I felt like I was in a dream. No. Dreams are more pleasant. This was a nightmare...
My father's grip was tight enough to tell me he was angry. That he knew I had kept my first blood from him. And that this was my punishment for keeping it quiet. Why else would he offer my horn without my knowledge? He never did such a thing to my sisters. Even when Heathren kept her own first blood secret for six months. This was out of spite. I knew better, and I failed to tell him.
Woogah! Woogah! Woogah! The crowd erupted.
I looked between the faces. Each grinning; some with blackened teeth, others without a row, most bright gold. All grinning at the decision that would be made. The decision Eroh would make.
Eroh ...
When I turned towards the young horn, I expected to see Eroh delighted by my father's announcement. It stunned me to find him dazed, like I'd struck him again in the cheek. It made little sense. Had I hurt his pride enough that he'd given up. That he no longer wanted my horn? He confessed his love only an hour prior ... could somebody fall out of love that quickly? Did all it take was a few cruel words and knuckled strike?
Enoch chuckled, rubbing his digits through thick mane. "Who will you choose, my boy? They're both prizes to be had in their own respects."
Prizes? I felt my eyes narrow. I am no prize to be won.
I felt the urge to cross my arms and glare at the Lord Horn, but held back my impulse. If I showed my genuine feelings, it'd only make my father squeeze harder. I was already a disappointment. His only hope would be if Eroh chose me. Which he would ... wouldn't he? Inside, a burning, squeezing feeling took my breath away. I clutched my chest. A strange, frightening thought cloaked my mind, causing my body to shiver. What if Eroh didn't choose me?
Again I brought my eyes upon him, trying to read his aquatic blue eyes. When that didn't work, I tried to get into his head. Would he really want to spend the rest of his life with that? I grimaced, looking upon Breeba. The God's were cruel to her; never blessed with anything but weight. A weight that'd strain the back of a horse and was uneasy on the eyes. The same weight that hung on each of Barthrax's kin. I was always thankful my mother chose not to marry him. She loved him at one time ... why I would never understand.
Eroh took a steady breath, "I am honored by both of you lords. This was a surprise, I do admit. If you, please, give me a moment."
Why does he need a moment? My forehead wrinkled as I shifted my weight onto my left leg, placing a hand on my hip. He could have my horn, all he'd have to do is say it. He was right, and I was wrong ... his father was giving him that choice. I envied him at that moment. A woman never had choices, it seemed. Only orders that we'd often have to obey. And if we were too weak or disobedient, they punished us. That's why we were women ... cause no man carried our strength.
Whispers filled the room as wagers piled up on who he would choose. I wasn't surprised when my name was thrown off the tongues of every man that wasn't from Breeba's tribe. The poor girl. But if I could join the wager, I may bet against myself. Why not? Eroh may be scrawny and weak, but he was a proud boy, and if he'd had any pride left, he would use it to hurt me. By not calling my name, my father would become broken. It'd be the second daughter denied by one of Enoch's sons ... No other lords had that strength to deny one of my father's daughters. We were gems; and he knew it. But to Enoch's kin, we were much less. Fear crept up my spine.
"Father will blame me," I whispered.
This was the strong blood he always wanted for his daughters. Not strong in power, but strong in loyalty. Enoch had the loyalty of the clans. His family carried it with them for three generations. And if I were to bore Eroh's son, our blood would too carry on for generations. Father married all his daughters to the loyal lords of the clans. But why? This was more than about spreading our name and blood. My father was setting us up for something bigger.
I found Lylef and Rokk looking at me with large, bright eyes. "I've always wanted us to be sisters." She told me. I never had the heart to tell her the feeling wasn't mutual. All the young hooflings dreamed about being named Lady Horn, but I never shared that desire. All I wanted was to spend my days in the prairie with Mayhee, riding with the sun at our backs. That was the life for me.
"I have decided," Eroh said, bringing silence to the whispers. "I am blessed with this decision, but I feel a father should choose for me, as a father has chosen for these beautiful girls." He turned to Enoch. "Father, will you do me this honor?"
Enoch's bushy brows raised. He chuckled. "But of course, my son! I am honored that you task me with such a blessing." His eyes never gazed upon either of us girls; they fell upon Barthrax and my father. He pondered. Whispered. And mumbled. Then he raised himself, pushing out his chest, and allowing his arms to thicken. He took a breath and decided. "Breeba ..."
