EMERY.
"There are few people whom I really love, and still fewer of whom I think well. The more I see of the world, the more am I dissatisfied with it; and every day confirms my belief of the inconsistency of all human characters, and of the little dependence that can be placed on the appearance of merit or sense." Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice, reads. Fuck, if that doesn't hit close to home then I don't know what does.
My entire world has been spiraling out of control lately. I hate how I feel at school, like I have to limit myself and my actions, and I hate how I feel at parties, where I practically have to give myself unwillingly to a college senior drop-out. The only feeling I seem to be comfortable with now is when I'm with Cole. He gives me a warm feeling, when everything else around me is cold.
Just how he spoke with Audie warmed my heart. It's a feeling I don't have much experience in, but I can't stop wanting to feel it again. It takes everything in me not to catch his attention through his window, but even if I tried to, he isn't in his room. I don't know where he is actually.
I hear a knock on my door and I quickly sniffle. I didn't realize I was crying until the knock brought me to my senses. I wipe the one tear that escaped and head for the door, checking my face for bloodshot eyes in the mirror. I look like a fucking train wreck.
I open the door to see dad looking down at his feet, he looks up quickly, and I realize he has a duffel bag in his hands. "Vance brought you some books." He explains, dropping the duffel bag beside my bed.
My face brightens as I search through it. I'm always up to reading new romance novels. I don't get much of them, because why pay for them when I can get free ones once a year when grandpa Vance brings them? And it's always at least five new novels, so it sometimes lasts me until next year.
"Fuck, dad. Thank you!" I hug him and he squeezes me back.
"Vance is in town and we are going to dinner with them. Wear something nice, okay?" He asks, and I nod, too infatuated with all the different books to really pay attention. "And once we get home your mum and I have something else for you."
I look up at him expectantly, "What? More books?"
He smiles softly, rubbing his palms on his jeans. "Maybe. You'll find out." I look back down and sift through them, pulling out a somewhat large novel reading, Jane Eyre, Charlotte Brontë. Dad taps his finger onto the book cover, "Charolette Brontë. Emily Brontë, who wrote Wuthering Heights, is her sister. I've never read this one, but since it's written by a Brontë I thought you would like it."
I stare at the cover for a moment before looking over at him with an appreciative smile. "Thank you." I whisper, and he nods.
He pats his legs with his hands before standing, "you should thank Vance. Now, get dressed!" He demands, closing the door behind him on his way out.
I am dressed. But I guess my normal clothes aren't fucking good enough for dinner with family. I scoff, thinking about how hypocritical that is of him, but decide to forget about it. He brought me these books, I should appreciate him.
I get up and sift through my drawers. I have to wear a color. If I don't, mom will make me change.
Once I find something I believe looks presentable I shut off my light, stuffing Jane Eyre into my backpack/purse and making my way downstairs.
Just as I'm about to touch the last step, dad is opening the door for some people. As Grandpa Vance and Grandma Kim step inside of our house, so does all of the high pitch greetings and hugs. I roll my eyes at how excited they all look.
Dad, of course, is standing off to the side like me. Looking awkwardly as grandma Kim gives everyone hugs. Oh god, no. I'm next...
She walks closer and wraps her arms around me, I hug her back awkwardly, and she holds me back to look at me. "Emery! You've grown so much!"
She quickly moves on to Auden and over exaggerates as she compliments his height. "You look so much older, Audie! Aw I missed you so much!"
Grandpa Vance comes up to me and pats my shoulder. "Hey kid, did you get the books?"
"Yes, I did. Thank you." I say politely, giving him a small side hug. Although I hate everyone, my mom taught me to be polite. So, of course, when she is around I use those social skills.
"Alright, where are we going?" Grandpa Vance asks the group, and we all shrug.
Grandma Kim gasps, "how about Tessa and I make dinner for you! Emery, you can join us, and we can make whatever we can find in your kitchen!"
I try my best not to scowl. Very sexist of her to assume I want to cook with the ladies. Mom looks at me expectantly, and I roll my eyes, nodding my head at them. "Okay, but I don't know what I'm doing."
Grandma Kim pats my back as we enter the kitchen. "Oh, don't worry, dear. I'll teach you."
I give her a small smile.
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Once we are all finished cooking, it turned out pretty nice. It wasn't actually as hard as I thought it'd be. I honestly would say I like cooking if they wouldn't all give me a look as if I had two heads.
We all sit down to eat, and everyone compliments me on grandma Kim and mom's cooking as if I did all the work. Honestly all I did was cut the tomatoes and stirred the sauce together...
"So, are you still working on any of the books I gave you last year?" Grandpa Vance starts up a conversation and I nod.
"I've actually gone through them twice. I've been doing a lot of reading." I say, gulping down some water.
"Do you have any specific book that you want?" He asks, and I shrug.
"Nope."
"What about one of your dad's books? Have you thought of reading those?" My dad chokes on his water, and my mom looks at him wide eyed.
I shrug, "I don't know." I answer honestly. Wouldn't that be fucking weird? There's a few people from my school who had read his After books, but he wrote it so long ago that it sort of has lost its hype in my school. There's probably some people who love it still, but in high school everything is in and out in a blink of an eye.
He drops it at that and continues eating. Auden starts up a conversation about getting an A+ on his science project, and everyone congratulates him.
