Remember me by Zendaya seriously started playing when I'm imagining Z in this chapter. After rockin' around the Christmas tree, of course.
Christmas songs practically blasted through my house once the girls got settled in. It's now Christmas Day—well, night— and if it weren't for them, my house in terms of decor would look... bare, basically. Everyone had already visited their families and got their spirits up before they got here. I wish I could've done that, But I don't think I'm ready to go there. If I visit, they're gonna be the La-
"Of course you're up here. We're opening presents in 10! Come down!" Bella excitedly squealed And was about to run off when she noticed the neatly sealed envelopes. "Z... what are those for?"
"They're letters I wrote for some fans." I quirked my brows at her.
"Oh." She shoved her hands into her pockets, "I'm sorry, I just... don't wanna lose-"
"B, don't worry." I smiled but my eyes flickered at my bureau. "That's not gonna happen."
I got up and embraced her in a LONG reassuring hug. I rocked her back and forth for the duration while rubbing her back. She's getting clues that I don't want her to get. I don't want her to be sad or anything. I just want her to be present and enjoy this day.
"You can go ahead. I'll be down in a few minutes." I smiled and poked her cheek.
She looked back at the stack of letters before looking at me. I raised a brow and she caved. She nodded then traveled back down the stairs. I locked my room door and checked my email drafts. One for each of the members of Fifth Harmony and my parents. Though I had written letters for them too. Ok ok, stop. The more I think about it, the more I'll want to not do it.
I quickly stocked my letters aside (in a compartment Bella wouldn't look in) and closed down my computer. Checking myself in the mirror, I did my smile and checked that my hair and clothing were alright. Once that was done, I closed my room and headed downstairs. The music volume decreased as they gathered around the Christmas tree to get the presents.
"Just for the info, guys, I'll be going last; so knock yourselves out." I laid back on the couch.
"I'm going first bitch!" Dani pushed herself under the tree.
Hunter took her opportunity to take a picture of the scene with her Polaroid. We laughed and Dani came out from the tree with a scowl.
"Ok, so before I give you a wedgie without touching you, the first gift goes to... ME." She got excited immediately.
I spaced out after that. I smiled occasionally when I faintly heard laughter. Until I just got too tired of smiling.. then I laid my head back. I'm just gonna nap. Then I'll wake up before Bella opens her- no that doesn't make any sense. Better to just stay up.
I glanced over to storm. How do her parents just allow her to be wherever? I furrowed my brows momentarily before looking back at the Christmas tree. I don't know how much time has passed but it seems like 89% of the presents had been unraveled and Bella was left to open hers. Dani gave her the large one first and Bella shook it. It barely made a noise so she glared at Dani before tearing it open.
I propped my elbows on my knees and rested my chin on my palm. Just waiting to see what will be revealed. Not a minute later she awwed. She looked at the tag on the outside again, then hugged Dani. I don't know HOW, but Dani fit 20 articles of clothing for Bella and her unborn child in there. Cause as Bella pulled one out, the rest just came gushing out.
She pulled a few out to survey before embracing Dani in a hug.
"ok, before you open that, come on over Zen."
Bella frowned as the item was taken away. They giggled at her cuteness whereas I was trying to will myself to get up. Do I HAVE TO open my stuff in front of everyone else? can't she just pick someone else?
"You can't opt-out of this, Z. It's Christmas.--"
"And I wanna eat cake!" Barbie really didn't wanna waste time.
"You- we can go do that first, I rather open these--"
"Nope," Dani shook her finger then pulled out an elongated present. "You need to open this out here."
I huffed and got up, walking to the space between herself and Bella. I only crossed my legs when she placed the box in my lap. I looked at the rectangular container, then back at her. I was about to shake it when she and hunter warned me not to.
"AND It's fragile???" I rubbed my temples then mentally pep talked myself.
I took a few breaths and tried to feel the moment. I shook my hands a bit, half rotated my neck and ran a hand through my hair. Shit man.
I began to undo the wrapping so carefully you'd think I was trying not to detonate a bomb. I exhaled and began to lift off the rest of the paper. Was it something to a retreat? What if there's a box inside this box and it goes on and oooonnnn. God, I hate those- Wait! I paused for a split second. What if there's actually a bomb... Or something to that effect?
"Z. You there?"
I blinked and looked at her then at my hands. Oh...
"You went so still, I thought you hated it after all." Storm Chimed in.
I took a moment to process what was in my hands. Then finally realized why they didn't want me to shake it.
"You- oh my gods- you didn't have to do this; wait, there's more????"
I felt under the pile of shredded paper for a slender object. An Envelope.