My heart sank. I didn't know why I felt tears dampening my eyes, but they did. Was I not good enough for Eroh? Did he tell him what happened? He couldn't have ... But what if he had? Denial by Eroh was one thing, but denial by the Horn Lord was a dishonor no woman could recover from ... not even me."
Breeba's eyes glowed, and lips twisted and raised.
Enoch's voice was too soft for such a big man. "You are a beautiful woman, who'll make any Horn Lord proud. One worthy of Eroh's horn. But I have promised him to another, before even the feast began. My apologies." He looked at Reigrum, then to me. My heart fluttered, and I wanted to fly with it and escape. "Nhedri. Eroh accepts your horn."
As the cheers rose, I realized what he said. Suddenly, a daunting dread swept from my heels to my head. I was relieved to be named over Breeba; I would've never lived that down. But now my soul was bound to a boy I just told I could never love ... It was like two centaurs locking antlers, only to both meet their doom.
I found Eroh glaring past me. Into my soul that was now his. He shook his head. Stood to his feet, and instead of greeting me to celebrate with the others, he disappeared in the sea of bodies. I was left to wonder what was on his mind.
In all my life, I never had so many "congratulations". Most were those who won coin betting on me to be chosen. But out of everybody, Lylef and Rokk seemed the most pleased. Almost like they were the ones to be married and not I.
"Nhedri! We are going to be sisters!" Lylef threw her arm around me, and I welcomed them with my own. I needed a hug, and I needed her warmth. We held each other long enough for Rokk to say something.
"Congratulations!"
It was what I expected from the large boy. He was never good with words. Though he could be funny at times. Unintentional, mostly. Why Lylef took a liking to him always made me curious. But then again, Lylef was always a bit off. And she liked to giggle, so maybe it wasn't that hard to understand.
After I did my rounds, getting celebratory hugs and kisses. Listened to the words of several tribal members who were matched. And was boasted about by our Lord and Lady Horn, I slipped out to clear my head. My home here was the only place I'd find peace.
It was a large cottage with thatched roofing and wattle walls, sitting alone in a thicket of trees. One of the few cottages in the villages that rest hidden from eyes and ears. One thing the Anokee didn't take enough pride in was their privacy. Every cottage seemed too close together. Not like in Bronzebuck, where we had enough land for the horses to graze and run upon. Here they were close together; only separated by lone trees, fire pits, the stream, and towers that stood watch.
"Hello there. Nice night for a stroll." A shaky, high-pitched voice caught my ears. I searched the shadows. A short, hunched silhouette snuck from the blackness, fading into the light. Her skin wrinkled as trees. Eyes glossy. Nose long, curved, and warty. Wrapped around her was a black, beaten hide, black beaded, and smelling of dust and old things.
"Who's there?" I asked, to remind myself of the old woman's name.
"It is only I; Malona Maya Esme."
Right. I thought. The shaman.
The twisted black staff in her hand beat a rhythm that matched the one of her feet. She stopped and there was silence, gazing upon me with intrigue. Out of all the times I'd been to HuntLoch, I'd never seen her. Of course I knew whom she was. I was told that she never came out of her cottage to work on new remedies and spells. Most of the hooflings were afraid of her. I couldn't see why. She looked like a sweet elder to me. Maybe it was her cottage. It sat surrounded by black trees, hidden just outside the village. I'd seen it as I passed, and the old, beaten home even brought shivers to my spine.
I raised my hand and two fingers into horns. "It is wonderful to meet you."
"Put your hand down, deer. I am no lord, nor do I appreciate formalities."
I shot my hand down. "My apologies."
"I don't like apologies neither." Her voice shook, facing shaping into an irritable old hag.
"Is there something I can help you with?"
"No." At her waist, she opened a pouch and pulled out a tiny lemon-shaped seed. She took my hand and placed it in my palm. "Do not lose it. This is to help on your consummation night."
I raised an eyebrow. How did she know Eroh, and I were to be wed? I saw all the faces at the high table, hers was not one of them. And if it had been, I think she invited herself.
"Thank you-"
"It'll bore you a strong prince. One that will protect you from the dangers to come."
Hairs on my neck stood, and I couldn't swallow. "What do you mean dangers?"
Esme studied me with her large, rounded eyes. "You will learn soon enough." Without another word, she turned and slipped back into the shadows as quietly as she appeared.
I held the seed between two fingers, curious at what I was to do it with it. Surely she didn't mean for me to stick it anywhere. Maybe swallow it? Hopefully that was all I needed to do, because the thought of anything else made my loins ache. But then again, that could be due to my first blood. I need to change my rags soon.
