I had already decided that I was going to ask Giles to take my virginity after the game. We had already been through so much shit in such a short time. Even without all that, I had been fantasizing about Giles being inside of me since freshman year. I remember it being the end of the first day. I had found Beth and Deann already, so sweet and welcoming. They were walking me to the Choir room when someone ran past. He nicked my elbow. He turned around his face full of concern.
“I’m so sorry! We just horse assin’ around, are you ok?” He looked me right in the eye. His jeweled eyes were fire inside my belly. I nodded and his buddies caught up and dragged him away. The girls giggled and I had to take a deep breath. I never had a sexual thought about a person I knew before him. I thought about Captain American with his beautiful face between my legs or Jax Teller bending me over a pool table in the clubhouse. Eric Northman remained a treasured favorite. He liked me straddling him while he sit on the throne in his club.
I had thought about Giles being inside me in every way possible since that day. I thought about it in my car. Where was enough room that we could try it a couple different ways. I could wear shirts and dresses. I thought about it in his bed. Imagined his room. Imagined trying to keep quiet with my parents downstairs because we just had to.
How would his face look when he first slipped inside me. What kind of noises?
“Hello!” A loud voice made me refocus. I finally paid attention to where I was. I was on the bleachers. Melanie was in front of me. She looked upset. “This is going to seem really petty coming from me. But I’m the only one with the guts to be honest. I heard Giles tell you he loved you. I think you need all the information before you move forward.” She handed me a phone. There were text messages on the screen.
Dutch: heads up babe giles just sent a pic of him shirtless to lily to piss melanie off if she aint mega bitch mode she gonna be
Steph: oh great thank fucked up to do to lily though she seems nice
Dutch: she is if he tries to take it to far i’ll end it but to be honest i think he has has a thing for her for a long time
Steph: she has been wet for him forever, anyone paying attention can see
Dutch: guess i’m not paying attention. Speaking of wet
I handed the phone back to her. I didn’t know exactly what she wanted me to say. I took a deep breath before. I was feeling a lot of things and I knew she wanted me to explode. She wanted me to scream and cry. She wanted a scene. I was never going to happen
“Thank you, Melaine” I started to pull out my book. She huffed.
“That’s it? Thank you?” Her face was turning red.
“Yes, that’s it. Now I have to discuss it with Giles. This information is being said about it, not from him. I don’t think Dutch is lying, but Giles and I need to talk about it. You don’t just lose your shit over one piece of the story.” She looked like her eyes were going to pop out of her head and stomped away. Wow how raised that child? Steph was right behind her.
“Hey.” She waived at me. I waived back. “I know the answer, but I gotta ask. Did she show you texts between me and Dutch?” I nodded. I wasn’t sure if she was in with Melanie or not. This could be a honey pot trap.
“I want you to know I didn’t send that to her. She got into my phone and sent it to herself. It was the last time we hung out. I can’t deal with her and senior year at the same time. She is a full time job.” We both laughed and she sat down beside me. “So now you know, what’s it gonna be?” I nodded my head. It was hard to say.
“He told me he loved me today.” She watched the practice for a moment.
“You believe him?” I watched him,he was looking over to me every chance he got. He knew something was wrong. He looked so…desperate.
“I do. You don’t stick around for the shit that’s happened and not feel it. Doesn’t mean you can’t hurt each other. You can actually hurt each other the most.” Practice was over and his face was pale with rosy cheeks. Steph was gone in a second and his lips crashed to mine. I waited for it to feel different. I wanted for the chaos in my mind to seep down into my veins and taint the way he felt to me. But it didn’t. His skin was still so
alive with connection.
I left him at his house and went home to clean up. In the shower I focused on one thing at a time. Yes we began as a class assignment. No technically he didn’t choose me, we were already partnered by Mr. Morris. Yes he agreed as revenge on Melanie. He didn’t follow through, he abandoned his directive. He persuaded me. Didn’t he? I got out of shower and wrapped myself up in a towel. I went to my phone and pulled up our instagram. The photos shown are relationship timeline.
Us in this driveway, us in class. Us walking in to eat lunch. Someone snapped our “wedding” He snapped a beautiful photo of us on the ferris wheel, just our silhouette, the lights so bright and colorful. Our hand on the table at the drs. Evie at the park. Our feet at the end of his bed with Coraline on. Even a shot of him and his boys. There was no way this was all for show. He never mentioned her. Never had a picture of her anywhere. He was always honest when she would contact him.
I knew that our relationship now was real. He loved me. He showed me all the time. But a little part in my brain still had a death grip on that self doubt. I got dressed and went to the game. It was painful to watch. Some of the players on the other team looked like thirty year olds. Our boys looked so small. I tried to concentrate on the game, but even with all the rukus a friday night football game can create, my ears picked up text notification. Constant reminders. He started this as revenge.
