, "you have not brought it up with me," he said calmly.
"I have begun writing up possible experiments to investigate the differences," the scientist said, "but I did not think there reasonable evidence to bring it to you as of yet," her tone was turning defensive.
The ambassador took a moment to calm himself so as to not become aggressive in front of guests, the scientist seemed to do the Reach equivalent of squaring her jaw.
"it is an interesting point," Kaldur said, looking at Dick strangely, "what would be your course of action if the metagene proved different within our two species?"
The scientist looked away and busied herself at the computers, the ambassador fumbled for words for a moment.
"well..." he said, "I suppose we'll have to think on such an idea."
Kaldur and Dick shared a look. The ambassador came up with some excuse to get them out of the labs, they didn't put up much of a fight. once left to their own devices Kaldur turned to him.
"they intend on taking human soldiers."
"almost definitely," Dick said, "but I don't get it, their scarabs create literal powerhouses. No metahuman could live up to that."
"maybe there's a way that the scarab's can be altered when attached to someone with an active metagene?" Kaldur said, frowning.
"we'd need to find a beetle that has a gene, or other abilities."
"there is apparently a Martian beetle, somewhere. Maybe it is made more powerful by the inherent Martian abilities?"
"if we could find that out we could better determine why they came here, which we can use to get them to leave."
"how so?"
"I don't know a lot about space politics, but I'm pretty sure if we have proof that they're only here to power-up their army we could force them off. Or at least get aid from other planets that don't want the reach growing in number." Dick frowned and rubbed at his chin, "maybe you can get someone to do some research."
Kaldur nodded, "we'll take anything at this point. We just need them gone."
They continued walking in companionable silence. Dick was happy with that, Kaldur was not.
"Artemis told me she decided to annoy you."
Dick raised an eyebrow, "annoy?"
"she wanted to catch you off guard and figure you out as a person," Kaldur said, a small smile tugging at the corner of his mouth, "apparently she got a bit gossip-y."
Dick chuckled, "I think she's bored with all the stiffs in your troops," he said, "they don't really make for interesting conversation."
"yes, well, that wasn't my point in bringing up the topic," Kaldur said, watching Dick closely.
"oh, so what was the point?" Dick asked, frowning.
He hadn't thought much on what Artemis had asked him. he had sat down in his room and stared at the sun stone necklace for a while, he'd found himself carrying it around as of late. It was even tucked in one of the compartments of his belt at that very moment. He'd considered her questioning of his behaviour around Kaldur. If he removed the complexities of their situation, what would he think?
He'd probably think that he'd been a bit more flirty than usual, although that could have just been his usual charm. He tended towards overdramatizing his confidence when put off-guard or in a situation he didn't expect. This was an epitome of that.
But even still, he hadn't been thinking much on his emotions, even though Artemis had down-right suggested he had feelings of a specific nature for Kaldur. Which suggested she was wrong and he should continue not worrying about it...
Although, then again, his feelings for Wally had completely snuck up on him because he'd literally never thought about them. Then all of a sudden one day he'd been chilling with Wally and found himself incapable of tearing his eyes from his friend's mouth.
He hadn't reached that point, at least.
"the point-"
Kaldur's voice broke through his thoughts and he kicked himself for mind wandering. He never did that on mission, he was literally behind enemy lines, what was he doing?
Kaldur was looking for words, "there wasn't much of a point, really," he was pointedly looking ahead and not at Dick as he walked.
Dick snickered, "small talk is probably better kept to when we're not on an alien ship."
Kaldur let the smallest of smiles break free.
"I suppose I just wanted to ask-"
Kaldur's sentence was cut off by the alarms blaring. The lights flickered red.
Dick's hand went to his sword, strapped to his back, as he checked every corner and piece of shadow for an enemy.
"the team is here," Kaldur said, voice low. His expression for a moment seemed annoyed about something, perhaps just the fact that he'd been interrupted. It was quickly masked and replaced with the calm determination expected of him.
"I gathered as much," Dick said, "we've got to make this look good."
Kaldur nodded, "follow me."
"Kaldur, slow down!" Dick tried ordering him. he was supposed to be guarding him, god damnit, he should be taking the lead. Had Kaldur never had an assigned guard before? God, he missed how easy his job was when he was just keeping an eye on Thalia.
"why don't you speed up?" Kaldur offered over his shoulder, taking a turn.
Dick grunted and did so. He took a deep breath, held it a second and as he exhaled he let the wall break. He felt his body tingle as the electrum hiding out in his veins crackled to life. His muscles ached to be pushed to the limit. Energy rushed through him.