Holding back as much as I could, I tore it open and braced myself for a pOlIteLy worded letter.
I looked at her, mentally unblocking her, then asked "Is this a joke?"
She shook her head no then I blocked her again. I couldn't fathom what I was reading.
"The last thing I should be getting is a thank you letter."
"I mean you could return the same," Bella mumbled then 'casually' turned her head away
I had so many reactions to give for this situation but... I can't show the most prevalent. So I did the next best thing.
"I honestly was not expecting to get anything this year and... I'm extremely grateful for this." I looked at them all with a wide smile. "And for you all sticking by me through this... experience this year. Thank you for your presence and Barbie... thank you for your patience. I know you love cake."
We all laughed and they gathered around Bella, Dani, and me. Then the biiigg group hug.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't slightly annoyed at how close we were. I gave a slight hug back before sending signals to let go.
"Am I allowed to go now?"
They laughed and finally let go.
"I'll go use the bathroom then begin to cut the cake. AND NO BARB I'll be fair and not cUT It SkimpY." I took up the presents then strolled up to my room, keeping a half-smile till I knew I was out of sight from then.
I put the large picture decor on my bed then softly closed my door. I let some of my emotions flow as I walked into my bathroom. So many keywords kept ringing in my mind. I can't even 'be in the moment' because of THIS. What they wrote would be so consoling to me if some situations were different.
I finally looked at myself in the mirror and nearly gagged at the sight of me crying. The tears were nowhere near clear but not as bloody either. Wish I could say the same about my palms. Slowly -and actually trying not to cry out- I unclenched my hands and reached for some toilet paper. I shouldn't have been taking this long in here anyway. I wiped my face as if my life depended on it then my hands. Holding my hands up, I watched to make sure that the wounds closed up well.
but a minute passed and it was barely halfway through.
then two and I couldn't wait any longer. It began to rapidly close only when gathered some of my energy to close it. I should've known it was successful when I started to sway side to side.
Ok, maybe I should go down.
I got myself together and trotted downstairs, going straight into the kitchen. After setting out the plates, I got the best looking knife I could find and carefully cut out seven even slices. With the energy level I was at, I took my jolly old time to deliver them to their designated plates.
As I was setting the last slice onto the plate my hand wobbled and I felt an all too familiar feeling from my stomach. This was followed by its trademark ~Blackout for about five seconds~ before you realize what just happened. I should probably go upstairs.
"Guys." I surprisingly walked a straight line to the steps. "I'm kinda exhausted. I'll be going to bed now. and The cakes are already cut.-"
"Wait, you're not gonna have food?" Hunter queried.
"No, not hungry." Lies.
"But you- It's been 9 hours since you've had something."
I rolled my eyes then looked at Dani, shrugging. She sighed in defeat and I half-smiled, feeling victorious.
I wanna know the magic behind me not walking like a fawn up the stairs, but the moment I open my room door I damn near tumble in. Not to mention, it felt like I couldn't even get any oxygen. I'm practically gasping as I close the door and move over to my bed.
C'mon just focus on one thing. Something! just focus. You're not gonna pass out and have it happen again.
I had to put my hand on my head then rock a bit.
It's killing time. I stopped rocking as I heard its voice. I slowly shook my head
I'll still have you in the end, so all your fighting is just pointless.
"Please stop, You're not welcome here. get out." An excruciating abdominal pain began.
"I said, go away! Go!"
A loud ring ricocheted in my head and the pain subsided somewhat.
I slowly stood up and looked for the place I put up the gift I received.
As I got a hold of it I quickly got it on the wall. I knew I wasn't done for by that demon tonight.
I stepped into my closet, not a minute after hanging up the picture frame to get a change of clothes, cause I wasn't too tired to change into my clothes.
I closed the door and slowly removed my blouse. Then my pants. My great-grandma would pull down her underwear quicker than I had.
I ran my hand along my lower spine, already sensing a change then feeling a lump where my tailbone would end. I held back a sob as I ran my fingers by it over and over again. I searched for a large tee and pulled it over my head. I hope it doesn't mean what I think it does.
so, Oh my god. Do you remember that... addition you have when you feed? I sat down as my back began to ache and my spine shifted ever so slightly. To make it easier, it shall be a part of your everyday life. I covered my mouth and sobbed. In agony, discomfort, and defeat.
This is NOT Splice and I am not dren. I hate that 'woman' with a PASSION--
One major shift sent me hoarsely screaming. I'm not gonna sleep tonight.
Word count: 2012
It's been a while since I've updated and this ONE addition to her body feature has me hyped tf up!