Prakash walked slowly towards the last flight of stairs, holding the cup of tea carefully. He had not found his sister in any of the rooms, which meant she had to be on the terrace.
He was startled to see her sitting on the steps, with her hands crossed over her knees, and her forehead resting on her arms.
"Di," he called out, his voice sharp with worry.
Nandini lifted her head, and gave her brother a subdued smile.
Prakash's thin shoulders relaxed visibly. Though she seemed stressed, her face was dry.
"Are you okay?" he asked doubtfully.
She started to reassure him, but then hesitated, and finally muttered, "I have a headache."
"Oh...okay," Prakash said thoughtfully. "Here, have this..."
Nandini smiled gratefully while taking the proffered cup of tea.
"Why didn't you go to your room to rest?" Prakash asked tentatively, sitting down near her.
"I thought I'll feel better if I take a walk on the terrace," she mumbled in between sips. "But it didn't help."
"You shouldn't have worked in the kitchen in the evening. Didn't I tell you to rest?" he said sternly.
"I walked for some time on a paved road in the morning, I didn't climb a mountain," Nandini said wryly. "And you know I usually go straight to work from the temple on Fridays."
"Yeah, yeah, I know. You are superwoman in the disguise of a hippopotamus," Prakash grumbled.
Nandini's free hand seized her brother's ear. "In the disguise of a what?" she demanded.
"A flower fairy," Prakash clarified hastily.
She released the ear and patted his cheek. "Smart boy."
As he frowned and rubbed the ear, Nandini tentatively asked, "What is Rajeshwari doing?"
"She got a call from a friend from abroad a while back, and she asked Maa for permission to talk in the guest room," Prakash shared with a baffled amusement. "Di came out of the room soon, but then she got another call and she went back inside to answer it and closed the door. She's still there, I think."
"Okay," Nandini murmured, relieved to know that Rajeshwari wasn't getting bored. She had let down Rajeshwari today. She would apologise for her failure and make up for it tomorrow. But today...today, she needed time to restore herself...
She drank up the rest of the tea quickly.
"How do you drink hot tea so fast?" Prakash asked, taking the cup from her hands.
"It's one of my superpowers," she said flippantly.
"Very funny. Now go to your room and rest," he instructed, getting up.
"Prakash, wait...what – what happened after I left?" Nandini asked hesitantly.
Prakash squirmed. "Prithvi bhaiya was about to take one of the cutlets, but then you left in a hurry...and he didn't take it. Maa was very angry, though she didn't show it at that time. She told him you weren't feeling well. Then she moved other dishes to the front, and moved your dishes away. She pestered him to eat one or two things, and he did...but he left very soon after that. Maa packed up the snacks and asked me to keep them in Ayodhya's kitchen, so he could have them later if he was hungry. But she didn't add the items that you had prepared. I asked her why...she said you had not made it with any interest or respect, and so she didn't want to give it to him," he mumbled. Then he charily said, "Di..."
Nandini looked up from her feet. "What is it? Why do you look so worried?" she asked concernedly.
Looking greatly discomfited, Prakash muttered, "I know you didn't like Prithvi bhaiya much when he used to live here. And...if you don't want me to be friends with him, I won't be," he said seriously.
Nandini stared at her brother in surprise, and then felt incredibly touched.
"Pikku, that was years ago," she exclaimed, striving to sound exasperated. "And I was being silly back then. There is no such problem now."
Relief brightened Prakash's face, but he scrutinised her intently. "You mean it, Di?"
"Of course, I do! You should behave well with him. If you don't, I'll beat you up," she warned, shaking a finger at him.
Prakash regarded her scornfully. "As if you could, you puny woman."
"Puny woman?" she yelped. "I'm ten times your size."
"Ha! So you admit you're a hippopotamus," he said smugly, and then bolted with a snort of laughter as she got up threateningly.
Nandini stood still for some minutes, then she began to descend the steps. She was nearing the landing for the first floor when she saw Rajeshwari approaching the stairway.
"Nandini, how are you feeling?" Rajeshwari asked anxiously, coming to a stop. "Prakash told me you have a headache. Do you want a painkiller? Come...I'll show you the ones in my kit."
