Playlist: Lose - NIKI
✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ༶• ┈┈ ⛧ ┈ ♛ ♛ ┈ ⛧ ┈┈ •༶ *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧
Mornings were your favourite. You always loved the way it felt like a new beginning every single time you opened up your eyes after a deep slumber. Even if the clouds tried to cover up the sun, or even when some mornings filled with droplets of rain, you loved to wake up, especially with him by your side.
"Hey." The low morning voice brimmed your eardrums, making you turn your face away from the window, "I haven't woken you up yet."
His brown orbs gazed over your figure that currently sat near the window pane. In his eyes, you were an angel; one that left him wondering about what kind of saint he was in his past life.
"Guess I am a changed woman now, huh?" You answered playfully, mind still couldn't wrap the fact that you had lost something important.
Memories.
A crucial aspect of life for your own movie. It felt incomplete as you moved forward every day with scenes cut off forcefully from your mind.
"Yes, you are." He answered truthfully with a bitterness dripped from his words, "You are a changed woman, but it's for the better."
Is it?
You chuckled softly at his bluntness; from the four years you were in a relationship with him, you never got tired of hearing all the words that he said. It was refreshing to know he would never sugarcoat things. From that fact only, you knew that every word came from his heart.
Whether it was some hurtful truth about your flaws, or a sweet compliment about your personality. You knew that he was just. And you didn't have to be afraid to hear any lies.
He walked towards you as his gaze still embellished with the same old love that he had since years ago. It felt surreal to see you here with his shirt, as if the last two years never happened.
As if the last two years you belonged to someone else was just an illusion.
His finger untangled the messy strands of your hair, gently, because he remembered how you hate when your hair has split ends. You leaned your head subconsciously on his abdomen, mustering a smile to appear on his face with how peaceful you looked at the moment.
It was almost a week since he brought you back from the hospital. He saw nothing in you — nothing in your mind, nothing in your eyes. Your orbs were searching for him. Yes, him, Kita Shinsuke. Not his underclassmen, not anyone else. You were calling out his name.
He couldn't believe how Suna didn't even search for you; Suna didn't even call him back after he called so many times. But then again Kita was selfish now, as he thought that this may be how the universe gave you back to him.
Letting you go was a mistake from the start. If everything was fine you wouldn't be here with him, with stitches on the soft skin of your head and no memories for the past years.
"Hey, my angel?" His voice sounded desperate as tears never stopped cascading down his cheek, "Please wake up." He pleaded, wanting to see the beautiful orbs that belonged to you.
Counting every second since you laid on the hospital bed, he couldn't believe that after months of never seeing your face, this would be the sight that he had to behold. The room filled with the odor of medicine and alcohol, light shone bright on top of the bed so he could see any movement that you may produce.
He held your hand as it was his lifeline, he needed to feel your skin, and he wanted you to know that someone would be there for you when you wake up. His eyes flickered to his phone that he put on the bed, waiting for some explanation or answers from your fiancé.
But he gave up when minutes went by and there was nothing that popped on the notification.
Kita felt his breath hitch when he felt your hand tugged on his. A small whimper rolled from your lips, forehead scrunched up as if you were searching for something before your eyes finally flickered open.
Those orbs, looking back at his face like he was the only human on earth. He chuckled with relief when you eyed him softly, no panic evidence in your expression. The next second he stood up and cupped your cheek, planting a gentle, loving kiss to your forehead as the last tears that fell turned into droplets of joy.
You let out a chuckle, still the same sound of heaven that always put his heart at ease with how smooth it slipped from your lips. His body trembled a little, so you decided to slithered your hand on his hair, caressing it softly to calm him down.
"Did I make you worry?" Such a funny question coming from you, and he could only shake his head in disbelief with how cheery you were even after you just woke up from the dark slumber, "How can I be here anyway? Aren't we going on a date just now?"
"I am sorry, what?" He pulled away from you, scrutinizing the contort of your face to search for any evidence about you joking around.
