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There's a particular kind of suffering to be experienced when you love Something greater than yourself, a tender sacrifice. Like the pained silence in the long lost song of a mermaid, or the bent and broken feet of a dancing ballerina, it is in every considered step that I'm taking in the opposite direction of you -- Lang Leav.
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🎶So one last time
I need to be the one who takes you home
One more time
I promise after that, I'll let you go🎶
Chapter Twenty Six
Caden's Point of View.
Caramel Davina Saltzman. Roseanna Paris Saltzman. I chuckled bitterly, my life is a fucking joke. What reactions were they expecting?. Caramel looked so much like my Caramel, her eyes were shut so I couldn't see them, but her hair, her platinum blonde, so heavenly, so innocent, so alike.
"She's gone. They are gone." I heard Danielle say, and I looked at her.
I attempted a smile, "The plan worked."
She sat beside me on the kitchen floor "But at what cost, Cade?. What did it cost?" She asked, and I shut my eyes, willing the tears to go, I can't cry.
"What did it cost, Cade?" Danielle asked again, and I break inside, because it costed everything.
"Everything." I whispered, feeling my soul break. "It cost everything," and a tear slip out of my face "She cheated on me." I said, hoping to God Danielle would tell me I'm wrong.
"Yes, she did." She said "You are a drug addict, Cade."
"Yes, I am."
We were silent for a while till I asked, "What should I do, Danielle?."
"I don't know, but I think you do."
We got up, and we walked back to the living room where traces of Taliana and Victor lingered. Cara was cleaning her curved knife, psycho. Violet was reading one of my Law books. Fiona was staring into nothingness.
My gaze shifted to the drugs on the table, I did my best to ignore the picture beside it. I had bought the drugs in large quantities from Rye, I never wanted to run out, I bite my lips as I kept on staring, I fist my fingers, not now Cade. A manicured hand appeared, obstructing my view, Cara's.
"Damn, Cade, these drugs are kinda much, Taliana wasn't joking when she said you are loaded."
I ignored her as I looked elsewhere, fucking psycho.
"Come Cade, Sit." Violet patted the space beside her.
I sat, only for her to stand up, leaving Fiona and I alone on the couch. Everyone was silent, the only noise was Cara cleaning her knife, did I mention psycho?.
"Eh--mm, Can you guys give us a minute?" Fiona said.
Cara snorted "More like an hour."
"A minute?" Violet asked.
"Yes." I said.
"That's ridiculous, Cade." Danielle said.
Violet got up from the table she sat on "We'll give you guys a minute when we are sure what your decision will be."
"Meaning; when we are certain you'll break up." Cara explained.
break up. break up.
"So, what's it gonna be?" Danielle said.
"Can you guys just shut the fuck up, it's non of your business, it's Caden and I, and we'll settle it." Fiona exploded.
"Oh, shut up, Fiona." Violet snapped "Settle it?, Of course you will, you'll jump into bed with each other, and you'll be good to go." She threw her hands in the air "What else was I expecting, silly me."
Fiona got up "What's your deal Violet?" She seethed.
"What's my deal?, What's my deal!" Violet practically screamed "Sit down Fiona, I'll let you know what my deal is. You cheated on your boyfriend, you fucking cheated on your boyfriend, the person you claim to love, you cheated and you didn't say shit to him about it!."
"You told me not to!" Fiona screamed at her.
"Oh really, I did?, So you do every fucking thing I say?. Cut the bullshit Fiona, you cheated because you wanted to, you kissed Finley because you wanted to, Oh God, you are a fucking bitch."
"Violet, that's enough." I said getting up, no one calls my girlfriend a bitch.
"Shut the fuck up, Cade, and sit your damn ass down!." She yelled so hard I sat. These girls are all psychos.
"Remember High School?," She said to Fiona. "You don't?, I'll remind you. You were a bitch, a fucking bitch, queen bitch. Everyone called you a damn slut, they talked about how they've fucked you everywhere, in the locker room, the janitor closet, in their car back seat, but I didn't give a fuck about that when we met at The Diner."
"We became friends, I didn't act like shit to you, all because I hoped you weren't a bitch. You were always chasing the next shinny thing, the new rich kid or the handsome senior, but then you met Cade, and you changed, or so I thought, but you are still the same Fiona, the same fucking bitch." She paused, she looked so angry.
"When Cade broke up with you, you were fucking dejected, and so sad, but then you got him back, and you just stopped. You stopped caring or trying. You love him, we all know that, but sometimes love is not enough. You are just so selfish."
"Selfish?." Fiona's voice cracked.
"Yes. All you care about is getting the man of your dreams, you acing you psyche classes, you, you, you!. We asked how long Cade has been clean, and you said what?, You said '5 months, I think'. Who the fuck says that!" Violet screamed, her hands in the air.