"Oh, that's okay - it's a mild pain," Nandini said hastily, despising herself. "I can manage without medicines. Rajeshwari, I'm sorry for leaving like that," she mumbled. "You'd asked me to be near you when...but I couldn't..."
"I should be the one apologising," Rajeshwari said remorsefully. "For putting so much pressure on you. I'm sure that's why you have a headache. But you don't have to be worried anymore. Everything is fine now," she said excitedly, with a surprisingly happy look. "Half of my tension went away when I saw Prithvi. And then...I've just learnt that Priyamvada Bua has promised someone that she will not tell anyone about what happened," she whispered, her face shining with relief.
Nandini attempted to seem reassured by the news of Priyamvada's promise. "That's wonderful. I'm very glad..."
"I feel I can breathe again," Rajeshwari confessed, as they began to walk together towards Nandini's room. "And this is good for you too. It means you don't have to talk to Prithvi for me. You just have to be around me whenever it is possible...because I need to be strong to...keep lying," she sighed. "But I think that also won't be much of a problem, because Prithvi told me he has to complete a lot of work, and he will be very busy for some days. And when he's working, he doesn't think about anything else." She paused at the door and caringly said, "You should lay down for a while. And if you need medicines, let me know."
Nandini gave her an affectionate smile. "I will do that. And Rajeshwari, will it be fine if I'm...I'm not there during dinner?" she asked diffidently.
"Oh absolutely... You don't have to worry," Rajeshwari said, with an unusual confidence and cheer. "I will be fine for today."
"Thank you," Nandini said earnestly, then ruefully added, "I am sorry for all this."
"Please don't be," Rajeshwari said comfortingly. "You should rest now. I'll take my laptop and leave..."
Once Rajeshwari had left, Nandini unrolled the thick mattress on the floor and arranged the sheets neatly. She removed the clip from her hair, and placed it on the table. She glanced at her phone and responded mechanically to the messages and forwards. Then she lay down on the mattress on her left side, and curled up.
She was still lying down when Prakash came to her room to call her for dinner. When she told him she would have it later, he nodded clumsily, and did not insist that she accompany him.
She expected to wait for an hour at least before going downstairs, but dinner seemed to get over very quickly. Nevertheless, she waited for an extra while to be sure that Prithvi had left, then changed into her nightdress, draped a shawl around her shoulders, and went to the ground floor.
On the stairs, she passed by her mother, who maintained a frosty silence. But a covered plate of food was waiting for her on the dining table.
Rajeshwari, who seemed happier and calmer than before, and Prakash were watching a comedy show on television. Nandini watched it with them while having dinner. Then, under the pretext of wanting to watch a movie, she waited back in the living room for a considerable time after both of them had left.
Her eyes were on the screen, but her mind was far away...
Despite being aware of the absurdity of her thoughts and behaviour, she had strayed from the path of rationality frequently throughout the day. Humiliation and sorrow had knocked common sense into her only for a brief period. And even when she'd believed she was composed and in control of her heart, she'd actually been driven by mindless emotions alone, behaving almost exactly as she had years ago...
She had to admit to herself now that, on some deep level, she had nurtured a miniscule hope that she could have at least a cordial relationship with him...that she would be able to see him at times, and maybe have a friendly conversation once in a while.
But that was clearly out of the question...
Yet, she was also certain that this clarity and calmness were temporary. Her feelings were too strong to be tamed that easily. Tomorrow...day after...and maybe even after that, she would probably commit more mistakes and continue to behave like a feckless moron around him.
But she would return to normal after she grew accustomed to his presence again, Nandini thought doggedly. Or after he left Shamli.
She flinched involuntarily at the thought...
**********************************
Prithvi strode along the path that cut through the woods. The moonlight was sufficient for him to see the way. The rustling noises and other sounds of the creatures that resided in the woods gradually grew louder. But he continued to advance steadily on the rough road with neither hesitation nor care.
His pace reduced only when an age-old structure came into view in the moonlight.
Prithvi gazed at its shadowed contours for some moments, then sauntered towards it contemplatively.
This was one of the places that had almost always soothed him, and it was also the place that had brought peace to his father's heart. It was a tenuous link, but he was thankful for anything that helped him connect with the man who had sired him...