But no, he couldn't find any as you now looked at him with the same confusion.
In the next instant he backed away completely and dashed outside, leaving you there to contemplate what was happening in front of your eyes just now. Just this evening, you remembered well about how Kita wanted to go to this seasonal market street.
You and him, hand interlaced to each other as the streetlight accompanied the two of you in the crowded area. He had this glimmer appear on his brown orbs when he saw a set of wooden cutlery, saying it would suit the house and added more aesthetic — bonus because you had taken a liking to it too.
So now you felt lost, you didn't remember that you drank a lot of alcoholic beverages that could make you pass out. You didn't remember anything about banging your head to a hard surface. You didn't remember anything.
You just remembered him.
Kita came back to you a few minutes after that, with still a panicked look that was visible even with his facade. With a doctor by his side, his gaze fell towards the doctor as they shared a meaningful look.
"Shin...? What is it?" You could feel your heart thumping a little bit faster than usual, afraid that something worse happened to you. Your boyfriend looked at you with guilt before he sat beside you, one hand cupping your cheek.
"I need you to listen to me, my angel." He whispered softly as his eyes never left your face, "Can you do that?"
You nodded, feeling the love radiated from him with how his thumb grazed on your skin, "Can you tell me where is Suna probably right now? And what is your relationship with me, maybe? If that is not too much for you." You blinked twice and thrice, feeling a lump on your throat as you tried to process his simple question.
"Rin in Tokyo of course, having a match if I am not mistaken. I told you that already. " He furrowed his eyebrows at your response. But you continued, "And our relationship? We are lovers, four years and thriving!"
He bit his lips once you completed your sentence, heads hanging low as he tried to search for the easiest way to explain the predicament.
Worry lingered on your face, eyes flickered in between your lover and the doctor who currently jolted down in fury about what happened in this room.
"Listen to me, okay?" He looked up at you once again, now with a more calmed expression, "Suna Rintarou was back in Hyogo. At least for now and the next few days."
"Alright... Then?"
"About our relationship," He swallowed a huge lump as you could see tears started to brim in at the corner of his eyes, "You are not mine anymore, my angel. Ah — you are not my angel. Not anymore."
You groaned as your mind started to wander once again, curious about why you would break up with him. From how he looked at you, you knew that he still loves you. So what kind of force that could possibly tear you apart from him?
Your eyes focused on the road as you sat there with silence. Practically just stared into space, following your boyfriend like a doll as he pulled the string. Kita was silent the whole time, being sus about where he was going to take you today.
There was not even music playing in the background, something odd since usually he had this playlist for driving that made him feel calm. Two and a half years could change someone, you stupid. You always remind yourself that he was not your boyfriend anymore, but you couldn't. Not when you felt like five days ago you still became one with him.
"Say, Shinsuke." He asked you to call him with his full first name, saying that since the two of you split up you always called him like that—and of course so his heart wouldn't crave to open up the old chapter of his life.
"Yes?"
"Why didn't you tell me the reason why we broke up?" His grip on the steering wheel tightened, but relaxed once again not long after, "And maybe tell me what the hell I have been through for the last two years?"
You needed some answer, some kind of explanation. It was as if he put you in the dark as days went by with you losing a big chunk of yourself. But his lips didn't part at all, though his eyebrows furrowed a little.
"I did tell you."
"When? Why didn't I remember anything then?"
"I told you two days after you were out of the hospital." The car turned into a quiet neighbourhood, one that you felt you were familiar with, "But before I finish talking, you passed out."
"Oh," You frowned at this, feeling so helpless and relaxed yourself on the passenger seat. He glanced towards you, letting out a long sigh with how frustrated you looked right now.
It was a sight that he never saw in four years of relationship that you shared with him. Not even once you looked this stressed at the point you wanted to cry. The most harried look he ever saw you was probably when the two of you decided about which couple mug to buy, or what movie that you were going to pick for the night.
