Kaidon
"NO. FUCKING. WAY!"
"But sir..."
"I am NOT partnering up with that woman!"
The executive from the staffing department on the other side of the call went silent. I could hear her gulp. I often tended to have that effect on people these days. I was literally just two more motherfucking moments away from shooting someone in the head.
"Sir, the president has-"
"Is this his idea? Tell him I will be working alone!"
"I-"
"Scratch that! I'll talk to him myself."
I hung up and then scrolled through my contacts for my father's number. I wasn't sure what was up on that old brute's mind. While he vehemently protested my relationship with Alice, he had no problem sending me on missions together with her fake look-alike.
My finger momentarily hovered over her contact. As payback, I had saved her number under the name 'Mentally Challenged Adult' because she clearly had an inane sense of humour.
I shook my head and pulled up my father's number instead.
"Dad, why am I-"
"Son." He heaved out, and I rolled my eyes.
I started calling him that after the accident. I had gotten more comfortable with the word, but I guess he still needed time to accept the reality. He always paused to savour the sound of that term before addressing me as 'son'.
Every. Single. Time.
Sometimes that made me wonder if I acted too harsh with him. If it was me who broke our family apart.
He was there for me all the time; he never said a word, but his presence was still solacing. He helped me with everything, whether it was conducting DNA tests or assessing the crime scene. He never stopped me and went to great lengths to help me get the closure I was seeking. If this was his pathetic attempt at getting me to 'move on', he might as well shove a stick up his ass.
She is not my Alice.
Hell, she isn't even mine.
"Why the hell did the staffing team call me just now? You know I work alone!"
He exhaled a long breath as he responded, "And now you don't."
"I will NOT work with that woman! I will fish my eyes out and feed them to the piranhas before I work with her!"
"Her name is Ariel."
"Her name can be 'Ariel' or 'Aurora' or 'Cinderella', or whatever the fuck you want, but I am NOT working together with her!"
"You didn't say, 'Alice'."
Huh?
"What the hell are you saying?! Look, Dad-"
"You didn't count the name 'Alice' in your list. What if her name was 'Alice'?"
I stiffened. I clenched my phone so tight; if I wasn't careful, I might have hurt my hand just as I did the other one in the morning.
"She. Is. Not. Her." I bit out every last word with all the resentment held within. I would equally hate any woman that even remotely resembled her. My Alice was one of her kind. Every other lookalike was just a poor, laughable imitation of her.
"Kaidon. You lived undercover for a very long time. You are getting back in the field now, and I don't want you alone out there."
"How does that even matter! It's not like my talents have rusted by my furlough! I have seen things, done terrible things. If not anything, they just might have honed my skills further."
"Kai-"
"You want me to get a partner? How about Alex? Who is he working with? I'll take him."
"He was working with Seydon."
Seydon. Right. Where is he now?
"Did you send him on some mission? Ariel asked me this morning."
"Yes. The Chairman did. It's highly confidential."
Is this related to Gilaan? Why can't they just let me handle it? I deserve it!
"Kaidon..." he continued. "Please don't do anything rash."
Rash? I scoffed.
"Anyway, get it changed. I am working with Alex."
"No."
"Dad!"
"Son. We'll get Alex on your team. He needs to learn anyway. But Ariel remains. You need adult supervision."
"Adult supervision? ADULT SUPERVISION? I don't need adult supervision! I am not a child! And that woman is the worst candidate for that job! She isn't even close to the letter 'A' in adult!"
"She can be a great asset."
"She can't even kill anyone!"
"And how does that matter? You can be the killing arm then."
"But how can-"
"Kaidon. Do you remember your first on-field mission?"
How could I ever forget? I never even saw the face of the victim. All I knew was that she was a traitor and a potential threat to The Order. We had this weird ritual here. Your first few missions are as a shadow to a senior person. I shadowed my father. You aren't shown the face or the details of your first few targets. The records are never accessible until we become comfortable with the idea of taking away a life.
They say that it's an act of mercy for the new recruits because they always have an urge to learn more about their first target - their job, family, and then they end up regretting it, dropping out, and going insane.
