It was a typical Sunday dinner at home with the Burroughs as our guests. My parents had prepared a roast, and we were sitting at the table discussing the fact that I was leaving in two days.
"I can't believe you're headed back on the road so soon," Lisa said as she passed me the bowl of mashed potatoes. "It feels like you just finished your tour."
"This one is exclusively to promote Handwritten, although towards the end I'll include some songs off the new album," I told her.
"You've been working on it a lot, eh?" Eric said.
"The writing process started awhile ago, but now we're recording. When I'm home between legs of the tour, I'll be at the studio in Toronto a lot of the time."
"You'll be missed at school," Ceci said.
I was pretty sure she meant she'd miss me in particular, though it was hard to say. We kept things between us as unsentimental as possible to prevent any confusion. That didn't mean that things didn't occasionally cross into that territory. Often, after having sex, there'd be this intense moment of tenderness between us. More than once I'd abruptly hopped out of bed (or off the couch) to dispose of the condom because I was flustered by my feelings.
"At least I'll be there at graduation," I said.
"What about prom?" my mum asked, though she knew the answer to that.
"Not really my thing," I said as I reached for the rolls.
"After walking red carpets, it's probably like going from a regular bike to a tricycle," Eric theorized.
"It's more that I feel strange being a part of that when I've been gone so much. Graduation is one thing because I did the work with my tutor. Prom is different."
"I'm skipping prom, too," Ceci announced. "For different reasons, of course."
"You should reconsider that," her mom said sternly. "Just because you don't like any of the high school boys doesn't mean you can't go with some girls and have fun. You'll regret missing it when you're older."
"In thirty years, if I feel a huge hole in my life because I didn't go to prom, I'll call you up and let you say 'I told you so,' if that'll make you happy," Ceci said sassily.
"I'll hold you to that," Lisa replied.
"Why don't you two just go together?" Aaliyah suggested. "If you don't like it, you can just leave."
"Brilliant idea!" Lisa gushed before exchanging a smile with my mum.
"Brian would kill me," I said.
"He's still got that crush?" my dad asked incredulously.
"Yes. He has a very hard time taking a hint," I stated.
"Do I need to look into a restraining order?" Eric joked. Or at least I thought he was joking.
Ceci let out an exasperated sigh. "Can we please stop talking about this?"
The subject changed to the bathroom remodeling project the Burroughs had recently started. I could tell that Ceci was still uncomfortable, so I reached under the table and gave her thigh a quick squeeze.
"As a realtor, I can say with confidence that the work you're doing is a great investment. You'll get every penny back should you sell the house," my mom said after Lisa had described what was being done.
"We've actually talked about downsizing after we retire. We bought our four bedroom house thinking we needed the room, but then we didn't. It's kind of crazy for the two of us to live there alone after our baby goes off on her own," Eric said.
"Speaking of...are you excited about going to U of T in the fall?" my mum asked Ceci.
My brilliant best friend had gotten into Toronto to study architecture. She'd been on the fence about whether to major in that or engineering, but ultimately her love of designing houses won out. I told her all the time that one day she'd be designing my dream home.
"I can't wait! It'll be really fun to live in the city. I keep thinking of all the museums and galleries I can visit on the weekends," Ceci said.
"There are a lot of cool bars, too," I said.
"Very funny," Eric said as he wagged a finger at me. "Cecilia isn't the type to spend her college years partying."
Lisa laughed. "Because we never partied when we were in school? Honestly Eric, you've got to accept that your daughter is going to do some normal college things like go out, have a beer or two, and meet boys."
He plugged his ears. "Nope! I can't hear you!"
Everyone laughed except Ceci who just glared at her dad.
Later, the two of us were sitting at opposite end of my basement couch. Aaliyah had just gone upstairs to bed, and I was hoping that Ceci would move closer to me.
"What did your mom mean when she said they thought they'd need a big house," I asked.
"My parents tried to have another baby for fifteen years. They even did IVF and it didn't work. They bought our house because they thought it would happen eventually. That's why my mom used to drive a minivan, too. She assumed she'd fill it with another couple kids."
"Shit. I had no idea. That must have been rough," I said. "They never considered adoption?"
"For years they were confident my mom would get pregnant, and then as time went on, they started to accept that maybe having only one child was their fate so they never pursued any other options."
I turned on the TV and flipped through the channels until we came to a cooking show.
"C'mere, baby," I whispered softly as I patted my lap.
Instead of crawling over to me, she shook her head. "I think we should talk."
"About what?"
"You're leaving on tour and it's going to continue into my first semester at school. I think it would be best if we went back to a less physical relationship. I want to go to college without anything holding me back."
"I hold you back?"
"From dating, yes."
"I thought our deal was that we weren't exclusive. We're both free to see other people, and then when we're together, we can pick up where we left off," I said.
"Have you had sex with anyone other than me?"
"No."
"I haven't been with anyone else, either. I feel that once one of us does date or hook-up with someone else, it'll be weird for the two of us. I don't know how I feel about you having sex while you're on the road and then coming home to bang me just because I'm always here for you."
I'd never thought of it that way and it bothered me a little that she did.
"You make it sound cheap," I said bitterly.
"Friends with benefits isn't exactly a classy arrangement," she countered. "And it gets really complicated if there are other people receiving those same benefits."
"Do you want me to say I won't fuck around with anyone else?"
"That's not a reasonable thing for one friend to ask of another," Ceci said.
"I wish you'd given me some sort of warning so that I could adjust to the idea. This is so out of the blue. Wouldn't it make more sense to start this when you go to school?" I asked.
I was going to be home for over two months between the European and North American legs of my tour, and I'd been looking forward to spending lots of quality time with Ceci.
"I feel like it's probably best to do this now. It might be hard during the time you're home, but we'll be fine. I like to think that our friendships outweighs the sex, and I hope you feel the same way."
I rolled my eyes. "Obviously you're my best friend first, but you can't deny that what we have is pretty fucking spectacular."
"What we had. Past tense," she corrected.
"You know we had a very similar conversation once before," I told her.
"The hotel bathtub."
"Exactly. And look how that turned out. I think it's easy for you to get it in your head that we shouldn't be together in a sexual way, but when we're alone, we always tend to end up messing around. There's a lot of chemistry between us and I don't know that either of us is strong enough to not give in."
"Then I guess this will be a challenge," she said defiantly, "but I'm pretty sure I can resist you."