"I called the doctor after that," With eyes still focused on the road, he opened up his lips to fill the silence — trying to at least distract you from your spiralling mind, "They said forcing information on you would hurt you more. I should do things little by little, talk things out subtly, taking you to places..."
"Like what you are doing now?" You turned your head to see him, listening thoroughly to the man that once(?) owned your heart.
He gave you a slight nod, "Where are you taking me, though?"
"You'll see. You'll see."
A little smirk (such a surprise) slowly appeared on his face. As if he was confident that this plan could at least recover some fragment of your faded memory.
You gazed towards the scenery outside, gasping at how beautiful the place you were in right now. The car rolled down to the sandy beach, so quiet that you thought it was a private place. Like the child you were, you unlocked the car keys by yourself and got down the second he parked.
He chuckled softly with how carefree you looked right now. The wind blew your hair, hurling all over your face — some even stuck on your mouth. But you didn't care at all as you ran to the open water, kicking your shoes before you slid yourself on the cold substance.
The water lapped at your feet, bubbling like brine. Even though the sun impaled your skin and blinded your vision, you couldn't help but smile as the wind caressed your face. Waves ahead roared and rolled down, crashing onto the shore with a soft hiss; peeling away at the deep bronze sand beneath your feet.
It was so peaceful, like you were home. You never been to this beach before, so why would you feel like you really missed this place?
"Slow down, oh my god."
You blinked, wondering where that voice came from. There was no one in this place except you and Kita, but that voice just now—
"You are such a slow poke!"
Giggles rolled down freely, followed by a snort from an unknown person. It felt nostalgic, and all of a sudden you could feel the subtle warm on your feet, even though it was engulfed by the cold water.
"How come my feet still warm?"
"Because of the sand. Aren't you supposed to be the smarter one between us, (Y/n)?"
Your head spun for a split second, making you fall backwards as if the wind knocked you off from your feet.
And now the water drenched the clothes that you wore, sticking it closer to your skin. You couldn't hear a thing, just the breeze, you didn't want to focus on anything as you tried to grasp another mysterious voice from the deepest side of your brain.
You waited, and waited, for anything to intrude your mind like before. Didn't realise as a salty tear prickled at the corner of your eyes when it didn't come back.
"Shinsuke," You called out to the man that right now had his arms around you. It felt safe in his embrace after he helped you out and put your head on his shoulder. You were familiar with this warm, with his warm.
But it was different, such a contrast compared to one that you were craving for before. One that your mind ignited the second your feet made contact with the water.
"Yes?"
"Can we go back?"
He pulled away, resting his hands on your shoulder. His soft brown orbs searching for the reason behind your abrupt request. You were having so much fun for the first minutes, with a relaxed smile plastered on your face.
But now you were trembling as you could only feel the cold. The wind kept sneaking in between the fabric of your clothes, making a shiver to roll down your spine. He took off his jacket and immediately draped it on your back, in hope that it could ease the breeze from attacking your skin.
"We can go back, or—" He trailed off, making you look up and follow his line of vision. Your pupil dilated when you realised that you were in the backyard of a grandiose house. So majestic you wonder how many years would it be to have such a place to live, "We can stay here first, at least cleaning up."
"This place yours?!"
"No, not like that." He pursed his lips for a second before it was back to his usual stoic face, "It belongs to a friend of mine. Last time I came here, he was currently away."
"So it's possible that your friend popped out?"
"I— Yes."
"What if he's here right now and made out with some random chick?"
He sighed and grabbed your hand, shaking his head as he couldn't believe you really said that just now. But then a smile appeared on his face, knowing that it was just you wanting to tease him to no end, just like usual.
Just like years ago when he became your every day.
Unlocking the keys from the back door, he slid the french door open, and he couldn't help but chuckle when he heard you gasp.