Are you sure he really wants this? Melaine looked pretty fucked up this afternoon, that's what he wanted right. What if he’s done now. What if he takes back what he said. What if he breaks it off? Ding. That picture was just for show, that instragram act is just for show. This is all just for show. Ding. I sighed and walked to the concession stand. Of course I was running to my old friend. Food. Deann and Beth were standing in line.
“Hey girl don’t you answer your phone, we were trying to get a hold of you to sit together.” I joined them in line.
“I left my phone at home. Melanie dropped a bomb this afternoon.” I debated on telling them. Beth was dating Serge. I didn’t want to create drama. But they were my closest friends. “Turns out Giles was all too happy about our assignment because he was plotting revenge on Melaine. I don’t know what happened between them, but apparently he always had an eye for me and it made her crazy.” They both gasped. Beth shook her head.
“I don’t believe it. Serge was just telling me the other day how much he has seen a change in Giles. He said Melaine had him so wound up, nobody wanted to be his partner in practice. He’d just bulldoze them over. But since he’s been with you, he’s focusing on the team, helping them grown.” Deann just hugged me until I pulled away. We got some food and sat together until Steph came into the bleachers.
“Hey, um Coach asked if you would come talk to him for a minute.” I felt like I didn’t really have the option to say now. I followed Steph onto the sidelines and he turned to me. Coach was a middle age man, didn’t have time for your shit.
“They are getting slaughtered. I don’t know what happened after practice but St Clair is dragging ass. Fix it.” Oh ok. I stood there a few more minutes before Giles came over. I pulled his helmet off. He was all sweaty and his hair was soaked. His face was full of pain. One kid kept nailing him on the same side. I couldn’t say anything I really wanted to say, so I went with regular pep talk stuff. This was the moment I knew I was truly screwed. I had to kiss him. I couldn’t not. It didn’t matter what had happened when or why. I would always be his. I kissed him as quickly as possible and shoved his helmet back on. He ran back on the field.
“Any chance I can convince you to do that about nine more times?” We did not look at each other.
“Ask Giles.” He chuckled and went back into the bleachers. I walked up the metal stairs to plenty of whistles and cheers. My cheeks burned and my anxiety was through the roof. I could feel every pair of eyes on me. Beth and Deann were both smiling. “Not a word” Of course they lost, poor guys. I waited for Giles, and we went back to his house. This night did not go as planned. I thought I’d be getting face sucked off right now. Not telling him I wasn’t going to shower with him. I changed into my pajamas and got in bed while he showered. He came out with the towel around his hips. His hair dripping down his back.
He was on his side facing me, just looking at me. He smelled so good. Fresh and warm. He was using his body against me. He knew how weak I was for his torso. I was determined to not look below his shoulders. “I love you Lily, I”m not going anywhere.” He leaned down and kissed my forehead. “I’m sorry I hurt you. I didn’t mean to.” He kissed my cheek bone.
“I was so lost in my anger I didn’t think. But you changed all that. You calmed the rage.” He skimmed his lips over my jaw line. “Can you forgive me?”
“Can you tell me what happened? What would bring on something like this?” I tensed, not sure he would share. He buried his face in my stomach for a long while. Then he raised up, leaning against the head of the bed. He motioned for me to sit on his lap. I swung my leg over his hips and grabbed his headboard. His hands slip up my thighs to my hips, fingers gripping hard.
“She wasn’t faithful.” Oh, my stomach tightened. That is a slap in the face. “ I don’t even know if she ever was. But it all came together on the fourth of July. We were with my family at my Aunt’s beach house. It was a weekend thing. We had been there two days. After lunch I wanted to go swimming so I went looking for her.” OH, I wanted to take that look away from him. I could see the pain in this eyes. It still hurt. I heard some noise, at first I thought it was my Aunt. Then Melanie said something. I opened the door. She was getting railed from behind by my Aunt’s husband.” I clapped my hand over my mouth.
What the actually fuck. I didn’t know what to say. I just sat there, looking at him, horrified for him. How could she? She had him, had everything and she wasted it. She was acting like this was some sort of little lovers quarrel. My heart hurt for him. I just reached out and pulled him into me. I held him like a child to my chest. Such a violation.
“Oh love” We rocked together for a while, just holding each other. “You’re forgiven.” I laid my head on his shoulder, we just sat together. My toes started to tingle when I realized that his legs must be hurting for me sitting with my full weight on them. I moved off quickly. “Sorry I sure you’d like some blood flow back to your legs.” I chuckled. He didn’t, he looked furious all the sudden.
“Was that a shot at yourself for your weight?” wtf?