He paused when he reached the locked doors. He wondered how big an outrage would be caused if he asked Bhoothnath for permission to break the lock. It wasn't the first time he had thought about it. But he had not considered it with any real seriousness until now.
Prithvi walked ahead and took a seat on the steps. Then he gazed around the spot casually.
How many times had he come to this place in search of solace...
If he'd had the faintest idea of how f****** up his life was going to be in five years, he would have cherished the life he had led until then. It was almost funny to think of the nineteen-year-old who had thought he was fully acquainted with pain. But in truth, he hadn't really known the meaning of it at that time.
And until some time ago, he had thought he had learnt a little from the heart-warming experiences that had come his way, and that he had changed because of it.
He had developed the ability to detach himself from everything that was going on around him, and view it without being entangled in the drama, like a neutral viewer watching a movie that he was only enduring because he had nothing better to do. He didn't have any interest in his life, but he had learnt to tolerate the dreary, tedious nature of his world. Through a long and painful process, he had acquired an iron grip over his temper and his words. He relaxed the stranglehold over both only during the delightful conversations with the queen mother...
Eventually, he had actually grown to believe that he had killed and cremated the old version of himself.
But just one fleeting encounter at a stepwell had been sufficient to clear all those misconceptions, and to help him understand that he had merely locked up his former self in a ventilated room with a paper-thin door...
The intensity of his reaction that morning had stunned him to the extent that he had doubled the duration of his planned stay in the hills. He had not let the series of infuriating problems change his mind because of a stark awareness that he needed that period of time in solitude to control the chaos within him.
One message had been sufficient to overturn his plans.
He could have handled the matter from the mountains and stuck to his plans. But he had decided instantly to travel to Shamli solely because he had wanted to ensure that Rajeshwari was fine. At any rate, that was the story he had told himself.
He'd planned to stop at the hotel where Disha was put up, get her version of the story in person, and then he had intended to rent a room and rest for some hours. But without making a conscious decision about it, he had travelled straight to Ayodhya...just in time to see Nandini...walking barefoot on a road that must have felt uncomfortably cold...
The experience of being in Ayodhya after years had been more intense and troubling than he'd expected. But he'd been fine...until he had sensed someone approaching the room...
Later...a thousand years later...after she had left the room, he had succeeded in shutting down the melodrama going on in his head. And he had believed that he had cleared the trial by fire. During the talk in the living room, his mind had been under his control, and he had been able to converse with Nandini as normally as it was possible for him. He'd even felt impelled to make coffee for her because she'd looked fatigued. But that had just been an act of kindness for another human being, nothing more. Though it was to be noted that his compassion had not extended to making even a cursory effort to find out if he could have made tea, which was her favourite drink.
By and large, the meeting had been going on well - until she had smiled.
And that one smile had derailed his mood so thoroughly that he had struggled to return to normal for hours...
He was not going to go near the reasons for his bullying behaviour and the immature actions that had followed. The farthest he could go was to acknowledge that the smile had triggered something in him, and it had taken him the better part of the day to regain some scrap of objectivity and detachment. But in the evening, when he had seen her...and the tear-glazed eyes, the antagonism along with other conflicted emotions had come back to life. He'd been aware of his growing irritation during the time that she'd stood apart from...everyone, and had cautiously reflected over the cause while talking to the others in the room. The answer had come as a ghastly shock to him.
He'd been waiting to see her smile...
Then she had left hurriedly, and instead of improving his temperament, her departure had made him angrier...
When he had returned to Ayodhya, the marks on the floor were gone, the sheets in his room had been changed, and the room had been aired out...taking away the sweet and soothing fragrance...
Afterwards, on the terrace, the instant he had seen her he had known that the most sensible thing to do would have been to leave. Although he had intended to talk to her about Rajeshwari, he'd planned to wait until he had calmed down before bringing up the sensitive subject.
But he hadn't left.
With shimmering images from the past whirling around him, he had continued to stand near the doors...waiting...waiting. However, she had seemed unaware of anything other than whatever fascinating events were taking place in front of her. And his anger had blazed up again, along with a cold brutishness...
