I woke up sometime close to noon, rolling over and wincing. A rolling, throbbing pain radiated from my lower back. Definitely the beginning of cramps, that was a nice relief - even if I'd rather not have them. I stood slowly.
Rubbing my back gently, I turned to look for Loki. The spot beside me was empty but obviously slept in. He'd been distant still, not even crossing to my side of the bed to hold me during the night. I didn't know how I felt about it exactly. Just bad, wrong somehow. I sighed and shuffled to the bathroom, climbing into the shower. A good half hour later, washed, dressed, and presentable, I went to grab some breakfast. Loki was nowhere to be found; I even checked the roof. There was no sense worrying about him, he would be back sometime this evening. I wasn't feeling up to checking the trail and it was possible he had gone there.
Breakfast wasn't sounding so good anymore. My head was pounding thanks to my backache and my stomach roiled every time I opened the fridge. I settled on toast and tea. Now that I thought about it, one of my students had been coming down with something. He might have given it to me. Tons of explanations, plausible ones. There were bigger things to worry about. I decided to wait it out before canceling my tutoring for the evening.
Work was typical. I had a few skype meetings and went back and forth with articles. They were having a party this week but since they thought I was a hermit, they hadn't invited me. It slipped out in a meeting and the journalist, Kylie, hesitantly invited me. I shrugged.
"Sure, sounds fun. I'll be there." As long as I wasn't sick, at least.
She smiled and made a note to tell whoever organized office parties.
Six o'clock. I wasn't sneezing, coughing, or throwing up so my lessons weren't cancelled. Lily looked up at me with disappointed eyes as I told her Loki was out. But she was just as bubbly as usual and I was glad I hadn't cancelled on her. Something about her bright smiles and loving hugs made a cold seem so much less miserable.
By seven, I was long overdue to start dinner. There was no sign of Loki and I briefly wondered if he had been hurt again. I threw some tomato sauce and browned beef in the crock pot with some beans. Shrugging into a jacket, I started heading for the truck. Better that I go look for him now rather than when it was dark.
The woods were no different than usual, not like that day he passed out. I couldn't find him by the crater or the rocks so I drove back. He'd be home by morning if nothing had happened. But when I returned, the sun was setting and the lights were on in the house. I opened the door to find Loki tasting the chili.
He looked up at me. "Hello. Where were you?"
I huffed. Shrugging out of my jacket, I looked him over. Something felt off. He was standing ramrod straight and his usually soft eyes seemed strange, as though the color had changed and the emotions behind them were totally different. "Looking for you. Got a little worried. Where've you been?"
"I was walking." He murmured, getting himself a bowl.
I watched him sit down at the table. He moved slowly, the way he did when he was in deep thought. "All day? That's a long walk."
"Yes. And?" His sharp gaze flicked up to meet me.
I felt my eyebrows shoot up. Someone was tetchy today. "Okay, okay. I was just saying..." I held my hands up, palms facing him. I let the matter drop, turning instead to dinner.
"Saying what?" He said. I frowned. Something had to be seriously wrong; he'd been weird since he collapsed.
"Nothing, sheesh. Calm down."
"I am calm." He ground out.
I looked at him over my shoulder. He was tense, holding his spoon in a viselike grip. His eyes studied me, waiting for something. "It was just weird, okay? It's nothing, I was just curious."
"Yes, well I went for a long walk and I'm back. Now may I have my dinner in peace?"
I blinked at my food and then turned to look at him. He stared back at me, waiting with that familiar proud expression. I grabbed my bowl. "Right. Sorry to bother you, your highness." I gave him a mock bow and turned to walk away.
He reached out suddenly and grabbed my wrist. "I knew I shouldn't have let you off so easily last night. Do I need to teach you a lesson?" I looked up into his eyes and saw the cold anger there. He was serious.
"Do I need to kick you out?" I tilted my head. "Let go of me. I'll be in my room until you chill out."
"You will not tell me what I should do. Do you question my words? Have I lied to you?"
"Yes." His eyebrows shot up. "You lied about the nightmare and about your walk. I trust you Loki but don't make me question that. Now back off. I dunno what I did but I'm sorry I offended you. I forgot, you don't know what it's like to have people worry about you just because they care."
He glared at me but his hand relaxed slowly. He let go. "Leave me."
I stared up at him, my heart racing and my mind blanking in shock. Was he seriously going to act like this? It was downright childish. "Okay, buddy. You be mad at whatever."
"I'll not tolerate your attitude, pet. I suggest you correct it."
I smiled to myself, rolling my eyes. He could be mad all he liked. I didn't do anything and I wasn't going to worry about it. We could talk like adults when he'd gotten off his high horse. Shrugging, I went to my room. I was almost tempted to slam the door but there was no sense in aggravating him any further. I closed it softly and turned on the tv.
