16. Wedding
Danielle.
It's currently 3am. Last night after my parents left, I tucked Max, Madison and Megan into bed. Megan almost instantly fell asleep, but Max and Madison didn't. Together, they snuck out of bed to come talk to me. They crawled into my bed, where I was texting all my emotions out to Samantha on my iPhone.
Max and Madison started crying, and telling me they were sorry for wanting to meet their Father. They told me they were perfectly happy just having their Grandparents and I in their lives.
Max told me that he doesn't even want a Father anymore. My sweet little boy told me that he loved me so much, and that he never wants to have a Father.
I didn't even know what to say to my kids. They sat on the end of my bed. Just crying. Hugging each other. I just sat at the other end of the bed, holding back my tears. I'm not letting my little children have a Father. Well, its not only my fault. Liam hasn't really made an effort in the last few years.
But you don't even understand how guilty I felt. But I could tell that my babies were lying. Madison especially. She really loved Liam. I don't think that Madison and Max actually remember Liam specifically. I think they might remember having a father-figure in their lives, but they were so young.
I've been thinking a lot since I went to bed last night. I barely got any sleep what-so-ever. I think I've come to a partial conclusion. I don't think I can say I want Liam back in my life. But- I think I might want Liam back in the kids' lives. With some exceptions.
First off, I will not let Liam back into our babies' lives if Liam is still dating Olivia. I don't believe she's a good influence. Second, I want the kids to be older. So they can understand. Third, I want Liam to promise me something. I want him to promise not to ditch the kids. I don't want Liam to become our kids Father again, just to leave. He has to promise he won't leave. I won't hurt the kids like that.
*
When I woke up, the house was dead silent. I shivered, pulling the cozy sheets up to my neck. I can feel winter coming on. I listened for a moment, to see if I could hear Max and Madison's cartoons. Nope. I guess the kids haven't waken up yet. But they were up pretty late last night.
I picked up my charging laptop from beside my bed and put it down in front of me. I lifted the lid, sending the screens bright light into my face. I quickly turned down the brightness, before opening Google. I adjusted the position of the laptop, then began typing. Cochlear Implants for Kids.
Lists of articles immediately popped up. It only took 0.65 seconds to be exact. I took a deep breath, and began scrolling through the articles. I haven't only been thinking about the Liam situation. I've also been considering the Cochlear Implant for Megan. I really want my daughter to live a complete life. I want her to be whatever she wants, and not have anything holding her back. Just like a doctor once told me.
I clicked an article, and began reading.
Sometimes called a "bionic ear," the cochlear implant offers the hope of regaining or restoring the ability to sense sound for some people who have experienced significant hearing loss.
Although they're not miracle devices, cochlear implants help some children and adults, whether they're born deaf or whether hearing loss occurs later in life, experience talking on the phone, listening to music, and hearing the voices of their friends and loved ones.
What Is a Cochlear Implant?
A cochlear implant is a surgically implanted device that helps overcome problems in the inner ear, or cochlea. The cochlea is a snail-shaped, curled tube located in the area of the ear where nerves are contained. Its function is to gather electrical signals from sound vibrations and transmit them to your auditory nerve (or hearing nerve). The hearing nerve then sends these signals to the brain, where they're translated into recognizable sounds.
If important parts of the cochlea aren't working properly and the hearing nerve isn't being stimulated, there's no way for the electrical signals to get to the brain. Therefore, hearing doesn't occur. (Sometimes referred to as nerve deafness, this is called sensorineural hearing loss.) By completely bypassing the damaged part of the cochlea, the cochlear implant uses its own electrical signals to stimulate the auditory nerve, allowing the person to hear.
Well, that was a lot to take in. I'm definitely no scientist/doctor. I just want to know the risks of the implant. I want to know if the implant will hurt Megan, or if it has any side-effects I should be aware of. I heard scratching at my door, before it was pushed open and Atlantis walked inside.
She was followed by Sassy and Benson. Sassy was sitting on Benson's back. They amuse me. Benson hopped onto my bed, and curled into a ball. Sassy stood up, stretched, then sat back down on Benson. Atlantis also jumped onto the bed, and lay down on one of my throw pillows. I smiled.
I love having my pets. I like to think that Sassy, Atlantis and Benson help fill the void Max, Madison and Megan have in their lives. They sure are some awesome pets.
I read a few more articles, before all the long, medical words began hurting my brain. I closed the lap-top lid, and fell back into my pillows. I stared at the roof, letting out a deep breath. I reached over and picked up my phone from my night-stand. I unlocked it and went the iMessage app.
I messaged Perrie, asking her if she'd like to come over for a visit this afternoon. I'm needing some time with my friends. Eleanor is taking Emily and Cameron to visit her parents this week, so they can't come over to visit. I think I'll also invite Samantha over. I haven't seen her in a while.
After I texted my friends, I rolled over and began petting Atlantis. The kitten purred, rolling over so I could pet her stomach. I smiled, running my hand over Atlantis' soft fur. After a few moments, I slid my feet off the bed and stood up. I should probably make myself presentable for the day.
Maybe I'll be a little fancy today. I opened my drawers, and retrieved a fit ń flare white dress. I also picked up a light brown leather jacket which I've owned for a few years. I smiled at the outfit, deciding it was cute and would give me a little boost of confidence. I draped the dress and jacket over my arm, and walked towards my bathroom. I flicked on the light, and closed the door once I'd walked inside.