So, Yes. Yes, it is an act of mercy. The visions of that mission still haunted me at times. It was a full moon night. Seydon was there with me. He told me that I would need him. And I did. That woman sat there on her knees, her face covered with a black cloth. She didn't let out a single word of protest. My hands trembled while holding the weapon. I was an expert marksman in the classroom, but real life was different. A whole lot different.
I broke down that day, a piece of my soul died. But after that, it became easier.
Do I want to become the same person who pushed me to kill that night? Do I want to do that to her?
"Regardless. I can't work with her. She is of no use to me." I answered in a low voice. I couldn't argue against that logic.
"You'd be surprised, Kaidon. How intriguing a woman's charisma is. At times, it can be stronger than a man's fists."
"What kinda sexist comment is that?"
He sighed and paused for a moment. In part, he was correct, and I couldn't deny it's validity. Alice held me under the same charm, even after her death. Not that it was a bad thing; she meant the world to me. Women possess this power to understand you at a depth that a man might never be able to. They are born with that maternal instinct. They care. They listen. They sympathise.
If needed, they can become the best assassins.
This was why The Order never differentiated between the two genders.
"I speak from experience. You'd know it better than I do." Dad answered. "Add Ariel's unique ability to it. You get one of the most potent weapons in her form."
Experience? His experience must have been mom. If the White Dragon got deceived by the allure of a Ford spy, how could a normal man be immune to it?
My thoughts flew out of the window when I heard a deafening scream from the living room. My phone slipped from my hand as I rushed outside. I met with Rihanna and Alex in the hallway.
"It's Ariel... She must be facing trouble sleeping. She often used to scream in the night when Seydon would be out working." Rihanna told me, her brows furrowed with concern.
"I think I had some sleeping pills. I'll get them." Alex ran back, and I clambered down the stairs to the living room where she was curled up against the couch before the television. She covered her ears with her hands as she screamed over and over again, pulling her knees to her chest. My heart melted at that sight, and I remembered Seydon's words.
My eyes dropped on the scene playing on the television, and I pulled the chord out. Then I sat beside her and wrapped her up in my arms. She resisted for a few seconds before leaning on to my chest and breaking into a flurry of tears.
"It's okay... Everything is going to be all right..." I whispered to her.
"I am sorry..." she whimpered as she tightly clutched my shirt, drenching it with her tears.
Perhaps she wasn't just apologising for ruining my clothes but also for what she said earlier that morning. This was yet another resemblance to Alice- spouting nonsense without a thought in the fit of anger and then regretting it later. People like her keep the pain locked within and allow the volcano to erupt when hurt.
I gently dabbed her tears away, flinching when the salty water encroached the wounds on my hand.
For a moment there, I really sympathised with her. If she weren't such a heart-wrenching reminder of my Alice, we might have gotten along better. It wasn't just her face, but Ariel as an entire person was very similar to her, even if her talents and habits weren't.
If only Alice were more like you... if only I had helped her shine more... Would she be alive today?
***
"Anyway, why did the two of you come out of the same room earlier?" I gave a sceptical glance in Alex's direction, and his face turned a bright shade of pink.
I carried Ariel back to her room when she calmed down and tucked her in her bed. Both Rihanna and Alex stood there worried about her while she slept under the influence of the pills.
"It's not what you think!" Rihanna smacked me on the chest, and I narrowed my eyes on her. "We were studying! Literally just studying!"
"Studying what exactly?" I stressed upon every syllable of the words.
"B-B-Biology." She stammered, and Alex facepalmed.
"You know, right? That subject isn't helping your case right now."
Her eyes turned tearful, and my face contorted into a confused expression. I was just trying to look out for her and maybe pull her leg a little but did she really take such offence on it?
"Kaidon!" She cried as she clung to my arm, and I shushed her and glanced at Ariel.
"I am leaving!" Alex grumbled as he turned to step out while Rihanna kept whimpering.
"Alex, did you do something?" My voice sounded a little stricter than I intended it to be.
"It's not about what I did, but what I refused."
Huh?
"Alex doesn't like me!" Rihanna cried in between her sobs, and I patted her back while giving him a puzzled look. "He goes around sleeping with random women on missions, but he doesn't want to do that with me!"
What the hell?
No. Seriously. What does that even mean? He has her consent, but he refuses to?
Wait, should I be angry then?
"I don't do that!" He growled in a frustrated tone as he ran a hand through his hair. "It's work. And I never go that far. At the end of the day, I always come back to you."