By the time I had finished eating, Loki was still upset about everything and nothing. I heard him slam something down. He barged into the room and grabbed his sweats and t-shirt before stomping to the bathroom. I ignored him until he came out of the shower.
"Yo, what's gotten into you?" I frowned. I muted the tv.
"You have!" He spat, turning on me. Instinctively, I shrank into the pillows. But I cursed myself and stood, not wanting him to think he could just scare me into silence. This wasn't how our fights worked. He'd hear my piece and I'd hear his and then we'd compromise when we calmed down. But there was nothing to fight over! He was just angry over nothing!
"You changed me," he continued, "made me weak! I am no longer the man I once was and I cannot allow that to continue."
"You're a better man." I shook my head. "Isn't that what you wanted?"
"At first, yes. I thought that was what I wanted. But I was wrong. I wanted someone to simply give me the power I needed to become the king I need to be. I can rule and rule well."
"Rule what? You can't get back to Asgard!"
I pointed to him. "You said Odin would punish you and you didn't want to go back for that. I thought we were finally over this!"
"I will not discuss my plans with a Midgardian such as you!"
I clamped my jaw tight and pulled my arm back, swinging it forward. His hand shot up and caught my wrist. His green eyes narrowed and flashed before he swung at me. I ducked, gasping. I tore away from him. "You tried to hit me."
"Yes, after you tried to hit me."
"You deserved it!"
He stepped forward. "You insolent little-"
"Stop it!" I gasped. Tears pooled in my eyes but I dashed them away angrily. "Jesus. What the hell is happening to you? You're acting like a completely different person."
"I'd like to think so." He smiled. "Your Loki is dead. I've emerged stronger and wiser than the man you tried to make me. I suggest you submit to who I am now."
I shook my head. "Okay, fine. You're different. But I'm a little lost so how about we take a deep breath and just talk, okay? Can we do that?" I reached out to him, trying to calm him and understand.
He smacked my hand away. "Don't touch me."
I stepped back. Like a bolt of lightning, the strange look he had hit me. He was sick. Or possessed. Or high on something. He wasn't his usual pale color but his skin had turned a dull grey. Sweat beaded on his brows and his eyes... His bloodshot eyes had strange, tiny streaks of electric blue running through the irises. Was this some sort of Asgardian virus? Was he delusional because of a parasite?
"Okay." I whispered. "Okay, I'll leave you alone." Sick was one thing. Delusional was dangerous. I didn't know if it would make him violent.
He turned away. "And I am returning to Asgard." He said quietly. "The presence I told you about." I nodded though he wasn't looking. "It showed me something. A way home. A way to ensure that I get what is rightfully mine." He stared at his hands, seeming shocked by something. "I will have to leave you soon. Perhaps it is best that I am no longer the man you want. It will be easier to let me go." He walked out before I could say anything.
I wiped my eyes and fell back onto the bed. My head and back were no better after that. I was nauseous again but it felt more like fear rather than sickness this time. I cleaned the kitchen, carefully avoiding the way he watched me. His eyes never wavered and I wondered what he was thinking. I didn't dare ask. So I cleaned quickly and put the food away. Rummaging in the bathroom cabinet, I found a melatonin tablet and let it dissolve on my tongue before sliding under the sheets and closing my eyes.
I felt like I was falling. Like the ground had opened up and swallowed me and I was tumbling down its dark and shrinking throat. It stopped and I found myself in the grips of a dream unlike any other. Space spun slowly around me. I was on some sort of barren world, made of grey rock and a deafening silence. A creature stood before me, tall and grey, with bloody teeth and decaying skin. Its hooded head turned towards me.
"You are asleep." A voice boomed. But the creature was silent. "This is a dream. But what I am about to tell you is very much a part of reality. Do you understand?" I nodded slowly. "The boy is useful to me."
"Boy?" I tried, frowning.
"The Asgardian."
Shifting on my feet, looked around for the source of this condescending tone. I walked around the creature, feeling my skin crawl as it turned its blindfolded eyes to follow me. It hissed quietly. I backed away.
"Why can't I see you?"
"I do not wish you to."
I tried to smile with a confidence I felt sorely lacking. "Cowardice?" Loki had said there was a presence that could tap into his mind. If this was the same thing, what could he do to me even in my sleep? The voice laughed. "How is Loki useful to you?" I tried.
"He has a talent for chaos and yet can erect order so long as he has guidance. A realm as weak as yours would not be difficult to rule with the resources I provide."
I shook my head. "Loki's not ready for a throne. Earth doesn't need a ruler. And besides, he doesn't want to be one anymore. And what's this got to do with me?" So this was the presence that had shown him the way home. The way to power and corruption, and ultimately - I was sure - his demise.
