I'd never been more uncomfortable in my entire life. I was sitting at the Burroughs family's festively decorated dining room table on Christmas Eve with Fiona on my left and Ceci on my right. Lisa and Eric had prepared a delicious dinner and the conversation was light and happy. I couldn't relax at all, however, because I could feel Ceci's animosity radiating out of her despite her cheerful demeanor. Meanwhile, my girlfriend was trying hard to win everyone's approval by being overly complimentary and sweet.
When we first arrived, Fiona had taken Lisa's hand and said, "I just love your home! It's so warm and inviting! I can picture myself curled up in front of a blazing fire reading a good book!"
"This beef is better than I've had at any fine restaurant in Europe!" she gushed as we ate.
"You'll have to give me this potato recipe so that I can make it for Shawn when we get back to L.A.!" she added a few seconds later.
"Ceci made them," Eric said. "What's the herb you used, hon?"
"Fresh rosemary," Ceci replied. "The recipe is very easy to make, otherwise I couldn't have done it."
"Are you not a cook?" Fiona asked.
"Not really," she said. "I've been known to be a bit of a disaster in the kitchen."
Eric coughed. "Understatement!"
"Most of the really bad incidents happened when I was younger. I like to think I've improved a little since middle and high school!" Ceci defended herself.
This reminded me of something.
"There was the time you made us pizza bagels for lunch. You put them in the oven and then we got distracted by playing Wii or something, and by the time we remembered, the kitchen was filled with smoke," I said, laughing loudly at the memory.
Then the whole scenario came back to me. It had been on one of my breaks from touring and I'd gone over to Ceci's since her parents were away for the day. Our lunch had burned because we'd been going at it on the couch and had lost track of time. I glanced to my right and saw that her cheeks were bright red. She must have remembered, too.
"How adorable!" my girlfriend said.
Fiona knew very little about my relationship with Ceci, other than the fact that we were childhood best friends, but of course Ceci knew all about Fiona. Actually, that wasn't true. Ceci had no idea how I'd gone from our "break-up" in June to bringing Fiona home for the holidays. I was sure she connected the obvious dots, but she was wrong if she thought I went running into Fiona's arms.
Nothing had happened until we'd run into each other at the party in September. From that point on, however, we'd been inseparable. She put her career on pause and joined me on tour in Asia, Oceania, South America, and Mexico. Fiona Slattery loved me, and the puppy love I'd felt for her as a teen grew into the real thing now that we were a couple.
Unfortunately, Fi was right about something she'd told me in July. It took a long time for my heart to forget Ceci. I spent many nights fucking my girlfriend in some luxury hotel on tour, and then falling asleep and dreaming about a girl in Toronto. Each morning I'd wake up and tell myself that those eleven days weren't real. We'd been impulsive and foolish, but it had been a mistake. Ceci had said I'd only wanted her because I couldn't have Fiona, and as time passed, I started to agree with this theory. If Ceci and I were meant to be together, we would have worked out.
"So Cecilia," Fiona said, leaning over so she could see her, "one day I want to build one of those stark modern homes on a beach, maybe in Malibu. Could I, or maybe I should say we, commission you to design it? I hear you're remarkably talented!"
"It would depend on whether the company I get a job with does residential work. I could end up in the commercial end of things," Ceci replied politely.
"Oh come now," Lisa said. "You've told Shawn for years that you would design his dream house. Couldn't you do it on the side?"
"I suppose, if I had time."
"Fiona, surely you don't want a home with that ultra-modern furniture that looks like it would hurt to sit on," my mum said.
"But that aesthetic so striking!" Fiona answered. "I think I'd prefer a home that looks good rather than one that feels good. We could always have a hidden room full of comfy pieces that we spent our time in. Wouldn't that be cute, Shawn?"
"I'd prefer to be able to sit on my living room sofa," I said with a forced chuckle.
"I will admit, the one at the condo is a dream to fall asleep on. Last night Shawn had to carry me to the bedroom because I'd conked out completely while we watched that silly old movie with the angel and the man who wants to jump off the bridge."
Aaliyah gasped. "The angel's name is Clarence and he's amazing! He convinces George Bailey that his life was worth living!"
Clarence. That made me think of Clarence Square and my confession of love for the woman sitting to my right. Had I felt her bristle when my sister said the name or was that my imagination?
"Oh I'm sure he was," Fiona said. "I was just so tired after spending the day walking around Toronto. Shawn is an amazing tour guide. I loved the Christmas Market."
"Which did you go to?" Lisa asked.
"The one in the historic distillery district," I told her.
"It was fun because we got to stop and have drinks as we shopped!" Fiona said.
"I saw that the two of you were photographed," my mum said. "I think I read one article that said you are 2019's hottest celebrity couple."
Fiona clapped her hands. "I love that! We do make a cute pair, if I do say so myself!"
Next to me, Ceci's chair scraped loudly as she abruptly got up. "If you'll excuse me, I'm going to go start the tea and coffee for dessert."
I wanted to help clear the table so that I could attempt a conversation with Ceci, but Fiona hooked her arm through mine, essentially keeping me captive at the table.
Later, I managed to get a second alone with her in the kitchen while Fiona used the restroom. Ceci was putting leftovers in the refrigerator and everyone else was in the family room.
"This is a little weird, eh?" I said in a forced lighthearted tone.
She spun around and spoke in a low voice. "Don't talk to me. I'm only here because I had to be, but I'll be damned if I'm going to make nice when no one else is around."
"I hate that we're like this," I whispered.
"This is how we're going to be from now on. I really hope you move to L.A. with her and just fucking stay there!"
"You don't mean that. I know you're mad, and you have every right to be. I'm really sorry about what happened, but at some point you need to try to forgive me. We're best friends!"
"No, we're not!" she said before closing the fridge and exiting the room to join everyone else.
"You and Ceci aren't particularly chummy for two people who've been best friends for most of their lives," Fiona observed when we were curled up in my childhood bed later that night. We'd decided it was easier to stay in Pickering than to drive back and forth.
"We grew apart. I was gone a lot and then she went off to college. I think it's pretty normal for that kind of thing to happen," I lied.
"But you're still close to all the guys."
I'd invited Brian, Matt, and Ian to the condo for drinks over the weekend. Fiona knew Brian from tour, but she hadn't met my other friends. They seemed a little in awe of her at first, but eventually they relaxed and we had a good night.
"It's different because...well because they are guys. Wouldn't you think it was weird if Ceci and I were super close?" I asked.
"I'd be insanely jealous! She's a gorgeous lass, so I'm quite pleased you're distant now. I can see why Brian loves her. She has that girl-next-door appeal that men are often drawn to."
"Not me," I said as I rolled on top of her. "I prefer the girl-from-Ireland look."