Mom talks about some of her wedding planning stuff, and dad talks about what he's writing right now. Small short stories in a big book. That actually sounds kind of cool. You can live a different story every night, or if you don't like how one story goes you can switch to a different one in the same book. I think he's onto something big. Even though people have made books full of short stories, it doesn't defeat how big this could be for him. It's fucking awesome.
Somehow we all get back onto mom's wedding planning topic. She's planning a girl named Kendal's wedding, and apparently she is the easiest to work with because she wants it simple and sweet and that is right up mom's alley.
I stay silent, quietly observing their discussions. Auden is the same, only watching as they continue to talk. That's how it always is. We always stay out of the parent's conversations until they include us by asking a question.
Once we finish dinner, mom picks up all the empty plates and goes into the kitchen. Grandma Kim follows her, while dad and Grandpa Vance talk about something I'm not really listening to.
I decide that I'm done with socializing for tonight. It's super fucking exhausting and stupid. I excuse myself to take a shower upstairs. Dad watches me leave the table, but doesn't follow. So, I assume it's alright that I left without a word.
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I finish up my shower, and as soon as I sit down on my bed to begin Jane Eyre, I hear a knock at the door. Great fucking timing.
I then hear a muffled voice, "they're leaving. Come give them a hug goodbye." Mom calls, and I sigh.
Although, I'm thankful that they didn't leave without saying goodbye, I am a little fucking annoyed that I can't start this new book.
I plop the book onto my bed, opening my door and following mom down to the living room.
Grandma Kim is occupied talking to Auden, so I walk up to Grandpa Vance and give him a side hug. "How long are you staying in town?" I ask.
"Until Sunday." He replies, "I'm going to see you guys tomorrow. Your uncle Landon invited all of us to dinner at his place."
Uncle Landon and Aunt Nora are about an hour away from where we live now. I remember when I was littler, around 6, we used to live at least 5 minutes from him, but he moved for Aunt Nora's chef job opportunity or something. Addy is a little older than me, and we used to be best friends. We would even text after they moved an hour away, and sometimes make the trip to each other's houses to spend the night. Of course, that changed when I started hanging out with other people when I turned 13. She didn't approve of the friends I had and I was done listening to her moral bullshit. We only see each other on holidays now— or in this case, dinner since Grandpa Vance and Grandma Kim are in town.
Although Grandpa Vance and Grandma Kim don't really have any real connection with Uncle Landon and Aunt Nora, they still treat them like family. They make a point to see them every time they come into the city.
My mom still keeps in touch with Uncle Landon and Aunt Nora, and I've seen them a couple times. I'm actually kind of excited to see Addy. I haven't seen her since last Christmas, and we didn't even talk. I was too busy sitting in the corner and reading my book to socialize. She was all happy and bright last Christmas, and there's nothing I hate more than people who smile twenty-four seven. They rub it in your face as if they are laughing at you for struggling in life, whether they mean to or not. I wonder what she's like now...
"Emery!" Grandma Kim squeals. God, she's annoying but I guess I love her. I hug her, and she rocks us back and forth. "I'll see you tomorrow!" She says quickly, before heading towards the door.
Auden has always been her favorite, so she never gives me too much of her time. I'd like to think she knows I want my space, and would rather her stay a few feet away from me than all up in my face. But she also might just not like me. I wouldn't be surprised.
Once they leave, dad let's out a huge breath. "God, they are a fucking hand full."
"Hardin!" Mom scolds, locking the door.
"What? Am I not allowed to call my family a hand full?"
"No, you're not allowed to cuss in front of the children." They bicker. I roll my eyes at their childish behaviors.
"I'm going upstairs." I call, and I twist myself around.
"Wait!" Mom and dad say in unison. They look at each other, talking in their stupid silent language before nodding.
"Okay, we'll be up there in a second." Mom explains.
"What? Why?" I furrow my brows.
"I told you, we have something to give you." Dad speaks up, and I roll my eyes as if I don't care, although deep down I'm intrigued.
I stomp up the stairs, Auden passing me quickly and running into my room. "Hey!" I shout, following after him. "What the fuck are you doing?" He looks out of my window, and sits in my office chair.
"I'm seeing if Cole wants to play fortnite." He answers simply. I roll my eyes and fling myself onto my bed, opening my book up.
"Fine, but don't be a little shit and annoy me."
"Me? A little shit? No..." he chuckles as he says shit and I roll my eyes.
"Mom and dad are going to kill you if they hear you say that."
"They hear you say it..."
"Yeah, well that's because I don't give a fuck what they think. But you're different. You care what they think." I say, "As you should." I add.
He just shrugs his shoulder as he stares out the window, waiting for Cole to come into his room. He hasn't been in his room all day, he isn't going to see him. Well, maybe he will. It is 8:30, and he usually comes into his room and reads, at least from what I know.
"Em..." I hear dad say from the door, and I look over. He looks over at Auden with a confused face and I roll my eyes. "Hey, Audie. Why don't you go into your room for a moment?"
God, what is so important that they both have to talk to me alone? I shouldn't feel scared but... I'm fucking terrified. What if something happened. Oh god, what if they found out about Chris? Or Cole? Wait, what about Cole? That he's my friend? Fuck... I don't know.
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𝙰𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚘𝚛'𝚜 𝚗𝚘𝚝𝚎
I've been on vacation. That's why I haven't posted. How are you guys?
Chapter fifteen: Nov. 5, 2020