After a month in Toronto together, I spent the beginning of 2020 in Los Angeles with Fiona as our relationship grew increasingly more serious. She wanted me to move there permanently, which was tempting. I loved Southern California, but more importantly, I loved that we were taking things to that level. It felt good to be so solid with Fi, and even though I'd never really wanted to get married, I started telling my friends and family that she might be the one to change my mind. For Christmas, I'd given her a band of amethyst gems as a promise ring that she wore on her left hand.
Unfortunately, things became problematic for us when covid-19 struck North America. I'd been home in Toronto enjoying time with my family, and Fiona was supposed to join me when she was done with the movie she was filming in Arizona. Mid-March, all hell broke loose. Canada closed their border, which meant Fiona could no longer come see me. At the end of the month, things looked even bleaker in terms of the outbreak.
"You need to catch a flight to L.A. while you still can," she insisted.
"I'm nervous about flying right now. They are saying confined spaces are high risk."
"Then get in your Tesla and drive here! God knows how long this thing is going to last and we should be together!"
"Fi, I'm not driving across the United States during a pandemic. That's as bad as flying! Hotels, restaurants, and rest stops would be dangerous, if they are even open."
"So what are we going to do? Just live in different countries? I'm supposed to lock myself up alone in this house? I'll go mad as a box o' frogs!"
"What's that even mean?" I asked. Fiona tended to use more Irish slang when was drunk or angry.
She let out an exasperated sigh. "It means I'll go crazy, Shawn. These are dark times and people need to be together. If your bloody country won't let me in, then you need to come to me!"
"Let me think about it," I told her. "I don't like the idea of us being apart, either."
That evening I had dinner with my family. I explained my dilemma to them and asked for their advice.
"I understand why you would want to be together," my mum said. "What worries me is that if the numbers keep rising, you might not be able to get home. Canada could place restrictions on citizens returning from countries that are significantly worse off."
"I think it's more likely that airlines could shut down. What if, god forbid, something happens to one of us and you can't get here? Or what if something happens to you and we can't get to California? These are things you need to consider," my dad said.
"You're saying that if I go there, I could be stuck," I concluded.
"Possibly. We don't know enough about this virus to do anything other than speculate," he explained.
When I called Fiona the next morning, she was in a horrible mood.
"I couldn't find toilet paper or disinfectant wipes on any online stores! Shawn! This is madness!" she screeched.
"My mum got a whole case of toilet paper. I can send you some."
"Why wouldn't you just bring them with you? Aren't you coming?"
"I am...just not right now. I think it's safer for me to wait awhile," I said as I braced myself for her response.
"You don't love me."
"That's not true and you know it."
"If you loved me, you'd be here! It wouldn't even be a question! You'd live with me and make sure that I had the things I needed. I'm not good on my own!" she said dramatically.
"You are twenty-four years old, Fi. You can take care of yourself. And like I said, I'll come as soon as I can. Aren't some scientists saying that it will go away when the weather gets hot? That's not very far off."
"Fine. Neglect me during my time of need."
And then she hung up.
April and May saw increases in coronavirus cases and deaths. Masks became an accessory you didn't leave the home without, though leaving the home was only something you did when necessary. In June, things started to level off a bit. I decided that it was safe enough for me to travel to Los Angeles to be with Fiona and continue working on my fourth album.
Being separated had been rough but we texted, talked, and FaceTimed all the time. Eventually she stopped insisting that I come stay with her, which made the fact that I decided to surprise her even better.
I landed in LAX around noon and picked up my rented Range Rover. As I drove down the highway, I blasted "Rain on Me" while happily singing along, because it felt good to be back in California. In the hotel room I'd rented for the day to decontaminate, I threw the clothes I'd worn into a trash bag to wash later, showered, and put on an outfit that had been sealed in large ziplocked baggies. Then I drove to the same house I'd visited years ago when she'd told me she was having a party, and which recently had become like a second home to me.
I rang the bell but there was no answer. I knocked, just in case the doorbell was broken. Nothing. Disappointed, I took my keys from my pocket, but the house key I'd been in possession of for months didn't work. I walked back to my car and called her.
"Helloooo!" she sang out when she answered.
"Hi, sweetie. Where are you?" I asked.
"Oh just puttering 'round the house. Tidying up and all that."
"Great! You must not have heard me. Come open the door and let me in," I said happily.
"What?"
"I'm in your driveway. If you go to the living room you'll see me."
I looked up at the huge windows expecting to see my girlfriend appear.
"Shawn, you shouldn't just show up unannounced. That's rather rude," she scolded.
A terrible thought crept into my head. What if she was cheating and the guy was there right now? "Are you home alone?"
"Actually, no. I'm not home at all. I'm in Palm Springs with some of my friends. Lizzy rented a house and we're spending a week by the pool. You remember her, right? She's friends with Gigi. I didn't tell you about my vacay because I knew you'd disapprove. You're such a nervous nelly when it comes to covid."
I didn't want to get in a fight with her, so I chose not to launch into a lecture about how she shouldn't be socializing with the girls. There was a problem I needed to address. "I'm locked out of the house."
"Right...so I had the locks changed to much better ones. I was all alone for so long and I didn't feel safe, so it I had these fancy deadbolts installed," she explained.
"Is there a spare key hidden under a rock or something?"
She laughed. "That wouldn't be safe, now would it, love?"
"I guess I'll stay in a hotel until you get home. When will that be?" I asked.
"Just four days. Sorry! I had no idea you were coming."
We talked a minute more and then I drove down her driveway and back to the hotel. They added the extra days to my reservation and gave me a new keycard since I'd turned the old one in less than an hour ago.
I had two large suitcases with me since I'd decided to stay awhile, though it didn't really make sense to unpack them. Instead I pulled out what I'd need for the next few days. Then I went to my backpack and retrieved the black velvet ring box so that I could put it in the safe.
When I'd been researching Canadian travel restrictions, I'd learned that Fiona could enter my home country if we were married. Back in January, she'd hinted that a diamond ring would look beautiful stacked on top of her promise ring, but at the time I wasn't ready. In a recent phone conversation she'd told me that having been raised Catholic, she couldn't "live in sin" forever. Having a child out of wedlock was not a possibility. I'd really missed her during this separation and getting married meant she could come home with me, so I decided to move forward. I'd ordered a ring online, and I was supposed to propose tonight.
As I opened the hinged top and looked at the large diamond ring, an impulsive thought struck me. Palm Springs was less than two hours away. I could meet her there and pop the question. Obviously I wouldn't do it at the house with her friends present, but I knew she'd spend the night in a hotel with me. For fuck's sake...we hadn't seen each other since March. She had to be as eager for a reunion as I was! If we wanted, we could make the drive to Nevada and get married the next day.
I texted her.
Where are u staying?
I cant wait 4 days to see u ❤️❤️
A few seconds later, she replied. I stared at my phone in disbelief.
I am sorry but things aren't going to work out for us
You can pick up your things when I get home
Thanks for the lovely memories ❤️
Fiona had just dumped me via text.