Playlist: 7 Minutes - Dean Lewis
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He could only see the darkness, even with all the street lights that illuminated his vision. He could only hear silences, even with all the blaring honks of the cars outside. He could only feel nothing, nothing at all, even with the cold air that surrounded him inside of this little space.
From the warm afternoon after practice, he still remembered the gentle touch of your skin, the feeling of being home every time he rested his head on your shoulders. He never asked for you to greet him right at 4 pm, with his high school jacket wrapped around your figure, waiting for his car to roll on the garage.
You were there, with a gentle smile on your face that turned into a wide grin when he finally filled your vision. For years of his life he never really tasted what home felt like, but you gave it to him, even before the two of you realised the feelings that were being held for each other.
So why after he had you for possibly forever, he decided to run away?
It had been the most torturous minutes of his life, way worse than when he got the call about you having a relationship with someone else — someone that he wished was not so perfect in his eyes (and possibly yours).
There was nothing going on with you and his captain when all of you were in high school, only a few banter and usually the topic would be all about him. After all, the whole universe knew that you belonged to him. Even if there were no words being spoken.
Some people would hate your existence just because you were close with him — always said things about how you only pursued the clouds. One thing that they didn't know, was the fact he was the one who searched for your company, the one who waited in front of the classroom, every single day.
No one actually expected him to get attached to someone. Especially someone that was not his teammates. Even with the guys, he would be the one who still gave a proper distance—except maybe to his captain, the perfect man in his eyes, someone that sometimes he wished he could be.
"Seriously?" You chuckled when you heard him muttering under his breath, rambling about the twins. Again, "Let me guess, it needed the coach to break them off from the quarrel?"
"What? No," He rolled his eyes a little, fixing his position so he didn't fall off to the side, "Kita-san! It's Kita-san." The way he blurted out the name always made you feel some kind of joy. Because every time he mentioned his captain, he always had this giddy and proud look on his face, like a proud brother who wanted to get noticed.
"I know, I know~" You cooed at him and booped his nose, "Of course it would be Kita-senpai. Every single thing that you told me — once you have this little glimmer in your eyes, I know that you are going to mention him."
"My eyes didn't glimmer."
"I am the one who sees it."
"... Fair enough."
Silence once again, but not the kind that you wanted to run away from. It was a comfort silence that engulfed the atmosphere. He needed to be careful as he put his head on your lap. Since the bench was too small for his liking, long enough for his feet not to dangle, but if he moved a little, he would tumble to the ground.
"Hey, Rin?" You called out to him, and like usual, he answered it with a low hum, "Who are you going to be obsessed with once Kita-senpai graduates?"
Today was the graduation day for the third year, meaning that after this, you and him would spend the last high school year. Last. When he thought about it, he felt like he didn't want the day to end. Because not long from now, he had to be the senior, he would be the one who graduated from school.
Graduation means separation, and he was not ready to say goodbye.
"I am not obsessed with him, mind you." He flicked your forehead, gently of course, but you still winched since you didn't expect that.
"You are obsessed with him, Rin." You did the same to him, and he let out a yelp because now his sleepiness started to go away, "I count it, how many times you mentioned his name today."
"Yeah? Spill," Maybe it would be around nine or ten, he thought, since today he felt more sentimental than usual with how it was probably the last time he saw his upperclassmen.
"Thirty one," He choked on air when he heard your statement, making you chuckle with how dumbfounded he looked at the moment, "And it's not even past 1 pm, Rin." You always loved to make fun of his 'little' obsession for the stoic captain, "I am not going to be surprised if someday you wanted to propose to him."
"Ngh, no." You raised one of your eyebrows from his fast response, "I wanted him to be my best man, I think."
"You think?"
"Okay, I am sure of it."
You snickered a little and ran your fingers through his locks, eyes looking up to gaze at the quiet place where the two of you were right now. The secluded part of the school, one place that used to become a rendezvous spot for the hormonal teenagers.
But one day he dragged you here, claimed this place to be his nap territory. And you? You were his pillow, the lullaby that he needed. The mere existence that he had to bring anywhere, like a lucky charm that always made him feel so safe.
As you gazed at the scenery in front of you, you didn't realise as a pair of green orbs looked at your face with a grateful look on his facade. You were a miracle in his eyes, someone that he never thought would find this early.
"I want that," He spoke up, making you look down to face him, "I want him to be my best man." And you to be my bride.
You have this soft look right now, and he wondered what was possibly inside your mind at this point. Your gaze always filled with peace and comfort every time your vision fell to his figure, sometimes he wished he could understand the meaning of all that.
