/ 𝕺𝖈𝖍𝖔 /
VIVI
Hesitantly staring at the door of my class, I took a deep breath before coming in to greet my students a wonderful morning.
After what happened yesterday, I could not bring myself to be the same person whenever I enter class. Everybody halted from what they were doing when they saw me, and it felt like my heart did too. My heart screamed loudly, only I could hear, when my eyes locked with those glimmering, innocent eyes of Johan.
Namula ako at agad napaiwas ng tingin.
"G-good morning," I shortly greeted as I went up to my table in front with a heavy feet. I tried my best to remain a dignified posture, but it seems like my face and tone of a voice were giving that up for me. My students immediately noticed my change of aura.
"Are you feeling okay, professor?"
Hearing that one student's voice that asked made me stop. I suddenly feel nauseous. I wish he hadn't spoken at all. Pakiramdam ko, mas dumagdag pa ang bara sa lalamunan ko matapos marinig ang nag-aalala niyang boses. I should be relieved that someone is asking me out of concern, but the person who did that part made me feel a lot worse considering the horrible thing he tried to do and kept from me.
Still, I didn't want my students to feel that something really is wrong. I gave a forced smile to Stephen, the one who just asked me that delightful question but sadly came from a man with an ugly intention, and stood straight in front.
"Yes. Sorry, everyone. I ended up eating a lot for breakfast and realized I was running late so I had to make a run for it. Now my tummy's upset." I reasoned out.
Nagkatinginan naman ang mga estudyante ko. I need to get their attention elsewhere, so I brought up the topic of asking if they're ready for their test, and as always, they are.
Sinimulan ko na ang pagbigay ng test papers amounting to 350 items. "I don't wish to take your time any longer. Here is your test for today. I hope you all took a good preparation for it. It won't be easy." paalala ko muli.
Kita ko sa peripheral vision kong nanlaki ang mata ni Johan habang hindi makapaniwalang nakanganga sa test paper na binigay ko.
If yesterday did not happen, I would have laughed from his silly reaction, but it's different this time. All I ever felt as my eyes linger at him for about 3 seconds was... frustration and awkwardness. Mas lalong nag-init ang mukha ko sa naalala.
"Good luck!" I said, trying to stay illegible about my emotions and put that memory away from my head. But somehow, am I still an open book? Everyone was giving me an intense stare as if they see right through me! No way! That's not true. They don't, right?! Kahit malamig, pakiramdam ko pinagpapawisan na ako.
Kunwareng napasipol-sipol nalang ako habang patingin-tingin sa puti naming kisame para libangin ang sarili ko at iwasan ang mapanuri nilang tingin. Narinig kong tumawa ang iba kaya palihim kong ibinalik ang tingin sa kanila habang sumisipol pa rin at pansing nag-umpisa na sila sa pagsasagot habang ang karamihan ay titig pa rin sa akin. Grabe naman ang mga 'to?! Kung makatingin, parang ang laki-laki ng kasalanan ko!
Nung akala ko'y wala ng mas magdidiin pa sa akin, nang makatagpo ang mata ng isang estudyante kong ito, halos gawin kong tubig ang laway ko sa tuloy-tuloy na paglunok.
Most of their stares sting my skin, but the most intense one is coming from Leeviah. Yes, from that man himself. My bones literally felt like frozen meat, and yes, ignore the irony. I was just too stunned to look away. He hasn't taken his test yet like the others and kept his eye out for me with his chin resting on his hand like he's trying to pierce right through my soul.
"L-Leeviah, why haven't you taken your test yet?" medyo kinabahan ang magaling niyong propesor kasi nautal pa talaga ako. Kulang nalang talaga, maging asong-ulol ako.
"Napapangitan ka na ba sa akin?" kunwareng biro ko pa at nilagay ang magkabilang palad sa mukha ko. Napataas muli ng tingin ang iba kong mga estudyante sa akin mula sa pagsasagot at tinaasan pa talaga ako ng kilay.