It had been a while since he'd used his electrum. Training against Kaldur had been the last time and it didn't last long enough to take the edge off. There was a lot of conserved energy coming to the forefront.
He caught up to Kaldur quickly. By the surprised blink he received he gathered Kaldur had spied the green ringed yellow eyes concealed slightly by the hood.
"are you going to lose control?"
Dick rolled his eyes, "I don't usually do that, it was because the electrum was activated by force, instinct, in response to you attacking me," he explained as quickly as he could, "I'm activating it by choice now, I'm in control."
Kaldur nodded, "give me a warning if you start losing control."
"sir yes sir," Dick grunted.
He heard voices up ahead, frantic. Kaldur seemed to as well. They were loud enough to be close so whoever it was must have just emerged into earshot from a room.
Kaldur sped up once more and Dick was too tired of his antics to care to catch up. If he wanted to run ahead and put himself in peril then so fucking be it, Dick would catch up to help when he inevitably ran into a room full of heroes.
Dick hit the turn just in time to see it happen in full view. Kaldur rushed into the hall, M'Gann down the way with Beast Boy. She laid eyes on him and Dick felt something in him kick in, a need to get over there now.
But why, it was M'Gann. She was powerful, sure. A real heavy hitter in a sense. But she was still sweet, innocent, nice M'Gann. She wasn't a thre-
As she laid eyes on Kaldur she shrieked, "MURDERER."
Kaldur yelped, grasped his head and collapsed to his knees.
Dick's breath left him as he saw it happen. It was a moment to moment kind of change. Suddenly M'gann's expression turned horrified, a hand cupped her lips.
Dick rushed up and caught Kaldur before he could collapse entirely. He was staring forwards into space, breath slow. Dick cupped his cheek to make him look into his eyes.
"Kaldur." There was no recognition in his eyes.
Dick wasn't paying attention to M'Gann or Beast Boy. They could behead him then and there and he wouldn't notice because Kaldur was-
God he didn't even know what had happened, but it was bad. Dick felt like he was going to be sick.
Artemis turned down the corner, immediately catching sight of Kaldur on the ground and rushing to his side.
He barely heard M'Gann fall to her knees, Beast Boy shaking her with concern. He looked at her, eyes filled with some mix of fear and shock and horror.
And suddenly M'Gann was in his mind and Artemis was close by.
'M'Gann, what have you done?' Artemis' voice was just as emotional as Dick was in general.
'I thought...' she was staring between the three, 'I thought he killed you, that he... deserved...'
Dick was going to be sick. He was going to throw up. His gut was churning as he stared at his old friend. M'Gann. Sweet, lovely, kind M'Gann.
She tore her eyes away from Artemis to Dick. And the look in her eyes made him feel so much worse.
She looked him up and down, 'I... you...' she wasn't shielding properly and Dick was getting waves of shock and pain, and he wasn't shielding his mind either. He was taking it entirely. maybe because he wasn't paying attention, maybe because he didn't care, maybe because he thought he deserved it.
The sunstone felt like it was burning through his belt.
"Robin?"
A tear fell down M'gann's cheek.
Oh god Dick deserved this.
Artemis head whipped to look at him. she was staring at him the exact same.
Dick didn't say anything, he just kept M'gann's eye contact. Staring. Trying so damn hard to push all of his apologetic emotion towards her over the mind link she'd accidentally created.
Beast Boy was still trying to shake M'Gann awake from her state. Dick blinked, looking between everyone.
"we have to go," he said to Artemis, voice sounding two seconds from cracking into sobs.
"you..." the word was quiet.
Dick just nodded. He gripped Kaldur's arm.
He shifted to look at Beast Boy, grabbed a smoke bomb and dropped it.
"you take yours, we'll take ours," he ordered to the young team member, "count yourself lucky, boy."
Artemis and Dick trudged through the Reach halls straight to the docking bay. No one questioned them, too busy running to find the intruders. They carried Kaldur to the manta sub and lay him down on a first aid stretcher tucked into the side.
Dick took a deep breath once he let go of Kaldur and lent against the wall.
Artemis grabbed him by the shoulder, tugged him around and right hooked him across the jaw.
Dick took it. he fell against the wall, keeping on his feet. The electrum had long since disappeared from him and was banging to be let out now but Dick held it down. If Artemis was going to beat him to a pulp for everything he'd done he wanted to feel it.
"you sick son of a bitch!" she screeched, she took off her mask and threw it across the ship. Her grey eyes were perfectly visible, her blonde hair, her face. Dick hurt, deep down, seeing it. he was rubbing at his jaw, coming to stand again. He made himself look at her. He deserved this, god damnit, he deserved it.
