Previously:
...who am I to deserve her love as the year of the cat?
All I want to be able to do is hug her... even once
"Do you know how babies are made?"
"Kazuma has news for you..."
---
"It's been silent for almost twenty minutes, Master. You sure you can't tell me on the way? Not like anyone can hear."
"I'm sure, Kyo. To be honest with you, I have been keeping what I need to tell you for a long while. I'm just not sure how to break it to you. There is no easy way."
"Is it about Tohru?"
"No, but it will be detrimental to her as well as you. That is all I am going to say right now. If you want my help I suggest not pushing it."
"I understand, Master."
I have to protect Tohru at all costs, even at the cost of my own happiness. I need to be selfless for her, for the one that does not have a selfish bone in her body. To make a decision completely for her own benefit. Even if it destroys me.
Those ten more minutes to the dojo went by like ten more hours. The only sound inlaying my ears is the unrest brought upon by the trees and my strained thoughts. Usually, I wouldn't mind the nature, but "...it will be detrimental to her as well..."
Master opened the slide door for me and I entered, sitting at his table.
"Kunimitsu, do you mind going out for awhile? I need to speak to my son."
Son. That never gets old.
"Of course, I'll leave immediately."
"Thank you, Kunimitsu."
Kunimitsu nods and heads out the door. I watch him until I cannot see him anymore, afraid to face Master.
"Kyo, I have been contemplating the many ways I could break it to you. I have even considered interpretive dance," he forces a chuckle. "I came to the realization that the most efficient way is to just say it to you straight out," Master takes a deep breath. "Do you remember when I was called out of the house while Tohru and you visited?"
"When we made curry?"
"Exactly, the one who called me in was your biological father."
"What?! That bastard! What did he want!?"
"He thinks you should be like my grandfather was, locked up."
"I already know that," I was cracked before but now I feel as though I am in pieces. I knew deep down but I did what I always do. I hid.
"You do? Did he contact you?"
"No, I just knew. I was surprised to be out like this for as long as I have been."
"I told him that I do not care about who tries to get in my way, I will keep you safe."
"You can try all you like, Master. If Akito asks me, you know I cannot fight him. The bond is too strong."
"I believe that you can fight it. You have a newfound motivation. You have Tohru. I like to think that I am a motivation for you as well."
"After what I am about to do, Tohru won't want to be around. I am not going to drag her through the mud on my account," I start to sob like I never have before.
...who am I to deserve her love as the year of the cat? Especially when her love will be stuck behind bars for just existing.
"You shouldn't make any premature decisions. I see where you are coming from, don't get me wrong. Just imagine how Tohru will feel."
"Is it worth the pain of feeling lead on and abandoned without any control? At least this way she will feel like I made the decision and I don't know, maybe have more respect for it."
"She will still feel abandoned no matter when you do not coexist."
"The longer I keep her around the more attached she will get. And anyways, that damn rat will take care of her when I'm gone."
"He will be the first to know? Not even Tohru?"
"He will be the only one to know."
"How do you plan to keep this from her? You still live together."
"After this stupid school project, I'll do what I have to do and leave."
"What is it you have to do?" I stayed silent. "Well than, just a word of advice, if you can't even bring yourself to say it, than maybe you should think about the situation some more."
"Break her heart," I said it. I meant it. I disdained it but I know that there is no other viable option. I rather rip the Band-Aid off right now so she has time to heal before I am locked up. "How long do I have?"
"He wants you put away as soon as possible, but at least until graduation. Son, I will be fighting for you. I will give it my all and hopefully you can go back to her if it is not too late."
"It will be. Besides, it doesn't matter, she deserves better than the cat or any of us for that matter. Better than this dark and twisted family."
"Very well, stay in touch. I hope you reconsider. Please come visit, I'll be spending most my time brainstorming."
"Goodbye, Master."
As soon as I left the Sohma walls, I picked a direction and ran. I came across a path with untamed and unforgiving branches. They marked my face and the blood dripped down my cheek. My eyes watered from getting wack. Still, nothing compared to the aches I felt internally. Adrenaline continued to push me forward. I reached a clearing with nothing but a cherry tree that was yet to bloom and a cliff overlooking the town.
I fell to the ground, gasping for air.
I want to spend every waking hour with you, Tohru. I don't want to ruin the happiness that I strove for. I want to see that goofy smile, and pat your head just to feel close to you. Hold your hand every time you get clumsy. Despite all of that, I know you deserve better than me! All I do is take everything away from you! All I do is hurt you! So, I have to leave after the project. Just to make sure I don't let you down more than I have already, and so I can enjoy your presence as much as I can even if you will hate me. Even if I have to act stone-cold. Even though... its for my own selfish reason that I am staying even that much longer.
I sat down at the edge of the cliff. I fixated less on my thoughts and more on everything around me. The wind, the blood and tears running down my face, the quaking of my body, that damn rosary that was a constant reminder of the monster that I am. All until I could no longer hold all my thoughts back.
I am a monster. Does she really even want a monster? Does she just pity me? Is she with me just to feel better about herself, and her unfortunate life!?
Before I even realized I was punching the tree. When I got up from my spot, I have no clue. I feel numb. My fists are bruised and bleeding. All I could do was stare, mind blank. Am I still crying? Am I still standing? Or have I fallen?h By the time I shook out of it, stars were starting to creep through and the sky was darkening. I turned toward where I came and I limped through the trees, feeling the toll my whole body has taken.
By the time I arrived at the house, my blood had dried and the only light was from the moon and inside. I took off my shoes as I entered the still house. I could hear my tears hit the floor. Apparently, I had not finished crying.
On the table, there was a note placed on a plate of food covered by a cloth.
"Made some salmon, your favorite! I love you! (P.S. I went to the store and picked up a new carton of milk for you) -T"
I couldn't help but just stare. I saw the note get droplets on it but it didn't matter. I put the note in my pocket, picked up the plate of food and placed it in the fridge.
"I'm not hungry,"I stated out loud just to hear some noise.
"You've been gone awhile, stupid cat,"the damn rat sneaked up on me, how is a mystery.
"Don't worry, I'll be out of here after the baby project or whatever the hell it is."
"What happened with Master?"
"Why the hell do you care!?"
"Because, based on how you look it seems like it has something to do with Miss Honda. And you leaving definitely has something to do with her."
"Fine! The truth is, I'll soon be locked up like Masters grandfather. You happy?!"
"How are you going to break it to Miss Honda?"
"I can't. That's why I'm going to leave."
"I would like to celebrate but I'm afraid you can't do that, dumb cat."
"Watch me!"
"That aside, you haven't answered my question, what about Miss Honda?"
"You have always been better for her than I have been."
"She doesn't want me though. She wants you."
"We both know she can find better!" Yuki looked aghast. Whether it was because I admitted to not being as worthy as I always say I am or he thinks I'm giving up on her, which... no. This is for the best.
"When are you getting caged?"
"After graduation, why does it matter."
"I want to watch."
"Whatever, damn rat. I'm going to wash up."
~.~.~
I don't know why I don't just tell him to stay. Tell him to fix the mess he made instead of running away. Am I really so selfish? So selfish that I put my own feelings ahead of his and more so, Miss Honda's? I have to figure out something before graduation. For Miss Honda.
KYO, WHAT ARE YOU THINKING, amright? I know, I know, I'm sorry :( This story needs that juice though, you know? Anyways, hope you enjoyed chapter 2! Don't worry I'll wipe your tears away <3 (as long as you do the same for me) Teehee adios! (I decided to post this a bit earlier than I planned <3)
Posted: 9/17/2020
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