"Your boyfriend -- according to you and Dee -- has two disorders, PTSD and HPPD. Your boyfriend battled with drugs. Your boyfriend battles with his sister's death. Your boyfriend is so broken, so damaged it hurts my soul, but you don't care, you don't care, Fiona, you don't. You have him, he loves you, and you don't care." Her voice break, tears in her eyes.
"Aside from the time he had his episode at SPEAK, have you ever sat him down and talked about his mental health?"
Fiona's silence was enough answer.
"You haven't. You don't understand Drug Addiction, Fiona, and you should. It's deadly and terminal. All you care about is yourself. Cade called you once, while we were hanging out, you were talking and he just hung up, you didn't call him, you didn't check on him, you did nothing."
"Do you ever sit and think on how Cade has no friends, Kai and Danielle doesn't count. If he is not with you, he is in class or his room. We've never seen Cade with anyone, apart from Caroline's twin brother, but that's it, and you never noticed that?, You are so oblivious. Fiona, I can go on and on about your nonchalance and negligence to your boyfriend."
"You love him, but Love is not enough, It never is." Fiona was crying.
"And you Cade," She turned to me, Shit. "What were you thinking?, Hiding things from your girlfriend, not just things, but mind blowing facts, hiding your Addiction from your girlfriend, from Danielle, your best friend, Why?."
"I was just. .s. .scared." I confessed, and Fiona looked at me with teary eyes.
"You both are in a relationship. I know Sex is good, but a comfortable silence with your partner is better. It's not just dick and pussy you should share, you should share your fears, mistakes, insecurities, but you didn't, both of you. Taliana Black shared them for you. I'm jus -- " Her voice broke, tears falling freely.
"I'm just so sad. You have this beautiful bond, and you wanna throw it away for meaningless kisses and high. You have each other, and you just don't care. You lie, you cheat, you do all sort of wrong things. I know no one is perfect, but at least put some effort" and she took a deep breath.
"Whatever decision you make, I'm with you, both of you." and she left, Violet left my apartment with tears streaming down her face, everyone could see she wasn't crying for us alone.
Cara got up, swung her knife into her shoe strap, psycho. She walked to Fiona, bent, and kissed her forehead. She turned to me, and she said "See you later, Cade." with that she left.
Danielle pulled me up, swallowed me in her arms. "I'll always love you Cade, whatever decision you make, I'm here for you."
She turned to Fiona, bent, and said "Come home, love." and my heart broke even more, fresh tears poured out of Vanilla's eyes.
And it was just both of us, left with our demons out in the open.
~.~
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mature content
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My fingers tangled in her hair as I pulled her close to me.
"Hey." I said.
She's currently facing me, her hands tightened around my neck, "Hi", and she mashed her lips on mine, lowering me to the bed.
She kept grinding her hips, her core rubbing directly against my length.
"Fuck." I grunted.
She started peppering kisses, from my cheek to my ear.
"I love you." She whispered, tracing every inch of my ear with her tongue. Her kisses started going lower, she sprayed kisses all over my naked chest. My hands leave her hair, and I unstrap her hair, but she slapped my hands away, and her tongue lick my lower stomach.
I writhed, tried to push her away, to get back my control, but she sink her teeth into my flesh, and I groaned in pleasure. She stopped, got on her feet, pulled me up. We stared at each other with lust driven eyes and she knees, her hands in my trouser buckle. I battled with myself, but all thoughts flew out the window the second she grabbed me through my briefs.
"Fiona." I moaned out.
She pulled it out and she stared at it, she looked at me, winked. She returned her attention back to my dick as she licked the top, she traced her tongue, licking away the precum.
"Fuck." My hands got tangled in her hair.
She leaves the tip as she traced down the length, she gripped my balls, as she licked every vein visible. She squeezed my balls as she removed her mouth, and then she took me in her mouth.
"Shit."
She wrapped her hand around my length as she deepthroated, tears in her eyes, but she kept going, fucking me up with her mouth.
"Fuck. I'm going c. . .cum." I said, with shame, I didn't last long, but she didn't stop, she kept going till I came in her mouth, and she drank every drop. She licked her mouth and my tip sensually.
I dragged her up, smashed my lips on hers. She moaned as I sucked on her tongue. I carried her, placed her on the bed, I spreaded her legs, about to dine, when she stopped me.
"No."
I stared at her, about to disagree, but my words got caught up in my throat as she removed her bra, exposing her perfect tits. I nodded like an idiot as I bent to take a condom, but she stopped me again.
"No, Caden, I want to feel you."
Fuck, with trembling hands, I lay on her, aligning my length to her entrance, my mouth found hers, without a barrier between us, I entered her slowly, I held on to her hip as I rammed my full length into her.