Na-realize ko na bulok pala ang joke ko at hindi sila natuwa. Hindi rin ako natuwa. Lahat ata kami hindi natuwa. Buti naman. Subukan lang nilang um-a-gree.
Reverting to Leeviah's self-contained expression, it did not change at all. It kept its glue on me. Wala na akong nagawa kundi mapangiwi nalang. Doon lang sa pagngiwi ko siya nagbigay ng isang ngiti matapos ipaglantaran ang seryosong pagmumukha.
"From what I know, professor, we're not blind and always had a clear vision when it comes to genuine beauty. And looking at you right now, my eyes has never been clearer. Maybe you're more than a genuine beauty?" pangbobola nito at pansin na pansin ko na agad ang pagsilay ng ngisi sa labi ng mga estudyante ko sa sinabi niya. Halos sabay-sabay pa nga silang nagsi-ngisian!
Halos pumutok ang mukha ko sa sobrang pamumula. "A-ako pa!" I yelped, but he just laughed at me. They all laughed at me!
Kita mo na, kita mo na! Para akong papatayin ng tingin kanina tapos ngayon, bobolahin ako para asarin? Inirapan ko sila at napabuntong hininga.
Pero kahit kailan, parang ang malas ko talaga. Napadapo kasi ang tingin ko kina Stephan at Travis mula sa bahagyang dulo. Malawak na nakangisi si Stephen habang nagsasagot at maliit naman na nakangiti si Travis. Napaseryoso ako at nawala saglit ang tuwa.
Nalulungkot, nagagalit, nanlulumo ako bigla. Parang pinanghihinaan muli ako ng loob. Ang bigat kasi sa pakiramdam. Hindi ko alam. Marahil ay dahil kaya pa nilang makipagtawanan kahit alam nila sa sarili nila kung ano ang ginawa nila sa mga nakaraang araw. Iniwas ko na agad ang atensyon ko sa kanila kasi baka mapansin pa nila. Kilala ko sila. Akala mo mga agila sa talas ng mata at pakiramdam.
I decided to assess everyone, and they were all now busy taking their tests—well, maybe except for Johan who was scratching his head while playing with his eraser. I wanted to scold and tease him, but my mouth kept my tongue shut tightly. I don't know what to feel about him anymore after what happened.
I feel so sorry.
Having Travis and Stephen in my class was like a restless, destructive waves of the sea that keeps swaying away my peaceful ship. But then, an unexpected person suddenly joins that? Johan of all people?
"Professor, 'di ko po gets."
Speak of the devil. My attention went to him when he raised his hand in confusion. He was frowning and I knew he was about to pout. Oh, how I know this child so well. If only we did not end up in an awkward situation.
"Yes?" manhinhin kong tanong pabalik, pero sa totoo lang, halos lumabas na ang puso ko sa katawan sa kaba.
"Kasi po professor, nag-review naman po ako, e. I'm very sure po roon. Nagmemorize ako ng mga key words pero bakit wala po ni isa lumabas? A-ayaw ko bumagsak." nag-aalala niyang turan. Napalunok ako nang mapansing tila naiiyak ata siya. If I don't soothe him, he'll cry any time sooner.
But how can I soothe him? By sugar coating my words? I can do that. I've always done that. However, my feelings about him is just all over the place. My confusion grows bigger the longer he stares at my eyes tainted with such innocence. It was bugging, I'm telling you. How can he still act like that, right? I've never been too demanding on matters like this, but I wish he showed at least a little reaction when he saw me, and that's when I can confirm something like that really did happened between us.
"Why? Do you expect that every word you memorize from a book will appear the same on a test paper?" Leeviah spoke out first before I can give mine and flipped a page of his test before speaking again. "Probably in high school, but we're in college now, child, so think again. A test is not a straight-lined road devoid of any complexities, but rather a whole perplexing labyrinth. Words and choices will trick you from time to time, so you must prioritize understanding what you study rather than sticking on a one mere key word. In that way, no matter how the test juggles up the words and confuses you, you won't lose sight of the answer for you know what it points out because you understand what you have studied."
