Bakugos P.O.V
Weak
Pitiful
A waste of space
They're all stronger than me. I shouldn't even be here, I don't deserve the chance to be called a hero.
I'm not worthy.If I hadn't been so weak maybe I could've stopped myself , but now it's to late.To change the past, to change my future.
I guess the stubborn part of my brain can't give up on a dream , even if I'm undeserving. A part of me thinks that lying my way through it , maintaining the facade, will give me a chance to make things right. I know that's impossible, no matter what he says , what they say , I'll never truly be forgiven. I can still see the look of fear that passes through there eyes when I enter a room. They think I don't notice but I do, it's all I focus on.it's hard to enjoy yourself when every part of you knows your not good enough to even be in there presence.
Acting to good for them , a simple ruse used to hide my deepest insecurities, it works though. There gullible, all it takes is a few curse words and a couple empty threats to ward them away, it's not like I need to give them anymore reason to flee from me, But No matter what I do they always seem to come back eventually , no matter what I've done it's as if they don't care , they don't know.
I've kept them ignorant, for that I'm not sure why , they deserve to know yet I can never bring myself to admit it , they'd see through the wall I've built. If even a tiny trickle of water is released I know everything will come crashing down , they'll know everything that I've done , they'll know I'm really just weak, and pathetic, that I don't deserve to be here.
My spiral of thoughts is broken by a harsh "BEEP" coming from my alarm clock. I frown but, slowly lift my head off of my pillow to silence the persistent buzzing. The clock read 5:00, how long have I been procrastinating on starting the day.
Sleep never came easy for me , ever since middle school I'd stay up late into the night , which was when my thoughts turned dangerous. I must have developed a form of insomnia at some point though my body eventually got used to getting minimal amounts of sleep. Somehow I manage to hide this fact from everyone. Though they didn't know it, when I hunched my shoulders and lowered my posture it wasn't in anger or rebellion but in exhaustion. It's not like they would care even if they knew , I know they wouldn't.
I realize that I had been staring into space for a good five minutes and decide to finally get up and starts the day. I rolled out of bed after some thought, and stood up on shaky legs.
glancing at my bed, I Quickly spread out the sheets and fluffed my pillows, despite what everyone thought I liked to keep everything tidy. Once I finish I pulled open my flame decorated curtains, darkness greeting me.
"Great"I grumbled forgetting that the sun hadn't even begun to rise. This day was going to be a nightmare.
Walking over to my dresser, I grabbed a pair of shorts and a simple black tank top, at some point it must have had some sort of symbol displayed on the fabric but after it's constant use it got to faded to tell. Now there was just a silhouette of what could be mistaken for a flame , though it was barely noticeable now.
I trudged to the bathroom that was connected to my dorm ,shutting the door behind me not bothering to lock it. No one would be up at this hour except maybe sonic or ponytail, though even if they were they wouldn't bother interacting with me.
I let out a deep sigh before hastily spiking up my ash blond hair into somewhat threatening spikes, then grabbed my toothbrush and casually brushing my teeth before spitting it out and reaching for a towel to wipe my face.
After performing the rest of my morning routine I slipped on my tank top and athletic shorts , grabbing my phone and walking out the door.
The common room was silent. thankfully no one was awake yet, as I realized I had forgotten to put on the foundation I usually used to hide the growing bags under my eyes.
I probably looked pitiful. No one would care , they haven't then so why would they now.
The silence soon became to much so I trudged out of the dorms and into the early morning, slipping my ear buds on and letting the rhythm overtake me.
I felt at peace , running was the only time I got to just let go of everything and not have to pretend to be someone else. It was nice.
The morning was quiet and no one was up at this hour so I didn't encounter a single soul, maybe I could get through this day after all.
By the time I finished my run I was dripping with sweat , my breathing labored. Despite this I grinned, though it quickly faded as I saw the dorms coming into view. I couldn't let anyone see me with my mask down , never.
I took out my ear buds and walked back into the dorm building while quickly checking my phone, I noticed it was now nearly 6:00am. This caused me to let out a nearly inaudible growl , people would be awake by now. I'd probably have to deal with round face and metal legs , and if I was unlucky, deku.
I shoved my phone back into my pocket, faking anger in case anyone decided to sneak up on me as I quickly did a scan of the common area , surprisingly no one was there , which was odd on a Wednesday morning.
My mouth unconsciously curled into a soft smile , though of course I couldn't have this moment of peace and quiet for much longer.