When I reached our cottage, I found my father standing on the porch, awaiting my presence. The eagerness to run came and went while my heart beat the rhythm of fear. Not a fear like a creature in the woods ... but that of a father's wrath.
"Why didn't you tell me, Nhedri? You know I don't appreciate secrets."
I already felt emotionally defeated. I did not have the energy to quarrel with my father, and so I picked my words carefully. "Did I not deserve to know you were going to offer my horn tonight?"
Father shook his head. He lowered his chin and his tone. "You are my daughter. I need not ask for your permission. Now why didn't you tell me of your first blood?"
"I wanted to, but you had a lot on your mind. Those invaders from the east."
"I would've been proud to learn this truth." Above his chest, his arms constricted, muscles thickening. "it disappointed me when it came from your mother."
"Well, that makes two of us.",
If I'd learn anything over the years, it was to never disappoint my father. And not to question his decisions. I had done so, and he knew it. His eyebrows furrowed and almond eyes blacked to obsidian.
His lip curled, "You do not agree with whom I chose for your match?"
"Eroh is not a strong man," I shook my head, "He cannot lead a clan."
"Precisely." Father nodded. "Why else would he need you by his side?"
I shifted my weight upon my right leg, bringing a hand to my chin. I rubbed and pondered at my father's decision. A new idea swimming in my mind. "You mean for me not to marry for love ... but for me to do your bidding? Does my happiness mean anything to you, father?"
Reigrum took a step forward. I took a step back, but he was upon me in three strides. "Daughter." He took my hand. "Do you not see what I am giving you? Eroh loves you. I understand you may not love him, but he'll listen to you. He'll do as you say because he'll want to please you and bring you happiness. That means you can shape the clan's future."
"You mean you can shape the future, father."
I gasped. My head whipped to the side violently as my cheek pained. I turned an eye on my father's hands. He massaged the pain produced from the force of his backhand. Tomorrow my face would blacken and he'd grow to regret it by breakfast when all the other clans would see it.
"Do not question me, daughter. Remember your place. You will marry this boy. You will learn to love this boy. And you will give him a boy. Do you understand me?"
I nodded. He sensed my fear and eased his shoulders, speaking with as much kindness as he could muster. "I would've told you had I known Barthrax was going to offer Breeba at the ceremonial dinner. Fortunately, I had spoken to Enoch about offering you as a gift to Eroh beforehand. It was to be done with just our families, but Barthrax always has a way of getting in the way." He rubbed his forehead and sighed. "You saw the eastern sorcery. You saw the fallen centaur. You've learned about their camp; and I've seen it. Daughter, this is a war coming, and we need all the clans on our side. You marriage to Eroh will ensure our survival."
"I understand, father."
He took me into his arms and squeezed while I suppressed tears. "I love you." His eyes found mine. "Please speak to Eroh tonight. The way he left is troubling me."
"I will, father."
He kissed my cheek, then retreated inside.
I searched HuntLoch for near an hour before I found Eroh. He sat alone at a pit on the eastern side of the stream. It was as far away from the ceremonial hall as he could get. Like me, he too probably needed to clear his head. What would I say to ease his mind? What could I say? He wouldn't forgive me for earlier.
"Can I sit down?"
Eroh looked up at me wearisome. He scooted, making room on the bench. I sat gazing into the fire, appreciating the heat that warmed my flesh. Song bugs were out, but they played a different tune than the one in my village. More cold and melancholy. Fitting for the dreary village of HuntLoch. And fitting for an unwelcome conversation.
"I couldn't decide," Eroh confessed, leaning his hands into his palms. "I'm sorry father chose you ..."
I sat appreciating his honesty. "It was a hard decision to make ... especially when you were not expecting it."
"I knew Barthrax was offering Breeba's horn. It was why I confessed my love for you ... I thought if I had then ..." He looked to the moon and shook his head, "I asked my father to choose because I would've chosen you."
His honesty caught my heart, and suddenly my skin was tingling and warm. I hadn't understood earlier, but now it all made sense. There at the stream. Why he was acting so strangely. Maybe I was too hard on him? I saw the blackened flesh beneath his eyes. I was too hard on him.
Eroh said somberly, "I didn't feel it right to take your horn when you told me you didn't love -"
I don't know what madness took over my spirit, but I grabbed his cheeks and pressed my lips against his. They were warm and soft. It was strange how my heart fluttered, and my head spun, and how much I liked the taste of his earthy lips.
When I pulled away and caught my breath the words that followed surprised me even more. "I love you too," I said, truly meaning it in that moment.