Hindi ko mapigilang mapangiti habang nakatingin sa kanya na hindi inalis ang mga mata sa pagsasagot sa kanyang iksamen habang sinasabi kay Johan ang mga iyun. Para siyang nangangaral, although I'm pretty sure that's what he just did. I wanna give him an applause for managing to stick those words of wisdom to his fellow confused classmate.
"Well, Johan, that's your answer. Thank you for that, Leeviah. Very-well said." pagpapasalamat ko. Agad naman napataas ang tingin niya sa akin at nginitian ako bago bumalik sa pagsasagot.
If I didn't know who Leeviah is, I'd assume he was a professor here in Hangkuk University rather than a 1st year college student. I'm not even kidding. The first time I met him, I couldn't believe I was talking to a student, and a 1st year one at of that! It felt like I was conversing with a state President and I had to be careful with my words. The way he brings himself to people, I can say he's very well-spoken and his eloquence is unrivaled. He uplifts his character like that of a professional and knows how to please yet intimidate people by it at the same time. When things get rough for me when it comes to handling my students, he's always the first one to notice and step in to ease the situation. I'm always grateful he's always there to support me when things get tough.
Binaling ko ang tingin kay Johan at kitang napapakamot ito ng batok habang nakatingin sa test paper niya. Palihim akong natawa dahil kahit saang anggulo mo tignan, napaka-cute niyang pagmasdan. It makes me wonder where his confusion is even coming from for he never complains whenever he does the test I've prepared. In fact, Johan always aced those tests, so what's the difference between those and now?
I really want to ask him and start our usual dynamic, but talking to him still feels awkward. I'm getting uneasy by just thinking of how to approach him later.
After a few strokes of these pitiful thoughts, I decided to take a few strolls around my students' seats horizontally to see how they are doing on their tests and detect if there's some cheeky cheating slipping right out of my eyes because we can't have that. Although I doubt it. For the past few months of analyzing their behavior when it comes to these assessments, be it a simple test or examination, none of them seem to have the audacity to resort in cheating. Stephen once told me that the students of Hangkuk University value dignity more than anything and would not dare to cheat. They can be playful most of the times, but when it to comes to their education, I can clearly tell they take it with pride and integrity—and I'm proud of that. I hope that consistency lasts until their last year of college.
Nang nalibot ko na silang lahat na tahimik lang na nagsasagot, bumalik na ako sa aking upuan. Because I had nothing to do anyways, I grabbed a book from my bag entitled "They Adore the Witch" and started to read a few pages.
Gusto ko kasi munang alisin sa isip ko ang mga nangyari kahapon. A friend of mine recommended this book to me ages ago, and she even gave me a hard copy of it saying this would hook me up and forget about reality. Pft, I'll be the judge of that.
And you know what? As I flip through the pages, I started to understand why she harbored such exaggeration and said that to me. Habang nagbabasa ako, I can't help but be drawn at what I'm reading because the plot just thickens and I was greatly enticed on my seat.
The main character, which is the witch, contrary to typical clichès, she was actually loved by her village and its townspeople. They say her beauty was bewitching like a spell you can never be cast out off but for them, it would always be a blessing. Then one day, the witch decided to leave the village and live a life outside the town. Expecting to get a wholesome support from her people, the village got angry. They were mad. They never wanted her to leave. So they did what they had to do. They imprisoned the witch and locked her in a cell—
"Professor, break na po namin!"
My shoulders jerked up when I heard Johan's scream. Napatingin ako sa kanila at napansin ang alarm ko sa phone na tumutunog. Sa una, lutang pa ako at parang tangang nakatunganga sa kanila. Pero agad rin nanlaki ang mga mata ko nang mapagtantong nagpapa-test pala ako at oras na ng break nila.