"you piece of absolute fucking shit, you cunt," she grabbed him by the front of his uniform and shoved him against the wall.
Dick took a deep breath, waiting for the hit.
Artemis dropped her head, taking deep breaths through her teeth. A horrible, terrible pain filled sound escaped her lips as her head thudded against his chest.
"I though you were dead," she sobbed.
Dick didn't say anything, he didn't know what to say. 'I'm sorry' wouldn't fucking cut it.
"everyone told me you had to be alive because you're Robin, of course you fucking were, I thought I was the one secretly stable person because I thought you were dead."
She sobbed again.
Dick reached up and slid his hood off, as well as the mask over his mouth. Artemis felt him move and looked up.
Once she laid eyes on him again she lurched back, pulled her arm and punched him in the gut.
Dick doubled, hissed out through his teeth, "Jesus Christ."
"that's the first thing you say!" she yelled, "You've been gone for six fucking years and the first thing you fucking say is a swear!"
"what do you want me to say?" Dick asked, voice low as he stood straight, taking a deep breath.
"Anything!" she yelled, "I want an explanation, an apology, a god damn three thousand word essay on what the fuck-" she grabbed him by the front and pulled him off balance, snarling in his face, "you're doing with the league of assassins and why the fuck you LEFT US."
Dick very carefully pulled her hands from his clothes and stood straight.
"I'm sorry."
"that's not enough."
"I know," he said, "that's why I wasn't bothering saying it."
Artemis tried for another punch but it was powerless and thudded against his chest in a sad hopeless epitome of emotion.
"you are a piece of absolute shit," she said.
"I'm aware," he said, giving no fight. she seemed angry by that.
"why are you just standing here?" she hissed, "will you fucking defend yourself already you pile of-"
"I figured I'd let you have your say first," he said, quiet. He looked away from her, finally incapable of keeping eye contact without crying.
"why?" she said, voice ragged, "why did you leave? Why go to- to them of all people? Why did you-" she broke off, clenching her jaw as the dam wall broke and a tear raced down her cheek, "do you know what you did to Wally? Do you have any idea-"
"Wally?" Dick frowned, "why? What happened to Wally?"
Artemis' eyes lit up in renewed anger, hatred burned as another tear followed the first down her cheek.
She slapped him.
"Wally almost died!" she shrieked, "he almost fucking died, because he ran off after you disappeared and went solo and refused to let anyone help him because you gave him the world's biggest fucking trust issues!"
Dick blinked, rubbing at the side of his face, "what?"
"Zoom almost tore him into fucking pieces! He was in a coma for months! He couldn't use his powers without collapsing till like a year ago and he still has trouble sometimes, and it's all because of you!"
Dick froze, staring at Artemis. His mind slowed.
Wally...
'oh, so your instinct is to kill people now?'
Dick swallowed down the bile that was rising up his throat. He was shaking, when had that started?
Wally almost died.
Dick felt like he was in the pits again. Staring at his sister and then at nothing but green. Anger and hate and fear lurching through him and tearing him to pieces and oh god it fucking hurt-
What had Zoom done to Wally? How close to the brink did he get? Pretty fucking close seeing as he was comatose.
"one moment." Dick said, then turned.
"excuse me?"
Artemis grabbed his arm, but Dick pulled away before she could do anything. He rushed to the bathroom and threw up everything in him. he was shaking, retching. Trying to breath, shoving air into his lungs, forcing it. it wasn't happening. Nothing was going in, everything was stuck inside. A ball of energy and pain and confusion and fear and worry and sadness was chasing itself around and around inside. He swallowed the saliva that was sticking at his throat. His throat was burning, stomach acid had bubbled up with some of that vomit. He hadn't eaten much as of late, there wasn't much to get out. His throat was burning, his insides were burning, his blood was burning, the sunstone in his belt was burning.
Dick tore the wall down and let the electrum take hold. He shuddered a breath in as it healed over his insides. Tears were running down his cheeks already but he sobbed once the electrum fought off the physical pain. The emotions were still whirling inside, running at ten thousand miles, but with how fast his heart was beating in sheer panic a lot of energy was bleeding from him and the edge was slowly dissipating.
This was dangerous. He could get addicted to this. That was the point. There was a lot of heart ache in becoming a talon, the electrum removed that. Alongside the memory wipe and conditioning that came with being one of the court's soldiers came the fact that sometimes it felt better to just give in. kill a few people, sign your life over to the court, but at least your mind was quiet and the emotions were gone and maybe you could be stuck in hibernation where all the pain disappeared into the endless cold dark.
