chapter seventeen
day 10
"Oh good," Josephine, Josh's younger sister is the one to answer the door when Elliot rings the bell, "Please tell me you guys made up. I cannot take another minute of him listening to sappy breakup songs,"
As confused as Elliot is by her response, it still brings an amusing smile to his face — he'd definitely have to ask Josh later what Josie is meaning by that. But now he has more pressing matters to deal with.
"Can I see him?"
Josie frowns, "Is that some kind of trick question?"
"No?"
"He's not here,"
"Did he tell you to tell me that? Oh, come on, Jos-"
"No, he's really not here," she furrows her eyebrows, she is the one confused now.
"Oh," that is a surprise, Elliot is sure he'd be at his house — as far as Elliot knows the blond doesn't really like going out and so he just assumed that, "Do you know where he is then?"
"Yeah, I actually thought he'd be with you?" she scratches the back of her head, "He said he is going to meet you,"
"What? No, I di–" his phone rings right then, interrupting him and he takes it out from his phone and laughs upon seeing the caller id: golden boy.
"Found him," Elliot shakes the device at Josie and then steps away, attending the call.
"Hey,"
"Where are you?"
Both of them speak at the same time and then laugh.
"I'm actually in front of your house," Elliot answers, "Where are you?"
"Well... ditto," he chuckled.
"Why didn't you call me?"
"Why didn't you?" Josh retorts.
Elliot shakes his head, smiling wide, "I just... wanted to see you,"
"Ditto, again,"
Elliot scoffs, shaking his head again, sighing. He just feels giddy all over, he hops lightly, and then he says, "Just wait, I'll be there in a few minutes,"
"No, I was thinking maybe we could meet halfway," Josh suggests instead — he doesn't have to say anything more, Elliot perfectly knows what place he has in mind.
"See you at the bridge then,"
⋘⋙
"Hey," the curly-haired boy breathes out as soon as he reaches the bridge.
Josh has reached the bridge first since Elliot's place is closer to the bridge than Josh's place is. The blond turns around upon hearing Elliot's voice and a lump sets in his throat as he takes in the boy. He looks away not being able to meet his gaze.
They remain still for a few more seconds before Elliot takes the first step. He doesn't like this distance between them — he never has liked it.
As if hearing his thoughts, Josh looks up right then — Elliot could've taken the first step but it is Josh who closes the distance between them. He throws his arms around Elliot's bony frame and the latter almost falls from the unexpected but very much welcomed force. Elliot rounds his arms around Josh well, pulling him as close as he can.
"I'm sorry," Josh says, burying his head against Elliot's shoulder, "I'm so sorry,"
"It's okay,"
"No, it's not," he mumbles, nuzzling his head further, and then draws his head back, scrunching his nose, "Sorry, your hair went into my nose,"
Elliot laughs, "I'm sorry — wait," he reaches for the hair tie he always has around his wrist, but Josh stops him.
"No, no. Don't tie your hair — I like it like this," absent-mindedly he sticks Elliot's hair behind his ear, and only a second later, realising what he's done, he retracts his hand, blushing.
They are standing so close, the tip of their sneakers almost touching, yet neither of them steps back.
"I went to your place, looking for you," Josh says, his voice close to a whisper.
"I know," Elliot replies, his own voice mellowed down as well, "I did the same thing,"
That brings a shy smile on Josh's lips and he pinches Elliot's arm, "Same pinch — you've got to buy me chocolate now,"
The urge to just kiss him there and then, it is so overwhelming, it takes everything in Elliot to hold himself back. He just gives him a nervous smile.
"Only chocolate?"
"For now," he shrugs, and brings his arms around Elliot once more.
Elliot sighs as he returns the embrace. However too soon, Josh pulls back and steps back, adding some distance between them. The blond holds his hand for a moment longer though, brushing his thumb over the side of his hand.
"I'm sorry, Elliot," he apologises once again, "I shouldn't have said that — it isn't fair,"
"It's fine, golden boy,"
Elliot hopes using that name only he is allowed to use would help him clear his worries and it does — Josh smiles up at him.
"It's not but thanks, cinderella," he replies coyly.
"I shouldn't have pushed you to talk anyway," Elliot shrugs a moment later.
"No, no," Josh quickly says, "It's not that I didn't want to talk to you," he sighs, "I just... if I'm being honest, I didn't want you to know about it at all," he bows his head down, hiding his face from view, "I was embarrassed, I guess," he turns around, facing the other way. "I was hoping to face it by myself and not drag you into it,"
"Embarrassed about what?" Elliot asks unsurely — he isn't certain if Josh is willing to talk about it yet, "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to, but don't feel like you have to be embarrassed about anything with me. And you don't have to face anything alone, you know that,"
The blond remains silent and Elliot grows worried that Josh won't continue talking. Josh walks towards the edge and sat down, dangling his legs down, Elliot follows and sat beside him. It takes a few more moments for his worries to be proven wrong.