I put todays outfit into my glass sink, and stripped yesterdays clothes off, and let them fall to the floor. Kicking them away, I slid the dress onto my small frame, and struggled to pull up the zipper. Once it was done up, I slid the jacket over my arms. I proceeded to curl my already curly hair to perfection.
Once I was finished, I applied some more casual make-up to play down the fancier outfit. When I was finished, I let out another breath of relief. I've learned that when I'm upset, I feel even more upset when I'm wearing sweats and over-sized t-shirts. But when I'm upset, I feel less upset when I'm wearing a more fun, flirty, outfit that reflects my personality. It cheers me up, and gives me a confidence boost.
I flicked off the light, and left the bathroom. I picked up a pair of white ankle boots and slid them on as I walked down to the kitchen. I opened the fridge, and retrieved a juice box. I love juice boxes because they're portable juice, they're easy, and they're tasty. Argue with that.
I stabbed the clear white straw into the top of the orange juice, and slowly began to drink. I walked into the living room and flopped down on the sofa. Sighing, I realized I'm feeling a little too fancy for my messy, low-key flat. But I'm definitely not going clubbing with Eleanor anytime soon.
I mean, I'll go clubbing again with Eleanor eventually, when I can mentally prepare before-hand and set boundaries for myself. I turned my head to look out the window. The wind was blowing. The sky was still dark. I wonder what time it is. I watched the clouds move, being blown around by the wind. Birds flew past in groups. Not once did I see an alone bird. Always sticking together in pairs or large groups.
So that they can protect each other. I shook away the thoughts I was forcing to be deep and meaningful, when I heard tiny footsteps make their way down the hall. I turned around, and saw Madison walking towards me with her beautiful look-alike dolly dangling from her hand. There's a website where you can send in a photo of your child, and they'll send back an identical doll. Madison loves hers, as well as Megan.
"Hi Mum," Said Mads, rubbing her eyes and climbing onto the sofa next to me.
"Hey princess," I greeted, wrapping my arm around my daughter. "Why are you all fancy?" Madison asked
quietly, yawning moments later.
"I just felt like getting dressed up today." I replied, kissing the top of her head.
"I like being fancy too." Madison informed me, cracking a smile.
"Would you like me to curl your hair?" I asked, knowing Madison is secretly jealous of Megan and my dark & curly hair.
"Yes please." Madison grinned, removing a pink scrunchie off of her messy ponytail, releasing her brown hair.
"Let's go down to my bathroom," I told her, as I climbed off the sofa.
Together, Madison and I walked down to my en-suite bathroom. I lifted Madison into the sink, and instructed her to face the mirror. I plugged in the hair-curler, and waited for it to heat up. While it heated, I took advantage of the spare time to brush Madison's horribly messy hair. "Ow." Madison mumbled when I hit a knot.
"Sorry Mads," I apologized, brushing a little gentler.
"It's okay." She assured me, as she sat her dolly down in the sink. Madison hummed the theme song to one of her little Disney-Cartoon TV shows while I brushed. After her hair was knot-free, I picked up some spray-in hair-protector. I don't want Madison's hair to get damaged. I did a quick spray over her hair, then picked up my new, pink curler.
I took small pieces, and slowly curled my daughters hair. About fifteen minutes later, it was done.
"Wow." Madison gushed, feeling the soft, loose, ringlets. "Do you like it?" I asked, grinning and turning off the curler. I set it down on the top of the toilet while it cooled down.
"I really love it," Madison said, face lighting up.
"Good. I'm glad," I smiled, lifting her out of the sink.
"Mum... Can I wear fancy clothes, too?" Madison asked, "And maybe you can let me wear a little bit of your pretty make-up colours?" She added innocently.
"Okay, okay," I agreed, picking up one of my make-up bags. I unzipped it, and crouched down next to Madison.
"You can pick one lip colour and one eye-shadow." I told my daughter.
She grinned, and reached into the paisley-patterned bag. She retrieved a sheer pink lip-colour called Take Me Away Pink and a silver eyeshadow called In The Moonlight. "Close your eyes," I instructed, still crouched down next to Madison. I put the make-up bag down, and held her two make-up choices in my hand. First I applied the eyeshadow, then the lipstick. I have to admit, she looked stunning.
"You look gorgeous." I told my daughter, suddenly feeling emotional.
The sheer light pink lipstick looked beautiful on my baby girl, making her look more grown up then I could ever imagine. My baby girl is growing up.
Growing up without her Father to protect her.
Protect her from boys who want to date her when she's older. There's no doubt in my mind that Madison will be a stunner. She's already gorgeous, and she'll only get more beautiful as the years go by. She'll have no Father to protect her from bullies and haters who will try and push her down.
What if this was the day Madison was getting married, and her Father- Liam- wasn't around? I know Maddie is only 6, but just imagine for a moment. What if I had to walk Madison down the aisle? That would be Liam's job. But... Liam is with Olivia... And... I don't want Liam back in the kids' lives if he's with Olivia... But I don't want my children to be left without a Father. What do I do?
Betcha all thought this was actually a wedding chapter
QOTD- Best part of chapter?
Chapter rating out of 10?
What can I do to make it better?
I love you all to the moon & back!
-A xo
P.S. The cochlear implant article is real, and from Google. I do
not claim the credit for this article.