"Holy fuck, what kind of millionaire lives here?!" At this point you didn't even care if the owner was home. Your state right now was a broke teenager who barely survived college, and to see such a beautiful house that could fill hundreds of people made your jaw drop.
"One with parents who own hotel and private hospital chains all over the world." He let the door open and led you to the guest room that was only five steps away from where you stood right now, "He didn't look like it, though. Never acted like it."
When he said that, there was this lingering look on his face. As if he was proud of whoever his friend that right now was probably away (your guess from how you screeched before and didn't get kicked out so far).
"Go take a shower, his fiancée always prepares towels and some essentials in every guest bedroom."
"Did you just let me trash talk him by saying he probably made out with some random chick?"
"Yes? Maybe? No. Not really." He ruffled your hair softly before pushing you towards the bathroom, "He's not that kind of man, he's loyal and only loves his fiancée. But you didn't know who this house belonged to, so it's not like you were wrong by saying that."
"But still-"
"(Y/n), do me a favor and please take a shower, or bath, anything that you want." He let out a tired sigh and pushed you down to the wooden stool inside the bathroom, "I will grab the clothes that I packed from the car. Now, please, I don't want you to get sick."
Your face was so close to him that you could even feel his breath tickling your skin. You rested your hand on his shoulder, the gap between the two of you was getting smaller with every breath that you took.
You wanted to feel it, the lips that made you feel like there was no burden on your shoulders. Craving to feel the velvety lips of him, you leaned in to erase the space that separated you with someone whose eyes always enticed your heart.
But you stopped, as if someone just pulled a string of your body.
He pulled away, clearing his throat and patted your head gently, as if to reassure you that it was alright and you shouldn't think much about what could possibly happen if the two of you kissed.
Kita closed the bathroom door, leaving you there as coldness started to overcome you once again. God, I feel so melancholic. You pursed your lips and took off every layer of your clothes, wanting to feel any kind of warmth that you could get.
Ever since he brought you here, your mind has always gone back and forth between joy and anguish. This moment you felt so peaceful, and the next second it felt like someone trying to drown you.
The warm water that was cascading down your skin could not even fill the emptiness inside your soul. You lost a chunk of memories, the essence of life that you were afraid you wouldn't get it back.
You wrapped a towel around your torso, decided to just get some quick shower to at least rinse off the cold salt water that lingered on your skin. Popping your head, you expected to see the light grey haired man to sit on the bed, waiting for you to come out.
But the room was empty, and the eerie silence made you feel nervous. You decided to walk out from the bedroom, tightening your grip around the towel so it didn't fall off.
The house was enormous, sleek, and had a modern touch with apparent beach vibes from how the decoration adorned every corner of the room. Your finger traced the silky walls, not even a crack could be felt as you walked to another wing of the house.
This place was practically perfect. At least in your eyes, this house felt like something that you saw in the magazine. Dark hardwood floor with light paint coated the walls, breeze and natural light came in from all the windows, it was exactly the house of your dream.
One that reminded you of home.
You stopped in your tracks when your gaze fell towards the imperfection in this house. There was nothing out of order as everything was installed neatly in their place. But as you entered the kitchen area, you couldn't help but stare at the odd sight in front of you.
Big white door, laid on the hardwood floor with the handle splattered all over the place. You unconsciously held your breath, feeling like the fresh air around you turned into a suffocating smoke.
"I am sorry."
No, when you tried to pursue your memories to come back, this was something that you didn't want to have.
"I should have never come back."
"Rin," You whispered his name, seeing a glimpse of his hair, some kind of illusion. "Rin, I am the one who—" Your legs feel wobbly all of a sudden, so you decided to lean yourself on the wall, "I am the one at fault."
"Slow down, oh my god."
How could you? You were finally here with your fiancé, inside the house that the two of you had been eyeing for since he slid the diamond ring on your finger. The one that made you scream when you saw the advertisement on the television.
"You are such a slow poke!"