"Cadennnnnnnn" She screamed with blinded pleasure as she buried her face in my neck.
With a steady tempo, I began to move, in and out, slowly. Our moans could be heard from Asia, loud, unrestricted, free.
She sat up, with me still in her, and we held on to each other with a tight grip as we made love. Tears in her eyes, and I couldn't bear to look.
She lay me down as she began to ride me, she twerked on my dick, over and over again, I felt her clench around me as she exploded with my dick still in her.
"Cadennnnnnnn." She panted over and over again.
I picked her up as I made her go on fours. She gripped the bed as she was unsteady, I thrust into her, impaling her with my length in one go.
"Fuccccckk" She screamed.
I palmed her ass as I fucked her, the sound of flesh meeting was prominent in the room. I grabbed her hair as I ruined her sexually for any other person, the thought of her being with another person angered me. I left her hair as I raised her left leg up, giving my all to her.
"I'm gonna cum again" She wailed.
"Wait for me" I grunted out.
"Come in me." She croaked out.
"What?" I stilled.
"Come in me!" She yelled, and I thrust, releasing all my cum in her.
"Fuck!." I yelled as I kept cumming, for a long time, the longest. I filled her to the brim, and she leaked out.
We fall to the bed, with our sticky mess between us.
~.~
"Vanilla." I said, sitting upright.
"Yes, babe." She smiled, looking at me, just in her pant and bra.
"We need to talk." I said.
"No, we don't. Let's just shower and have more sex."
Fuck, my balls tightened. I bit my lips as I put on my briefs. "We really need to talk."
"Is this because of what Violet said?" She asked.
"No, this talk is long overdue."
"There's nothing to talk about." She rolled her eyes.
"We are not perfect Fiona, we need to sort our issues."
"What Issues?, We have none." She shrugged.
"You cheated on me" I snapped.
"And you are a fucking drug addict, but you don't see me babbling about it!." She snapped back.
I stared at her. What the fuck is wrong with her?, Is this a defense mechanism or something?.
I take a deep breath as I uttered the deadly sentence. "We need to break up, for a while."
She froze "What?"
"I'm sorry Vanilla, I love you, but we need to separately get our shit together."
"Why?" She whispered.
"You kissed him." My voice cracked.
"I'm sorry." She said, tears in her eyes.
"Was it a mistake?" I asked, dreading the answer.
"It turned out to be." She said, her head hanging low.
It wasn't. I fisted my hands as I said "That was the first time I let you aware of my Insecurities, I told you my fears, and you kissed him." I can't cry. I can't cry.
"Cut me some slack Caden, you are a drug addict!" She yelled, and I got angry.
"Cut you some slack?. I'm a Drug Addict, I know. I have daddy issues, and sister issues, I have family issues. I have two fucking disorders. I lied countless times to you, I know, and I'm admitting my shit, but you aren't!" I yelled.
"We need space for a while." I rephrased.
"I don't want space" She whispered.
"Neither do I, but I need to get my shit together, and you need to, I don't know, work on yourself." I kept my gaze on the floor.
"Can't we get better together?" Her voice cracked, and I knew she was crying.
"I'm an Addict, Fiona." I looked at her, and my heart kept breaking. "I need rehab or something. I need to get better."
"But I love this you." She wailed.
"I know, but in a few months, or days, you won't. You won't love me when I'm snorting my nose with heroin, you won't love me when I'm swallowing Acid pills, you definitely won't love me when I'm blacked out in my own puke. I need to get my shit together." My eyes was clouded with tears at the end of that sentence.
"I can't leave without you." She cried.
"I wanted to hit her." I confessed painfully.
"What?" She said, confused.
"I wanted to hit Taliana, I was furious, I wanted to hit her, I don't want to be like my father, Fiona. I don't want to become him, but I wanted to hit Lia. If I wanted to hit Taliana, the girl I once loved, what's the assurance that in a couple years, I won't feel the same way towards you. I love you, and I will never stop loving you, but I need to get better, so do you. We need to break up for a while, Vanilla."
She stared at me with tears in her eyes, she cleaned them fiercely, looked to the ground, when she looked up she wasn't my Fiona.
"Do you know what?, Let's not break up for a while, but forever."
"What?" I gasped.
"We are done, Axel."
"Vanilla, I know y -- "
"Don't call me that!." She snapped as she picked her clothing from the floor.
"You can't be serious." I said, walking to her, disturbed.
"I am. Goodbye, Caden." She said, her hands on the door knob.
"Fiona." I whispered, tears falling freely.
"Goodbye." She repeated, and she was gone.
I was left with a broken heart and disturbed soul. "Goodbye Fiona." I said to the thin air.
______THE END OF PHASE ONE._____
RANTS.
And that's a wrap.
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