"Alright," He raised one of his eyebrows when he heard your simple answer, "I will be there to make sure the two of you stay in touch."
How tragic. He wanted to scoff when his mind brought him back to that day. The time when life was so simple, as the only thing that he needed to think of was just what he had for lunch or how much stamina he should muster for volleyball practice.
Why there is no time machine or something. He pondered as his hand gripped the steering wheel with so much force, whole body tensed as he kept replaying the scenario from minutes before. That would be so much easier.
At this time he just wanted to curl up in the bed with you, listening to your whine about work while he gave you all of his attention. With his head laying on your chest, and a chuupet clamped on his teeth — a perfect night.
He never wanted to grow up, he loved everything that happened in his high school year. To have great friends that actually care for him, some upperclassmen that he always looks up to, and to have you. More importantly, to be the only one who has your heart.
Shaking his head, he needed to do something in this one way trip or else he would go insane by the time he reached his destination. With green orbs still focused on the road, he rummaged through the compartment box, searching for one item that he never used since you told him not to.
It was right when the car stopped at the intersection that he opened up the side window. Still contemplating as he stared into the poison that you always scold him not to use anymore.
"I didn't know that you smoke." You spat the word as if he would be in jail by lighting up the cigarettes. He just shrugged as both of you hung out in a parking lot, too late for the movie that the two of you were supposed to watch around an hour ago, "Rin?"
"What?" He looked frustrated ever since he suddenly popped out in front of your house, minutes late from when he was supposed to pick you up, "You didn't like it?"
"You know well I always complain about smokers." It pained you to see him like this, eyes never leave the scenery outside as he held the fire on his right hand, "And to know my best friend did not even ask if am I okay with it—"
"For god sake, I am sorry, okay?!" He finally turned to face you, "You don't need to throw all of those sarcasm on me! I get it!" But you didn't expect to see him like this, "Shit, I thought you could be a little more understanding."
He scoffed one more time before slamming his head to the car seat, throwing the cigarette outside. Never once you saw him like this for two years knowing him, and you felt helpless as you could only gawk for the first few seconds.
There were tears at the corner of his eyes, begging for him to just let it all out. You took off your seatbelts and held out your hand carefully, gently, as if you were afraid that he would gone if you were too forceful.
Once your hand rested on his back, he relaxed in a matter of seconds. Gulping down, he faced you once again, with guilt and misery inside his usually lazy eyes.
"I am sorry,"
"It's okay, Rin..."
"Da cheat on Ma, and I just—"
You didn't need any other syllable from him to pull his trembling body into your embrace. From all the things that could happen to him, he just had to receive such hurtful reality, a week before the two of you graduate.
A week before the two of you would be apart from each other.
He bit his lips, swallowing a huge lump as he tried so hard not to break down in front of you. There was no use; crying. Even when Inarizaki lost a game in Nationals, he never shed a tear, always thinking that it was just a waste of time.
But right now, he really wanted to. The pain that he felt when he woke up and saw another woman in his parent's bedroom, it was all too much. Even him that always success to bottle everything, he couldn't even hold this one back.
"Rin, just cry..." You whispered in his ear oh so softly, "It's alright, Rin." He wrapped his arms around you, nails digging on your back, clinging as if he would fall into a pit of darkness if he let you go, "Here, just you and me. Go on... Cry."
The tears burst forth like water from a dam, spilling down his face. He could feel the muscles of his chin tremble like a small child. There was a static voice inside his head, the shout and scream that belonged to his parents—a side effect that followed him even after hours went by.
But he tried to focus on your voice, reassurement and company that he always went to. Something that he never got from his house. He wouldn't even call that place a home. It was just a shelter for him, eighteen years he lived there it was just a transit for him that he had to go back to for sleep and eat.
With parents that rarely there, empty spaces filled with souvenirs from around the world, it felt like he was in some kind of museum. And their parents only went back to collect some stuff, drop money, and leave him to go on their own journey.
Treating him like he was just a mere infestation that needed to be taken care of.
"I shouldn't have been surprised." He voiced out what lingered inside his mind, "They are never there for each other. They are never there for me." A painful cry from someone who always tried to hide everything, "What did I do wrong? I never even asked to be born from the first place."
You clenched your hand into a fist, trying to calm yourself down as anger started to creep inside your heart. Now you knew the reason why he never wanted you to visit him, or why he wanted to stay longer when he was in your house.
Inside someone that looked like he never gave a shit about what happened in this world, was just one broken man that longed for tenderness.
"I want to leave."