Oh god, Dick was starting to wish for the endless dark.
Kaldur was lying out there, eyes dull and unresponsive, and Dick was sitting in the bathroom with his head resting against the pipes beneath the sink having a panic attack as if he was the most important person in this situation.
He took a deep breath and let go of the electrum. It felt like coming down, it felt like he was given pure happiness and then had it confiscated, it felt like he was dying.
He needed Alex. He needed her, now. He wondered if this is how she felt every time she'd been coming down. He wondered if she'd ever stared at the tiles and counted the seconds till Dick walked in.
His hands were still shaking, ever so slightly, as he pulled his communicator from his belt. He thumbed the button to call her.
'Dick? What's up, bud?'
Dick took a deep breath. He didn't want to start this conversation with a sob.
"Alex," he said, "remember when I told you I should never use my electrum when I was in emotional turmoil?"
There was a pause.
"I believe your wording was 'I should never use my electrum while spazzing out' but sure."
Dick chuckled, cleared his throat, took a deep breath. He focused on it. trying to get his breathing to fit a proper rhythm. It wasn't working.
"I may or may not have used it."
"oh, shit." There were sounds like bed springs moving, "okay, how lucid are you?"
Dick liked how she immediately managed to piece together the implication that the effects would be vaguely drug-like.
"uh," Dick swallowed, "I don't know, pretty lucid." He took a deep breath, "why does everything burn?"
The electrum wasn't active but... his blood felt itchy. He wanted to claw at his arms.
"okay, where are you?"
"a bathroom," Dick said.
"okay, I want you to grab onto something and slowly, like really slowly, pull yourself to your feet. While you do so I want you to breath, okay, just deep breaths."
Dick nodded. He grabbed the edge of the sink's basin and hauled himself up, legs shaking. He focused on the air going in and out of his lungs.
"you up?" Alex asked, "are you steady? If you're too shaky sit down."
"I'm good," Dick let out a deep breath and leaned against the sink, "okay, I'm good."
"okay." Alex cleared her throat, "okay, you're in a bathroom, can you drink the water or is it gross?"
"its fine."
"okay, wash your face, have a mouthful of water, slowly, separate sips. You're gonna be okay, alright? Just give it a few seconds and everything will slow down and ease up, you'll be okay."
Dick nodded, even though Alex couldn't see it. he ran the tap and did as she told him.
"okay, how you doing?"
"I am now panicking with a wet face."
"look, usually our roles are reversed here, I'm sorry, I'm trying," she took a deep breath, "I'm here, dude, okay, I've got you. I'm not right next to you, I'm sorry, but I'm here. I'll stay up all night if I have to."
Dick sobbed. His head hit the mirror as he collapsed in on himself.
"why can't you be an unsupportive stereotype?" he wasn't looking for an answer, it was just a thought.
"what?"
Dick took a deep breath, "I... I don't know what I'm doing anymore, Alex," he took a deep breath, "I don't think I can stay in the league."
There was silence on the other end. Dick was waiting for the shoe to drop.
"what do you mean?"
"I... I don't know? I don't..." Dick screwed his eyes shut, "I feel like I've never made a real decision in my life, and if I was to go back six years I don't think I'd join the league. I think..." Dick took a deep breath, "I don't know anymore, I don't know what to think, but... Alex I think I need to leave, I can't stay."
Silence was still stretching on the other end.
"I think the only reason I joined and stayed is because I felt obligated to get to know you, then help you. It went from there."
"I'm sorry."
"don't be."
"how can I not be?"
Dick almost sobbed but he managed to hold it back, "Alex, why can't you hate me? Why can't you be like some stereotype? It makes this so much harder."
"do you want me to?"
"I don't think I could live with myself if you hated me," Dick said.
"then it's a good thing I don't," she took a deep breath, "Dick you should do whatever you want to, need to, to become who you want to be in life. It doesn't matter who's side, what country, which friends, I'll always be here."
"and if I go back to the heroes?"
"then you've got allies in the league in case you're chasing some obscure assassin."
Dick sobbed, unable to hold it back anymore.
"you realise you're giving me permission to leave?"
"not really," Alex chuckled, "you might want to ask Ra's for permission to leave."
"oh, Jesus, that's gonna be an interesting conversation."
"your father got through it."
Dick blinked. Staring forward.
How utterly, eternally, indescribably poetic.
Dick looked up, catching his shining blue eyes in the mirror.
"thank you," Dick said.
"for what?"
"for everything."
"you don't have to thank me, Dick," Alex said, "everything is the easiest thing for me to give you. I have it in spades, seeing as you've given me so much of it."