I honestly had no clue what this new generation of kids was up to. Consequently, my eyes just oscillated between the two young lovers, both glaring at each other.
Irritated, Rihanna stomped out of the room while we stared at her retreating figure. Alex then let out a grunt and cursed.
"Alex, what's wrong?"
I noticed his fingers curl into fists as if he was holding himself back from bursting out.
"Nothing." He mumbled.
Alex had always been a perceptive young man, far beyond his age. This definitely didn't look like 'nothing' to me. Something was up, and he was hiding it from me.
"Alex-"
"I know what you are going to say!" He howled with his back to me. "Don't break my sister's heart. Don't make her cry etc. etc. etc. But there are things more important than her heart. If only you had realised that sooner."
What-what does that mean?
"Alex. If you have something you want to discuss with me, I am here for you. But I can only listen when you decide to talk."
"It-it's..." His voice broke. It felt as if he couldn't let the words past his throat. I sat there still, waiting for him to open up to me. The room carried an eerie silence, the only audible sounds being the rise and fall of Ariel's chest. But then another voice was heard, that of a melancholic sob. I looked closer and noticed his shoulders shudder, and then saw two drops of water fall on the floor.
"It's hard..." he finally let out past the lump in his throat, and before I could reach out, he ran outside the room.
"Alex... Was he... crying?"
I readied myself to chase after him, but a tug on my arm held me back. I jerked around and saw Ariel tightly holding on to my arm while still shivering in her sleep.
***
The musical chirping of the birds outside the window was what fell on my ears first. Then came the aroma of sweet coffee tantalising my nose. I wasn't very fond of food per se, but some scents were too hard to ignore. They were nostalgic, mesmerising, addicting and-
"I brought you some coffee, Kaidon."
If my senses weren't awake, and if Alice had graced my dream last night, I would have mistaken that voice for hers.
I jolted awake and noticed that I dozed off last night on the chair beside her bed. I dragged my hand down my face, rubbing the sleep off my eyes.
"What- what's the time?" I asked as I scoured for my phone.
"Here." she handed it to me. "It was in your room. I charged it for you, and it's fifteen minutes past ten."
"What?" I don't sleep in. I NEVER sleep in!
"Hmm, hmm. I-I am sorry. I saw the picture on your wallpaper." she mumbled as she fidgeted with her fingers. I pressed the power button, and Alice's picture from the drama night from five years back greeted me. The same that one of her friends snapped for us on the football ground. She looked absolutely innocent, childlike, and pure. It was my favourite picture.
I smiled, the happiness not reflecting in my eyes. I didn't intend to, but every time I looked at her carefree face in the multiple pictures that my phone captured, I just happened to break into a smile. This was the kind of effect she had on me even after she left. I had never been grateful to another human invention in my life than the camera.
"It's okay," I answered, not leaving my sight off her dazzling smile in the picture. I was in a good mood. I slept well, I didn't see the nightmares I often did, and I just got to see her face first thing in the morning, even if it was only an image.
"I..." Ariel's voice trailed off behind me, but I didn't heed any attention to her. All my senses were captivated by this little minx of mine.
"I am sorry, Kaidon. I shouldn't have said what I did. I had no right."
I maintained my silence, not willing to touch upon that topic.
"I- I won't say it again..."
I continued to maintain the muteness. It was hard. I was in my happy place, and if I looked at Ariel at that moment, I might break.
"Nevermind..."
***
I climbed down the circular staircase to the dining hall, where Ariel had decorated the table with a variety of breakfast food. My nose caught on to the aroma, and my intestines cursed me for putting them through the torture of the food I make.
It might not hurt to eat what she makes once in a while.
I sat down beside Alex, who sat opposite to Rihanna, both of them not looking eye to eye.
"You haven't apologised already?" I whispered to him. "That's like the only weapon we men have!"
"I will NOT apologise when I am not at fault!" He whisper-growled back to me.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
"With... you?" He gave me a cynical look, and I didn't know if I should be offended. "Aren't you the master of all romantic ventures?"
"Excuse me?"
"You are excused." He mumbled as he reached out for the white pasta on the table, ending our conversation. I wanted to ask him why he cried last night, but I didn't want to poke my nose where it didn't belong. It wasn't like I could make things any better. I might end up creating bigger issues.