Oh my God, nakakahiya! Paano ba 'to, masyado akong na-hooked sa binabasa ko. When I heard Johan's voice, it was like going back to reality after staying in a long dream. Nabitin tuloy ako.
"R-right, guys. You can go ahead and take a break. Be back after 30 minutes." mabilis kong turan at isinara muna ang librong binabasa para tumayo at tignan silang lahat. Mukhang malapit-lapit nang matapos ang iba sa kanila dahil kita kong ilang pahina nalang at matatapos na nila ito.
My students were all staring at me for a few seconds before they got up from their seats and left the room for break. Medyo kinabahan nga ako nang mapansing mukhang walang balak umalis si Johan at nais pa atang makipagkulitan sa akin dahil kita ko ang kumikinang niyang mga mata habang nakatitig sa akin. Buti nalang tinagay siya paalis ni Amir, at wala na itong nagawa kundi sumunod.
Now that the room's empty, I let out a relieved sigh. The certain people who gave a heavy sack of weight on my shoulders aren't here anymore, thank God! I was not ready to talk to Travis and Stephen yet after everything I discovered about their doings, and most certainly, I have no strength to face Johan after what happened yesterday.
I can't even remember much because I was drunk. The only thing I remembered was a short memory of us... kissing.
Pumula na naman ang mukha ko sa hiya at pagkadismaya kaya malakas kong nasapok ang noo ko. I immediately gathered the book I was reading to let myself drown in an alternate reality and forget about that embarrassing memory. How did we even get to that position in the first place?! I knew I shouldn't have drank!
Wala naman siguro akong ginagawang kahihiyan, but it's just annoying because I can't recall anything at all after becoming drunk. I do see certain pictures of what happened, but knowing what really happened? Oh, please! It's like seeing a single picture in an album and not knowing what it's about.
Creak!
Hindi pa ako nakakapag-focus sa pagbabasa dahil sa pagdra-drama ko tungkol sa pagkalasing ko kagabi, rinig ko ang dahan-dahang pagbukas ng pinto. Kumunot ang noo ko kasi ilang minuto pa lang, one? Two? Ilang minuto pa lang, may bumabalik na agad dito? Not that's it's restriced, but that's never happened before. They usually stay for a few more minutes in the Parallel Casino before going back to take their test.
"Yes, may naiwan ba ka—"
Nanigas ang katawan ko nang makita ang lalaking nakatayo sa harap ng pinto. Ang malalamig niyang mata ay parang nagdadala ng malakas na hangin na siyang ikinanginig ng aking kalamnan.
He came closer and went inside before slamming the door shut that made my body startled. And just right after closing the door, it opened again, revealing another man with a sly grin saying, "Hey, that wasn't very nice of you."
He directed his gaze at me, his grin growing wider. My heart started beating faster when he locked the door and stared intently at me—rather, they both stared intently at me.
Hindi ako makagalaw sa aking kinauupuan. Hindi ko nga alam kung kaya kong gumalaw. I was stuck on my feet. Hindi nakamamatay ang lamig ng aircon pero nanginginig ako nang sobra. Pati mata ko halos lumuwa sa takot. A-anong gagawin ko? Everything is going back to me. Every little thing that Leeviah, Amir, and Johan confessed to me the other day—it's all coming back to haunt me. What these two really did.
"Travis... Stephen... an—anong ginagawa niyo?" halos pabulong kong tanong dahil sa matinding pangamba.
"We were told some bastards fabricated our names to you," Travis coldy answered and took a step forward, making me alarmed. "And basing by your reaction, you believed it. You believed them." he continued, clearly provoked, and stopped walking. Now, he's a few meters away from me.
"Won't you give us at least the benefit of the doubt? Because professor, what if I told you that Amir, Johah, and Leeviah are actually the biggest liars here?"
—————
cupofteaspilled.