Josh takes in a deep breath, "Not everyone's been accepting ever since I came out the closet — the biggest one being my own father, but whatever," he shrugs, shaking his head, "For the most part, it's been alright — more than alright, I don't have to hide who I am anymore," he sighs, "I'm not like the first person to come out or anything, there's been a few people in my school who've been out for some time now. I don't really know them, but they aren't like isolated or anything — they are just there, or so I thought,"
"There's this group of guys, most of them play basketball, and they're like arrogant, and me and my friends, we don't really hang out with them. We just know each other. Anyways these guys, they're not the most accepting kind — that I knew, what I hadn't known is how they... treated those they disliked badly. And the disliked as you can probably guess consists of..," Josh waves his hand at himself.
Elliot waits for the blond to continue after that, but he doesn't speak any further. He waits, thinking that maybe Josh needs some time to gather his thoughts, but it doesn't seem like he is going to continue talking anymore. He just stares straight ahead, not saying another word.
"Josh," Elliot calls to get his attention.
The blond nods, but doesn't face him.
"Wh– Ho–," Elliot sighs, not knowing how to ask what he wants to ask, "Are those the guys we saw yesterday?" he decides to start with a simple question.
"Yeah, some of them,"
"Do they bully you?" Elliot asks slowly, remembering how this same question caused Josh to clam up.
"Not bully," the blond grits his teeth, not liking the word, "I'm not weak,"
"That doesn't mean you're weak, baby — it just means some people are assholes,"
"They're assholes," his voice cracks a little, and he looks up at the sky, biting his lips.
"Yes, they are," Elliot fists his hands, feeling himself grow angry, just at the thought of anyone treating his golden boy badly — he can't even stomach the thought.
He tells himself to breathe slowly, not to grow angry, that would only cause Josh to feel worse — he has been against telling Elliot this matter and Elliot doesn't want to prove his worry right.
"How long has this been going on? Does anyone know?" Elliot asks when both he and Josh has somewhat calmed down.
"Everyone at school knows about them. And they don't do anything major really — just call some names and stuff. I've got Zach and some other guys to have my back,"
Somehow Elliot felt like there is something more Josh is not telling him.
"Josh," he calls him softly, "Look at me," he waits until he faces him, and then in an even softer voice, he asks, "What is it?"
Josh glances away almost looking immediately, and he has to bite his bottom lip to keep it from wobbling. He takes deep breaths, inhaling and exhaling through his mouth slowly. Elliot just wants to hug him right then and never let him go.
What is that his mom has said — let him go and trust that he'd always find his way back to him? That is nice and strangely reassuring to hear and all, but what if Elliot doesn't want to let him go at all and keep him all to himself — the world doesn't deserve his golden boy anyway.
Josh is somehow able to find his voice again, although it came out a little hoarse, "I... It's just hard to not care, you know. I'm not the only one who they've... said all that stuff to — so many have been taking it for years now and I don't know how they do it, but it hurts the things they say. I try to not let it get to me, sometimes it's just so stupid the things they say but still... I hear them and... it's just not nice,"
The first of the tears start to fall from his eyes, and Elliot pulls him close, placing his chin on top of his head.
"I just really doesn't want them finding you," he sniffles, "And then when we ran into them, I just hated it — I fucking hated that," he shakes his head against Elliot's chest, "You don't deserve to be treated like that,"
"Neither do you," Elliot tells him, rubbing his arm, "Or anyone really — not for who they are,"
"I hate people like them. I wish they don't exist,"
"I know, baby. I know," he tries to console him.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to cry," he lets out a soft laugh, pulling away a moment later, wiping his wet cheeks and chin, "I just...,"
"It's okay," Elliot reaches out and swipes his thumb at the corner of his eye, wiping away a stray tear.
Josh just looks at him so fondly right then, the words I love you climb up his throat, and settle at the tip of his tongue, threatening to spill out. It even looks as if Josh has the same thing on his mind. Both of them look away at the same time.
And then a few seconds later, Elliot starts talking, "When I first came out, as you know, my parents weren't really supportive. And at school, I wasn't like a popular kid or anything — but since Stanley was new there, he drew attention to himself whether he liked it or not. And he got picked on a lot more than me, saying he influenced me somehow although I came out before he even moved into our neighbourhood,"
"It isn't nice, like you said — the sniggers, the vile things they say, the stare, the way they behave differently around you, but I learnt to not pay attention to them and just focus on the good things, you know," Elliot shrugs and then looks at Josh once again — the blond has already been looking at him, listening intently to his every words.
"You care a lot about what others think of you and how they look at you, so it might be harder for you. But when you actually think about it, the good things around you, the people who love you and support you, they would stand out marginally compared to those assholes,"
"You don't have to go through this or anything alone, Josh," Elliot continues, "I wish you'd told me about this sooner — it wouldn't make them disappear but at least I could've been here for you, you know,"
"I know,"
"Good," Elliot smiles, and then nudges him lightly and Josh returns the push with a smile.
⋘⋙