As much as he wanted to retort, he couldn't help but choose to smile with how you looked so jovial right now. It was as if there was no burden in your shoulder, like the fact this would be your forever home with him made you shine even brighter than usual.
Your shoes were cluttered so you could enjoy the hot sand with your bare feet. He could only shake his head with how childish you looked, both feet buried in the sand to steady yourself as the waves collided with your legs.
You stood there with a smug look on your face, feeling like you just won a million dollar lottery due to how your stance didn't falter at all. While he decided to keep some distance from the gentle waves that could possibly splash him.
It was not in his agenda to play around at the beach today, but he just couldn't resist the pleading look on your face once he turned the key that led to the backyard.
"Rinrin, join me."
You turned to face him, holding out your hand for him to hold. He didn't want to, he didn't want to feel the grain slip through his skin. But he was too in love with you, and his body moved on its own to reach for your hand.
The broad smile on your face once he interlaced his hand with yours made everything worth it. He walked closer, wanting to stand beside you as he gazed to the endless open water.
But then his feet slipped, making him fall as splashes of water freeze his skin. With reflex, he let your hand go so you didn't have to feel the grain seeping through his clothes. He expected you to maybe laugh at him, and helped him to stand up, knowing so well that you wouldn't let this slide.
Yet you surprised him.
You decided to fall on his embrace instead, burying your head at the crook of his neck. He wrapped his arms around you in an instant, raising one of his eyebrows as he wondered why would you want to taste the cold water.
"What are you doing?" He searched for your face, "You are now drenched, don't you understand that?"
A chuckle slipped from your lips as you looked up to face him. He subconsciously gripped your waist, pulling you even closer towards his body. It was something inside your eyes that twinkled every time you looked at him. And it drew him towards you, like a bee who searched for a sweet nectar.
One that he wanted to come back to, every single day.
"So what?" You booped his nose, making him scrunched up since he could smell the intense brine from your finger, "It's not like it's that cold!"
"It is cold."
"Not when you embrace me like this."
He widened his eyes from your blunt words. There was no mischievous tone in your voice, just pure thought that you had in your mind. Suna was not someone who could blush so easily, but every time you made him feel flustered, his ear always turned into a soft shade of red.
"You idiot." You laughed, "Sadly, my idiot." He was now the one who hid his face at the crook of your neck, didn't want you to see the impact that you had on him.
But you knew, you knew the impact of your existence.
With a gentle smile on your face, you slipped your hand in between his strands of hair, caressing it gently like what you always did since high school. Right now, even with the cold water seeping the fabrics of your clothes, even with the white sands felt itchy on the skin, or with how the wind tried to send a shiver down your spine.
The two of you sat there without a care in the world. Safe, in each other's embrace.
Safe, you didn't feel safe at all as you fell to the hardwood floor. Chest heavening with how the memories flooding inside your mind with full force, didn't give you a break from all the hurtful truth that this house had witnessed.
You felt numb, ears deafening with silence as you clamped your mouth. That time you couldn't even see his face. But from how betrayed his voice was, how a little sob slipped in between the words, you knew the torment that his heart felt.
And it was worse because you were the one who caused it.
You couldn't feel when Kita draped another layer of towel to cover your skin, trying to bring you back to reality. He slid himself right in front of you, lips moving as he pronounced your name.
But you could only see it, you could only see how worried he looked while his gaze pierced into your soul. There was no voice of his that could penetrate your eardrums, just silence. It was as if the deity took the sense of your hearing as you just stared into him with empty eyes.
"...Call..."
Little by little, you tried to swallow down all of the guilt that tried to crawl in your throat.
"...Got a call..."
Another word finally slipped through your senses, making you gasp when you could hear the sentence coming from his lips.
"Can you hear me? I got a call—"
One syllable turned into a word. One word turned into a full sentence. His comforting tone pushed you back, so patient until finally you could even hear the extreme waves colliding into each other.
"I got a call from Suna."