The creature hummed, tilting its head. I could almost feel its eyes narrowing.
"You have softened him with your meddling." It said, its bloody mouth moving sharply. "You wish to change him."
"Help him." I countered. How dare this thing talk to me like this! How dare it use Loki!
"Ruin him." The disembodied voice said. "I find your efforts annoying. Loki is realizing his true potential under my guidance now."
"You're the one hurting him!"
The voice laughed again. "Though he is in some pain, he is also inspired to reach his original goals. He has the means and the desire now, all that remains is to deal with the obstacle."
My hands clenched into fists, tightening convulsively as the creature came towards me. When my feet refused to move I remembered this was in fact a dream. I could always close my eyes tight right when a dream got scary and it would wake me up. Count to three. Take a deep breath. But nothing worked and the creature's sickly warm hand wrapped tight around my throat.
"My servant has inspired an inkling of mercy in me." The voice continued. I looked frantically for the creature's eyes, trying to plead with an existence I didn't understand.
"Then help me." I whispered to it.
"Silence." The figure in front of me hissed, the biting tone making me flinch. Its hand tightened.
"I am giving you one warning, mortal." The voice growled. It seemed to vibrate in the rocks and emanate from the planet itself. "Meddle again and I will see to it that you are broken. From the inside out."
"This is a dream!" I grinned. But my hands shook and tears pricked my eyes. "You can't really hurt me!"
He chuckled. "I don't plan to. Meddle again and your Asgardian will deal with you in any way I see fit. I am well aware of the man who hit you once. Perhaps a beating would suffice. Or something more..."
"Loki would never." I trembled.
"Loki would have no choice. Go ahead. Try to stop me. I will relish the sounds of your screams. It is too bad you are so insignificant. There is fire in your eyes. I would gladly extinguish it myself. But I haven't the time for someone of your ilk." There was a rumble and then slowly a shadow seemed to rise from the rocks. A giant stood in the darkness. I couldn't hear his next words over the roaring of my heart.
My lungs gasped for breath, trying to keep it in, knowing the creature was done with me. Its hand tightened quickly, clamping down on my throat.
A dream, I told myself. It's a dream! Close your eyes! It's just a-
"Ebony?" I gasped awake, struggling with the sheets as if they tied me down. A hand wrapped slowly around my wrists and I flinched back. "Eb?"
Looking up, I saw Loki leaning over me. He frowned. "You were screaming." He murmured. Though his gaze was still cold and unfeeling, he at least seemed calmer now. He almost sounded concerned.
Shaking my head, I turned away from blue flecked eyes and the man who was no longer my Loki. "Nothing. Bad dream." I whispered.
I woke up the next morning and repeated my routine. Loki was gone again but I didn't bother looking for him. It was late again when he came back. I was sitting outside in front of the door, enjoying the warm weather and responding to emails. He walked up the drive and stood in front of me. I looked up and managed a small, hesitant smile.
"Dinner?" He asked.
"Waiting for you in the microwave." I said. He nodded and stepped past me, going inside. I sighed and followed. "Can we talk about last night?" I asked.
He sat down and started eating. "No." I walked around and saw that the blue streaks in his eyes had gotten brighter and bigger. Were there more now? He caught me staring and I looked away. "Leave." He ordered.
I remembered my dream. My skin felt tight and clammy and my neck was sore as though I had really been choked. I thought perhaps I had done it to myself. But that dream... I rubbed my neck absently. It was very real. The threat was not a light one. Keeping it in mind, I nodded and left Loki alone. I pulled up my laptop, deciding I may as well pass the time trying to apply for financial aid.
I was almost done with my FAFSA when Loki knelt in front of me and closed my laptop. I frowned at him. He set it on the table. He held a hand out to me and I took it, hopeful of something good. He pulled me to my feet and leaned closer, pressing a gentle kiss to my forehead.
"You're afraid I'm leaving you." He murmured.
I shook my head, searching his face for the gentleness that had disappeared with his collapse. "More afraid you're going to hurt me. Something tells me I should stay out of your way."
He nodded slowly, his hands tightening around mine. "I won't hurt you. But you are right. Standing in my way will bring trouble for you. It is safer to let me do what I need to. And I promise, I won't let harm come to you."
But that giant wouldn't give him a choice. I looked away. "I had a nightmare about this strange rock planet. And there was a man with a blindfold." Loki tensed. "And a voice. It told me you would break me."
He swallowed and shook his head. "Just a dream, darling. Worry not." He kissed me softly and then turned away, taking it upon himself to clean the kitchen tonight. I watched him with doubt curling heavily in my stomach.
Sighing heavily, I opened my laptop again and finished my application.
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Thoughts?