And then it had taken just one look of her devastated face to quieten a mayhem that had seemed uncontrollable until then.
He wasn't sure of how long he had stood on the terrace with a deathly emptiness inside him, which had worsened when he had not seen her at dinner...
Prithvi remained lost in thought for some time, and then he rose from the steps and walked away. At the curve in the path, he turned once to look at the temple that was enveloped in moonlight.
Although the weight on his shoulders hadn't reduced, his mind was much clearer.
It was natural for him to feel so perturbed to be back in this town that held numerous haunting memories, Prithvi reasoned as he strolled back to the house. But he didn't intend to dwell on bygone days and let them usurp his time or attention. Most memories of the past were based on illusions and imagination, and had no connection with reality. In any case, they certainly didn't have any place in his life now.
Now he just had to build a stronger wall between him and the darkest parts of his mind. And if he could learn to endure a human being like his mother for a major portion of each year, he could do anything, Prithvi thought jadedly as he emerged from the shadows of the woods and entered the locality.
As he approached the house, his eyes were drawn to the lights in Vrindavan's living room. The doors were slightly open.
Prithvi paused at Ayodhya's gate, gazing at the adjoining house. Then he irritably opened the gate and walked to the doors, which he had merely bolted from the outside before going for the stroll. In the living room, he slumped down on the couch, feeling weary and disgruntled.
He looked idly at the small chocolate, encased in a white and gold wrapping, lying on the centre table. Prakash had insisted that he should take a chocolate from the colourful batch in the bag, and he had half-heartedly selected this one.
Prithvi picked it up absently and was starting to tear open the wrapper when he heard an indistinct sound from the adjoining yard.
He quickly glanced out of the window through which the yard of the adjoining house was visible...
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Nandini concentrated on locking the gates quickly so that she could get back into the house. But she kept choosing the wrong key out of the four on the keychain. Thankfully, a thick portion of her hair had tumbled over her left side, concealing her face.
She cursed the keys angrily in her mind. Apparently chastised, the right one finally made its appearance.
Relieved, Nandini straightened and started to return to the house, not looking at the man standing on the other side of the gate between the houses.
"Wait," a male voice muttered.
She did not look at the source of the request, and continued to walk coolly to the doors.
"Nandini," Prithvi said sharply. But the frown on his face disappeared in the next second, and his skin turned faintly red.
Meanwhile, Nandini had stopped again, immobilised by shock on hearing her name in that voice after years...
Taking a deep breath, she turned to look at him guardedly.
The artificial light streaming from the windows of the houses provided only a weak background illumination for both of them. But she would have preferred to have even lesser light. She didn't want to discern his emotions and she didn't want hers to be understood either.
Pulling together her shawl, Nandini walked up to the gate and automatically chose to stand at the same distance that he had maintained from the gate.
"Yes?" she asked formally.
"I'm sorry about...earlier," Prithvi said quietly. "I shouldn't have said that. And whatever I said and did in the morning too...I know I shouldn't have. To be honest, it's disturbing to be back here," he admitted with a shrug. "But that's my problem. Not yours. I'll try to deal with it better from now on."
Astounded, she stared at him, unable to believe that she was receiving an apology...one that was so transparently honest and sincere. But it was the admission that he was not immune to...everything...that shocked her the most. However, this time, there was no sense of anything being unreal or a product of her imagination. This wasn't a familiar stranger. This was him.
An intimidatingly strong gush of feelings nearly choked her.
But Nandini remained composed. In a low but steady voice, she said, "Thank you for...but I was wrong too. I shouldn't have done all that in the morning. I didn't have the right. I crossed a line, but it won't happen again. And you were right about what you said in the evening. It's important to set some boundaries for...as long as you'll be staying here."
He was silent for a moment or two, then casually said, "Sounds wonderful, but what exactly do you have in mind?"
"I might have to talk to you if my family and Rajeshwari are around," Nandini murmured. "But otherwise...I will not interact with you or disturb you in any way, unless it's really necessary."
"That is very kind of you, but you should postpone the resolution to tomorrow," Prithvi advised.
Trying to ignore the sting in his first statement, she warily asked, "Why?"