"W-What?" You choked out a little, surprised by the sudden needs that he threw, "What do you mean leave, Rin?" No, it couldn't be that. He was a lot stronger, even stronger than you, "Rin...?"
"I want to die, (Y/n)."
No,
"I am tired, it's not like I will have a successful future ahead anyway."
You will be a successful person,
"It's not like someone will miss me. No one wanted me."
I want you.
"I want you." You whispered softly, voicing out the feelings that you have been buried since you saw him in the gymnasium that day, "I want you, Rin."
His eyes widened, didn't expect to hear such words from you. It was just a simple sentence, a sentence that he could hear from some random TV shows. But when it slipped between your lips, it filled his life with something that he had lost for a long time. Hope.
"Stay with me, okay?" It was you who asked for that, "Let see tomorrow, and the day after, and the day after that." The proposition of life, "Let's race to see who would be the successful person first. You and me, how about that? "
What was it? Why the sadness that he felt before was replaced by these unknown feelings? So fast that it ignited a fire within his soul.
It burned him, but not a destructive kind of burn. It was more like the kind that made him want to see forwards, the one that created a goal, the one that made him want to see the light of another day. But this time, it was not because he felt that he was obligated to live.
Instead, it became something that he wanted to do.
"Okay."
You were like a gasoline for him, the one that made him feel alive, the one that he needed to see another light. Yet too much of you and it could turn him into ashes.
Ashes.
His orbs flickered back and forth to the cigarette in his hand, driving mindlessly with a slow speed as his mind wandered to every word that you said. Throw it away, Rintarou. He repeated it to himself, knowing that this little evil thing could bring some addiction — one that was not good for a professional volleyball player like him.
But he shrugged it off, trying to bury the remnants of you that lingered every time he inhaled the grey stench. It was as if he could see your glare, as you sat on the passenger seat with both hands folded in front of your chest.
He swallowed a huge lump, feeling the intense gaze like it was real. Then again, it was just a hallucination, you were not here. You were probably happy that he left, finally gave you the chance so you could be with his upperclassmen instead of him.
Screech!
Static noise blaring inside his ears, making him drop the cigarette into the street. He felt like someone just knocked the air out of his lungs when he remembered the state you were in when he left you like a coward.
"I don't like small spaces." You muttered one day as you put your head on his chest, absorbing the gentle affection that he radiated, "It always makes me feel anxious somehow."
He knew that. He knew too well every single thing about you. His orbs glanced towards the clock,
00:39
It had been thirty minutes since he left you, since he left the home that he was begging to have. You were his everything, the reason why he was still breathing today. So why would he let you go that easily? Why would he surrender and throw his insecurity to your face?
"Fuck," Was it too late? Would you be okay if he came back now? "God, I am sorry." His hands were trembling by now, feeling like the worst human alive. Who in the right mind left someone that he loved, trapped inside a small space?
His heart beats so much faster as he swerves the steering wheel, turning around in hope that you would still there, at least safe and sound. He could feel the sweat drenched his skin and how his eyes throbbed when his mind branched to some dark possibilities.
It was as if he was in this empty house, and your existence was there to warm all of the empty room that he thought would be impossible to be filled. You were the only person that could give him the reason to keep breathing, so if he left you, wouldn't it mean that one day he would run out of oxygen?
There was no reason for him by choosing to go away. With all of the places that he passed for the past minutes, he just realised that with you he was perfect. He didn't have to be the perfect man that he thought he needed to be.
At the end of the day, you would be the only home that he would come back to. And you would open up your arms to welcome him.
Bzzt bzzt! Bzzt bzzt!
He shook his head to focus on the road once again, hands gripping tight on the steering wheel as the only thing that he wanted to just parked the car in front of the house that he shared with you for the past year.
His orbs peek on his phone screen, wondering who would call him this late at night. Grabbing the phone that was laid on the passenger seat, his lips pursed when he saw the name that flickered on the screen.
Shouldn't he be excited? He always had these giddy feelings bubbling up every time his upperclassmen called him. But ever since the break up that you had (which until now you still avoided the topic), the excitement that he used to feel now turned into jittery.
He swallowed a huge lump, debating whether to either pick up the call or just let it be until it turned off on its own. Fear crept into the back of his head, scared that his upperclassmen that he always thought highly of would want you back.
Then again, maybe it was time for him to man up. You were his, he was yours. He wouldn't let anyone have you, not when you gave so much to him and chose him to be your lover while you could actually take another path two years ago.
Starting from now, he was ready to let everyone know that he was the only person that you would open up your arms to, and you were the only home he would go back to.
But before he could answer the call, his vision went black.