"Bakugo..? I didn't know you were up this early" I heard a dull voice behind me mumble.I quickly turned around to see none other than icy-hot.
"Tch" I muttered, my mouth Immediately forming a frown, my eyes meeting his with a glare. He seemed unfazed by me as always.
It always ticked me off that my carefully set up persona never seemed to phase him, all the work of keeping it up only to be caught at my most vulnerable moments.
"It's okay to smile you know" I heard him say , his voice snapping me out of my thoughts. His eyes seemed to be brimming with curiosity and what looked like a hint of concern.
"O-OF COURSE I KNOW THAT YOU DAMN ICY-HOT"I yelled ,inwardly flinching at how my voice cracked at the beginning. Todorokis eyes seemed to widen in even more concern but he quickly brushed it off.
"Bakugou- please don't yell at this hour in the dorms it's bound to wake people up"He scolded though his voice was soft.
"ILL DO WHATEVER THE HELL I WANT SO JUST LEAVE ME ALONE" I shout once more , a part of me hoping my strong outer shell would deflect his look of concern that I could feel slowly making its way under my skin.
"Fine, I was only trying to help..." he said in a monotone voice , slowly walking back towards his dorm room, grabbing a piece of toast on his way out.
"Damn icy-hot" I grumble. Stomping through the now empty common area and toward my dorm room.
I collapse on my neatly made bed with a grunt. Laying there, debating what was wrong with me. I didn't know whether it was worth it or not to even get up but I begrudgingly sat my aching body up,Glancing towards the bathroom.quickly grabing my school uniform and making my way to the bathroom, Turing on the shower and slowly taking off my tank top, the rest following suit.
Once the shower was at an adequate temperature I stepped into the scalding water , immediately feeling as though my skin was on fire. I was used to the heat though, as always. I kind of enjoyed the small burning sensation it provided.
I quickly rinsed myself off and finished my shower before drying myself off and slipping on my school uniform, Purposely forgetting the tie, it was a pointless addition. After I was finished I walked out of my dorm after grabbing my backpack and, planting a small frown on my face, my mask up.
Everyone sees me to be awake at this time and as I slammed my door open they all turned to look at me.
"What are you extras staring at" I growled in a surprisingly dull voice that made me cringe.All there eyes seemed to soften as I said that , making my panic rise. Dekus eyes were by far the worst, his large green eyes filled with sadness. "S-stop staring at me , especially you deku." I gave him a death glare trying to make up for my voice cracking at the beginning.
"Kacchan? Are you okay..?" He asked me innocently.
I only growled in response , turning my head away to block out there pitying gaze."Tch Im fine what's it to you" I began to walk towards the door when I heard round faces voice from behind me.
"Well you have really dark circles under your eyes bakugo- and your skin seems to be slightly red." Of course it has to be round face.i had completely forgotten to apply foundation once again, how stupid of me.
I whipped my head around, snarling, trying to hide the fear in my eyes.. "IM FINE-I DON'T HAVE TO EXPLAIN MYSELF TO YOU EXTRAS SO LEAVE ME ALONE OR YOU'LL REGRET IT" I shouted , stomping towards the dorm entrance after letting explosions crackle in my palms.
I could feel there eyes on me but I ignored them as I slammed the door , unsure if I had outdone myself. I could still picture there worrying looks, it was if they actually cared, they must have put a lot of effort into faking that then. There was no way they actually cared about a piece of trash like me. I couldn't believe that he had still looked at me with pity. He should hate me , it would be better if he would hate me , at least then I'd know how he actually felt ,it confused me when he pretended like he cared. "Stupid deku stop playing with my emotions" I grumbled.
I began to walk to my home room class, reaching it before anyone else as they were all still at the dorms , probably having fun now that I was gone. I sat down at an empty desk, setting my feet up on the table and sticking headphones in my ears once more.
Time seemed to speed up as I felt completely calm, the music made all my worries fade away , I focused only on the music , that's all that mattered. I could feel my thoughts slowly become clouded as my body surrendered to exhaustion.
———————————————————————————
A/n: Soo this is my first Fic I've got it planned out and have written a couple chapter I really don't know how it's going to go but I guess I'll find out, also this story will switch between bakugo, Kirishima, and todorokis point of views so I apologize if todoroki is a bit OOC for him as I'm not great with writing his character (also sorry if there are any typos I'll try to make sure there's not but i won't always double check)