"I still need to talk to you about my sister. But it could be a difficult conversation," Prithvi said candidly. "This whole day has already been rough enough on both of us...and I want to be in a better frame of mind before talking to you about Rajeshwari. I cannot afford to say anything more that could offend you until I'm in Shamli," he added with a dash of concern.
Nandini's forehead crinkled. "What do you mean by that?" she asked gingerly.
"Well, I will be eating the food prepared in your house for the next few days," Prithvi said seriously. "Earlier, at dinner, I had to wait till I was sure everyone was having the same food as me before I started to eat. I cannot handle so much stress during each meal."
She gaped at him in astonishment, taken aback by the unexpected levity. Then a dazzling joy coursed through her...
"Don't you think you're underestimating me?" Nandini enquired lightly, striving to repress a giggle. "I wouldn't poison anything that comes from the kitchen in my own house. So, if you happen to upset me again, you should start being cautious about eating food that comes from elsewhere," she cautioned, her lips twitching.
He considered her with a wry amusement. "Thanks for the warning."
Nandini offered an impish smile in response, then courteously said, "Good night," and started to return to the house. The conversation had been unexpected in the best possible way, and it had given her more peace than she deserved, and if she left now, she would have one more sweet memory to hold close to her heart...
"Wait," he said quickly.
She turned to him quizzically.
Prithvi felt confused for a second. Then he remembered that he was holding something in his hands. He extended the chocolate to her, holding it by the tip of the wrapping.
"An entire chocolate...filled with very expensive alcohol," he stated solemnly.
Startled, she looked at him confusedly in the dim light. There was a hint of an amused smile on his face.
A piercingly sweet, fuzzy happiness radiated through Nandini, bringing a sparkle into her beautiful eyes.
With a very soft laugh, she grasped the other edge of the wrapper to take the chocolate from him, and then smiled down at the shiny object in her hand.
However, the rush of delirious joy had to compete with a violent throbbing in her heart...because of the emotions associated with the two beautiful memories that he had evoked through a few words...and the ease and casualness with which he had brought up those moments...
But she looked up at him and smiled. "Thank you."
Looking inexplicably subdued again, he offered a faint nod.
There was nothing more to be said for the moment...nothing more that could be done to prolong it...
They stood in a vaguely comfortable silence for a few moments. But a deep uneasiness had been hovering around them from the very beginning, and now its prickly tendrils began to penetrate the quietness...inching towards the core of the silence, seeking to rouse the colossal yet helpless creature that had been trapped in a nightmare-filled slumber for a long time.
Nandini looked awkwardly at the keys and the chocolate in her hands. She had changed her mind. She did not want to be the one to end the talk and leave. She had made a sweeping declaration that she would not interact with him henceforth unless it was necessary. He had said the conversation about Rajeshwari could be difficult - which meant this would probably be the last time she had a normal, friendly talk with him. If she went back on her words tomorrow or in the coming days, it would give the impression that she'd only been waiting for him to show some sign of friendliness before...no, that was out of the question. It had to be his decision to leave, so that she wouldn't wonder if there was something more that she could have said...
In the semi-darkness, she glanced up hesitantly, and encountered his quiet gaze.
The moonlit night seemed to tremble.
The stillness between them pulsated with the uncontainable strength of raw emotions that couldn't be voiced...
...of the smouldering torment of questions that were burdened with an intolerable pain...
...and of the anguished regrets of the answers that were trapped in a cage of their own making...
But the turmoil subsided slowly.
And then there was only the softest...the tenderest...the most vulnerable of emotions...
And the most excruciating but sweetest of aches at the heart of it.
He took an uncertain step towards her.
She recoiled with a shaky breath, and then lowered her gaze...a stirringly beautiful picture of abject misery and despair...
Prithvi's features hardened instantly. Rage and hurt towered up again, and all else was buried again under their formidable might...
He swivelled and walked into Ayodhya and slammed the doors shut.
Nandini stood alone for a while. Then she dragged her feet back into the house. She closed the door and then leaned weakly against it, looking at the chocolate in her hand with moist eyes.
She placed the other hand against the unnaturally hot skin of her throat. Her heart was still pounding hysterically...
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