T/W: Alcohol consumption
"I never should have started helping you in the first place" Billie yelled in my face.
"Billie I-
"I DONT WANT TO HEAR IT!" She yelled, turning around and slamming the door in my face.
My eyes quickly blink open, and I shift myself, removing my head from Billies' embrace.
"Hey" she smiles.
"You should go" I mumble, staring at the ceiling.
"Hm?" She questions, furrowing her eyebrows in confusion.
"You should go," I say a little more clearly.
"Why?" She asks.
"Because I don't need to be taken care of"
"Ivy I'm not here to take care of you. Not at all." She states.
"Then why are you here?" I ask.
"Because you're a cool person" she shrugs.
I angrily hop out of bed and open Mia's door.
"No really, I don't need you" I state.
"I know you don't need me but-
I cut her off shouting "please just go"
"Fine" she mumbles; grabbing her phone and walking out of the room.
I can't do this. It makes me to anxious. As much as I want to be her friend or more than friends, it just doesn't seem like a good idea. I'm scared of being In a relationship and being more destroyed than I already am.
As soon as I hear the front door shut. I walk to the window and watch her pull out of the driveway.
Picking up my phone seeing its midnight, I click on Bree's contact.
"Hello," Bree says.
"Bree are you free?" I ask quickly.
"Yeah, what's up?" She asks.
"I'm picking you up in 30 mins, be ready!"
"Oh okay-
I hang up and quickly plaster makeup to cover up the leftover makeup from a couple of hours ago.
I make my way to the liquor store, grabbing a bottle of vodka, Smirnoff ice, and a pack of Palm Bays.
I throw the drinks in the back seat of my car and drive to Brees.
"Sup my bitch" she says as she gets in the car.
"We are getting hammered, that's what's up" I mutter, pulling back onto the road.
"Oh? Why?" She asks.
"Why the fuck not" I fake a smile.
"True," She says turning the music up.
After 5 shots of vodka, and a couple of palm bays, I'm feeling a little more than buzzed.
"Let's go to a cluuuuuub" I whine.
"I don't know, you're already pretty fucked up." She hesitates.
I could tell she wasn't really in the mood to get drunk which is okay, but I on the other hand wanted it.
I've only ever gotten drunk a hand full of times after seeing who my father has become.
"Pleaaaaassseeeee" I beg, on my knees.
"Fine, I'll get an Uber" she gives in, rolling her eyes.
"Yay," I smile. Jumping up and down, like a child on Christmas morning.
All I remember after that is seeing flashing lights, hearing loud music, and seeing people grinding on each other.
"Morning" I hear Bree whisper.
"Hmmm," I groan.
"How you feeling?" She asks softly, as I start to stir.
"Bro, my head" I mumble, sitting up slowly.
"Here," she says, passing me a glass of water and 2 painkillers.
I quickly swallow them and lay back down.
"What happened?" I ask, closing my eyes again, due to the pounding pain in my head.
"I don't think you want to know" she half-jokes.
"Fuck" I mumble. "What's the time?"
"1pm"
"Ughhh" I groan.
"Someone's been blowing up your phone," she says, handing me my phone.
I reluctantly grab it and look to see 5 missed calls and plenty of texts all from Billie.
I groan and throw my phone to the other side of the bed.
"What's wrong?" Bree asks.
"Nothing"
"You're lying"
"Just-my brother, it's fine"
I look up at her and she gives me a look saying 'you're still lying but fine'.
"I'm gonna take a bath," I say, slowly getting up from the bed.
"Okay, I'll make some food"
I give her a thumbs up and close the bathroom door.
I turn on the water and sit in the tub as I feel the water surround my body.
I want to talk to her, I want to. But I'm already too comfortable with her. She's broken down some walls that I've put up for so long and if this continues I know she's gonna knock down more. The person in my head is scary and dark and I'm afraid she'd get scared and walk away. But the way I feel when I'm with her is different. I don't feel so empty. What if she cures me? What then? I'm no one without depression. What if she makes me worse? I don't know how that's possible but what if it is?
My thoughts consume me as I lay down in the warm water.
Eventually after who knows how long I hear a knock on the bathroom door.
"Ivy, I made some mac'n'cheese" I hear Bree call out.
"Okay, I'll be down in a minute" I shout back.
After getting out of the shower and changing into some fresh clothes, I walk downstairs, finding Bree already indulging in the food.
I walk over to the cupboard grabbing a plate and scooping some food into it.
I sit next to Bree on the bar stools that surround one side of the kitchen island.
"Bree, can I tell you something?" I mumble.
"Yeah," she says, looking a little concerned.
"I'm into this person and-I just- I'm scared"
"What are you scared of?" She asks, placing her fork down in her now empty plate.
"That when she really gets to know me, she'll shy away" I mutter, staring at my plate of food.
"Well I think everyone is scared of that at first" she shrugs, walking her dishes over to the sink.
"You were?" I ask surprised. She always seems like the most confident person. Like she loves every part of herself, in a non-cocky way.
"Of course I was. The only way to find out is just to go for it. If she does do that then yes it will hurt but at least you won't be wondering for your whole life if you made a mistake by not just going for it" She says while leaning her back against the counter.
"I guess" I mumble and take a bite of food.
"So who is she anyway?" She asks curiously.
"Can't say. Not yet"
"That's fair. I think I'm gonna head home. You good?" She asks.
"Yeah" I force a smile onto my face. "Thanks for everything"
"Of course, call if you need anything," she says while grabbing her bag and hugging me before walking out.