I sighed. Whatever. As long as he isn't abandoning my cousin as a pregnant woman.
Ariel joined us next, as she placed a basket of fresh bread on the table. She sat opposite to me; the head chair left empty for Seydon.
I wonder if she loves him as much as he does her.
I picked up a small round loaf of bread and absentmindedly plucked on a few pieces. Ariel's gaze was planted on my actions, but I chose to ignore it consciously.
"I... I made everyone's favourite stuff. We didn't know what you liked... So uh- I tried to make variety... and...umm... just let me know if you want me to make something else... It would be great if you had good food once in a while."
I was tempted to retort asking if she thinks that the food I make is bad but then decided otherwise because it would clearly backfire on me.
Go ahead, Kaidon. Eating the food she made doesn't mean you are cheating on Alice. Her spirit would probably be amused and laughing at me right now.
Hesitantly, I reached out for a pancake, sliced it and took a bite.
***
Rihanna and Alex were wiping the dining table on the opposite ends while I carried the plates and other utensils to the kitchen. Ariel there stood behind the sink, scrubbing the pan and humming a song to herself.
Don't do it. Don't stop her. Let her be herself.
The length of her hair really amazed me. They reached past her back, and a small flick stood out on the side which got awkwardly cut off in her last sparring session with her brother. She bent a little to open the water faucet, and her hair slid over her shoulder to cover her cheeks. She tried to push them behind her ear with her elbow but in vain.
I can't explain how it happens, but at times you act entirely out of your nature; involuntarily; you don't even realise you are doing something until it's done.
I stepped forward in her direction, laying the plates on the side and pulling my handkerchief out of my pocket. Reaching behind her, I gathered her hair in my hands, while she flinched with my touch, but I continued and tied my handkerchief around those silky locks.
It's like being part of a novel where a sadistic author controls your actions and thoughts and your entire existence.
Am I in one?
I abruptly jumped back, realising what I had done. She turned around on her heel, giving me a bewildered look, and my own eyes widened in disbelief.
Did I just-
Her lips quivered as they stretched into the most precious smile I had ever come across in years.
"Thank you."
"I- I didn't-"
She glanced towards the dining hall where the stupid couple was still glaring at each other. Then she stared back at me and continued. "I wanted to apologise, Kaidon. I realise that you are a nice person and we didn't get on the right footing-"
I scoffed. Nice person. Right.
"I heard it in the morning. It's okay. I should be apologising as well. My words weren't called for."
"I-I am..." she averted her gaze and then continued, "The staffing team called me about the change in partners."
"Don't worry. I have talked to my father-"
"I want to do it. I want to work with you."
She what? Does she even realise what that means?
"Are you kidding me?"
She jerked her head towards me to meet her eyes with mine—the same azure colour mocking my yearning heart. "Sey respects you a lot. He likes you, and I don't want to be in a spite with the person closest to him like a brother. I want to get to know you, Kaidon. And I don't think there's a better opportunity than this."
What the hell?
Why can't she leave me alone?
I ran a hand through my hair, considering her words. I had no intention of getting to know her, lest spending more time with her. She was like a drug left open before a recovering addict.
Didn't Seydon do that for you back then? All those years ago? He watched out for Alice even though he was irrevocably in love with her. Shouldn't you return the favour when he is out on a mission?
I cursed within. My rational part was fighting for dominance with my emotions. I wanted to protect myself, but at the same time, I was rationalising my desire to see her more with the excuse that I would be returning the favour to Seydon.
"Alright. Fine. But remember, I am nothing like Seydon."
A/Ns: Yes, yes, yes! All love stories begin with getting to know each other! Hehe. Kaidon is gaining self-awareness! What if he discovers me? HE'LL KILL ME FOR MAKING HIM GO THROUGH ALL THAT MADNESS!!
Anyway, I was wondering, does anyone even read the author's notes? Maybe I'll add some big revelations here in the future to experiment this. I love doing experiments! HE HE HE! *rubs her hands together with a devilish grin*
Also, have you heard about 'Chekhov's Gun'? *grins excitedly*
Oh, by the way, absolutely useless piece of information - Alice's favourite song from the last chapter was 'Dreamscape' by FictionJunction. It's in Japanese :P