“No, my toes where starting to fall asleep, I figured your legs were too.” I was wiggling them to get the static feeling to go away.
“You know I don’t care for it when you're self deprecating.” Got off the bed, the towel falling to the floor. With the soft lighting his skin was glowing. I could take a bit out of that ass. “Come here.” I went to him. We were standing by his dresser. There was a big mirror. It went to my hips, of course for him it showed everything. I tried very hard to not look at his package. “What do you think I see when I look at myself?” Hmm.
“Um,” I had to get of my own head and think about his for a moment.” Maybe your workout routine. How you got your tone. Like the weights for your biceps, or whatever you do for that delicious stomach. So I guess I’d say your hard work.” I thought my answer was good. He smiled at me in the mirror.
“I see how one arm is bigger than the other, my stomach could use some work and my nipples are weird.” I tried not to laugh. I didn’t see anything different about his arms. Of course his stomach was amazing and nipples on boys are weird anyway. He moved me in front of him. I could feel the warmth of him behind me. I want to just melt into it. He bent down and slid his hands up my calves, catching the bottom of my night shirt. He bunched it up and pulled off before I could stop him
I was nude underneath and wanted to cover myself. Giles licked his lips. His hands slid up and down my arms, into my hair, and massaged my scalp. “What do you think I see when I look at you.” I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I shook my head. I wasn’t going to say what I thought he saw. What was happening was bad enough. “I see a beautiful woman. Arms I want around my neck and shoulders. Breast I want to bite, lick and suck. The softest belly.” He slid his hand down my body to my stomach. “I'm so happy to lay between your legs, my head resting here.” He leaned down to my ear. “After you come all over my face, this is where I catch my breath.” I jerked away from him. My body just responding. “You’re made to take the rough fucking I’m going to give you.”
I had to move away. He had a filthy mouth. It made me so wet. I got in the bed, with him seconds behind me. His hand was on its way to me, I grabbed his wrist. There was still a second's worth of doubt. He moved between my legs on his knees, cock already hard. I still had his wrist in my hand. He kissed my stomach, soft, hard, licks, nips, sucking. Until I drop his hand. But he didn’t move. He just wrapped his around my middle and continued. Hot open mouth kissed, not leaving any skin untouched.
“Do you love it?” His voice was muffled and broken between kisses.
“This? Yes, very much” I was arching up off the bed, meeting his mouth. It felt amazing. How did he do that? He shook his head.
“No your stomach, do you love your stomach, cuz I’m not stopping til you do.” At first that seemed like a good idea but five minutes later the rest of me was aching for attention.
“Ok, yes I love it. I love my stomach.” He smiled against me and rocked back on his heels. He took in his work. My skin was dotted with bruises and scrapes. He rubbed over my sensitive skin and his eyes darkened at my reaction. I was ready.
“Are you sure Lily. I can make you come over and over a million way. I’ll never get tired of it.” I looked down between us. At his hardness. I’d been waiting for so long. Then this stupid little piece of dobut popped in. He saw the change in my eyes. “What is it? What happened.” Just one second was all it took, one little thought and it exploded. My entire brain is going haywire now. He was stalling. He didn’t really want to have sex with me. “Baby, talk to me.” I swallowed down the pain in my throat. God it hurt so bad.
“If you're not sure, I mean if you don’t want to be in…..” My throat squeezed. I was losing control of my body. The anxiety was talking over. Warm tears welled up. God why couldn’t I just get a hold of this shit. Why was it so hard to get a grip? Worse of all, I couldn’t move. I was frozen. I was just looking up at him with all this washing over me. I struggled for a breath but finally got one. Once I did it was like it clicked for him what was going on.
“OH God, baby yes, yes I want to be inside of you. I want to make love to you. I just wanted to be sure you were ready. I didn’t mean to cause this.” He was moving his hand around my head like he was afraid to touch me. I was trying to control my breathing. “I love you. I want you. I need you.” I got another good breath in and it started to subside.
“It just happens sometimes and I don’t know why.” He smiled and pressed our foreheads together. Without a word he reached between us and I felt his tip at my slit. He was moving it back and forth.
“Just keep looking at me” I kept looking right into his eyes, as his tips moved passed my slit and into my folds. I gasped when he grazed my clit. “Like that?” I nodded. He swirled the tip of his cock around my clit until I was digging my nails into his forearms. “Breath, you're holding your breath.” I didn’t 0even realise. I let it out slowly as he moved to my opening. It felt wonderful, I bucked up my hips but he moved away. “Easy. It’s going to hurt no matter how I do it. I can go slow and try to keep the pain to a minimum or we can fast. Like a band-aide. Ladies choice.” Agonizingly slow or quick and dirty. Choices, Choices.